Sword of Equestria: A Sword of the Stars II Crossover

by ForceUser

With the Old (Expanded)

Sword of Equestria: A Sword of the Stars II Crossover

Chapter 4: With the Old

Hmmm, this place looks familiar. Rainbow Dash though as she looked around the moonlit grassy hill, far brighter than it had any right to be. Spying the familiar surrealism of the dream-scape she groaned inwardly but this time took her time to make a more thorough observation of where she found herself.

She was sitting on a large grassy hill with soft blue-green grass under-hoof with a great view of the surrounding countryside. Looking around she could see to her left another, smaller hill and to her right and rear a dark and foreboding forest with a deep underbrush. Facing forward again she could see far off in the distance a small little village with a few lights on here and there. At the center of the town was a large clock tower and a few houses over, a large tree that seemed to have been turned into a house of some kind. I wonder if this is a real place on this planet, it's looks like a pretty cool place.

"It was indeed a real place, many lifetimes ago," Dash's ears twitching at the voice coming from behind her but not able to look away from the picturesque vista in front of her, "even though it has grown much larger because of who lived here once, it is still a small town." A ripple of dark blue started in the center of the little village and as it expanded, like a rock thrown into a lake, the ripple contorted and disrupted the image in front of her as buildings grew larger or sprung up from nowhere. Here and there, there were some iconic buildings that stayed the same; a tree house close to the center of town, a carousel like building close by and on the outskirts what looked like a farm house and barn surrounded by orchards of apple trees.
Rainbow Dash could feel a pony coming to rest next to her, close enough to feel the intruder's warmth but not close enough to touch. She heard the blades of grass underneath crunch and rustle as she made herself comfortable, "Luna," she said simply.

A sigh next to her, "I- My sister has spoken with me, I would like to apologize for my intrusion on your dreams and for the liberties I have taken in your dreams. It was not my place, Rene Desoto and I-"

At this Rainbow Dash looked at the mare next to her and smiled; interrupting the midnight blue Alicorn, "Hay it's OK Luna, really and," Her hoof scratching behind her neck nervously, "I guess you should call me Rainbow Dash. I think it's who I'm supposed to be." There was a sadness in her voice at that and Luna frowned.

"You do not wish to be her, to be Rainbow Dash?" Luna shifted iuncomfortably, fidgeting a bit with one of her hooves.

"I don't really know what I want Princess. I mean from what Tina- Twilight has told me there's no going back, both from this form or... back home." She finished with a terfull chocke.

Luna looked at the teary eyed Pegasus and smiled proudly, "Rainbow Dash, we are in my domain and so I can see into your thoughts, your worry about the cahange is not the real reason is it? Your loyalty to your duty, to your home and to SolForce is what is causing you this pain. You are so much like her you know."

With a sniff Rainbow Dash looked up at the Alicorn, "I guess you're right princess, it's just been so hard being told I'm some mythical hero who saved a whole world-" she trailed off looking away.

Luna looked off into the distance, "and in your mind you are still Human, you still cling to it?"

Rainbow dash quickly snapped her head back; "No! I mean, yes maybe a little it's just that," she nervously looked away, "you and your sister have done so much for us, for me already. You have taken my crew into your homes and accepted us without question and-" Blushing a little she looked down and scuffed her hoof in the grass, "Fluttershy seems to be fine with it."

She seems increadibly fine come to think of it...

A small giggle from next to her brought Rainbow Dash back to the present with a deep blush; "Right, mind reading."

Taking a wing and patting Rainbow Dash softly on the head the Alicorn shrugged, "Not so much mind reading as any thoughts here is as good as a spoken word. It is one of the aspects of my domain and It makes it hard to keep secrets in dreams."

With a nervous laught Rainbow Dash shook off her blush and stood up "I mean sure I'd want to be human again but there's no point in sitting aorund sulking right? Sulking is very uncool."

A happy smile flashed over the Alicorn's face, "You really do remind me so much of Rainbow Dash."

Looking away and biting her lower lip, Rainbow Dash mulled over Alicorns' words. Taking a deep breath and giving a small nod to herself she decided now was as good a time as any to ask, "Luna, would you tell me about her? About- ", looking at the ruler of the night and searching her eyes she continued, "about your Rainbow Dash?"

"Oh!" The princess was quite surprised at the request, "Well, I'm sure that the Canterlot archives can supply you with all the pertinent historical records on Commander Dash. Her campaigns were well doc-" a soft giggling from the Rainbow pony caused pause to her outburst.

Rolling her eyes Dash looked over at the Princess again, "I already sat through one session with my science-officer-turned-historian Twilight and although it was only an hour, that egghead will be able to give me all the dry facts easy enough." Looking over the town again she sighed and let the silence hang between them for a few moments. "I would like to know more about the mare herself," looking out of the corner of her eye, "the mare you thought so um... highly of."

This time it was the princess' time to nervously scratch one hoof with the other. "Ah, well I realize I was not exactly subtle about it on our first meeting and again, I do apologize."

Blushing a little Rainbow Dash merely shrugged, "Like I said, don't sweat it princess, love can make you do funny things and I can't imagine being immortal helps any." A pause as rainbow dash scrutinized the town in front of her. "So is this where she lived?"

A blue glow surrounded the Alicorn's horn and another ripple, the same as last time, spread out from the center of town, changing houses and in some places the ground seemingly swallowing up some on the outskirts of the town. "Ponyville? Yes and no," she pointed up at a strange looking cloud bank, "that is where she lived, for the first part of her life at least."

Dash squinted at the cloud bank that seemed to do it's damnedest best to imitate a house. "In a cloud?" Looking at the all too serious face of the princess she burst out laughing, the sound rolling down the hills and being swallowed up by the strange landscape. Wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye as her laughter subsided she looked over at the princess, "Wait, you're serious?"

Smiling at Dash she merely nodded her head and started walking toward the village. "I believe my sister has shared how there are three types of ponies?"

"Well not including Alicorns of course." Rainbow dash beamed, pleased that she was paying attention.

Nodding again Luna continued "Indeed. My sister I believe has also demonstrated our magic. Unicorns have the same kind of obvious magic, a few basic spells like levitation being common to all and a few of the harder ones like teleportation to those that dedicate their lives to the study of magic. There has been a unicorns throughout the ages that has come quite close to the power of an Alicorn," She looked over at Rainbow Dash, "a certain Twilight Sparkle of legend was even able to become an Alicorn."

"Wow," Dash whispered but frowning and cocking her head to the side she paused, "wait does that mean she's still alive?"

"Thankfully no." A gasp from behind her made her pause and turn around to regard the shocked Pegasus. With a worried frown she quickly tried to explain herself; "Please do no misunderstand Rainbow Dash, there is nothing I would like more than to see my dear friend Twilight with us right now. She and her friends were the ones who saved me from a just banishment and I- all of Equestria owe her a debt that can never be repaid." Looking back towards the town she motioned for Rainbow Dash to follow her again before continuing with her explanation. "Being immortal is a heavy burden Dash, seeing your friends and lovers wither away before you is not something she ever deserved. She lived a full life and passed with her friends and family around her."

Stopping in front of the huge tree that seemed to have been hollowed out in to a house, Luna opened the door and motioned for Rainbow Dash to step inside and closed the door behind them. Inside was not quite what she expected though, finding a library rather than a house although it was a particularly cozy library. "If your Twilight was anything like mine, then she was a bit of a dork right? I guess a library would be the perfect place for such an egghead to live.

Luna lowered her head and a blue aura surrounded her horn. As the blue magic expanded from the horn a perfect, if a bit incorporeal duplicate of the Twilight the captain spoke to earlier in the day appeared. "Wow she really does look just like Twilight," she mumbled.

"Spike!" the ghostly image of Twilight called, her voice similarly hollow like a long forgotten memory. A bump was heard from the second floor and the sound of claws scuttling along the wooden floor accompanied by another voice, sounding much younger "I wasn't sleeping!" A large lizard or small dragon, either being equally likely Rainbow decided, came running down the steps from what seemed to be an upstairs bedroom.

"Oh, good, there you are Spike, take a letter." Spike grabbed a quill, a parchment and an inkwell and readied quill to parchment waiting for Twilight to start dictating "Dear Princess Celestia, today-"

A hard knocking on the door stopper Twilight's diction, "Twi! You're gonna be late for the picnic, get your rump in gear!" a voice sounding a lot like Rainbow Dash's voice came form the other side of the library door.

Looking at the little dragon Twilight smiled and lifted a picnic basked that was lying on a nearby table with her lavender magical aura, "Don't worry about the friendship report today spike, making time for your friends, especially if you made a promise, is always more important than work."

The little dragon looked at the parchment, quickly scribbled a few sentences on it and rolled it up. Taking a deep breath he blew out a small green flame, turning the scroll into a green puff of magic that quickly flew out the window. Next to Dash she heard a whisper of Luna as way of explanation; "Dragon Fire, a very efficient manner of sending correspondents."

With a smile Twilight looked at Spike with a quizzical look as she made for the door "What did you send to Celestia?"

Spike winked, "Exactly what you told me! There is no reason why you can't do both if you have friends to help you."

With a laugh Twilight slowly started to dissipate, "That will make a great friendship report report, thanks Spike."

The scene in front of her slowly disappeared back into blue mist as she heard Luna turning to go, "Twilight was my sister's most faithful student and the catalyst for the six to come together and form the Elements of Harmony. Much like you embody the element of Loyalty, she embodied the Element Magic of Friendship. It is for this reason that I am glad she never had to feel the loss of outliving her friends many times over as my sister and I have had to."

Rainbow Dash quietly stood up and followed the Princess out of the tree library. Although there was no cold or warm in this dream-scape she still felt a shiver run down her spine as she left the cozy feeling library into the night outside. "This is all great, I mean it's good to get to know all the ponies from hundreds of years ago and all but this doesn't tell me about your Dash, or about Pegasi in general." A little bit of frustration seeping into the rainbow maned Pegasus.

A small giggle escaping from Luna as she continued walking along deeper into the little village, forcing Rainbow Dash to trot to catch up, "Just as impatient and brash. Tell me, can you understand what a galaxy is without first understanding what a single star looks like?"

Scratching her head a bit she shrugged "Well no, I guess not. But what does that have to do with your Dash?"

"Each life of a pony is like a galaxy, made up of hundreds or thousands of stars. Those stars are the other ponies in their lives," Luna explained, "the bigger the part they make up of the ponie's life, the more important it is to understand them to see the whole for what it truly is."

Nodding with a little bit of understanding Rainbow dash looked around her, noticing the carousel like building coming closer. Another blue glow and the door opens for the two with Luna motioning Dash inside. "This is the home of Rarity Belle. While she opened many boutiques in her time, this one was where she stayed for most of her life." Looking around all Dash could see was dresses and manikins in the shape of ponies. Probably poniquins or something, she thought.

"So she was a dressmaker? Sounds a bit lame," clamping a hoof over her mouth she smiled apologetically, "not that there is anything wrong with that."

Luna raised an eyebrow. "She was the Element of Generosity and although she had both the talent and drive to become the most sought after and famous designer in Equestria," a pause as Luna conjured up the alabaster white coated and purple maned unicorn at a sewing desk, "she was happy with a much more modest fame if it meant she could always have time for her friends. And yes, even Rainbow Dash who always thought the dresses should be about twenty percent cooler."

Looking at Rarity, Dash could see the bags under her eyes from a long night of working on dresses. Around her was five half finished dresses, each with a unique style. One she realized must be for her- or rather the old Rainbow Dash unless there were more than one rainbow maned pony flying around. "These were the dresses of the Gala, the first they went to. I heard it was quite the event." A giggle was heard behind Dash but something about the dresses didn't make sense.

"I count only five dresses, but you said there were six friends?" Turning around she looked over to Luna quizzically.

"She would not finish her dress before she was satisfied that her friends' dresses were perfect. Her friends, I believe it was Dash who came up with the idea in fact, finished her dress for her when they realized what she was willing to do for them." Turning to leave once more Luna's horn glowed and the ghostly image disappeared into blue mist again. "She gave up a lot of her time and herself for her friends. She was never sorry."

Having quite a bit to think about, Rainbow Dash was lost in though for the trip to the next house, very nearly walking head first into the wooden door of the small cottage. Looking up she could see the area around the cottage full of quiet sleeping, and some not so sleepy but still quiet nature. The had passed over a bridge that spanned a small creek and bird feeders and houses hung form every branch of every tree. The place looked almost more like a petting zoo, but with less fencing and more bears.

With a small -eep- Dash moved a bit closer to Luna before feeling rather silly at being afraid of a bear in her own dream. giving a quiet cough she looked at Luna "So, who's house are we at now?"

Luna pushed open the door and started the by now familiar process of conjuring up the inhabitant. "I believe you are familiar with her, quite well from what I hear from my sister." A raised eyebrow caused the Pegasus to blush a bit and look everywhere but at the princess, finally resting on the familiar image of Fluttershy. The doppleganger was busy feeding the various critters around her and as she moved, they would appear and disappear. Almost like a small candle would illuminate only a small area around it, wherever she moved the various critters would pop into and out of existence. "She was the Element of kindness, able to tame Manticores and Cockatrices and once even a full grown Dragon. I believe my Dash had something to do with inspiring that bit of courage in her as well."

Dismissing the illusions Luna made her way outside once again and headed out of town. This time Rainbow was quick to catch up thought Luna could see something was weighing heavily on her mind. "What troubles you my little pony?" she asked as they made their way along a dirt road with fences and expansive apple orchards on either side.

"I'm not really sure Princess, it's just that everything you've shown me so far seem identical to what I've seen and experienced since seeing the few crew members after the change. I mean yea you could say it's coincidence but there's no way all of this is just a coincidence is it?" A nervous look on Pegasus punctuated her point.

"You are correct Rainbow Dash, there is much more going on than even my sister and I can see but for now we can only prepare and... 'go with the flow'," a small smile formed on the princess' lips as she remembered a favorite saying of her Dash. Suddenly she stopped and looking at Rainbow Dash cocked her head to the side as if realizing something, "but that is not why you are asking is it? You wish to know if history will repeat itself, if the relationships these six ponies formed will be forced upon the new six?"

Nervously rubbing the back of her neck Dash blushed, "Don't get me wrong princess, you're really great and it wouldn't like, not be the greatest thing ever to- you know-" the Pegasus was interrupted by a giggle form the princess.

"Dash I am flattered that you would even entertain the idea but no, the relationships these six had outside of their deep friendship with each other was forged by circumstance and opportunity." Scrunching her face up in deep though and continuing down the road and through a gate, she considered what she was going to say next. "Destiny may have a hand in the destination, or important events in the world but how one gets there is up to each individual pony. And speaking of destinations, we are at our next stop."

This time Rainbow Dash took the initiative and pushed open the door to the huge farmhouse. Stepping inside she took in the homey and cozy feeling of the old house and all the knick knacks of the family living here. The old but well maintained wooden floorboards creaked under hoof and a few dying embers were glowing in the fireplace. The soft smell of apples and apple pie permeated the entire house."So who are you going to show me here?" Dash asked excitedly.

"Not in here Rainbow, outside in the southern orchard." A tiny smirk was visible for an instant on the princess' face.

Rainbow Dash merely rolled her eyes and followed the princess outside just in time to see her cast another spell and head into the southern orchard. The smell of apples grew stronger and while Rainbow Dash was no expert she could identify some of the types of apples as they hung heavily on the trees. It was obvious that they were ripe and ready for picking and her mouth started watering at the though of fresh apples. The food in the med-bay weren't exactly bad but they didn't hold a candle to freshly plucked apples or an apple pie still hot from the oven.

As they went deeper into the orchard she could hear a faint and irregular thump of something hitting the trunk of a tree. As the sound grew loader, she started looking for the source and finally spotted it next to one of the apple trees. An orange coated and blond maned pony was carefully positioning her front hooves on the ground, bending them and like a spring shooting out her rear legs, with the intention of hitting the apple tree behind her with the full force of both her rear hooves.

Only this time it seems she missed and landed with full force flat on her stomach. With the wind knocked out of her she wheezed as she tried to catch her breath, with each exhalation blowing up a little dust devil in front of her muzzle. Slowly standing up on shaky legs Dash could see the earth pony was much worse for wear. Large dark bags under her eyes showed the lack of sleep and her muscles in her rear legs twitching showing how overworked she was.

"Applejack was the Element of Honesty, or stubbornness depending on who you asked," The princess smirked "especially when it came to promises she made. This particular scenario happened one year when her brother was injured and her stubbornness wouldn't allow her to ask help from anyone. She felt that every pony relied on her and she didn't want to let any pony down or neglect any of the promises she made to help other ponies around town. Her friends though managed to convince her in the end that it was OK to ask for help."

A sudden burst of laughter echoed as it bounced off of the apple trees around them, the Pegasus rolling on the ground, "Oh man, that sounds just like her!" Wiping a tear form her eye she saw the quizzical expression on the princess' face "You know, Alice Jackson? Fluttershy called her AJ so I guess that means she's now Applejack or something. To be fair this sounds like it fits her too a tee. Oh man I can totally see her doing exactly this but buck it if it doesn't make her the best engineer a Captain could ask for, or the best friend anyone could hope to get."

"Interesting, to be this close friends before becoming bearers of the Elements?" With a swipe of her horn the orange pony disappeared and Luna started walking back to town. "This is what I meant earlier Rainbow Dash; destiny dictates that the six of you will become the elements of harmony but with the six of legend, my Dash and Applejack took quite some time before they really considered themselves close friends, butting heads with their constant oneupmanship."

Dash nodded and tapped a hoof on her chin "So princess, I guess she's an Earth pony right? What makes them different from the others, all I can see is that they don't have wings or a horn."

"Well Rainbow Dash, for Earth ponies their cutie mark is almost more important than for most other ponies. They have the widest range of talents in all of Equestria being able to become almost anything they could want. They are however almost universally adept at growing things. The best farmers and even some of the best cheffs are all Earth ponies. They have their own kind of magic, just like Pegasi and Unicorns although not as obvious.

Nodding and absorbing that bit of information she was silent for a while before speaking up again, "So I guess it's just one more then right, before me I mean." Luna merely nodded but Dash could see the worry and apprehension in her face "OK, so spill it princess, what's so special about this last one?"

Biting her lower lip she looked off into the distance for a bit before speaking, "This last bearer, Pinkie Pie, is a rather special case. Not that every bearer wasn't special but Pinkie is rather unique in all of the history of Equestria."

Rainbow Dash squinted her eyes at the princess, "Should I be like, sitting down for this?"

With a smile she merely shrugged at the Pegasus and figuratively dropped the other shoe, "It turns out that you do not need to be an Alicorn to be immortal, you just need to be Pinkie Pie."

"Wow" The Pegasus was intrigued and relatively impressed but something felt missing. Almost like there was a third shoe about to be dropped. They were standing in front of what by all accounts looked like a giant gingerbread house and the princess was staring at her with a badly hidden smirk, as if she was slowly counting down. The gears within the captain's head started turning, putting together all the pieces. Then, as if someone threw a monkey wrench into the intricate workings of a complex machine, everything ground to a halt.

"Buck me," Rainbow Dash's mouth was hanging open and her eye twitched as the realization came crashing down on her, "You have got to be kidding me, it's the cook isn't it? Pinkamina Diane bucking Pie, my cook, heck the best cook in SolForce is an immortal pony that can travel across a Galaxy!?"

The princess tapped a silver capped hoof on her chin as if in deep though, "I am unsure on that last point about traveling across a Galaxy, though I would not put it past her, and the rest does sound accurate according to what my sister has told me."

Rainbow dash in the mean time was slowly turning purple as various emotions ran through her, thinking back on the many times she talked with the cook. Where most Captains had a counselor on their ship, Rainbow Dash had had Pinkamina Diane 'Danger' Pie. Looking back on all the years Pinkie had served with the Captain, Dash realized that it was she who had introduced her to all the important people in her life; The Cook, The Doctor, The Engineer, The Scientist and-

What about Rarity?

0ooOoo0

Excerpt form the Historica Equestria, book 42, P to Pinkamina Diane 'Danger' Pie, page 235

"While entire volumes of the Historica Encyclopedia can be written on the nature and qualities of one Pinkamina Diane 'Danger' Pie, alias Pinkie Pie, it was princess Celestia herself that was famously able to condense such a thesis (and in the process save millions of trees).

"Expect the unexpected, expect to be surprised, expect Pinkie Pi- AAAIIIIEEE!"
- Princes Celestia

At that point we believe Pinkie Pie threw her a 134 days to your birthday surprise party.

0ooOoo0

Rainbow Dash has made a few mistakes in her life; like that time she ignored her doctor and went to play in the volleyball tournament anyways. Or rather famously that time she ate two dozen jelly dough nuts on a dare. Today her mistake was staring at the door of Sugar Cube Corner while in deep thought. It was not so much the deep thought that was the problem you see, but rather the foolishly chosen location of pursuing such an action.

As she was staring at the door it slowly creaked open. With Rainbow Dash's mind being otherwise preoccupied she did not notice two very important facts. The first was that Luna had slowly but surely inched away from her, now a good few feet away. The second was the bright pink, cartoonishly large cannon slowly being pushed out of the shadows of Sugar Cube Corner and pointing straight at her. Squinting her eyes and tilting her head to the left, the gears slowly began to switch over from her internal though processes as to who of her crew might turn out to be Rarity, to the very immediate threat of the barrel she was looking down. 'No, that's not quite right, it's more like my head is inside the canon really,' she though.

Oh buck.

With a force strong enough to give the mare an extreme mane makeover, an explosion -and at least five pounds of confetti- was blown out the canon and past Rainbow Dash's very surprised face. Blinking once she saw another ball of pink confetti, or rather what looked and felt like cotton candy being hurled at her at a tremendous speed. By this time her natural speed and years of rigorous training was able to ready herself for the assault and brace for impact.

"Surprise! Ohmygosh Dashie! You made! You finally made it here! I've been waiting for you for like hours and I was worried you wouldn't come or that timber wolves had gotten you but that would be silly since this is a dream and you can't get hurt in a dream well not like physically more like mentally but that is why Luna is here so she can protect you from any mentally scarring stuff and ohmygosh you have the exact same expression the old Dashie had when I used to throw her surprise parties especially that one time I threw her and Luna a surprise party by coming out of the closet in the middle of the night at her house although she was a lot more red than you and breathing very hard and had this thing sticking ounmfphl."

Blinking again Dash found herself holding a very solid, very pink mare with a wild and bouncy mane that smelled of sweets and sugar. Looking around to make sure she was still in fact in the dream-scape of surreal light and a moon shining more brightly than it had any right to, she saw a long dark blue hoof capped with a silver slipper firmly planted in the mouth of the pink mare on top of her.

"Pinkie Pie my dear friend! It is so good to see you again after so long!" Luna somehow gracefully removed her hoof from the mink mare's mouth and embraced her in a bear hug.

"Luna, you're here too! Wait, I didn't interrupt you two again like that last time while you were playing with the big purple dmphlp" Two hooves simultaneously shot out and muffled any further words coming out of the pink earth pony's mouth.

"No Pinkie Pie, you did not interrupt us," a warm smile form Luna, tinged with a slight blush, "I was just showing Rainbow Dash, your Captain, around Ponyville, how it use to look before you left. I am rather surprised to see you here," a brooding frown formed on her face," I had thought you lost when he disappeared and you along.

"Oh right!" Pinkie said, shooting up on her hind legs and saluting the Captain, "Captain Rene Ma'am! Pinkamina Diane Pie reporting for duty Ma'am!"

Chuckling softly Dash picked herself up off the ground and dusted the soot form the canon off herself. Standing on her own rear hooves with a serious face she saluted back, "You have a lot of explaining to do missy!" A smile slowly crept on to the Captain's face, "but for now Pinkie 'Danger' Pie," she looked over to Luna and winked, grabbing the pink mare in a hug and her original quest to find out about Luna's Dash forgotten, "call me Rainbow Dash."

For the rest of the night Pinkie regaled them with tales from her time with both the old and new Dash. Even Luna was resigned to let the matter of her sudden arrival -and apparent disappearance some years ago- drop for the joy of spending time with her.

Author's Note:

I rather enjoyed writing this chapter. It felt a little bit more natural all round and the part with pinkie was especially fun. I know everyone has their own preference on what is the 'right' way of writing her dialogue. I hope mine is at least bearable. This also had a lot of Luna talking. I tried to have her talk normally but still not as loose as most ponies would talk. She has had hundreds of years to learn to speak 'normally' but would still have a bit of stiffness here and there. I hope I succeeded in that.

Thanks for all the favs and likes <3

ps. The ending is light on explanation but I really did not feel like adding the cliché 'oh pinkie is just being pinkie' conversation thing I've read in so many fics. I hope that I was able to convey that with actions rather than having to say it.

Comments

[Vaalintine]

The more I read this, the more it seems forced. It's well written, but the characters themselves just seem shallow. The main character just seems all too willing and happy to simply give up her identity for one that was forced on her. People just don't discard their lives so abruptly. It feels like she was just made Rainbow Dash just to fill a character slot in the story.

Unless of course all that is on purpose, and the survivors of the ship all the victims of an Assimilation Plague. The change in species, combined with adopting of a foreign identity simply because she was told to just makes it seem even more likely.

[ForceUser]

2752985

You're probably right. I don't really read human in equestria fics and I'm not a fan of them in general so it's kind of funny that I'm writing one That's probably why it seems forced. Do you think if I expand on the 3rd or 4th chapters, perhaps by adding more internal dialogue/struggling etc. it might make it a bit clearer as to why she accepts it?

Basically the various stages the character went through that I had in my mind (and might not be apparent enough in the writing) would be the panic when she first discovers it in chapter 1, the assurances and help from Flutters in chapter 2, the forging of an identity in battle in chapter 3 and then ultimately the acceptance of the character in chapter 4, mostly through the help of Luna and Pinkie Pie. I also tried to make it clear that while she has many of the same chqaracteristics as the 'real' RD, she is still her own person, Also I will be exapanding a bit more on why everything happened/is happening in chapter 5.

Thanks for the feedback! I'll reread chapter 4 and add some internal dialogue as she reflects/resolves on what has happened so far to make the acceptance a bit more real/deeper.

ps. the assimilation plague idea is pretty interesting but a bit too dark for me ;)

[ForceUser]

2752985

Ok so I went through the story again and while I was mostly happy wiht how it all played it there was indeed something missing so I decided to add a bit to the 4th chapter at the beginning (and a few tiny bits here and there) on the whole change thing. I hope it makes sence and helps make the whole thing a bit smoother and her reasoning behind accepting the whole thing a bit clearer.

I haven't really started work on chapter 5 yet and chapter 4 turned out quite a bit differently than I had expected so I will need to rethink what I had planned. Still working on the story though!