In Equestria, the ponies fear war with the powerful Draco-Gryphon alliance, but on the other side of the world, a species strong enough to fight off the Dragon augmented Gryphon army becomes Equestria's closest friend, and unconditional protector.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Slow the f#?k down! Other than that, it was entertaining. You, good sir, get a thumb. That is all.
3025331
You deserve this moustache
You good sir or ma'am, have my thanks for actually providing feedback to help me improve my story.
I have no clue what's going on.
I like the story premise, but as ricecrappies said, slow down. You dumped a lot of info on us in a small amount of time. Also there are a few typos and grammar which I can see are honest mistakes, but an editor wouldn't hurt. My suggestion would be to go into more detail about the surroundings, like the ship, the base, things like that. Also it couldn't hurt to add a prologue to build more back-story.
3099992 Thank you, I'll get right on that.
3099992
And I think You like the premise because it was inspired by your story.
3100114 I thought it sounded familiar! It's good to know I'm influential now
3100119
I'm just trying not to make it a complete ripoff.
3100124 I know, it's independent enough that I had to be told it was inspired by my story. Then again needing military aid might be a more common plot than people think.
3100126
Yeah, I'm going for more of a combination 18th century American/British/French thing, not so much giant anti-asteroid cannons, my guys barely have bolt-action rifles.
3100135 I noticed w/ the powdered wigs and everything. At least you won't run into the problem of having an undefeatable race and have to come up with a whole new antagonist just to keep the story going
3100146
Of course I do like the ancient tech discovered in discordia option.
3100155 that's actually 1 vote for ancient tech, and 0 for anything else
3100157
Just anything to give them a fighting chance. Otherwise that story would be a one shot.
3100167 It would...my "infinite wisdom" and I...ah well.
3100171
I also enjoyed the grammar differences you put in between the florins and the equestrians.
3100179 Thank you! I was actually gonna put in something about Florians and Germanes because they both use the same words, but I never got around to it, but thank you. A 2nd language pays off well.
3100184
It's just one of those things that not enough people appreciate. Ya know?
3100196 Exactly, but when someone finally does, it makes the world (or story) so much better.
3100202
And I'll get to working on that backstory as soon as I'm done playing cookie clicker.
3100207 Lol alright, have fun
You should write MORE!!!!