Pinkie Pie's Fourth-Wall Breaking Variety Show

by Alex Warlorn

One Last Variety Show

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon sat alone in the dusty studio that Pinkie Pie had once done her variety show in. The pair had tried to start their own show... but lightning doesn't strike twice. And everypony they'd talked to about the place, seemed to quickly forget about it.

Neither expected a knock on the door. The pair looked out to see an injured unicorn mare, and quickly opened the door, she practically fell inside.

It was hard to get a grip on what she looked like. She was pink or pale blue, her mane was fuzzy and had a pair of buns on the sides maybe, and seemed to be green, blue, and pink. Her cutie mark looked like some kind of sparkled pink swirl.

She was covered in cuts, bruises, and hoof marks, one of her back legs moved with a limp, and she had the stereotypical black eye.

Silver Spoon said. "We need to get a doctor!"

"No... no doctors... it... it won't make a difference." The mare whispered. "My body... has a way of... not letting me pass on."

"Who are you?" Diamond Tiara asked. The fillies looking outside, but there was no one else.

"My... name is Philia Mageía..."

"That's... a weird name," Diamond Tiara said.

"Really? Everypony I met seemed to love it."

"What happened to you?" Silver Spoon implored.

"Somepony... hurt me. And kept hurting me... I... I finally got away, but... what if they find me again? And..."

Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara gave the mare a bug that quieted her down.

Diamond Tiara whispered stroking her mane,
"Shhhhhh. It's okay, you're safe now. Nopony is going to hurt you again."

"P-promise?"

"Promise. They'll have to get through me."

A deep voice rumbled through the studio, "Phiiiillla... wheeeere are yoooou?"

Philia's eyes widened in terror. "Oh no! He's found me!"

The studio shook as giant footsteps were heard.

Diamond Tiara wanted to run for Princess Twilight and the others, or whoever was supposed to handle things like this now... but she remembered Pinkie Pie's warning that nothing related to the studio could affect the rest of the world. They... they were on their own.

'What am I supposed to do? Throw money at it?' Some part of Diamond Tiara taunted her. 'Or maybe you want to try and shame it about its insecurities into giving up?' 'Be quiet!' Diamond Tiara told her inner voice.

"I have to go! I have to run! Can't be hurt again!" Philia said terrified.

"And you won't be!" Silver Spoon said defiantly. Then quickly looked Diamond Tiara, desperation not quiet hidden in her voice. "Right?"

Diamond Tiara nodded.

The stomping stopped. Outside, where two towering dark masses. Then, four meaty fingers tore right into the studio itself, and pull back the roof of Pinkie Pie's beloved studio like it was the lid of a box.

It was a troll... or that was what the outline looked like. It several stories high, almost its entire body was a mass of blackness, like someone had cut out a part of the world leaving a hole. Except for a pair of solid red eyes gleaming down at the three ponies.

"Theeereee you are Philllaaaa. Did you wander off and get lost again? Naughty naughty!" It waved a log sized finger.

Its words were carried on a putrid wind that made Diamond Tiara ill.

"It's time for your baaaath Philla, I prepared it just for yoooou." It held up a tub... filled with raw sewage with its free hand. "I have your favorite bath brush tooo." It set the tub of filth down and showed a brush of metal wool.

Philia Mageía was frozen in terror, her eyes glued on the towering troll before her, a tiny thing that could fit in the palm of his hands.

'That fear Philia is showing... it's... so familiar... like... like I've felt it myself somewhere... somepony who could hurt me, and I couldn't do anything about it... so... why do I feel like I should know what that's like?' Diamond Tiara thought in whirl of confusion before shouting. "YOU'RE NEVER TOUCHING HER AGAIN YOU BASTARD!"

Diamond Tiara was shocked at what she'd just said, so were Silver Spoon and Philia, and so was the troll. For several moments it looked stunned at Diamond Tiara's words, shocking in a breath, before its eyes narrowed.

"No one, comes between our love," it said darkly.

"WHAT YOU DO ISN'T LOVE!" Diamond Tiara snarled.

"Then you are too stupid with your head too far up your flank to know what love is you little worm," the dark troll growled.

"The only worm around here..." Diamond Tiara heard herself growing back. "IS YOU! You big bully!"

Philia Magela let out a desperate groan of pain, one of her good hooves trying to point to the right over and over again.  “Don’t…. Don’t antagonize him,” she weakly muttered, Silver Spoon still trying to confront the older mare as Diamond Tiara was now directly in front of her.  “He’s… he’s just going to hurt you too.”

“NO!" Diamond Tiara said seriously her eyes narrowing as she took another step towards the troll.  And though there was fire in the young filly's voice it wasn’t overpowering of putrid like the troll’s as she stared up at the beast.  “Because there’s one thing this MONSTER needs to understand.” she pointed up at the troll, determination still pulsing through her voice.  “We’re not trapped here with him.  HE’S trapped in here with ME.  And any pain, any love he can dish out, I can pay back, at least three times over.”

The troll looked at the young filly starring before him before throwing his head back, letting out a horrible, gut piercing laugh before wiping away some of his tears, somehow in a more jovial state then when he first saw Philia once again.  “That is the STUPIDEST thing you could of ever said worm,” The troll said, spit flying out of his mouth with the foul water hitting around the three ponies, barely missing them by inches.  “Only I can properly dole out love, not you.  I know how to make it last.” he then held out the tub once again shaking it some.  “Make it fun.”

“What about the look on her face says she’s enjoying this exactly?” Diamond Tiara queried.  “What about ANYTHING about you screams out fun?”

The Troll screamed out, letting out a powerful roar which blew the ponies manes back but Diamond Tiara dug her hooves in the ground in front of her, not budging an inch as the troll again turned his attention to her.  “Hear that?” The troll said a devilish smile on her face.  “It’s the sound of bliss, of heaven, of truth and dedication.”  He then chuckled down at Philia.  “Oh I have heard that so many times from you dear Phillie willie and I will hear it so many more.”

“NO YOU WON’T!”  Diamond Tiara roared, Philia too disgraced to even look at him any more as she pointed up once more, this time her hoof making the pony equivalent of a fist.  “I am putting a stop to this.  I am ending your sick, sick, SICK definition of fun.”

“With what exactly?”  The troll queried, for the first time leaning down, actually angling himself so his face was now mere inches away from Diamond Tiara.  “You’re just a silly little pony who has no idea what they’re doing.  Certainly not of my love.  So unless you want some you better take off before-”

STOMP!

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The troll let out, as Diamond Tiara had double kicked him right in the eye.  Digging her feet into the retina, Diamond shook some before pulling out, a grotesque green shade of blood now dripping from below the eyelid.  Silver Spoon was shocked, none of them, not her, not the troll, not Phila, had seen Diamond Tiara climb up the monster like a spider before finally striking the mass of darkness right in the only visible park of him! And then finally managing to climb down to relative safety as the monster cringed.

“OWWWWWWWWWWWW!” The troll cried out, quickly moving back as he covered his eye with his hand, jumping back and forth on the ground in agonizing pain.  “That realllllllllllly hurtttttttttttttt!”

“Awww, what’s wrong baby?” Diamond Tiara said in a mocking jaded tone (perhaps for the first time in her life a justified tone to take), kicking a bit of blood off her hooves.  “I thought you liked giving out love.  Don’t you like feeling some back?”

“Noononononononononoooooooooooooooooooooo,” the troll cried still stomping on the ground sounding less like a gigantic threat and more like a tantruming baby.

“Then here’s a thought: how about you don’t go around showing your “love” to others,” Diamond Tiara then narrowed her eyes, holding out her hind legs again.  “Or else I’ll share more of mine.  And trust me, I meant it when I said it would equal out to three times what you could do.”

The sniffling troll ran away crying loudly as he held his arms up in pity.  “Mommmmmmmmmmy they were meannnnnnnnnn to meeeeeeeeee,” he bawled running away from the ruins of Pinkie’s fourth wall and the three ponies as quickly as he could, soon vanishing from the area entirely.

Silver Spoon looked slack jawed at what she saw, eventually turning to her best friend.  “Uh… wow uh… HOW did you do that?”

Diamond Tiara smirked some.  “My dear Silver spoon, there’s one thing about those kind of particular trolls you need to realize: as much as they can dish out pain, they CAN’T take it.  Once you show them you mean business it’s easy enough to tear through them and show what sniveling little specks they are.”

Philia Magela coughed some, trying to get up on her good leg as the two looked at her.  “Thank you,” she quietly eeped out.  “I wish I could do that but I… even to someone like that I… I couldn’t…”

“There’s no need for YOU to apologize,” Diamond Tiara said earnestly turning her attention to her.  “I get it.  Some ponies no matter what happens, no matter what they get put up against, don’t like hurting others.  Even if it saves their lives.” Diamond Tiara sighed.  “Those ponies can be pure, symbols showing how love and kindness for EVERYONE makes things better.  But… after who I was and… what I’ve done… I couldn’t ever be like that.”

“But who you were… what you did… helped me… saved me,” Phila said, gently grabbing and squeezing Diamond’s hooves.  “And I can’t… ever thank you enough for that.”

Diamond Tiara looked at her, giving a small smile as she shook her head.  “Sure you can,” she said looking at her own hoove.  “Seeing what I was be used for the right reasons to help not hurt or… use others is the best thanks I could of ever asked for.”

“Well now that we’re alone we should get out of here,” Silver Spoon pointed out.  “You know try and find some place or some pony who can help fix Philia out.”

Diamond Tiara nodded.  “Good idea Silvy,” she set putting her hooves around Philia’s right side, Silver doing the same on the left as they helped the pony up starting to carry her away from the set.

“I told you thought my body my… being won’t let these wounds… let this pain go away even… with him gone” Philia pointed out.

“Hey we’re not giving up on you,” Diamond Tiara pointed out.  “Well find a way to patch you up properly.  And if that creep or someone like him tries coming around to hurt you well you know I’ve still got a few kicks in me.”

“Well not all trolls can be taken down like that,” Silver Spoon stated.  “Some play less direct sort of tricks, making you think YOU did the wrong thing and that you’re going to hurt people with what you said.”

“But if I’m not hurting one and expressing what I feel I’m not going to let them get to me,” Diamond Tiara pointed out.  “Besides, if they’re the ones hurting people or are influencing people who do way more damage then they’re the bad ones.  And you know what we do to those baddies.”

“Try to show them the error of their ways and sing about being friends?”

“... Uh I guess the ones that you can’t do that to?”

“Give them a swift old kick?”

“Several swift old kicks if there’s more then one.  Cause that’s what they’ve got coming to them.”

Philia looked up amazed at the two as she was continued to be carried out.  ‘Even after all they’ve been through to have such spirit and hopes is… remarkable’ she thought sighing some to herself.  ‘I just wish there was more time or… something better for them then… they got.’  She thought. 'Maybe I can give them something of their own...'

Philia's horn glowed.

+++

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were out shopping in Canterlot, well, for once it was Silver Spoon doing the shopping, and Diamond Tiara along for the ride. Hearth Warming Eve had come again and not everyone has a network of friends to randomly assign gift giving to.

"So Diamond Tiara... what would you get your mom and dad?" Silver Spoon asked, she knew her family didn't exactly 'need' anything, but that wasn't the point of gifts, they were to show how much you cared. Well, with family, with other people it was to show off your wealth.

"I..." DIamond Tiara looked uncomfortable. "I... don't really know... Daddy's not really home all that much and mom is..." Diamond Tiara shivered. "Is mom."

"Oh," Silver Spoon said, unsure. While she'd abandoned Diamond Tiara once before, in her heart of hearts, Silver Spoon had been a follower, not a leader, she'd always counted on Diamond TIara to make decisions when she wouldn't.

Diamond Tiara also felt a swirl of discomfort rise inside her that wasn't physical. As the elite of Canterlot trotted around them (both their sets of parents trusted them enough to be about on their own, this was Equestria after all). And Diamond Tiara realized the challenge in front of her, 'I... I have to help Silver Spoon make her OWN decision.' But Diamond Tiara was a determined filly when she wanted to be, and she considered her small pool of friends all the more precious.

~Never An Ending

Author's Note:

After a lot of encouragement from a lot of people, I've chosen to post this.

Edited by Mtangalion and Frozen-Doopliss.
Cowritten with Diana Songo.

One last Variety Show.

Diamond Tiara tried to start a Variety Show of her own, but it never went anywhere... now she has to be the hero for one mysterious mare.

MLP FIM Copyright Hasbro

Comments

[new55]

I hope Darkworld Pinkie Pie and her foals moved out before that Troll monster attacked they deserve a peaceful afterlife after what Discord did to them. Also I don't think the chapter was transferred correctly there are a bunch of   scattered across it.

[Alex Warlorn]

11707613
Sorry about that. I was worn out at the time. Not caring if there were formatting errors. I didn't appreciate my audience on fimfiction.net, and so like all things unappreciated, I lost them.