Fire Emblem: Waking in a New World
Chapter One
Hey there Chrom!
Just informing you of a new doorway that has opened at the Outrealm Gate, I know what you are thinking and no it's not another trick to get pictures of your army wearing swim suits. I actually have no idea what's behind this one. Hubba says he foresees an ancient evil behind it, pleh. Anyways if you are interested just bring some fighters and we will get you in there!
xoxo Anna
Chrom left his tent reading the letter, his eye brow cocked as he read it over and over. The Anna family usually had been nice to him and his army. On the rare occasion had used them to turn in a profit, never at anymore expense than their privacy, but still. He was wary of the letter, so he was off to his head tactician's tent to discuss it's possibilities. As he approached the tent he heard a scream, sounded like Dan... he sighed as he folded up the tent door to find his head tactician folded up into the rafters of his tent.
"Morgan! Let me down this INSTANT!" Dan yelled.
"BWAHAHAHAHA I finally got you father! I can't believe you fell for that one!" Morgan rolled on the floor, laughing her lungs out.
"Yes yes, you finally got me, be it I was reading a very interesting strategy involving greased up pigs and paint and GET ME DOWN!"
Laughing at Dan's misfortune turned out to be a bigger challenge than Chrom thought. Before he realized what he was doing, a snort had crawled out of his nose and turned into a chuckle.
"Oh, what are you laughing at, Chrom?" asked Dan, half-indignant.
"I don't know, Dan," Chrom chuckled. "Being strung up is a good look for you." He gestured to Morgan, who stood by smugly. "Maybe we ought to let Morgan plan our next sneak attack."
By this point, Dan had removed a knife from his pocket and had gone to work on the net. "That'll be the day," he mumbled with a smirk.
He plummeted down with a sudden 'oof' as he hit the dirt floor
"I hardly think she is ready just yet for that kind of responsibility." Dan replied rubbing his backside.
"I was merely jesting, but you could have her help out with more plans at least." Chrom smiled at Morgan who was still grinning at her father. "I received a letter from Anna by the way."
"Which Anna? oh wait... that Anna..." Dan sighed.
The very same merchant who attempted to sneak a snapshot tome at him while he bathed in a hot spring. Her and her sisters had a thing for Dan, and not the good kind of thing.
"Yeah, she claims that there was a new door opening at the Outworld Gate. Thing is, nobody knows whats behind it." Chrom stated.
"Not even Hubba?" Dan asked.
"He was going on about an ancient evil apparently. I think it may be worth while but..."
"It could be a big risk."
"Exactly, usually our trips to the Outworlds had us fighting ancient heros from ages past. Either that or trapped risen"
"Ancient evil..."
"Hatching a scheme?"
"I say let's check it out."
An early morning in Ponyville was a beautiful thing, Twilight loved the sunrise. Probably because her own teacher personally rose the sun and carried it across the skies. Twilight was especially excited about tonight though. Her friends had planned a camp out tonight, and Twilight for once had nothing planned for the night so she was going to start reading on camping and activities that go with it. Campfires obviously, s'mores, songs, scary stories, and the one she couldn't wait for was stargazing. She loved to look at a clear night sky and find the constellations. She was incredibly excited for the night.
Rarity was busy designing the perfect dress for the night. She was not quite as excited to be sleeping outside in the filth and dirt but decided she would make due, especially with her queen size tent. Her only concern was the dress. It had to be elegant, non-negotiable, but it also had to be subtle. She needed it to match with the outdoors with both comfort and ease. After hours of work, she finally decided she had it. Now for a hat...
Fluttershy was also excited, she loved the outdoors and all the critters in it. A camping trip seemed a little scary at first but after some thought she decided it could be fun. She spent the day talking to the different animals and getting their opinions on how to have the best time in the wild. After getting advice from bears, birds, bunnies and the like, she had a pretty good idea.
Pinkie Pie was probably the most excited, nobody could control her giddiness if they tried. She was bouncing through town with a big grin on her face, nearly ramming into Applejack who was on her way to the market.
"APPLEJACK!" shouted Pinkie Pie as she bounced from a log.
Applejack nearly jumped out of her skin at the greeting. "Pinkie Pie," she said, "Y'need to calm yerself d--"
"APPLEJACK APPLEJACK APPLEJACK!" Pinkie Pie yelled. She continued to bounce, this time all around Applejack, chanting her friend's name at ear-piercing volume. Finally, at her patience's end, Applejack bit onto Pinkie's tail and pulled her down to earth.
"Yes, sugarcube," she said dryly, "Ah b'lieve we have established it's me."
"Today is the day, Applejack!" Pinkie Pie chirped, bouncing back up to all fours. "Aren't you excited?!"
"Ah'm a great big ball'a jitters," Applejack said flatly.
Pinkie Pie squealed and danced in place. "I'm so excited I might burst! I got a twitchy-twitch-a-twitch in my tail, a whoozly-boober in my left hind knee, a quirky-murka-durka-gurka in my mane, a hiddly-diddly-mickey-magoo in my teeth, and a wonky-honky-tonk going on in my belly!" She looked Applejack in the eyes. "You know what that means?"
Applejack fought an amused grin that threatened to bend her lips into a smile. "That you need to see a doctor?"
"No, silly!" Pinkie giggled. "I did that yesterday. That means we're getting visitors!" Theatrically, she waved a hoof against the backdrop. "Visitors... from beyoooooooonnnnn-n-n-n-nd."
After a second, Pinkie looked back to her perplexed pony pal. "Are you feelin' it?"
Applejack raised both eyebrows in quiet submission to Pinkie's insanity. "Ah b'lieve Ah'd need a wonky-honky-tonk goin' on in mah belly fer that, sugarcube," she sighed. "Say, how 'bout ya spend some of that energy helpin me out with supplies?"
"Great idea! We will need confetti, streamers, Cake!"
"Not those kinds of supplies Pinkie, firewood, flint, tender, trail mix, camping supplies."
"Well, we can get that stuff too!"
"Yeah... why do I get the feelin ah'm gonna regret this..." Applejack muttered.
Both the earth ponies spent the day gathering all the supplies needed for the night. Just above them in the sky, Rainbow Dash napped on her cloud in the sky. She was also excited about the camping trip but she was also tired from clearing the sky around the area. She has been relentlessly keeping the sky clear around the camp site for the perfect night sky view. Now she was tired and napping.
Chrom and Dan led their army to the campsite just outside the gate. Dan remembered the first time they came here, staring at the gate in awe. Now it was normal to him, taking regular trips to train troops and run scenarios against the einherjar. Both Chrom and him made their way to the gate and were greeted by Anna, the gatekeeper so to speak.
"Ah Chrom! Glad you got my letter." Anna winked, then turning her gaze at Dan. "And don't worry handsome, I don't have my snapshot tome right today."
Dan blushed as he gritted his teeth, he could feel Chrom's stare at the back of his head and could here his slight chuckle.
"Anna, I don't think you want to anger my wife... you know how she can get..."
"Don't worry babe, this little fling can be..." Anna moved in closer and cuddled up to Dan's robes, "out little secret."
Dan shot back, knowing if Thar'ja happened to see this she would be relentless towards him. "I... think I will pass..."
"Well, if you ever change your mind." Anna winked, Dan was glowing red.
"Yes... well getting back on topic, you mentioned a new doorway? What do you know about it?" Chrom asked.
"Well, nothing still. Every time I tried to open it Hubba just went on about his ancient evil until I backed away from the door. Just ignore the old pervert when you go through." Anna snapped
"Wait a minute, who said we are going through just yet?" Dan asked, recovering from his embarrassment.
"I just figured you wouldn't travel across the world just to talk to little ol' me." Anna winked again, slinging Dan back into a worried gaze for his wife.
"You are right, we do intend to go through. We just hoped for a little more information before leaping into it." Chrom added.
"I'm truly sorry, I just don't have anything else to tell you about it" Anna frowned.
"That's quite alright, we will just have to be careful. Hopefully we can find something out of it." Dan commented, trying to sound comforting, despite the obvious worry in his voice.
"AWWW! Your trying to comfort me!" Anna grinned as Dan finished. Dan turned to Chrom with a worried look on his face.
"Don't look at me, I'm staying far away from this one.
Dan and Chrom went back to the camp to discuss who they wanted to bring. After spending the day discussing, they decided on ten fighters, all capable enough to hold off a massive force. Chrom Called out off the roster.
"Alright, Priam and Donnel, you two are going to be our defenders." Chrom said as Priam, a tall monster of a man, and Donnel, a small country boy, stepped forward. Both of them gripping their swords and shields. The two heros stood to the side of Chrom as he called out the next names.
"Noire and Morgan, you two work very well together being sisters so you will provide ranged support." Noire shyly approached, bow in hand as Morgan latched onto her arm and drug her the rest of the way in. They both stood by the heros, sniper and grandmaster side by side.
"Nowi, you are coming too." Nowi smiled as she skipped up to the group.
"Maribelle and Olivia, you two will be our support." The Valkyrie and Dancer also joined the group.
"And finally Lucina, I want to to join us as well." Chrom finished.
"Yes Father." Lucina responded.
"Think we have enough Dan?" Chrom asked.
"I think it should suffice." Dan responded.
"Good... Lets go."
Night fell on the Outrealm Gate, and Chrom lead his force into the gate. Anna showed them the way to the door. They walked for a few minutes until the bright blue door showed itself on the wall. Chrom stared at the door and could almost hear... singing. He approached the door but was stopped by an old man jumping in the way.
"Woah there, I wouldn't go in if I were you." The old man started.
"Let me guess Hubba, ancient evil, destined to overthrow the world, death and destruction..."
"No! Well, yes on the ancient evil, but it will do much worse to the world than you can imagine! I have been through and it is a very scary place..." Hubba rambled.
"Whats behind the door?" Dan asked.
"Horrors, horrors beyond what this old man can fathom... and not a single fine lady in sight..."
"Ugh... Hubba, we are going in" Chrom sighed.
"Fine, but don't say I did't warn you! Not a single lady in sight!"
Chrom discarded the ramblings and went for the door. Upon opening it, him and all his group were warped into the door way. The tunnel of blue was familiar to Chrom, it was the same way every doorway was. His entire team floated in the tunnel as it warped them forward. Suddenly it stopped, and a figure appeared before them. A small red horse with a scarlet mane stood between them.
"Hello, and Welcome to Equestria! So glad you finally decided to visit!"
"Dan... Did that horse... just speak to us?" Chrom asked confused.
"I think it did..." Dan responded.
"Horse? Oh no, you have it all wrong. I am a pony, just like everyone here. My name is Anna!"
"As in..."
"Yes, I am one of the Anna Sisters! I spent so much time here though that I found a way to make myself look like the other ponies. Wicked right?"
"Umm... sure? So why did the doorway open? Are these... ponies in need of help?" Chrom asked.
"Wait... the door just now opened? And nobody told me it was closed!?!?" Anna's cheeks flustered. "I bet that old pervert locked it behind me! Just because he made a few moves too many and I threatened his job! UGH!"
"Umm, Anna?" Chrom asked.
"WHAT!?" She glared, but then snapped back to reality. "Ugh... I'm sorry, but in all seriousness I think you guys should check that out. These doors don't just open themselves, and I know that old man didnt open it..." She huffed in anger.
Chrom and Dan backed away from the steamed pony, then Dan remarked. "She is right Chrom. This could be a bad sign."
"Yes, I'll rally everyone," Chrom turned to to his friends. "Everyone prepare yourselves, we contact this world really soon."
Giving Credit to a few scene fixes and further ideas in my editing to Brony_Fife who put in a rather appreciated comment. Thanks for the input bud!
(couldn't get this to show in my authors notes...)
HOLY SHIZNIT I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS SINCE MARCH!! THIS BETTER BE GOOD!!
2721614 I sincerely hope you enjoy it
2721617 How is your army doing?
2721619 as in game? fair. Right now I'm just leveling up relationships >.> my wall right now is the Rogues and Redeemers dlc pack.
It would've been funny if Anna was in the party, so that way she would seek out ways to get rich quick.
2721627 I was contemplating it, but I didn't want to over load myself on characters you know. I figured having Anna as the announcer for Equestria was a fair enough way to introduce her lol.
2721640 Meh, at least have Anna and Rarity team up for some attempts at getting rich.
2721654 haha yeah that would make a sweet chapter, I was deff going to have Rarity and Maribelle have an interesting interaction >.> not sure how it will go down yet
2721659 Rarity and Maribelle...I fear for the sanity of Equestria if they start to conspire. I can already imagine them going after Blueblood for the GGG and not to mention slighting Maribelle's noble status.
2721621 Same here. I found some pics to use for whatever.
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i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/7062593792/hC87D0CAF/
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2721676 BWAHAHAHA yes... I would love it...
2721696 i love the last one xD
2721696That fourth one was hilarious. Are you people even trying?
Can't wait to see how you do on this. Loved the game, so let's see how it does.
2721809 thank you kindly I hope I can do it justice
2721640>>2721676 I've always thought of things like this:
Fluttershy=Noire + Olivia
Pinkie Pie=Henry + Nowi
Applejack=Donnel + Geregor (or Stahl)
Rarity=Maribell + Sumia
Twilight=Tactician + Miriel
Rainbow Dash=Sully + ?
Trixie= Vaike + ?
Shining Armor= Frederick + Chrom
And more...
2721833 I attributed Noire to Luna, Everytime she goes all BLOOD AND THUNDER! I think of the Royal Canterlot Accent
2721818So far I'm liking it. Sad that there were no interactions, but I'm still liking it. And pony Anna is best Anna.
Any idea when you can post the next chapter?
2721818 Shouldn't you change 'Tactician' to 'Robin'?
2721845 Who have you paired?
2721857 I'm actually trying to figure out how I want to do the interaction right now. I know the main Idea, just trying to fix little quirks in it. Really this was to see how much feed back I'de get from it. It seems like its kickin so I may do the next chapter tonight or tomorrow sometime.
2721876 Chrom+Sumia
Avatar+Tharja
Sully+Stahl (Cain and Able, seriously... couldnt be any more out there)
Gregor+Nowi
Olivia+Libra
Frederick+Cherche
Cordelia+Vaike (Severa is a beast with counter 0.0)
Lissa+Lon'qu
and Severa+Owain
A few of them are eh with the children but I found Noire with Ignis is a total beast
2721875 and I was thinking about it, but my Avatar was named Dan cause I like the name so I figured it would make it more my story rather than everyone using Robin. that and Robin... eh not really a heroic name... not like Chrom... I would kill to be named Chrom... Tempted to name my first born son Chrom... Chrom
2721920 But Robin is his/her true name.
2721963 true, but like I said. Giving the character an original name just makes the story feel mine, granted that I am taking two things that I didn't make and putting them together. I would rather have it feel like the avatar is my own original character to an extent.
2721913 My pairings (for my first game):
Chrom +Avatar (OTP)
Lissa+Donnel
Nowi+Ricken
Cordelia+Stahl
Sully+Virion
Frederick+Panne
Miriel+Libra (OTP)
Tharja+Henry (OTP)
Olivia+Kellam (OTP)
Lon'qu+Cherche
Vaike+Marribell
My second game will be in everyway different because I'm trying to get all the supports!
EDIT: I forgot to mention that I based off my Avatar on Twilight and named her Twilight (purple hair, really good at magic, bad at luck, etc.). She is one of my best units!
2722004 haha Dan is best at skill and his weakness is HP. He uses Ignis every turn and still has max HP cause I used the robes on him a few times
2722032 Luna is a much better skill.
2722045 true, I love Luna crits. Kjelle is my best general class because of the ability. stack her with skill and she uses it almost every battle
2722058 My Donnel is my best unit, with an overall rating of 313. My Lissa has a rating of 294 and my Avatar has 290. My best children are Noire and Yarne. Man if I had Limit Breaker, My units would be so much better!
2722098 haha I have yet to get that far. My highest rating is Tiki with 270. then again I spent the last few weeks lvling all the children to 240 rating to go get Priam
2722109 Have you tried using Auto-battle? That thing saved me from many loses! Unless you're in Classic mode. In that case, don't use Auto ever.
2722125 yeah I play classic lol. I'm an old Fire Emblem fan so playing casual just seemed... odd. not smashing anyone who plays casual haha
2722131 Has anyone died yet?
2722199 I lost Walhart getting Priam but I never used him. Besides that, nope. I try very hard to keep a strong defensive line, heros and generals with support damage like sword masters or dark pegasi especialy. Gale Force is amazing.
2722207 So is Vengence and All Stats +2. Dread Fighter and Bride classes are awesome too!
2722305 I love the dread fighter. I made gregore one. Didn't like the bride as much. Idk why.
2722471 What are you talking about?! All of my brides look gorgeous! Plus the skill Bond id awesome too.
2722540 I just havnt taken the time to level one. I got the boquet I just havmt used it yet lol
2721833 In my case I see Twi as this
MIriel and Laurent
And Will you be updating Daily or weekly?!
2723463 It all depends really, I am working on this and another fic, between them and classes irl I will have to see when I have time to sit and work. I hope to start it off every few days, maybe weekly. Going to attempts a 2nd chapter tonight just to kick it off a little more.
2723534 I see I love it so far!!!
2723585 I'm glad you love it I honestly had no idea how it would turn out, its good to see 9/10 people enjoy it! I'll have to hunt down that one and put him on Grima's offering table
This is the 2nd best fire emblem x mlp fic I've ever read!!
I'm telling you the truth
Right off the bat, I'm actually... kind of turned off to this one.
So suddenly, right out of the gate, Morgan gets to outwit her dad, the Tactician? Throughout Fire Emblem Awakening, Morgan had a hard time trying to outsmart him. Even when their support conversations reached level A, she never really pulled one over on him. I feel you should have reserved that kind of treat for something near the end of the story--preferably after Morgan takes lessons from master prankster Pinkie Pie. There's just a lot of wasted potential there.
Your writing's a map populated with grammar errors and weird sentence structures. A lot of its construction is rather bland. I suggest going back to correct spelling and grammar errors, and throwing in writing tools such as hyperbole, metaphor, subtext, and alliteration to spice up the pace. Take the following entry:
You'll notice the first sentence has no period. Chrom's statement shouldn't end with a period if it implies he is speaking; it would require a comma. (Ex. "This is text," said Chrom.) "Chuckled" should not be capitalized. Same thing with Dan's statement. And of course, there's the problem of simply breezing through the scene without any sort of eye-catching reading. But if we could fix it...
...There we go. I think that's a little more fun to read.
But Pinkie's always bouncy. For Applejack to point out something that isn't unusual for Pinkie to do seems... well, pointless.
The entirety of the Pinkie Pie and Applejack conversation seems to surface another problem I have with this fic. I believe I've stated it runs by too fast before any of the scenes actually get to develop. It especially scurries when there's conversation present.
Here's a suggestion. I want you to take your time with your scenes. Think of your fanfic as a movie. You're not the writer, you're the director; these are not characters, they are actors. While they act, they require their quirks to come into play--AJ's accent is almost not present, while Pinkie isn't nearly as random. Their body language is nearly avoided completely--and "Character Did This and Character Did That" don't count.
Here's a suggested fix:
Not only must your actors be perfectly in-character (Applejack as the straight mare, Pinkie Pie as... Pinkie Pie), they must also act. They must also interact occasionally. There needs to be more going on than just characters talking. Why? Because it's entertaining.
Just sayin'.
This is just a minor thought, but would it not have been wiser to just call the avatar Robin?
Hear*
Our*
Red mane on a red body? Talk about plain. Wouldn't it make more sense to have a lighter body colour?
2721913 Dude, two words. Mankete Morgan. She is freakin beast! Not to mention the only way for Nah to get dark flier and therefore Galeforce, is Nowi marrying Donnel, Gaius, or Male Avatar. Honestly, my Nah and Morgan can wipe out armies together. Plus, Nowi is a great character! Seriously, my streetpass team is beyond powerful!