"Foals and fillies alike! Come one come all as i tell you this tale... of a festival we celebrate till this day One thing... This festival comes with a curse of a 4 headed beast..." Twilight Sparkle yields the unimaginative power inside her and begins her journey to vanquish this beast. Twists and turns await, To mountains and beautiful cities, Aided with Spike "The Wandering Hunter" Twilight aims to defeat the cursed beast... But at what cost?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting story! I'd love to see where it goes! Keep up the good work!!
2672540
Thank you!
I am doing my best and I am dedicated to making one chapter each day.
Keep looking for new updates!
2673524 what would this be a crossover of?
Ah Ha!
My dear friend this is a crossover of Okami...
Has my words confused you? I take every quote and moment from the game into my own words...
Interesting no?
I hope you join me as i tell this tale!... /)
2675554
yea that was kinda obvious...
2675554 might help to reply, so I get a message telling me you did
and I woke up like a hour ago and I haven't played Okami for a few years
2675716
I've always had a copy of Okami and several other famous games like Star Wars Battlefront 2!
I have a Xbox 360 and a PS2 for the main reasons of those two games
I've always thought the timeline and everything that went with the game was a piece of art and so on i have completely created my own!
My own universe of MLP differs from the one we know and love very differently. Example the only thing that has stayed the same was Twilight being Princess Celestia's faithful student...
I hope you and many other people enjoy exploring this world as i write about it!
And... I have big plans for a character which i really cannot wait to work on: Waka... This character was very mystical in his ways which is going to make the character i'm replacing him with very interesting! (However i am not going to release the name of the character though...)
Reading it now
Also I think this
derpicdn.net/thumbs/1300/600/2012/08/19/03_04_14_943_77610__UNOPT__twilight_sparkle_rainbow_dash_spike_crossover_okami
and this
derpicdn.net/thumbs/1300/600/2012/06/30/12_56_03_754_26223__safe_twilight_sparkle_artist_kayziomau
are relevant
2675748
I have big plans for Susano... (Sadly not going to be Rainbow Dash...)
The artwork of this is very incredible! Where did you find such gems?
2675753 derpibooru
2675771
Interesting...
I shall look up this site now.
Might change the cover photo of the fic...
2675773 it is a pony image database
still might want to ask the artist you can use the picture
I agree...
The pony equivalents for the Imps look very interesting
[img]266144__UNOPT__safe_oc_crossover_jojo-quo-s-bizarre-adventure_artist-otakuap_okami_stand (1)[/img]
The red one may not be used but the one floating is a definite!
2675778
I wish i could delve deeper into "The Cave of Nagi" But i refuse doing more than one chapter each day!
But i appreciate the feedback i have actually recieved from many people like you about it!
I will do my legitimate best on this fic...
(However this fic may be over 50 chapters...)
Just a warning
Look, I don't mean to be rude, but is English your second language or something? Or did you just type this up and, flush with success of finishing a chapter, immediately post it? The reason I ask this is because the quality of this piece is rather ...well... lacking, to put it nicely.
In fact, it reminds me of something my English professor called a "Bubba draft", i.e. the roughest of rough drafts
It would take too long for me to go into detail here, but, if you're interested, I'd be happy to give you some pointers in a PM.
Just say the word.
Again, let me repeat that I'm not trying to tear you down; all things considered, I'd love for this fic to succeed. I'm obviously a fan of MLP:FiM (otherwise what would be doing on this site), and I'm a fan of Okami (currently trying to get the last stray bead from Kai. Stupid Icicles/Snowballs!
). So if there's anything I can do to help, I'd be happy to assist. 
2676173
No. English is my primary language.
You may think it is because of Spike's "Whaddya" I am firstly reflecting his personality as the best i can (I'm not Spike's #1 fan so what do you expect?)
I have completed Okami several months ago...
Also i do not take your opinion as offensive because i would be a right twat if i uploaded it here in the first place. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
Remember this fic is based of a Japanese (Originating) game also i am only 16 so i am not going to be NASA'S best rocket pilot. If i actually made typo's or whatever on this site, Would not the proofreaders themselves tell me to change it?
I am not the best writer out there... There is obviously going to be someone out there in the field out there that will best this fic and my grammar...
I accept your opinion, I do not require your help (Even though i highly appreciate it!)
Thank you for reading this fic and have a good day!
Hey Everyone!
Just to keep your heads screwed on. The next chapter for "White Sparkle" should be uploaded after 5pm!
It takes so long becuase i wake up really tired (I do not know the reason why unfourtunatly...)
Next up's Preview:
Spike and Twilight enter the tree for a clue on how to cut down the first element and learns a new spell or two! Maybe even understand a little more of the story (Which can be found on the introduction) as well!
Antcipated? I won't let you down!
Suprised that the 2nd chapter was really long?
Calm down...
Its just the beginning. ..
I wish to confer my apologies if anyone feels offended by tone and choice of word in the following, but I am a fond believer in the power of open and honest words and, therefore, make a habit out of not sugar-coating my criticism. That out of the way...
I'm sorry, but this is not a fanfic. Rather, it is a transcript of a game where someone simply went through and replaced the names of characters and locations with names related to MLP. And it's not even a good transcript to begin with, as it is riddled with mistakes and sentences simply incomprehensible to the reader! It is more of a text ruin than anything else. Just look as this example:
First at all, a statue doesn't have any muscles. If you want to introduce a character by referencing an earlier encounter with him (or, in this case, his body-turned-statue), you should explicitly do so, maybe like this: Twilight continued to walk down the hill, quickly reaching the first statue she'd encountered in her trip through the desolate village. However, instead of the sight of a stone pony, a clearly alive stallion was greeting her eyes, slowly flexing his muscles while playing a peaceful tune on his flute. Oh, and make sure to use singular and plural correctly: it's just one former statue, therefore, he/she/it should flex his/her/its muscles, not their's. Next up, Mr. Cake wasn't laid unconscious, he lay unconscious. Unless the former statue was actually hitting him in the head to knock him out, in which case it'd be was just being knocked unconscious. Furthermore, an unconscious being can't see anything due to being, well, unconscious. Make sure to differentiate between different states correctly, such as being unconscious and seeing stars dancing before one's eyes.
Also, look out for your punctuation, your text is missing a huge number of punctuation marks such as commas or full stops (especcially the earlier chapters).
Your usage of colored text doesn't help, too, as all it does is to remind me even more of a game instead of a piece of literature. Seriously, it looks just like the highlighting used in video games. You mentioning UI elements ("Twilight then chose from the list above") also doesn't help. I never played Okami, and yet I have no problem identifying the game elements you reference in your text--the words "side quest", "minigame", "boss fight" or "level up" are practically dripping down my monitor. All thanks to the coloring of game elements and almost literal transcription of game dialogs (actually, in one case my girlfriend, a huge fan of the game in question, confirmed that atleast one line of dialog was taken directly from the game, with only names exchanged).
I honestly can't remember if I ever downvoted a story (there might have been one, but I'm not sure), but this one definitely deserves a downvote due to simply not being a fanfic at all, but rather a bad copy-and-paste retelling of a game. A good crossover should blend the crossed-over contents into one another, creating a harmonious, even symbiotic new combination; this is a flat-out replacement of content without any deeper consideration, making it fail fantastically.
Maybe you should have thought about that before reading the fic.
Please keep opinions to yourself when they are not required (Or upsets certain people)
What you must remember is that i am 16, meaning i`m not yet again NASA'S best rocket pilot, so yeah about more of your comment.
They may be actual quotes which have come straight through the game i am just doing my best to keeping it real. I'm sorry if i have meant any of you harm this is just the start. Many of the game's 'quotes' have been turned around for your information.
Also i my dog (who i have been partnered with since i was 4) has just passed away...
So if you partially enjoy upsetting people (even though they are already depressed) more then keep at it won't you?
Also if you actually checked the comments below a person has already commented on the fic's status. But has restricted to down vote the story, Regardless he is still playing the game.
Many thinks on adding your (regardless) comment on the fic and have a nice day!
Also i hope you enjoy knocking a person's feelings (What good does that even prove anyway?)
You don't have to keep reading the story, Neither does your girlfriend I hope you and she has a good enjoyable experience making one's already depressed life even more depressed.
Many thanks.
Also the figure's body was already moving since the sun was up and life was fully restored.
You can expect maybe... i dunno maybe the person the age of 25 and up to have better word checking and grammar.
I do not enjoy making people depressed--however, I do enjoy helping people getting better at something they like (or don't like but still have to do). And I simply assume that you are interested in getting better. Otherwise, you probably wouldn't write on a public website.
Thing is, you cannot get better without embracing criticism. Which is the main reason why I refrain from completely sugar-coating my criticism until it becomes some half-forgotten subordinate clause in a post celebrating the author as the next Tom Clancy/Joanne K. Rowling/you-name-it. And, while I do somewhat enjoy using direct language, it is not to make someone miserable (in fact, that is the exact opposite of what I want--miserable people often don't try to get better, they just quit) but simply to drive home the point.
Of course, I can't force you to take my criticism seriously. However, keeping that attitude of yours isn't going to help you, and I'm not only talking about your skill in writing stories about colorful equines merrily hopping around. Noone likes criticism, but accepting it is a vital skill in almost anything you're going to do on a atleast half-professional level in your life. Things like, let's say, your job (once you've got one). Shrugging off criticism as mere opinion you can ignore at your will is going to make quite a big bunch of things complicated for you, so I strongly suggest working on that. Also, writing grammatically correct sentences isn't rocket science, either, and is also a skill required by more or less everything outside the internet. Do yourself a favor and have a look at it.
I'm going to end my educational rant here before I become to preachy; feel free to ignore this post if you still feel inclined to your way of handling things.
Last but not least, my condolences for the recent passing of your dog.
Thank you for the help you are trying to pass on to me.
I appreciate you sending your apologies for my dog.
I am scrapping this fic anyway... If you would like me to delete it so be it.
I am not giving up hope. I have just recently thought of a story Name is Unconfirmed.
I appreciate your help once again.
Thank you...