Oh, sure, everypony loved James, that human that stepped out of a portal a while ago and said he'd be staying in Ponyville for the week. He was a great guy, dashing smile, great looks, amazing sexual prowess. Just ask him. He'll tell you, at length, what a great guy he is.
So who killed him? And why?
Rated for some mild gore and sexual themes, but with no content that I would consider explicit.
And why is there no mystery tag? I'm not sure dark is the best description for this, nor is comedy. But it does have elements of both. Think mystery, anyway.
Chapters (3)
A little short for me, but I like what I've seen so far
let's see where this leads.
Well, this is a promising start.
I'm afraid there's nothing in the narrative of this chapter to criticize...
...
...although, you do have two grammatical problems right at the end (in the very last sentence, even):
The possessive form of it has no apostrophe, the abbreviation of 'it is' gets that honor.
correction, 'feet'
I think you mean 'feast' here.
Edit:
2862319
You're right about the first one. That always trips me up. I don't know why. But for the second I meant what I said: To help them up. They attacked James because they were startled when he fell, not or food. I'm not sure how I could make that more clear, but I'll think about it. Thanks for the help.
2862600 Ah, well in that case you'd want to write 'feet'
2862609
You're right. Wow, now I feel dumb. I swear I'm a native English speaker. Well, American, anyway.
Okay. Corrected that. Thanks.
2862618 If it makes you feel any better, I'm only good at catching things like this because of how often I make the same mistake
2862677
Actually, that does help. Thanks.
I have to say that I like Dave's outlook on life.
If only you'd continued this..
wow, this guy seems tailor made to push all the wrong buttons.
and something tells me Time Turner & a certain Doctor would not get along surprisingly enough, given their differing views on humanity