Dreams of cruelty

by TheRocketMan062

Fear the flame...

Fluttershy was awakened by a frantic pounding on her front door. Looking at her clock, she saw that it was well past midnight. A rare scowl flashed across her face. "I hope this is important." she thought. After a moment she left left her beds warm embrace and answered the door. Zecora stood before her, gasping, struggling to breath.
"O-oh my! Zecora wha-"

Fluttershy wasn't able to finish her sentence before Zecora pushed past her and pulled Fluttershy in with her. Slamming the door with a buck, Zecora looked directly into the eyes now slightly scared Fluttershy.

Fluttershy had never seen so much fear in the eyes of another living being. Her heart skipped a beat.
.

Zecora slumped to her knees, gasping for air and losing her battle to stay conscious. "Zecora, whats wrong? What happened?" Mustering the last of her strength, Zecora grabbed Fluttershy and hissed in her ear...

"Fear the flame.
Do not become what the others became,
Flee as fast as you can into the night,
Know that the beast is more than a mere midnight fright,
It is somthing nopony can fight..."

At that, Zecora finally gave in to her exhaustion and blacked out. Fluttershy was thoroughly confused. Fear the flame? Who are the others? Who or what is this "Beast"? Fluttershy felt something tugging at her mane. She looked down to see Angel Bunny and the rest of the animals that were held up in her house. The animals looked terrified.
"Angel, whats wrong?"
The little bunny chattered in a tongue that only other animals and Fluttershy understood.
"Listen? What do you mean Angel?"

Then it hit Fluttershy.
It was dead silent.
It shouldn't be silent...

The only sound was that of Zecora's shallow breathing and the occasional nervous squeak from some of the gathered wildlife. Normally she could hear crickets and other night-time noises. After putting the semi-conscious Zecora on her couch and making sure that she would be comfortable, Fluttershy gathered her willpower and opened her door and stepped outside. Luna's moon hung low in the sky, it's light making the world outside look all the more unsettling. An odd mist was sticking close to the ground, making the night feel all the more eerie.

Zecora's warning replayed in her mind. Fear the flame, she had said. Flee as fast as you can into the night. Fluttershy looked around, flicking her ears this way and that, listening, searching for danger. She saw and heard none. Perhaps Zecora had imagined whatever scared her. But what was spooking her little animal friends? Didn't Zecora say know that the beast is more than a mere midnight fright?

Fluttershy had enough of this uncertainty.

She was going to talk to Twilight and get this settled. Fluttershy knew she would probably be awake, the librarian was a night owl. After making sure that Zecora would be comfortable on the couch one more time, Fluttershy started to make her way to Twilight's when Angel latched onto her leg, silently pleading for her not to leave.

"Don't worry Angel, mommy will be right back." Angel shook his head and tightened his grip.

Fluttershy gave the scared bunny a patient smile. "How about this Angel, you can be in charge until I come home. I'm sure you can handle it. That is, if your stallion enough..." That did it. Angel gave her a stern glare and saluted. Turning smartly on his heel, Angel marched back to the house while Fluttershy went in the opposite direction. Fluttershy giggled.

She knew the strings to pull to get the rabbit to do what she wanted.

She just hoped that the rabbit didn't form a regime while she was gone. Feeling a strange pang of fear, Fluttershy quickened her pace. She was certain of one thing. Something was wrong.

Very, very wrong.

Comments

[joe mother]

Zecora slumped to her knee's

Zecora slumped to her knees

There should be no apostrophe. You did that in the title as well.

Something about this story doesn't feel right. I'm not sure what, but it doesn't.

[coltesque]

This does capture my interest, I really love the idea for this story! I think that, however, this story could benefit from a different sentence structure, style, and vocabulary. This is the kind of story that begs for abstractness, I felt everything was so straight forward. Take this for example:

"She was going to talk to Twilight and get this settled. Fluttershy knew she would probably be awake. The librarian was a night owl. After making sure that Zecora would be comfortable on the couch Fluttershy started to make her way to Twilight's when Angel latched onto her leg, silently pleading for her not to leave.
"Don't worry Angel, mommy will be right back." Angel wasn't convinced."

Maybe the wording could flow a bit like this:

"Above the enchanting fog was the whispers of light creeping from the windows; etched with wood wiring and steady frames. It lied there, moaning and weeping forward with an ambient wail. Fluttershy took a deep turn and from the fog crept the tangible shape of a librarian's pent house. Twilight had to be awake, the lights were a dead giveaway. She scuffed the floor, stiff as a statue, rubbing a thin line like a chunk of chalk. The doors creaked, the silence ached, deep breaths... deep breaths... (Yes I know this is obviously a scene ahead, I didn't notice until half-way through)."

Not trying to be a grammar nazi or anything harsh like that... but this story would seriously go great with some stylized horror flick-type dialogue from the third person. Just saying, regardless, this story is great so far!

[Not Falco]

The first chapter has exactly 666 words.
How fitting.

[HellBreaker]

2837517 lookie, lookie, me name