2 words.

Gary Stu.

I have no idea what that means.

2876497

It means a character that is to perfect.
I'm guilty of it in my first story, but this doesn't look as bad as mine, which happenedot to be a self insert. These types of stories aren't to popular around here I've learned. Just adjusting the character a bit now or later on would fix it a bit. Its ok to me.

2876540

My OC was a Self Insert, I changed that, though.

This....this interests me. MOAR also could you send me a link to Angel Blood if possible?

As I said, it's a manga that my friend made. I'm going on his beta version. The MC's name was changed from Neon, to Sariph, or however you spell it. And Shaow isn't meant to be perfect, you'll see his flaws soon.

...seems a tad rushed and your OC is OP. :U

2876804 The reply button is your friend. See the little speech bubble icon at the top right of each comment? Click that on whichever comment you want to reply to, and they'll receive a notification when your comment is posted.

2878272

I did click it, but I was using the Wii when I did that comment.

Your word choices aren't very good, you should look over them a few times

Eh, a bit rushed.