Has your adventure hit rock bottom and you don't know where you went wrong?
Are you hopelessly lost in your travels and need a helping hoof?
Then let us step through the fourth wall, wayward foal, to the Realm of Dreams, where our esteemed Princess Luna shall bestow upon you a fragment of her infinite wisdom...
Or perhaps something that resembles infinite wisdom, anyway. And helping her along is the intelligent and beautiful, Professor Kokonoe!
Will there be tears, laughter, SNACKS?! All of these questions and more will (probably) be answered in...
Assist Me!! Princess Luna!
*NOTE: This is an MLP/Blazblue crossover... sorta.
Chapters (10)
If there are parts that seem kinda... wordy, I apologize.
I really, really, really suck at describing things.
What is this a crossover of?
2635267It's primarily a Blazblue crossover, because Kokonoe will be making frequent appearances throughout, sometimes even hosting in place of Luna.
Someone needs to do an animated version of this in the style of the Help Me!! Professor Kokonoe! skits from Blazblue
You know you're the third BB/MLP crossover fic that I stumbled across I hope that you have luck with this.
2652167 Lol that's funny, thank you for that!
2652319 I could not resist putting that there.
wonder whose next? Fluttershy? Rainbow Dash? Okay, faving this. great idea and execution.
2652652 Actually, Fluttershy might be kinda interesting... I wonder how that'd turn out?
2655185Maybe in either Dragonshy or Hurricane Fluttershy would probobly be a good set up point for an Assist me. Probobly Luna giving Flujttershy confidence to face her fears.
2655185 Question: Is any other Blazblue characters going to appear? I would love Fluttershy Counter-Troll Hazama. Better yet Discord VS Hazama to decide the TRUE god of trolling.
2660185 Hmm, I'm not sure about having other Blazblue characters appear besides Kokonoe, Tager and maybe Lambda, but I'll give it some thought.
As for having conflicts appear in it, I'm gonna wait until I have several more chapters out before I attempt it. Thanks for the idea, though!
2661435
You're welcome!
2635504 Heh, likewise on the amount.
I've been playing too much Tales of Graces...I nearly confused Lambda-11 with the Lambda voiced by Keith Silverstein.
2752490 *rubs back of head* hmm maybe red wasn't the best way to go... but then again I've been told font changes are a royal pain to make.
Ah well, what can ya do?
2752873 Oh, it wasn't the fonts
Just the name 'Lambda' when I'm reading the chapter.
That said, there WILL be updates! I will not forsake this story, because it's too much fun to write.
This chapter made me think of Arakune's segment
ULALA! from Space Channel 5!
Ulala's Swingin' Report Show!
awesome idea.
Taokaka....Ermagash
Ah shit where's taper?!?! I just did a sophisticated english man/woman accent and it sounded more manly then feminist!
Are you sure there isn't a fourth wall in this story?
2883072 Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. Maybe the boundaries of the fourth wall are different, who knows?
After all, what fun is there in making sense? ;-)
Stop makin my brain hurt!
Stop breaking the fourth wall! And saints row?!?!?!
Bring Derpy on the show or doctor hoove!
Bring Derpy and The doctor or I will kill you!!
2898508 As much as I would love to, I don't have a good idea on what to write for them without dipping into someone else's story and I'm a little hesitant to approach people for it as I'm an unknown right now.
However, I am keeping this suggestion in mind. So Until I figure something out, please enjoy the latest chapter!
2898528 Fine!
2635247 Don't worry it wasn't one of those ticked off fines it was the patient type
T'would be hilarious to see Fluttershy return after her whole 'assertive' debacle
Yes a new chapter! *fist pumps*
LEEEEEEROOOOOOY JEEEEENNNKKKKIIIIINNNNNSSSSSS!
3047797 I aim to please, my friend.
Ye olde awwwwwwww
Daw, Princess Woona is so adorable.
When I read Diamond Dust, I instead read Shiva.
I assume you understand.
This review proudly brought to you, by the group Authors Helping Authors.
Name of Story: Assist Me!! Princess Luna!
Grammar Score (out of ten): 6.5
Pros:
1) Wow. I have never seen this style of story before! Complete removal of any walls of reality really suits it. This actually makes your own self-inserts not only bearable, but amusing.
2) What you did with Pinkie... that was cool. It was completely unexpected and really left me with that feeling of "By all that is holy, what did I just witness?!"
3) I'm not familiar with Blazblue at all (I don't know very many animes/games if I'm honest) but you described the characters well enough for me to picture them. Prof. Kokonoe's attitude is hilarious as well.
Cons:
1) While it did improve as I progressed (suggesting improvement on your end), your grammar in the beginning was fairly sub-standard.
2) You have a tendency to write very long sentences with high amounts of commas.
3) I noticed a few out-of-place tense switches (from present to future).
Notes:
This is the first Blazblue-crossover I've had the pleasure to read. While I was, at first, apprehensive about reading an unknown crossover, my fears were quickly assuaged by the humour in the first few chapters. I'm glad you adequately described the characters, as it enabled an outsider like me to actually picture them. Turns out, when I looked up images of them, my mental images weren't actually as far off as I thought they'd be, so points for that.
The whole repetitive intro to chapters thing is an interesting touch. I honestly can't tell if I like it or not. I think it's both because while it is a different idea, once I realised it was a recurring theme, I ended up just scrolling down the few 100 words it took up. Not sure if you care or not, but I'm not cool with the idea that people would skip past anything I wrote, personally.
Luna and Kokonoe's banter in the beginning was hilarious. You really got Luna's "early season 2" awkwardness down perfectly. I'm guessing that you've also done the same with Kokonoe's attitude as well, so if you did, props for making a very entertaining opening chapter. Having the Princess being told off like that was a great intro. Celestia behind the scenes was fairly amusing too.
About your prose and structuring: it does need a bit of work. Generally, people aren't really fond of reading sentences that extend beyond three lines without a period. A good indicator that a sentence is overly long is the amount of commas in it. Once you start going over three in a sentence, you should wrap it up as quickly as possible.
This is borderline, but you've other longer sentences in there too, such as
this is really great, descriptive-wise, but it's still far too long a sentence for a normal person to be comfortable reading. Perhaps consider that you don't have to completely describe a character in one sentence right away; rather, you can add in snippets of their description over multiple sentences further apart. It allows for more immersive reading.
I also noticed your dialogue punctuation is a bit off.
the period should be a comma. Just recurring stuff like that can annoy people over time.
Generally, I find your humour to be amusing. I was able to see past the infrequent errors and enjoy what you've gotten so far. The concept is just so far removed from what I've read before, that I was able to hunker down and finish up to this latest part in one sitting. Diamond Dust was interesting (and reminded me of Shiva from Final Fantasy X, whether that was your intention of not), not to mention Pinkie's true nature. THAT was very unexpected and rather entertaining to read.
There are a few tense-switches in here as well, which can be rather jarring if you're not careful:
Just keep vigilant about that in future and you'll do fine.
I recommend going over your earlier chapters and re-structuring your sentences, as well as fixing the dialogue punctuation. I also noticed that at the top of chapter 3, you have assitance instead of assistance.
One final thing: you actually managed to tactfully add your own OC into the story, fitting with the theme of "no fourth wall, no boundaries". This I actually liked, especially how you wrote yourself.
Overall, I award a personal score of 7.5/10, taking into account all pros and cons. It's entertaining, with all of the reality-shattering shenanigans, but it really does need a general tidy-up.
I hope you enjoy this review! I ask humbly that you counter-review my story, These Flowers Never Bloom. It has had reviews in the past, but it has also undergone a recent re-write, so some fresh opinion would be greatly appreciated. Have a great day/night, wherever you are!
3556966 Thank you very much for giving my story such a good review!
As soon as I'm able to get back to my computer (which should be sometime tomorrow) I'll go over your story and give as good of a review as I can.
Also, I'll try and fix those errors you pointed out.
To answer a couple of things; the reason the intro repeats each chapter is a reference to Kokonoe opens each of her "Help me!! Professor Kokonoe!" segements, and how the initial title changes is also a reflection. As for Diamond Dust, yes I named her as a reference to Shiva from Final Fantasy. I needed a good name for an OC that uses water and ice type magic and the name fit.
Hehe, the ending was hilarious.
I had almost expected Luna to inadvertently encourage Trixie to further her ambition for revenge in a fit of anger over Ulala's intrusion, but this is just as good 
Confound the intricate forces that have guided me to discover this story. Must. Stave. Temptation. To. Read.
To think, I find this just about a week after the latest chapter of my own BB/MLP story introduces the help me series. And I too cast Luna as the one helping the characters.
I'm torn. Dare I peek. Do I risk having to change my future chapters to avoid similarities?
Ah screw it. I'll just read and enjoy. Yeah!
3892396 Ah, but the treasures held within are too much to resist. I just pray thou returns with thine sanity.
3892396 And just so you know, I wouldn't mind if you used similar elements. Maybe less nutty.
3893131
'Maybe less nutty.' Heaven forbid.
The point of the help me segment is to be as nutty as possible, what with breaking the fourth wall and such. It's an inversion to the norm; not to be bound by the rules of the rules of the story--or in your case, episode--it's following.
To put it bluntly, the nuttier, the better.
3895843 Trust me, I'm always looking for new ways to hit sense out of the park with this one (it's why I brought in Ulala). It's just... so much fun when you don't have to worry about something silly like the Fourth Wall.
Trixie's name is Beatrix.
...
HEADCANON ACCEPTED!
Oh yeah Kokonoe? Well how about I falcon punched you into the Eiffel Tower and then grab your tails and smack into a bunch of trees like when Jason smacked those girls in sleeping bags into one another?
You'd like that? YOU'D LIKE THAT, BITCH!?!?!
She broke one of the laws of time and space which is an entity cannot purposely take another entity out of their plain of reality. Doing so can cause ripples in time and space that could alter certain events or timelines.
That flirt that Kokonoe did on Spectra. My BlazBlue OC ain't gonna be happy about that. This would be his reaction
"Oh so he can charmed Koko-chan away from me, eh? Let's see him do his fancy ass magic when I rip that thing he calls a horn off and stick it up his quadrupedal ass!"