I spent the morning going over my options as Pinkie did her best to comfort me. The latest nightmare was the most disturbing by far. I knew Twilight was hiding something, but so far I couldn’t prove anything. Last night, I was certain she tried to knock me out and drag me away to Celestia knows where.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I asked.
Pinkie stopped brushing my mane. “Well gee, Dash. I think so, but where are we going to find a revolving door and twenty pounds of silly putty?”
I moaned and rolled my eyes. “No, Pinkie. I need a way to prove to everypony Twilight is messing with my brain. I’m going to break into her lab.”
“Oh,” she replied. Pinkie smiled and started brushing again. “That makes much more sense.”
“What were you going to do with twen—” I caught myself and bit my lip. Sending her on a tangent wouldn’t get me anywhere. “On second thought, don’t tell me.” I sat up and put my hooves over the edge of the bed. “Can you distract Twilight while I sneak in? With, say, a surprise party or something?”
She tilted her head sideways. “But we just had a party, Dash.”
“Yeah? So throw another one.” I tossed my hooves in the air. “It’ll be just like the time you threw a party for Gummy and we all avoided you—bad example. Just uh. . . make something up?”
Pinkie pulled a checklist out of her mane. “Hmm. . . Coltmus day, Litmus day, Labor day, Arbor day, Princess’ day, Mare’s day, Easter, Hearthswarming Eve.” She smiled widely. “Spike’s birthday! That’s today!”
I took a deep breath and tried to bite my tongue. Don’t ask. Don’t ask how she keeps pulling things out of her hair, it’ll only lead to troub— “Pinkie, how’d you pull that out of your mane?” Damn.
Smiling, she shoved it back in and pulled out a diagram. “It’s easy! I keep it extra poofy so I can fit more stuff inside it. See? I drew a diagram to help me remember where I put everything! One time I hid cupcakes in my mane for a whole week!”
“Um. . . okay.” I hopped off the bed and walked towards the window. It was a sunny day outside, yet for once I wished it was stormy to match my mood. “How long will it take you to get a surprise party ready, and distract Twilight and Spike?”
“That depends.” Pinkie whipped a notepad and pen out of her mane. “Did you want a chocolate cake, marble cake, or neapolitan?”
There it is. There’s that headache I haven’t felt for a couple days. “Pinkie, I really don’t care. I’m gonna be breaking into the laboratory, remember? You could make it a mud pie if you want.”
“Oh that’d be so much fun!” She threw the notepad away, and began bouncing up and down. “A mud pie for Spike, and maybe some ruby sprinkles, an—Dash?”
I pushed myself back from the window. “Huh?”
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Pinkie walked over and smiled, offering me a lollipop.
“Seriously?” I shook my head. “I’m fine.”
“Remember when I thought you were all going to abandon me, and I had that after birthday party with a bucket of turnips? You were there for me. You knew I wasn’t okay.” Pinkie put the lollipop away and hugged me. “I know you, Dash, and you’re not okay. Just remember I’ll always be here to help you, okay?”
“Thanks, I will.” I glanced back out the window and wished it weren’t so damn sunny for a change. There was too much wrong in my life for all this saccharine happiness.
Pinkie ran over to a trunk in the corner and began pulling streamers out of it. “All set! Give me an hour and I’ll ambush Spike and Twilight with a birthday party! You should go check on Tank. I bet he’s worried because you keep spending the night with your friends.”
Pushing the window open, I took a deep breath of the fresh air. It was warm and humid, and I found myself longing for some rain. “Sure thing, Pinkie. One hour to get ready. Bring an umbrella—I have a feeling it’s going to rain.”
I leapt out the window and flew up into the sky towards the Ponyville weather station. It was a small building on the outskirts of town, and served as our hangout before and after a hard day of work. It didn’t take long for Thunderlane to spot me. I flew up above the building to chat with him.
“Hey, Dash. Better late than never?” Thunderlane quipped.
“Laugh it up, featherbrain.” I rolled my eyes and scoffed at him. “Look, thanks for keeping the sky clear while I took a break from stuff. I need a favor, though.”
He smiled and looked at me attentively. “Sure, what can I do for you?”
Smiling, I pointed out over the Everfree where some wild clouds sat ready to be harvested. “I’d like it to rain today, and I want it to be a doozy. I think the town is due for a good shower.”
Thunderlane laughed. “I thought you didn’t want any thunder on account of you trembling like a school fi—”
I glared at him. “Finish that sentence, and you’ll be working night shift for a month! So go ahead, I dare you.”
“Whoa, your secret is safe with me, Dash.” He held his hooves up in surrender. “Just thought you’d feel a little better if we acted like old times.”
“You’re right.” Exhaling deeply I relaxed a little. Looking over the Everfree I knew the storm would buy me more time at Twilight’s home. “Thunder, lightning, whatever. I just feel like a good downpour to match my gloomy mood. Can you guys handle that for me and have it ready in an hour?”
“Of course!” He puffed out his chest and laughed. “If corporate comes to check on why we’re having unscheduled storms, should I tell them the usual? ‘We tried but couldn’t stop it!’ ”
“Yeah, rogue weather from the Everfree.” I looked back at Thunderlane and noticed him staring at my flank. “Eyes up here, sailor.”
“Sorry, boss, it’s just—” Thunderland was suddenly looking down at the ground and fidgeting in the air. “It’s nothing.”
“Well, out with it. You already mounted me with your eyes.” I crossed my forearms to make it clear I wasn’t going anywhere until he spit it out.
“It’s just—” He took a deep breath, and then quickly spit it out. “Well before the crash I was gonna ask you out to dinner, but I thought if I ask now, you’d get mad and think I was just doing it to be nice and. . .”
His voice trailed off as I tried not to blush, unsure what to say as he blindsided me. After a moment I realized he was staring at me waiting for some sort of response.
“Look, Thunderlane. I got some stuff to do today, but how about coffee and donuts tonight?” I smiled and saw him sigh in relief. “As friends!” I quickly added. “I’ve got enough crazy going on right now, but what the hay? Just clear up the storm by then.”
“Yeah, sure thing! I uh—well look at the time, I have a storm to build!” He flew off in a hurry towards the Everfree.
“What a weirdo.” I shook my head and wondered what his angle was. “I better get home.”
The humid air was making me feel sweaty as I returned home. Tank was waiting in the living room for me to return.
“Hey there, Tank, sorry to keep you waiting. I’ve been hanging out with my friends.”
Tank slowly smiled and began to walk towards the kitchen. His food bowl was still full, and he had water. Then I saw him pull out his gyrocopter from behind the doorway.
“Oh, that’s right! I promised we’d go flying. Look, I don’t have much time but let me find the harness, okay? You can fly around the house while I’m gone.”
I galloped upstairs to get his flight harness so I could start preparing to break into Twilight’s laboratory. It should have been somewhere in my room. First I checked a pile of socks and pajamas in the corner that needed washed. It wasn’t under my bed, or in my closet. There was an old pizza box with a couple of slices still in it. I tossed the box into the trash to deal with later.
The last place to check was my nightstand. I opened up the drawer, and saw the harness sitting on top of the dream journal Twilight had given me.
“That’s right,” I muttered to myself. “I’m supposed to write nightmares and stuff in here. What the hay, it can’t hurt.”
I pulled the book and a pen out, and began to write down the visions of the void I had last night. Then I took notes on the last few days before putting it away. Looking at the nearby clock I realized there were only thirty minutes left until I was due at Twilight’s.
The flight harness for Tank was in good condition, so I carried it downstairs. After Tank was strapped in, he began to buzz around the house. Twilight had enchanted it to allow Tank to fly as much as he wanted.
Memories of Twilight began to come, unbidden, to me. I recalled the many times she had been there for me, and how she always seemed to do the right thing. She had known from the start I should have picked a pet like Tank, and not something awesome and cool. She had also brought the girls up to cloudsdale to cheer me on in the best young flyers contest. Could Twilight still be my friend and yet hide something from me at the same time?
“You go ahead and practice laps of the living room, and don’t knock any lamps over this time!” The little guy still couldn’t steer that well. Luckily however, the cloud house was a perfectly soft training environment.
Tank saluted with his front leg, and zoomed past me. Seconds later, I heard a crash, and turned around. He was smiling innocently from next to a lamp he had knocked over.
With a sigh, I walked over and put the lamp back. “Hey, you’re getting better; at least I have shatterproof lamps now.” I nuzzled him on the nose and walked towards the door. Grabbing my saddlebags, I put a few odds and ends in them, but left them mostly empty to collect evidence.
Once on the porch, I could see Twilight’s library in the distance. The weather team was also out in force, whipping up an unexpected downpour. A bouncing pink dot ran into the purple dots that were Twilight and Spike, and ushered them into Sugarcube Corner.
“Alright, operation Blue Falcon is a go!” I cheered. “Time to find out what you’re really hiding from me, Twiliar Jerkle!” Pulling my flight goggles into place, I stretched out and jumped off the porch.
Flying to the library took no time at all. As I slowed my descent I aimed for the attic window. No sooner had I lined up my approach to fly through it, a large roll of thunder filled the air. I found myself curling up into a ball reflexively. The window flew open with a loud bang as I plowed through it, scattering dusty old books everywhere.
Lightning flashed into the attic, illuminating the many shelves. On each shelf were tons of old editions of books. The ones nearest me had dates from over fifty years ago. I sneezed as all the dust reached my nose, and shook my head. The stairs to the lower level were across the room.
There was an orange glint in the corner of my eye that caught my attention. I walked over, and found a large vanity mirror. Standing in the mirror was my reflection. I could see my heart racing; pushing lightly against my chest. “Heh, just a mirror. I bet there’s way worse stuff in her basement.”
The library proved to be empty, and I made my way down to the ground floor. In the back was a door to the basement. It was locked, and thus my first test began.
I recalled picking locks before, though I couldn’t remember much about the cirumstances. A part of me knew I had made clandestine trips into the homes of other ponies at night. Whether it was to hunt for spies, or find something to eat, I had no clue. Still, I was able to turn a few paper clips and a butter knife into a lock picking set. Perhaps it was nothing more than something I had read in Daring Do.
The lock wasn’t hard to force open, making me wonder if it was a trap, or if I was being spied on. Twilight always struck me as a spy. Perhaps that’s what she was hiding all along.
Shaking my head, I trotted down the stairs, closing the door behind me. Down here were my answers. I would gather them up and call all six of the Elements together. Then, we would get to the bottom of this once and for all.
The first room of the lab smelled like chemicals. Turning on the light revealed some metal discs with wires, squiggly graph paper, bulbs, and other egghead stuff. if I recall correctly, she had once hooked Pinkie up to gauge her pinkie sense.
A door on the far side of the room opened into a large workspace. The walls were made of chalkboards, and there were stacks of books organized into piles around the room. As the lights came on, my mind was overwhelmed by all the formulas and diagrams in the room.
The first board was, to the best of my knowledge, a drawing of a changeling. The formulas seemed to focus around it’s horn, wings, and heart. There was a jar of sickly green fluid and something that looked suspiciously like a changeling horn in it. I picked it up and put it in my saddlebag.
“Whatever you’re doing, Twilight, it’s creepy as Tartarus.”
The next board was full of circles with triangles in them, as well as odd looking glyphs. The only legible parts were about something called Equivalent Exchange. The rest were symbols, like C6H12O6, CO2, H2O, NaCl, and more. It almost looked like the recipe for something.
The next board had been hastily erased and rewritten, with several sections crossed out. It had pictures of cogs and gears, fancy machines, and a large portal. Next to the portal was a drawing of what looked like Celestia’s sun. There was something wrong with it that even I could identify. There was Equestria, but it was orbiting the sun. Every filly knew the Sun orbits Equestria, not the other way around! In addition to this, there were three other smaller planets next to the marked planet. Beyond those four planets were tons of little rocks.
I walked past the odd diagrams to find something chilling. It looked just like some of the medical records I had seen at the hospital. Several squiggly lines were intersecting, and going from the diagram of one pony to another. On the floor, I spotted a page from my medical record. Rolling it up, I placed it in my saddle bag.
The final chalkboard showed a dead plant being brought back to life. It had a few words about regeneration, followed by more formulas. There was also a diagram of something called a golem, that resembled a pony but according a footnote, had no soul.
“She sure lives in crazy town. Just one last door to check.”
I walked to the door in the corner of the room and opened it. I was surprised to find it was brightly lit inside, and the air smelt fresh and cool. I gasped at what I saw in front of me.
“You shouldn’t have come here, Dash.”
I spun around and saw Twilight standing in the exit from the room full of diagrams. She was levitating a two by four in the air.
“Twilight! What’d you do?” I yelled.
“You weren’t supposed to see that, Dash. Now, you have two choices. First choice: Put down the saddlebags, lay down, and let me fix you. Second choice,” she waved the plank of wood around. “I lay you down with this plank of wood, and then fix you with my magic.”
I gulped, beginning to feel my heart race in fear. This wasn’t the Twilight I knew. “How about option three?” I glanced behind me into the room I had just discovered and felt a chill go down my spine.
She raised an eyelid. “What’s that?”
Recalling a scene from a Daring Do novel, I turned around and lowered my flight goggles. “Got any gum?”
“Why on Equestria would you ask that?” She took a step forward with the plank helping her block the large doorway so I couldn’t dash through.
Smiling widely I flared my wings, ready to out-maneuver her and her fancy magic to escape. “Because I’m in the mood to kick flank and chew bubble gum—and I’m all out of gum.”
Twilight frowned. “So be it, Dash. Know that I’m only doing this because I care about you. I will not lose you again!”
The plank sailed through the air at me, missing by two feet as I took the air. I dove towards Twilight, but was forced to veer away as she shot a bolt of energy at me. Circling the room I heard the plank flying through the air behind me.
She was using the plank to help herd me into her spells. If it connected, it’d do enough damage on it’s own and I found myself running out of options.
“Dash, please! I promise this is for your own good! Stop it!”
“No!” I shouted. “You lied to me—to all of us—and I’m going to tell everypony you’re a liar!”
I lunged towards Twilight again and felt the plank of wood graze my flank. I turned at the last second with the piece of wood trailing close behind me. Before Twilight could react, the wood collided with her head, knocking her to the ground.
I doubled back and quickly flew towards the exit of the library. There was a sizzling sound and a flash behind me. Something hit me square in the back, causing my wings to go numb and twitch as I hit the ground. Tumbling to the ground, I slid into the base of the stairs and started to get back up.
Twilight was kneeling on the ground behind me, blood trickling from her nose. “You’ll ruin everything! You’ll get yourself killed!”
She wanted to kill me, and I wasn’t going to stick around and let her. Everypony had to know what she was up to. I ran up the stairs and out of the basement. Slamming the door behind me, I picked the butter knife off the floor and jammed it into the lock. I then turned around and kicked it as hard as I could, snapping the handle off.
It wouldn’t hold an alicorn who could teleport for long, but I just needed enough time to find one of my friends. Pinkie was my first choice, but she had promised to distract Twilight. If she failed, then Twilight must have done something horrible to her. Rarity was nearby, but she seemed to agree that anything was okay if it saved the life of a loved one.
That left Applejack and Fluttershy on the outskirts of town. The farm pony was far too honest for my liking, and had seemed dodgy the other day. I burst through the front door into the pouring rain, and began running towards Fluttershy’s cottage.
The cold was biting into my wings as I ran and I began to feel the tingling of nerves in my wings. Soon I was able to shake them out, and take to the air. I flew low to the ground in the rain, not feeling like my wings were fully recovered.
That was when the lightning began striking again, and I found myself flinching with each flash. The loud rolls of thunder filled the air. I suppose I couldn’t blame Thunderlane this time. Clouds from the Everfree were notorious for being nearly impossible to control.
I smelled ozone in the air, and my back began to tingle. As the hairs of my mane began to stand up, I dove for the ground in fear. My instincts told me what happened before it did. There was another flash as I rolled towards the ground and turned sideways. My left wing grazed the ground just as a lightning bolt connected with my right wing.
The electricity arced through my wings, flowing through my wings and into the ground. I tumbled hoof over head to a stop in front of Fluttershy’s cottage. Had I not acted quickly to ground myself, that lightning bolt could have hit me in the head, or passed through my heart. I had been struck before, and it was not pleasant.
I found myself too scared to unfurl my wings, and with too much pain in my back to want to. I limped to Fluttershy’s front door—not from injury, but from fear. It wasn’t enough Twilight lied then tried to knock me out. It wasn’t enough what she’d done to save me. Now I’d been struck by lightning and nearly killed, with only one pony left to turn to.
My hoof hit the door a few times before I let myself in out of the rain. My hooves tracked mud all over her clean floor, and water began to pour off my coat hair and spread. Her living room looked like a disaster zone as I trod across it.
“Hello? Who is there?”
“It’s me, D-Dash!” I answered. “I’m hurt, and I need your help!”
“Oh no!” Fluttershy raced down the stairs from her room. She took one look at me and gasped in horror, her eyes wide in disbelief. “Dash!”
“Twilight lied! She tried to kill me with a bucking two by four!” I shouted.
Fluttershy approached me and began examining my wings, as well as a couple of bruises I had gotten. There was also a gash in my flank I hadn’t noticed until she poked it. “Oh Celestia, what happened out there?”
“I just told you!” I pushed her back and looked her in the eyes. “Twilight tried to kill me! And I ran away and got struck by lightning, but now know what she’s doing! She had to kidnap ponies and experiment on them to save me! There were drawings of changelings and golems and formulas everywhere!”
“Dash, calm down, you’re scaring me,” Fluttershy backed herself towards the corner of the room, her ears flattened against her head.
“Everything scares you!” I threw my hooves up and then stomped towards her. “But I need your help, so please be brave for me, okay? Twilight’s on her way here to erase me, or my memory, or Celestia knows what. But she’s gone mad!” I hit my hoof on the floor for emphasis. “She has an entire basement full evil, twisted experiments! Twilight broke off a changeling horn, it’s right—”
I turned back to open my saddlebags and saw they were gone.
“Um, Dash?” Fluttershy asked. She was kneeling on the floor in fear, not used to seeing me so worked up.
“Buck! They were right here, I had the evidence and missing medical papers. I was going to show you, but now I have to go straight to Celestia! I’ll find someway through this storm, and she’ll stop her! Everypony needs to know what she did to—”
I paused and realized I had backed Fluttershy into a corner, and that I was scaring her. She was giving me a funny look, squinting her eyes.
“Fluttershy?” I asked
My breathing slowed and I felt relaxation flow over me. I smiled as I stared into her teal eyes. All my worries were slipping away, and then it dawned on me what was happening.
“N-no! F-flutt—”
My mind went blank and the last thing I felt were my knees collapsing.
New theorie! Twilight cut up some unsuspecting Changeling, mixed it up with magical golem-making mud, added some Dashie and put it in the oven for a few hours on 350 degrees. Ta-da! Changeling-Golem-Dash cake!
...
...
Great, now I want cake.
2792586
Alternate theory, based on the existence of what seem to be diagrams about Earth in Twilight's basement:
This is an Equestria Girls cross... in that this Rainbow Dash is the human Dash brought over and given a memory overhaul in order to replace the native Rainbow Dash.
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New theory: All but one of the chalkboards was a red herring.
its too fast paced
Not bad, not bad at all.
I look forward to next chapter!
Now I'm convinced Twi is actually some seriously messed up villain in disguise.
2792619 But herring don't make for good cakes! Or do they? Further investigation is needed!
But seriously, we've got Changelings, Alchemy, Equestrian Girls and Golems, I think. Unless i managed to miss one (which I do, often) there's four options. Which one has the red ending?
Also, I'm putting my money on the golem. Twilight saying that she can 'fix' Dashie stand out, to me at least.
I don't recall The Stare being able to knock ponies out. Nor do I recall it being a squint. Obviously the logical conclusion is that you are giving the Mane 6 powers they don't actually have in the show. Soon we'll be seeing Rarity making a pony/dress hybrid monstrosity.
Srsly though, you have a knack for leaving your readers wanting more. You've dropped so many clues and presumably an equal number of red herrings, that any number of theories could be correct.
Crazy theory: Rainbow ISN'T a golem. She's actually Scootaloo, or at least Scootaloo's body. Twilight used the powers from the changeling horn to make Scootaloo physically turn into Rainbow Dash. Then she magicked together Scoot's brain, what was left of Rainbow's brain after the crash, and the brain of some other random pony who's special talent happened to be espionage. This explains the weird orange flashes in mirrors: False!RD's brain keeps accidentally seeing herself as Scootaloo still. It also explains how she was able to both infiltrate the hospital and the lockpicking.
Gargggh, cliffhangers!
2792663
*goes back to check Dragonshy episode*
Hmm, I thought her stare was usually used while angry, and she squints when angry...
Anyway, I subscribe to the school of thought that "because magic", Fluttershy can use her stare to brainwash, knock out, or otherwise control ponies.
After all, can you really say no to this?
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110828163359/mlp/images/1/19/Fluttershy_Stare_S01E17.png
So let's sum up...
Board 1 - Changeling anatomy.
Board 2 - An unbalanced symbol equation of photosynthesis and the chemical symbol for salt.
Board 3 - A portal and what appears to be a diagram of the inner solar system. EqG reference?
Board 4 - Medical records/reports and diagrams of two ponies, with interactions, comparisons, or some kind of transfer between them.
Board 5 - Plant regeneration/resurrection and golem theory. Could this be related to the photosynthesis equation?
And Twilight trying to smack Dash upside the head with a two-by-four. That's...unexpected. And a little less elegant than I'd expect from Twi
I am very confused. This required further study. On the bright side, you are updating rather quickly
Never have I wanted to snap Twi's neck... huh.
2792682
1 - Changeling replacement,
2 - Fullmetal Alchemist style 'ressurection' (the chemicals are ingredients for a body),
3 - Portal to Earth for possible Human Dash kidnapping,
4 - Personality/Brain transplant into a new body,
5 - Undead ressurection / Golem making
Of these... i favor 3 most. 1 and 5 seem far too predictable for Kaidan (also both have been done to death in other fics with a range of characters), 4 raises questions about how no-one else notices and where the 'donor' body came from, while 2 sounds more like a reference than an actual point.
2792673 Actually, yes, yes I can say no to that. Because that image somehow reminds me of the Iron Will apisode and that was the first episode where I honestly disliked Fluttershy.
"missing with my brain"
"messing with my brain"*
LOLOLOL
2792619 Nice Duke nukem reference.
i'm not liking this story anymore. it's going into crazy shit aswell as a FMA crossover. i really hate crossovers.
The obvious answer is that Rainbow somehow got herself killed, and Twilight had to rebuild her body then stuff her soul back in it.
That's the obvious answer. For a different story.
Messing.
WHY THE CLIFFHANGERS!! This needs more. Now. Please.
2792663 that sounds valid but if it isn't scoots then what?
Okay, theory time.
Twilight Created a Golem body for Dash, and Used the Element of Magic to Bind her soul to it, because her real body is/was Dieing. The Head aches Nightmares and Amnesia are because her soul has not been properly anchored to the body. That's what Twilight is referring to when she talks about Fixing Dash. Twilight may or may not have damaged her own soul in the process, which is why she is acting OOC. She means well and is trying to keep it secret so Dash doesn't freak out. Some parts of Dash's original body (heart brain liver etc) May have had to be incorporated into the Golem Body, which is what the Surgery thing was about back in the Flashback in Fluttershy's cottage, Twilight was removing Dash's Soul so that the parts could be removed with out Killing her. Twilight was willing to Knock Dash out because her new Golem body is tougher than her old one(to insure that she is not severely injured again) the reason Dash's Medical records were Changed is because it can't be leeked out that the elements can be used to contain souls, and because this process is incredibly experimental and doing it on a patient that did not consent is Highly unethical.
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I love hearing theories, and laying out the clues.I think that's why I wanted to write a bunch of chapters before the twist, though apparently I'm losing interest, so next chapter the first of many heart-breaking reveals.
Until then, I'm amazed at the creativity between the clues, red herrings, and now the chalkboards. Since I already know the twist it's hard for me to imagine all your different scenarios, which makes them all that much more fascinating.
You know, somewhere in this long thread of comments, someone has already guessed correctly. But who? I wrote their name down for posterity.
2792753
Fine, if you don't want to be any fun then know this: It's not a full metal alchemist crossover, it's a red herring. Some ponies have no sense of humor.
2792877
Thanks :D
2792748
Thank you, I try hard. Well, that's a lie... I usually just make crap up and let the editor's sort it out.
2792724
Aww...
2792689
You won't want to snap her neck when she stars balling her eyes out next chapter!
2792982
Don't use a perceived lack of interest as an excuse to rush things along is all I will say. It is an easy way to botch things.
2792935 If it ISN'T Scoots, then it's like that point in an Ace Attorney game when the prosecutor reveals a very vital piece of evidence: it makes this entire theory null and void.
2793019
I won't. I have the entire outline done, it's more a question of "do I expand this into a whole chapter to make the story longer / build suspense, or have I pushed the limit of the reader's interest?"
I'm very paranoid, but I also hate endings and try to make stories longer... I don't want any story to end, ever. I'm the kinda guy that deliberately skips the last chapter so I can head-canon the story for eternity.
Can't . . . Stop . . . Reading. Need to know. . . Wtf happened . . . To Dash.
This story is awesome! Need moar!
Ok, it's official, Twilight crossed the line... BIG TIME, now I only hope that all of this comes to bite her back, HARD.
WELL! The few things I would comment on have already been mentioned. Not to say this chapter is bad or anything, but the pace is a little questionable by now. The last few chapters have pretty much all been focused around RD going apeshit over Twilight; justified of course, but it's a little TOO stretched out for my taste. But if that cliffhanger hints towards what I think, Prism 6 will finally start to unleash some bombs!
I'm not sure if the references are a good thing in a seemingly serious story (namely the sailor and Duke Nukem scenes) because that goes almost to the world of comedy.
Meh whatever. I don't want to judge stories before I saw everything, and I have confidence the future will bring better content!
On that note, because I couldn't so it in private: You broke three records at once; earliest typo, biggest gap between typos, and smallest amount of typos overall. At least for Prism.
Four paragraphs in we are greeted by missing instead of messing.
More than half of the story's length later you forgot to capitalize if at 'If I correctly'.
Then you refer to the changeling's horn as it's instead of its.
And finally, Damage on it's own.
I don't know why you want to force apostrophes into everything, but that's why I'm here. :P
I just now realized that the chapters follow the same naming convention as the television show "Scrubs".
...
TWILIGHT STOLE JOHN DORIAN'S SOUL AND STUFFED IT INTO RAINBOW DASH'S BODY!
Oh my gosh I can't wait for the next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE POST IT SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, it's all a DREAM! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!
If you end it like that, I will be forced to murder you
DANG! DAMMIT! cliffhangers really suck! cant wait to next chapter!
I turned around and lowered my flight goggles. “Got any gum?” and Smiling widely I flared my wings, ready to out-maneuver her and her fancy magic to escape. “Because I’m in the mood to kick flank and chew bubble gum—and I’m all out of gum. thats a refrence to something right?
Pinkie and the brain reference.
And my guess is that RD's new patched together didn't have a high tolerance to punch.
One time I hid cupcakes in my mane for a whole week!”
How could she not have eaten cupcakes that close to her for a week, and how did they not spoil?
And if it IS Spike's birthday, wouldn't they already be celebrating it? Even if they're too scared to give him presents.
I know you, Dash, and you’re not okay.
Ironic how SHE of all ponies is being the most honest about that! She is actually telling RD that she's off.
I glanced back out the window and wished it weren’t so damn sunny for a change. There was too much wrong in my life for all this saccharine happiness.
How badly damaged is her short term memory in relation to her long term emory?
“Laugh it up, featherbrain.”
Guess it's not racist if said by another pegasus.
“Eyes up here, sailor.”
Yep. This RD is a REPLACEMENT.
Or she lost so much of herself that her flank turned blank.
“It’s just—” He took a deep breath, and then quickly spit it out. “Well before the crash I was gonna ask you out to dinner, but I thought if I ask now, you’d get mad and think I was just doing it to be nice and. . .”
. . . That's a quick and effective lie, or a substitute.
I recalled picking locks before, though I couldn’t remember much about the cirumstances.
Breaking into the hospital to steal the book? Or her real life?
looked suspiciously like a changeling horn in it.
Having the horn of a sapient being in your basement, IS kinda creepy.
C6H12O6, CO2, H2O, NaCl
RD should FREAKIN' WRITE THAT DDOWN!
Equivalent Exchange
So Twilight murdered an innocent changeling, and turned them into a clone of Dash using what pieces of her brain that were left?
And HOW DID CHEERILEE know about any surgery?
Why is Twilight experimenting on a gateway back to Earth NOW?!
. . . Did she use Earth RD (turned into a pony due to the rules of the universe when she crossed the mirror) and use her for spare parts for HER RD? Or did that RD possible volunteer to have her memories replaced with her Equestrian self?
There was also a diagram of something called a golem, that resembled a pony but according a footnote, had no soul.
She was going over a zillion possible options to resurrect Rainbow Dash.
Basically CHEAT creation and bring back the dead.
Which one did she end up using?
“You weren’t supposed to see that, Dash. Now, you have two choices. First choice: Put down the saddlebags, lay down, and let me fix you. Second choice,” she waved the plank of wood around. “I lay you down with this plank of wood, and then fix you with my magic.”
"Go to Tartarus."
Twilight frowned. “So be it, Dash. Know that I’m only doing this because I care about you. I will not lose you again!”
You think Celestia would give Twilight some lessons about LEARNING TO LET GO OF YOUR LOVED ONES WHEN THEY PASS ON!
I'd say that was too easy for the most powerful unicorn alive.
But I think at this point Twilight is mentally unstable.
You think Pinkie Pie would have been able to hold Twilight longer!
I burst through the front door into the pouring rain, and began running towards Fluttershy’s cottage.
You know? It's a PAINFUL CLICHE! I mean, EPICALLY PAINFUL!
I've seen it a trillion times, it's always the person the guy chooses to trust who betrays them out of the blue with no realistic foreshadowing.
And what's to keep Twilight from doing this with her OTHER friends?
but now know what she’s doing!
Did Fluttershy drug her or give her the stare?
Sigh. The betrayal was seen a million miles away.
No offense to Twilight. But seriously? She's insane. What's to keep her from cheating death when her friends start to die of OLD AGE?!
2793237
Go on GOG.com, buy a copy of Duke Nukem 3D, never play Duke Nukem Forever.
2793325
I grew up as a kid playing Duke Nukem, he's the king, baby.
2793318
At first she his Gummy in her mane for a week but my editors were like "then where did Gummy poop? that's just too weird...
Also, you think too much. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
2793237
Yeah, reference to Duke Nukem (at least he's the first I heard say it.) Also, the next chapter won't have a cliffhanger, honest!
2793210
Wow, THREE editors, and they missed some real doozies.
2793123
WINNER!!!!
Pinkie what is his prize?
Well, Twilight, I'm glad you asked! He wins a man card,
and if he can tell us the name of the janitor, I won't bake him into Cupcakes!
2793087
Did she? Did she really?
At the end of this, it won't be Twilight you're all yelling at.
2793113
Selbi, want to take Abcron, Jaestring, and BronyWriter's jobs at my new editor in chief?
I blame Breath of Plagues. Lazy bastard is the best editor I've ever seen, and he's too busy with stuff like "getting laid" or "a job" to edit for me.
But um.... did I fix all the errors yet? I've been going through based off comments, and boy do I feel stupid.
Also, there's a reason I write Scootaloo and Big Mac: those stories cure my "pop culture reference addiction." From time to time, like here, references slip past my "comedies" and into my "dark" stories.
2793083
Deal! Moar coming on Mon-Tue!
2793412 i dont mind cliffhangers but really good ones
2793412
I fail to comprehend.
Et tu, Fluttershy?
Gah, stop making me hate my favorite character! Even I want to beat Twilight to death with a paper napkin at this point. I can only hope that the alleged crying next chapter will make me feel bad for her, or at least justify why she's doing this. Despite her actions in this chapter, lines like "I will not lose you again!" really make me think that she only has the best of intentions, even if right now it's not very apparent. The real question is, what did she do that was so horrible that she has to lie to her friend, and render her unconscious (repeatedly) in order to hide it?
As for what happened to Dash...Well, I'm officially stumped. There's a five-way intersection near my house, and to this day I can't make heads or tails of it...This fic is beginning to remind me of that. There's a dozen different theories and each and every one has evidence supporting them.
Ok ... So we have Pony Transmutation. Mecha-Golems. And trans-dimensional r4p3ing of reality. Wow ... please. Please. Plllleeeeaaasseee tell me that this Dashie isn't going to get screwed by Twi before everypony figures out what the frell happened? I'd like a chapter that had some sense of closure my fingers are getting tired of trying to hold on to all these cliff hangers. I mean doing it here and there is good.
But you hit us with a bomb shell, after having us wondering what happened. Then you end it with Fluttershy backstabbing Dashie, or at the very least that's how it comes across as. I really, really, really don't want Dash to get screwed over. Pardon my language but I'd like for Twi to get put in her place and everypony learn what the freaking hay happened.
Anyways. Good chapter, and I'm glad we are getting answers to what's happening.
Oh Twilight...
C6H12O6, CO2, H2O, NaCl.
Glucose, Carbon Dioxide, Water, Table Salt. What do all these things have in common?
They're Pinkie, Pinkie and the Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain-bow
2793318 Maybe RD was ressurected for a reason? Maybe to use the Elements. I mean, with one Bearer gone, Equetria would most likely be screwed
Another theory: Rainbow was suppose to crash at a certain point in time. But, this crash occurred too early. Thus causing a distortion in time. Fate or Time itself couldn't allow this, so it or they commanded Twilight to fix Dash.
I'm gonna guess that Twilight isn't actually up to anything sinister at all; the whole idea here seems to be that Rainbow Dash is viewing everything through the eyes of madness.
But that isn't where I draw my own satisfaction with the conflict here. I'm a huge drama queen with a penchant for betrayal, so I happen to find everyone else's secrecy and evasiveness quite reprehensible. Were I in RD's position, I'd have given them the "I have a right to know exactly what happened, so cut the 'for your own good' crap and tell me, or the hell with you, I'm out of here" spiel already.
I actually yelled out "No! No, no! Nononono!" when I scrolled down and saw the author's note. On one hoof, I'm loving this drama; on the other, I just want to see the climax already.
Keep up the good work, at any rate!
Ha, I think I figured out which one isn't the red herring. Sneaky word choice in the rant against fluttershy. Im not telling, though. That wouldn't be fair.
LAWL FULL METAL ALCHEMIST IN HERE
2792723 I can say that you missed something. Look at the sixth paragraph of speech with fluttershy, fourth sentance that RD says. Just think about that for a bit.