Stupid Body
Comfortable
An Appledash story by Mr. Snowpony
Chapter I: Stupid Body
“Bet you can’t catch me!”
“Heh! That there’s a bet yer gonna lose!”
The fall breeze swept through the air like a gentle wave. Two friends happily chased each other in a secluded part of the forest, birch trees surrounding them everywhere they looked.
One of them had an orange coat. Her name was Applejack. She worked at the local apple farm at the edge of town; her family’s apples were world famous. No other grower could compete with their agricultural know-how.
The other mare had a blue coat. Her name was Rainbow Dash. She was a dreamer and her dreams were big. She was going to be a Wonderbolt one day and she knew it; everypony knew it. She was just counting down the days.
But for now, their successes were out of mind. The only thing that they were thinking at the moment was beating each other. Orange trailed behind blue as both mares hightailed it through the forest like streaks of lightning, their hooves like thunder on the ground.
“Ah thought ya learned yer lesson when we tied fer last place at the Runnin’ o’ the Leaves marathon two years ago! Ya know ya can’t beat me without yer little wings!”
“Yeah, well you know how stubborn I can be!”
Both mares chuckled but nopony was letting up. Applejack turned on the afterburners and successfully caught up with her winged friend. Side by side, they tore through the forest, curious woodland creatures their only audience.
The cowmare glanced to her left, “Hey, Rainbow! Know what Ah just realized? We haven’t even set up a finish line yet!”
The other mare responded, “Huh, you’re right,” and looked ahead, spotting a lone cloud floating about a mile away, “First pony underneath that cloud wins this!”
Applejack grinned, “Then Ah guess Ah’ll be seein’ ya there!”
“Yeah, right after I beat you to it!”
Rainbow was happy they could have moments like this again. Applejack had been so busy with Applebuck Season that she was practically missing for an entire month. Now that it was over, it seemed that the two of them could start hanging out again for real.
It was then that she noticed she was dragging behind. The cowmare was ten feet away, “What the?!”
“Sorry Rainbow, but Ah guess ya lose!”
“Not if I can help it!”
Rainbow pushed herself to her limit and slowly started catching up with the other mare, berating herself for getting distracted with her own thoughts. Like a jackhammer, her hooves pounded on the ground and pressed her onward, letting her catch up just behind her friend.
“You’re not gonna win this!”
“Ah already have!”
The farm pony was so close. Just a few more yards to go and she would finally beat Rainbow Dash. But, the other pony wasn't just about to give up. With a final burst of adrenaline, she caught up to the cowmare and was beside her before they passed underneath the cloud.
Rainbow was shocked she made it… then tripped and rolled uncontrollably, crashing into Applejack in the process. A mess of hooves tumbled hysterically for an agonizing minute before finally settling down at the edge of a lake hidden in the forest.
As the dust settled, Rainbow found herself on top of Applejack.
The cowmare spoke up, “Phew! Ah thought we’d never get outta that. Ya okay there, pardner?”
“I would be, but one of your hind hooves is kinda digging into my face right now.”
“Oops, hehe! Sorry…”
The two ponies began untangling themselves but they were too out of breath to do much.
“Alright… okay… that’s not working. Why don’t we take a breather for a few seconds and try it again afterwards.”
Applejack gave up as well, “Right… Ah can hardly move any o’ mah muscles after all that runnin’. Ya sure do put up a mighty good race, RD. Ah’ll give ya that.”
“Hey, you’re not so bad yourself! I mean, I totally won this one but you were a close second.”
Applejack lifted her head from the ground, “What?! Ah won that fair and square! Ya only caught up with me after we reached the finish line!”
“No way! I totally passed you at the last second!”
Applejack knocked her head back on the ground and started laughing, “Well, goldarnit! Looks like we both tied again.”
Rainbow couldn’t believe it, “Aw, dang it! Every race we’ve had, we’re always tied! Why can’t I beat you at this? It should be so easy!”
Applejack smirked, “Thanks fer the vote o’ confidence. Ah guess we’re just too evenly matched, Sugarcube.”
“Argh! I guess…”
Both ponies laid in silence for a while, gathering their thoughts while they waited to get control of their limbs back.
“You know, AJ… this is kinda cozy.”
Applejack lifted her head again, “Don’t tell me yer gettin’ used to this position?!”
“Well, you’re kinda soft… like a cloud! Except less poofy and more whiny.”
“Says the pegasus who nods off in mah trees every darn day! Why, compared to those, Ah must be a queen-size mattress to y’all!”
“Well… yeah!”
The cowmare just scoffed, “And Ah ain't whiny either!”
“I’m just saiyin’, AJ…”
Applejack mentally slapped herself, resting for a while before continuing the conversation, “Well don’t get too comfy. Ah’m startin’ to feel mah legs again.”
Right after saying it, she bucked with enough force to throw Rainbow off of her. Surprised, Dash caught herself mid-flight by flapping her wings wildly and landing on all fours.
“Much better! Now Ah can start lookin’ fer mah hat. Ah’m guessin’ it musta slipped off when we had our little tumble back there.”
Rainbow Dash was disappointed. Applejack was super comfy, as if her entire body was one giant pillow. She watched Applejack look around before happily spotting her hat by the lake’s edge.
Dusting it off, the farm pony yelled over to her friend, “Well, at least we can say one good thing about this entire mess! We just found ourselves a new hangin’ out place! Just gotta remember where it is and all!”
Rainbow watched her friend put her hat back on and thought of a brilliant idea. She was going to get her giant pillow back one way or another! She lifted one of her front legs off the ground and began crying out in feigned pain.
“Applejack! Oh Applejack, you gotta help me! I think I sprained my ankle!”
Applejack, worried, hurried off to her friend’s side, “Oh no! Ah’m right awfully sorry this happened to ya, RD. C’mon, let’s get back to Ponyville and get ya to a clinic!”
Applejack began racing off to Rainbow’s confusion, “Um… aren’t you going to carry me there?”
Applejack halted and looked back at her friend, “Aren’t yer wings still okay? Ah saw ya use them after Ah kicked ya off o’ mah body. Ya can fly to the hospital, can’t ya?”
Rainbow just stared at her blankly, mouth agape. It seemed that she didn’t think her brilliant plan all the way through, “Erm… you know what? My ankle’s all fine now! See! Don’t feel a thing anymore. No siree, I’m fantastic.”
“Ya sure? ‘Coz if yer strugglin’ we can still visit the…”
“I’m fine! Really! Let’s… just go.”
Applejack watched as Rainbow walked past her. She looked depressed about something but the cowmare thought better than to bother her about it. Like Rainbow told her earlier, AJ knew Dash was stubborn and trying to grill her about her problems was not going to get her to talk.
The rest of the trip home was spent in silence. Reaching the edge of town, the two mares slowly parted ways, both confused by what just happened between them. Applejack looked back one last time but Rainbow Dash was already gone.
Sighing, she headed home. She needed to get some sleep.
-⊕-
Rainbow arrived back in her cloud home. Dusk had just settled and it bathed her living room in an ethereal orange glow. She quietly called out her return but knew that nopony would answer her back. For the first time in her life, Rainbow Dash felt lonely.
It was only when a magically propelled tortoise came around a corner to greet her did Rainbow crack a smile, “Hey, Tank! I’m real glad to see you.”
Hugging her pet tightly, Rainbow released his shell and went over to the fridge to fetch him and herself a little snack.
She started talking to her tortoise, “You know, Tank, I don’t know how I ever lived without you all these years. Looking around and seeing how empty this place is, I just realized how sad and pathetic it is. Not that I'm sad and pathetic or anything, just the house.”
Once again, Rainbow was grateful for moments like this. Confessing to her pet tortoise gave her an excuse to think out loud and be open about herself, like a diary that nopony else could read. This way, Rainbow could pour her heart out and not worry about ruining her reputation much.
After sifting through her mess of a fridge, she selected a carrot and a Sweet Apple Acres apple for their late afternoon meal, “I mean everypony else seems to have somepony living with them. Twilight’s got Spike, Pinkie’s got the Cakes, Fluttershy’s got all her little animals, heck, even Rarity has Sweetie Belle three times a week. And AJ… don’t get me started on AJ. Her family’s so close knit, you could mistake them for a sweater!”
Her tortoise just slowly blinked in response.
“How about me? What do I get? Just you! Oh, don’t get me wrong, you’re great company. But, it just feels like I’m talking to myself most of the time over here. Know what I’m getting at?”
Tank stared at her blankly.
“Yeah, figures you’d say that…”
She chopped up the carrot for Tank and started nibbling on her apple, solemnly staring at it as she contemplated her lonesomeness. She frowned and put the apple down.
“I’m going to bed… Come in whenever you feel like it.”
She entered her bedroom and plopped down on her cloud bed, grimacing at her bitter mood. She hoped some rest would help get her out of the doldrums but as she tried for the next hour or so, she only ended up frustratingly tossing and turning the entire time.
She whinnied in exasperation and punched the mattress violently, “ARGH! EVEN MY BED ISN'T MAKING ME FEEL BETTER!”
Tears. Rainbow could swear she felt tears going down her face but she quickly wiped them away. No way does Rainbow Dash, the bravest, coolest, and fastest pegasus in all of Equestria, cry for no reason. That’s just ridiculous! But, she was crying… and she didn't know why.
She just pitifully lay there, sniffling every so often, until Tank came up and started nuzzling her. She lifted her head and smiled forlornly at her pet, about to give him a couple of back rubs when she noticed something balancing on his shell.
“You brought AJ’s apple…”
She stared at it for a good minute, gears turning in her heard. She thought back to when all her misery started and it hit her.
“Oh my gosh… Oh my GOSH! This is all Applejack’s fault! Her and her stupid comfy body!”
She rushed out of her house; blink and you would have missed her. Soaring like a bullet, Rainbow reached the Apple family farm in record time.
She tore the first window she could reach open and started yelling at the pony just about to lie down, “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, AJ! ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT TONIGHT WAS YOUR STUPID BODY! IF YOU AND I HADN'T ENDED UP IN THAT POSITION, THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE!”
Big McIntosh stared wide-eyed at the crazy mare in confusion. Backing up in a corner, he held his blanket up as his only protection, “Well, Ah don’t mind if the two o’ ya are datin’, but mah sister’s room is next door!”
Rainbow Dash was as pale as a ghost. This wasn't how she planned it to go.
“Now, what in tarnation is goin’ on in here?!”
Applejack barged into the room and spotted her brother and Rainbow looking strangely uneasy about something. She lowered her brows and said in as clam a voice as she could muster, “Am Ah… interruptin’ somethin’ here?”
The pegasus stared dumbfoundedly back at the other mare and just started flailing her hooves in shock, “No! NO! You got it all wrong! Big Mac and I were just talking about your body and…”
“Ya two were WHAT?!!”
“No! Wait! That didn't come out right!”
Applejack looked like she was about to blow a gasket, “Ah don’t care what ya have to say just get outta mah house, Rainbow!”
“Wait! Please! You don’t understand!”
“I SAID GIT!!”
Rainbow was unceremoniously defenestrated from the second story window. Confused for a second, she didn't think of using her wings as she landed flat on the ground.
“… Ow…”
She looked back up at the window she was thrown out of and cringed at the heated voices coming out of it, reduced to only mumbles from where she lied. It wasn't long before she heard a third and fourth voice, obviously coming from Granny Smith and Apple Bloom who were drawn to the commotion she had caused in Big McIntosh’s room.
She could only sit miserably where she had fallen. She knew she had some explaining to do and that she’d better get it done and over with or Applejack’s not gonna stop hounding her down all day tomorrow for it. As embarrassing as it was, she had to be brave and clear Big Mac’s name.
It took a few good minutes until AJ appeared at the front door, scowling at the pegasus, “Ya got some really good explainin’ to do… Ya almost gave Granny Smith a HEART ATTACK!”
“I’m sorry, AJ! I don’t really have a good reason for barging in on your family but I really need to ask you a favor. My sanity depends on it!”
“Oh, Big Mac has filled me in with all the little details. Apparently, all somepony could think about tonight was mah ‘stupid body’. Mind tellin’ me what all this nonsense is about, Rainbow?”
Rainbow felt like crying again. This wasn't how she planned it to go at all.
“AJ… I think… I think I can’t sleep unless… unless I… I… cuddle… with you.”
That snapped the cowmare out of her fury, “… Say what?”
“Applejack, please let me sleep with you… just tonight… I've never felt this lonely before…”
Applejack was frozen in place. Just what the hell was going through that pegasus’ mind?
“Just what the hay is goin’ through that featherbrain o’ yours, Rainbow?! Ya want to cuddle with me?!”
Rainbow just stared back at her in defeat, tears rolling down her cheeks. Applejack was bewildered. Here she was, Rainbow Dash, the most steadfast pony she’s ever known, breaking down in front of her like a two year old craving for her mother. She completely let go of her ire and approached the despondent pony, gripping her in a firm embrace.
Rainbow Dash lost it. She promised herself she would never cry in front of anypony, especially Applejack. But right now, it didn't matter. At that moment, she only wanted to be in Applejack’s arms. She hugged her back and wouldn't let go. Even after the cowmare was done, Rainbow was still hanging onto her tightly.
As much of a troublemaker Rainbow was, AJ knew that there was something much deeper rooted here and she had to get to the bottom of it, “Alright, Rainbow, a-alright… Ah’ll sleep with ya tonight. But, not here… Granny Smith ain't gonna let ya into the farmhouse fer a while after pullin’ off a stunt like that. We obviously can’t go to yer cloud house either on account that… y’know… earth ponies and clouds don’t really mix very well without a little magic.”
Rainbow sniffled and stared worriedly at AJ, fearing that she was implying they were going to sleep outside in the cold autumn air.
“That’s it! ‘MAGIC’! Let’s head on over to Twilight’s house and see if she’ll let us bunker up fer the night. Whaddaya say?”
Since their race this afternoon, Applejack finally saw Rainbow smile. It was a grim smile, but a smile nonetheless. The pegasus nodded and finally let go of the cowmare. Together they headed off into Ponyville proper.
-⊕-
It wasn't long before they reached Twilight’s house. Applejack knocked on the door loud enough to hopefully wake their friend up.
The door opened and revealed the baggy-eyed librarian, “Rainbow? Applejack? What are you girls doing here this late?”
“Long story, Sugarcube. Just give me and Rainbow a bed to sleep in and Ah’ll try to explain everythin’ tomorrow.”
Twilight hesitated for a second but complied anyway, “Alright, I’ll get a bed ready. You girls really seem beat. I hope it’s nothing too serious.”
Applejack looked back at Rainbow who was tuckered out, leaning on her shoulder, “Ah don’t rightly know what’s happenin’ mahself. Ah just hope Dash’ll feel better by tomorrow.”
Twilight nodded before heading back inside. Applejack leaned down and draped the pegasus onto her back, proceeding to carry her into the library. As soon as Rainbow wakes up, Applejack will be ready to help her with whatever it was that was troubling her.
-⊕-
Rainbow dreamed. She dreamed of apple trees and barnyards, of blonde manes and freckled faces, of kissing lips and cuddling bodies.
Orange and blue together as one. Everything was perfect.
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Good attempt at one of my favorite ships. Simple and cute. Not bad.
I am interested
I'm looking forward to reading more of this as it comes out. Keep up the great writing!
i am intrigued... Please, write more
Ohhh, you definitely caught my interest here
I'd love to see more of this 
Cute, simple...maybe a little over dramatic on Rainbow's part - then again, loneliness can really be pretty crippling, especially in that moment of realization. I laughed at the part with Big Macintosh. Ought to be interesting!
Hmmm. Something seems... Off about this. Not sure what, but something's off.
Reads well, flows nice...
Screw it. I'll track. Let's see where it goes.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2651012
I had that issue too while I was fixing the chapter. I noticed that there was something off about it that I just couldn't get no matter how many times I reread the story.
In the end, I just decided that the story itself was pretty weird and that's probably what was so off-putting, hence the first sentence in my description.
2651090
The really weird thing is... It doesn't affect the story that bad. It's just this nagging in the back of the mind... Like:
"This is off. Somehow, someway, it's off."
Nor does any of it seem forced at all.
~Skeeter The Lurker
To me it goes 'off' right where she starts yelling accidentally at mig mac. Rest of the story is great
Cracked me up! Ill be keeping an eye on this
2651391
That might be it, but I don't think so.
Just one of those things, I guess.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Maybe it's just my opinion but from all the farm work AJ does, she wouldn't be very comfortable to sleep on. Too much hard muscle.
Now Pinkie Pie, bet she is nice and squishy.
2653281
Aha! I'm very meticulous when it comes to writing stories and I thought of that too. I assure you it will be addressed eventually in the story.
Good catch!
The part where she yells at Mac by mistake was hilarious. I likey!
2657834
I know, right? But it doesn't affect the story at all.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I love this story so much. Update it really soon!
Liquid fucking pride. God damnit.
I love your humor. I regret not checking out this story sooner
Im with DbzOrDie on this story. It spent far too long just sitting in my list.
Oookayyy......
Awkwaaard....
2690105
I took far too long to start reading this too. I set it to read later a couple of weeks ago, looked up today and found ten new stories in top of it in the list.
It's cute, but if I were Twi I'd have demanded an answer to "why have you woken me up in the middle of the night? Don't you have your own homes to go to?"
Holy fuuu...
BEST APPLEDASH STORY EVER