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Doctor Whooves552 stories ·1,805 members
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Princess Celestia has called on the Elements of Harmony to save Equestria countless times and they have risen to meet every challenge put before them. However, when Princess Luna wants something done, she prefers to rely on a more discreet group of ponies. Led by Doctor Whooves and his ever-faithful companion, The Night String carries out her majesty’s orders and protects ponykind from the shadows.
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Could we possibly be getting some Transformers Prime crossovers in here?
Anyway, if Blueblood is happy with the life of a knot, I'm pretty sure Trixie will be fine. But at least tell me Luna pays them for there services. I mean, they have to make a living somehow, and it wouldn't be that hard for Luna to pay them 'under the table' so that the group would still remain a secret.
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Actually we'll find out that Blueblood isn't exactly "happy" per se but you're right about being paid for their service. I just didn't see anyway that it could come into play in this particular story so I didn't bother mentioning it.
Okay. This looks very interesting. I normally avoid crossovers like the plague. However, this was just added to a group I'm a part so I gave it a look. I will like this story...for the moment.
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I can understand how you feel about crossovers. If they're not done right they can devolve quickly and the only point becomes to allow the author to make a bunch of references to the other series. Please, if this ever gets to such a point, tell me.
If I may ask, which group did you find this under? Just for reference.
Oh, this is looking promising! A secret organization protecting Equestria from the shadows? Composed of all my favorite ponies, and Blueblood? Awesome! And Blueblood seems to be averting his usual douche-y typecasting, which is good.
Nice to see Trixie as the naive newcomer. With a concept like this, you usually need someone as the audience stand-in, for the others to explain things to.
This is interesting. Non-foppish Blueblood!
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: Why The Great and Powerful Trixie group, of course!
Take your time, just don't take six months or so to come out with another chapter.
This is one kickass adventure! though if the TARDIS's control room is bigger than the throne room, that would make it the biggest TARDIS deck ever.
Ha! I had a hunch to track this story when it appeared on the site for the first time, and I'm glad I did, cause it's getting interesting!
Although Trixie being an agent of a secret group fighting a cult with delusions on one pony species' supremacy over the remaining two seems... comfortingly familiar.
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Comfortingly familiar? Where from? You know what? Don't tell me. I might accidentally read it and get discouraged.
Another quality chapter. Good to see that Trixie is proving her worth. And Blueblood seems a lot more personable than most writers give him credit for. So either he keeps up a public persona of being a spoiled jerk in order to hide his real job, or (as my headcanon dictates) he humiliated Rarity because he thought she was a gold digger. I look forward to seeing what unique talents he contributes to this group.
As for proof reading, I don't really see much need. Your grammar and spelling is fine.
Another good chapter. So Derpy is captured, Mare-Do-Well meets a spy, and the others are in town following energy sources. Let's see what happens next, shall we?
Story continues at its established pace. That's actually good, because you're neither rushing it nor holding things up with too much filler. This feels very much like a Dr Who episode, actually. Feels like we're just about set for the big action showdown, next.
Trixie and Blueblood is building up an interesting chemistry. Usually I dislike that pairing, because the authors tend to play up Trixie's shallow jerk persona to match his shallow jerk persona, but here he (and Trixie) are more layered and developed. He's still quick to dismiss Rarity as a gold digger, but it suits him.
No interaction with the Elements, hmm? That's a good rule and all, but something tells me it will be chucked out the window when an inevitable crisis hits...
It was worth to finally familiarize myself with Doctor Who universe, as I've been doing throughout the past months - actually, your story was the final push that made me watch this amazing series - I understand so much more when it comes to the Doctor's manners and subtleties which you put in the story! And judging by this chapter's ending, the real fun is about to begin!
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It makes me kind of happy to know that something I wrote got you interested in Doctor Who. It is my favorite science fiction show and I honestly believe everyone should at the very least give it a chance.
It just so happens that after replying to you, I'm going to publish the next chapter. I hope that it lives up to your expectations.
Good chapter. Nice to see everyone pulling their weight and showing hidden depths, such as Blueblood's competent spellcasting or Derpy's unexpectedly powerful mind, or Trixie's risky gambit. And the Doctor is still willing to offer to spare the enemy. (And yet they never take his offer...)
I was particularly delighted to read that the story has yet to end, even though it reached a clear ending point. I'm looking forward to seeing how this will continue.
Some character development, too. Seems Double-M has some interest in Derpy. I can think of a few reasons for this, although I'll keep it to my self - never liked when readers keep second-guessing the author. I also liked the start of Trixie's dream - I can easily see her and Twilight doing something like that. I know they're under orders not to get the Elements involved in anything, but I'd nevertheless love to see her cross paths with Twilight again.
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I'm gonna be honest with you guys, especially you MoonCalf since you brought it up, I have no idea why these two would get together. I was writing the scene and I wanted somepony to hug Derpy but I wasn't sure who, I picked MM simply because she was probably the fastest and I just ran with it. (Not confirming or denying right now but I figured I'd leave the hint in either way. It may just end up as a Macguffin)
This story is rather enjoyable thus far; but I've noticed some jarring (to me) grammar and punctuation issues. Would you like me to point them out, and explain how to fix them in the future?
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Oh please do.
3344563 Well, it's getting kind of late for me, so I'll have to do it in better detail later; but your biggest problem is your quotations, and how you punctuate and capitalize them.
Examples of the RIGHT way:
"I like pie," the pony said.
"I really like pie!" the pony said.
Examples of the WRONG way:
"I like pie." The pony said.
"I like pie." the pony said.
Did you notice the difference? I'm sure there's resources that explain better how to write it; but as said, I'm kind of tired, so it'll have to wait until tomorrow. I'll go over a chapter for ACTUAL examples.
So apparently when I say "tomorrow", I actually mean "two days from now". Sorry about that.
Going over all the quotations in the first bit of this chapter.... To save time and space I'm not saying the ones without problems.
I hope this makes sense to you, and that you can see the pattern. Since bolded punctuation isn't very visible, I just bolded the words around the change. Also, I think it's written as "TARDIS" instead of "Tardis". And I think there were a few cases where you wrote "Teresa" instead of "Theresa", or maybe vice versa.
-> The red-eyed griffon's tone turned to one of disgust. "This spy (etc)
-> "No. Not yet," he answered.
-> "Your devotion is appreciated," the deity of fire began. "However, thanks to (etc)
-> "(...) Perhaps she is yet another disguised spy," her servant answered (etc)
-> "Perhaps. There is only one way to find out," she said (etc)
-> "(...) Lord Guildenstern," the Grand Phoenix agreed (etc)
This is a bit difficult. Is "chuckling" HOW he said the phrase, or is it something that comes after? That will determine whether the period should become a comma, or if the "the" in "the Doctor" should be capitalized.
-> "You've gotten better, Trixie," Twilight admitted, panting.
-> "Well done, Trixie," a Trottingham accent congratulated her.
-> "Oops," he said weakly (etc)
-> "No worries. We've still got this," he whispered (etc)
-> (...) in the mood for some gloating, "I must admit (etc)
-> "(...) Very sloppy," Hephaestus taunted (etc)
-> "Careful there, priest," she snarled. "These ponies (...) at your throat!" the spy retorted proudly.
-> "(...) into my willing slave," the Grand Phoenix answered.
-> "Excuse me," interrupted the brown stallion.
-> "(...) What ploy do you still think you have up your sleeve?" the burning goddess inquired tauntingly.
-> "(...) So I believe it has run its course," she replied (....) "It's time that you saw things my way," she finished (etc)
-> "Nope. Nothing," came his signature Trottingham accent (etc)
-> "What?" shouted the goddess. "Hephaestus! (etc)
-> "You switched the cups," Theresa said, amazed.
-> "Do not allow this to go to your head!" retorted the Grand Phoenix angrily.
-> "(...) Which is why I'll be taking this," the newly formed Grand Phoenix (etc)
-> "(...) of yours," she continued (etc)
-> "What have you done with Derpy?" the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well demanded.
-> "I'm glad you're safe too," Derpy replied happily (etc)
-> "(...) killed the Grand Phoenix," and another (etc)
->"Do you even have to ask?" the griffonness called from her head start.
-> "Very well," the griffon answered (etc)
-> "(...) not making use of it!" the Doctor called over his shoulder.
-> "Nonsense, come on in," he countered (etc)
-> "It is larger within," she finished.
-> "We might've done more than that, Doctor," Blueblood uttered sheepishly.
-> "(...) cause any paradoxes," the Doctor countered.
-> "(...) Good point," the earth pony admitted (...) pencil. "Okay, list of things (etc)
-> (...) for quite some time. "Why do you speak in rhymes?" she inquired (etc)
-> "Right," the Doctor answered (etc)
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Thanks so much for the corrections. I have implemented a lot of them. However, you seem to be changing a great deal of periods to commas when sometimes that character has expressed a complete thought and I'm pretty sure that's not how it's supposed to go.
Just one example of what I'm talking about-
What I wrote:
"No. Not yet." He answered.
What you suggested:
"No. Not yet," he answered.
So I changed the capitalization, because you were definitely right about that, but I'm not so sure a comma is needed there.
3369018 Yeah, it's supposed to be a comma.
Here's a link: http://fictionwriting.about.com/od/writingexercises/qt/punctuation.htm
3369053
Ah. Well, when you're right, you're right.
You'll be happy to hear I've just finished correcting all the mistakes you mentioned and any similar mistakes in the other chapters. I hope that they weren't enough to make you stop reading and please feel free to tell me about any other mistakes you notice in upcoming chapters.
This is amazing! gotta say, being a whovian-brony, i love this, considering that Doctor Whooves is in this! You know, i should be called a hoovian not a whovian, a hoovian. a whovian-brony.
4007651 Yeah, I'm never going to stop being amazed that one background character looking kinda sorta like David Tennant resulted in the entirety of Whovian canon getting adopted into My Little Pony. I love this fandom.
Seems a nice setup for a new story arc. Feels more like regular Who by the initial outlook, whereas the prior arc felt like Mission Impossible (pony version). Will look forward to it.
4049582 XD yeah, plus, on facebook, david tennant acknowledged this as the fact that doctor whooves made an appearance on the show.
Whoa. You brought in the big guns.
This has just jumped up to the spot of 'Favorite Crossover Story', so you know.
Keep it up!
It's spelled "Allons-y"
Well, this is an interesting story. Tracking.
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Ah. My bad. Fixed now.