A few nights later, Mare Do Well was out patrolling the city, the past few nights having been pretty tame. She jumped and flew from rooftop to rooftop, carefully keeping an eye on goings-on below. As she passed one alleyway, she spotted some kind of motion below so she lowered herself to the sidewalk and looked in on the alley. She saw a young orange pegasus with a purple mane tipping over the garbage cans and searching for something.
"What are you doing?" Mare Do Well asks the filly.
Startled by being addressed, the filly jumps and turns to look at Mare Do Well with fierce yet frightened purple eyes. "Who are you?!"
"It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you."
Neither one said anything for a good few seconds until the filly said, "Wait... You're that Mare Do Well."
"Yeah. Who are you?"
"Name's Scootaloo." the filly responded.
"Why are you here searching through garbage?"
"Because I ran away from that hellhole of an orphanage."
Mare Do Well took a minute to think to herself and began, "I understand what you've been through."
"How could you understand?" Scootaloo asked.
"I've been in the same situation myself."
"Really?" Scootaloo asked, eyes now filling with hope as she looked at Mare Do Well.
Before Mare Do Well could answer, an alarm went off. "Stay here!" she barked as she flew towards the alarm. When she arrived at the joke shop, she saw a zebra leaving the store with a small sack of something.
"Hold it right there!" Mare Do Well shouted at the criminal.
The zebra quickly turns and says, "Mare Do Well, I know who you are. But you cannot catch me, I've come too far!" then starts to run off. Mare Do Well concentrates and traps the zebra in a spell. However, a small explosion occurs inside the store, distracting Mare Do Well just enough for the zebra to get away.
She growled then her thoughts quickly turned back to Scootaloo and quickly flew back to the alley, but she had disappeared...
Umm... Okay. I've read the first 3 chapters now. To be frankly honest, The story's premise is very nice. The whole Mare Do Well in a Batman type of city caught my attention quickly. Sadly though, your writing is less than par. You use weak verbs constantly, such as looked and said; there are more effective synonyms of these words to consider using.
Also, your story gives very little description and is mainly telling the reader what is happening instead of showing. The plot and emotions rush through, giving the audience no actual pleasure in what is happening. (All these examples will be from chapter 3).
i.e. "Neither one said anything for a good few seconds until the filly said, 'Wait... You're that Mare Do Well.'" This example goes for both my previous comments. Try using different words besides "said". Another thing is that what's the point of stating that no pony said anything, just to have another pony say something right after? Try to include some imagery or something. Give more back story too. What were Scootaloo's experiences in the orphanage that caused her to run away?
Finally, you make some basic errors that proves to me that you have not read over your own stories. You should really be editing your own works before publishing them so that the reader may have a more enjoyable experience.
i.e. "However, a small explosion occurs inside the store, distracting Mare Do Well just enough for the zebra to get away." In this particular sentence, you switch to present tense even though the rest of your story has been in past tense.
The story's not bad, just please but more effort and care into your pieces. Please continue writing though. If you work on this, you will have me coming back for more!