The Proxy

by Eyesclops

CH01: The Awakening

A bullet has been fired...

A life lost...

The victim, Leon, died approximately 3:20 A.M. November 4, 20** from blunt trauma to the back of the head after receiving a crippling wound to the leg.

...

The suspect has been detained.

Name: [Redacted]

Height: 6'2"

Eye Color: BRN

Other information: Has confessed to the crime. Claims he killed the boy after the victim had stolen his wallet.

The wallet's contents (found on suspect's body) have been reviewed, the man was lying. The boy's license was in it.

Update: The man is a confirmed serial killer linked to several crimes.

…

-Location Unknown-

I, Leon, was dead. Three days before my seventeenth birthday. Shot down and clubbed to death by some deranged psychopath for reasons completely beyond me. Did I mind? At that moment, no. Being dead was the least of my worries. I was naked, it was snowing, and I didn't have the slightest idea as to where my location was. All I saw was snow and endless black. I was floating in an abyss of nothingness.

My mind was flowing with questions, "Why is it snowing in this endless black void I am floating in?", "Why am I naked?", and, after I realized I was dead, "How come I couldn't have died in a cool fashion, like jumping into a tornado? Everyone would remember that, and it would have been pretty damn awesome."

So I sat there, pondering the near-infinite supply of questions that had appeared as to my current situation and whether or not this was truly an afterlife, when I opened my eyes and sat up.

-Just outside of Everfree Forest-

"A Dream... That is all it was..." However, that was incorrect. I was in the middle of an unusually colorful field. I stood up on two limbs, but found myself losing balance. Confused, I looked down, only to fall backwards more out of surprise than lack of coordination. I was part marshmallow-pony. I had a jet-black coat of fur, my tail was the same color, and a red tattoo of a question mark. Then, as I went to pick up my head, I realized I had difficulties.

Apparently I was also part unicorn.

So I began to squirm around in as many creative ways to remove myself from this predicament, and, almost comically, I flew forward out of the initial hole my horn was in and rolled along the ground, causing my horn to form a second hole in the ground and myself being in the same position I was in initially. After screaming at myself and a few more minutes of struggling, I managed to finally get free.

Now sitting down on my butt, I rubbed off my horn with my hooves to remove the dirt clung to it and searched for some sign of where I was, but I saw none. So, with no other choice but to wander, I chose the nearby woods to search for clues of where I was.

Aimlessly wandering, I began to encounter plants and creatures I had never even begun to imagine existed, and after having several near-second-death encounters I stumbled upon a tree-hut.

-Zecora's Hut-

*Knock Knock*

I rapped the door with my, well, hooves, and sure enough heard a voice from inside.

"At the door I wonder who it is, and what I wonder is their business?"

The door opened to an unusual-looking zebra who, as I would later learn, was named Zecora.

"Hello, was it you who was talking?" I asked her.

"Why of course, who else would it be, that would be speaking, other than me?" was her quick reply, I noted her odd way of speaking, but decided against interrogating her over her vernacular.

In slight disbelief that a zebra was even capable of speech, and hope that I was asleep, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. However, much to my disappointment at the time, I reopened my eyes to the same zebra I have seen before I had closed them. So, I asked her a few basic questions.

"Where am I at? What am I doing here?"

"Everfree Forest is where you are at, Your second question, only you can answer that."

I decided that a zebra would be no less informed about how I had arrived here, especially in this form, so I decided to rephrase the question to see if I could get other information.

"I am a human, a 'man'," I started to say, quickly noting her facial expression changed slightly to one of confusion, "and I was wondering, do you know where the nearest human settlement might be?"

"A human, to me, has always been fantasy." Zecora said, "I cannot say I know many things on man, but seek out Twilight Sparkle you can."

"Who?" I said with an odd expression on my face. Zecora merely pointed down a path I had previously overlooked. So I nodded my head said thanks, and wandered down the path, taking care to avoid all of the mysterious fauna and wildlife along the way.

Eventually, I exited the forest, and sure enough, I saw buildings in what looked to be a relatively small village.

-Ponyville-

I slowly walked into town only to be met by a pink pony who, as soon as she spotted me, gasped and dashed away before I could even react to her presence.

"Excuse me! I wa..." My voice trailed away as I realized I would to be able to successfully speak to her, and that I was wasting my time on such a pony.

"Hello!" I heard a voice call out from behind me, "Who might you be, I don't suppose you're new here, are you?" I spun around to meet a fairly kind-looking purple unicorn who had a large smile across her face."

Attempting to be as friendly as I could be, I said "Hello, my name is Leon, and yes, I am new."

"Well welcome to Ponyville, I'm Twilight Sparkle. Nice to meet you!"

A huge smile formed across my face, "Twilight! I was looking for you, some Zebra in Everfree Forest told me to come talk to you about some questions I have that she couldn't answer."

Twilight looked up for a moment, "Zecora couldn't answer them? Well they must be tough if she can't answer them, but I think she's smarter than even me. I guess its something not in her area of expertise," she jumped up in joy, "I cant believe Zecora sent someone to ME for information!"

She began to rant and hop around. "So she must be pretty smart I'm guessing," I interrupted her, "but I guess she isn't perfect either."

She stopped, "Oh... sorry about that." She half-chuckled in a vain attempt to lessen the awkwardness, "Why don't we head to the library and see if we can answer your questions for you okay? At the moment I live there, so you're always welcome."

She smiled and began walking down a street, I quickly followed behind, eager to have all the answers to piece together this unusual puzzle of what I was doing in a place like this.

Author's Note:

Hello everyone, this is my first actual Fanfic. I have little experience with this form of writing, so criticism is appreciated.

Thank you for reading. The first 3 chapters were written out before I was eligible to submit any stories, so I won't have gotten any criticism between this and the next two chapters. Just a warning.

If you have ideas on what should occur next, even though I have the basic story in my head, please let me know. I would love to hear your ideas, and if I like that that much better than what was in my head, I might try to change the story to fit it in.

Comments

[Permanent Temporary]

A mere ~300 words into the story — instant ponification.

Look, I don't mean to antagonize you, but I do have some complaints that I'd like you to take seriously.
You see, the problem with this "instant ponification" paradigm is the fact that this isn't really "Human in Equestria" at all.

Homo sapiens — colloquially known as "humans" — are identified as a species. The true meaning of "Human" does not describe an individual's state of consciousness, but rather their state of biology. Thus, if a human male shapeshifted into a male canine, he is no longer human — because he's been turned into a canine. Even if his mind and consciousness are intact completely unaltered (unlikely given that the changes involved affect the brain, which is pertinent to the mind obviously) he is still no longer a human, since "human" is the name of a species, a species that he would no longer classify as being a member of.

It's really that simple.

Another, and closely related, example demonstrating my point is gender bending. If the above human male instead turned into a human female; regardless of the fact that he would likely still associate himself mentally with the male sex, he would no longer be male by literal definition of the word "male". Whether or not "he" considered "himself" as still being male would not change the reality of the matter — that "he" is actually "she".

You may argue something like "the mind makes one human" or "human nature includes the consciousness". However, the first is better described using the word "person" and the second (the idea of "human nature") is only relevant when one realizes that humans are the only species in the real world to show signs of sapience, which obviously does not apply to scenarios involving non-human species with sapience (such as Ponies). If either of these were true, and "the mind makes one human/human nature"... wouldn't Ponies be classifiable as "human" under those criteria?

Now, I don't necessarily hate the "instant ponification" trope... but it's not often that I find it attractive because most authors don't use it in a way that adds something valid to the story. It's most often a pointless trope contrived either for wish-fulfillment or pure convenience. There are stories that successfully utilize this trope, but in my opinion they are few and far between. For example, you made the huge mistake of assuming that a human born as a human who lived his entire life as a human and suddenly finds himself with the body of an alien being with completely different biology from his birth form waking up in an unknown location wouldn't be very upset and confused, unable to properly control his new alien body due to it having a brain — utilizing a computer analogy to help make this clearer — that is running a different operating system from a human brain? I mean, do you know how to walk on four legs, rotate your ears like radar dishes, or move a tail? Those are just the obvious things — in reality, the entire Pony's body is going to be a significant change from a human body due to the countless small differences between their workings.

I may eventually read more of this story to see if you manage to pull this off and don't fall into the normal clichés and pitfalls, but as of right now this story seems like it will be mediocre at best. I'm sorry, but I'm only being honest with you.