I NEED SOME PREREADERS.
Four hundred years after Princess Luna's return from the moon, the Equestrian Space Program put a pony in space for the first time.
Fast forward two hundred more years, and there is an established moon colony and asteroid-mining is a quickly growing field. The first deep-space exploration vessel has just been launched, and ponykind holds its breath as the Spellship Arcanum boldly goes where nopony has gone before!
As a note: if some of the spelling looks strange, it's because we spell some words differently up here in Canada. Grey instead of gray, defence instead of defense, etc.
Chapters (2)
I like it. Not many people focus on the crew interactions in a sci-fi setting, but you pulled it off well. I honestly want to see where this goes next. However, I do have a few nits I have to pick if I'm going to offer any critique other than "I like it"
>After all, with a shard of Celestia's sun itself in the heart of the machine, if it was compromised it would go off like a bomb
That sentence doesn't sound right in my head. Like, after the comma. If I may make a suggestion: ...in the heart of the machine, it would go off like a bomb if it was compromised.
>"Tymbal! Need you to take a look at this!"
That too, doesn't sound right in my head. Like, it needs an "I" before the "Need"
>As the photons of light began to slip through the magical darkness, they passed through a thin field of incredibly dense magic.
>As they entered the field, the mass of each particle was ramped up by several magnitudes, resulting in them slamming against the shell of the engine with incredible force at the speed of light.
These two sentences are one after another and they both start with "As" and have the same sort of structure to them. I try to catch myself when this happens and I'm guilty of repetition. I just think one of those sentences needs to be rewritten so it flows better.
>I bet Captain Buckard wouldn't have been that stressed over the engine test.
This isn't so much as a critique than a mention. I like how you referenced Star Trek and I really want to know: is Captain Buckard an actual captain or is Quasar talking about a TV character?
>In future, Quasar would
In the future.
Well, those are my nitpicks. They're nothing major, nothing that changes my opinion of the story. Just somethings I thought I'd mention.
But keep up the good work. I'm definitely watching this story.
Well damn, you stole my idea... oh well, nice story, though, very interesting.
Will definitely follow...
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Sorry about that! I've been rolling this one around for about half a year now, I've got a pile of plans on where to take it.
If I wind up going somewhere you weren't intending to take your story, perhaps we could share continuity.
2798527 Oh, I was just kidding. I'm enjoying your story, and I'll be intrested to see where it goes when I return in August. My story, will be farliy diffrent when I start it.
Always happy to preread :)
You should probably change your cover image, since it's identical to that of Friendship is Optimal.
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I actually intend to be commissioning a custom cover down the road. I'm just working on moving from an island in British Columbia over to Montreal right now (I'll be over there this time next week!) so I'm on a total spending freeze until my game design job over there gets going.
I do want to change it though, it's just that at present it's the best "space pony" picture I was able to dig up.
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The "Ask Hotblooded Pinkie Pie" blog has a number of pictures involving space-ships. AWESOME ones.
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Any of the shots that contain ponies contains one of the main characters though, and they don't make an appearance here. Also, though the ships do look awesome, they look nothing like how I've described the Arcanum- for starters, they're made of metal.
I think the current picture is fine until I can commission something.
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Anyway, cover photo aside, I'm loving this. You said you needed a prereader?
Warp Factor 8! Make it so, Number One!
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I really enjoy explaining the pseudoscience behind this stuff. I've actually been toying with the idea of having a chapter that gets updated frequently to act as a sort of codex, where I just store the currently known information about the way the ship runs and about the alien species that the crew comes in contact with. I figure the upside to that is it means I could just throw a link to it when tech comes up instead of trying to work this big wad of exposition about it into the narrative.
This is good. Really really good. As in 'deserves a lot more attention than it has' good.
Personally speaking, I would have had the mane 6 in it, as well as having first contact happen in a letter chapter, but you made it work.
I presume this is set at some point in the future, since we have the rather obvious changeling.Edit: synopsis answered my question. But it leads to a new one—Word of God says that Twilight won't outlive her friends, but she is still around 600 years later. Are the rest of the mane 6 around?
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No, the mane six have long since passed in this. I wasn't sure what the word of god was on Twilight's lifespan though, being an Alicorn I assumed she wouldn't be aging past a certain point or something and as such am a bit more willing to make reference to her. I don't have plans for her to make an appearance though.
Also, most of the ponies in space stories I've seen tend to feature the mane six, and as much as I love them I feel that there's great opportunities that we're missing out on by not exploring some of these things from the angles of other characters.
I was hoping to have the second chapter up by now, but it turns out moving from one side of Canada to the other and getting a full time job doing game design can really eat up a lot of your creative mojo. I'm still working on this of course, but progress isn't as quick as I'd like.
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Take your time, it's no biggie. It took me 7 months to update the second chapter of one of my fics.
As for the mane 6, that's as good a reason as any, although if you wanted to keep them alive you could have them in important governmental jobs or something that keeps them ground bound. If they are not going to be appearing it doesn't matter either way, really.
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Eh, it's 600 years after the show. I think Twilight is the only one with a shot at living that long, barring absurd lifespans.
Anyway, I've got a question for the readers in general: technobabble: do you like it or do you skim it?
Seriously, I could write volumes on the fun theories I come up with on how pony magitech works. If people find that it gets in the way though, I can skim it or just do like a technical readout chapter.
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As long as you provide some context for the technobabble and aren't just throwing sciency buzzwords at us, then yeah, go ahead.
Still loving it
Liking it so far. No serious technical errors. You seem to be taking a lot of cues from Star Trek, but this is in no way a bad thing.
Will be watching with great interest.
Excellent.
Humanity destroying the planet and Balkanising in space? That is sadly unsurprising. I do like that we're not getting the "RAR! Kill all xenos!" version of humanity that far too many authors-
*cough*Chatoyance*cough*
Seem to like to use.
Any ideas on shipborne weaponry and ship tactics?
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I'll have you know I'm a fan of Chatoyance :p
Anyway, I assume you mean shipborne weapons and tactics that the ponies have? I've actually got a reasonably detailed writeup for a lot of this stuff, but I don't want to just dump tech specs into the story without meaning.
However, this isn't IN the story, so I'm happy to answer!
Basically, as you've seen by now, a lot of pony magitech uses crystals fairly heavily. These are generally broken down into three categories: spell matrices, spell lenses and mana batteries. A spell matrix is a full spell contained within a crystal, and these are generally the most common kind for practical application. The comm crystals, the slapdash translator crystal and the rust crystals are all examples of these. They have a dedicated spell that they run and can be used by anypony. They generally require a user however since they are fuelled by the ambient magic that any Equestrian is in tune with. A spell matrix held by an alien would be like an iPod with zero charge- a small, impressive device with highly detailed and very dead circuits.
Spell lenses are different in that they modify existing spells- either that of a linked spell matrix or a spell from one of the other races cast while uses the lens as a focus. These can modify the spell in all sorts of ways, from the cosmetic to the functional. One might be used to silence a particularly loud spell, while another might be used to greatly amplify the range of anything cast through it. Spell lenses are used extensively through the workings of the ship, for things such as modulating mana harmonics and technical stuff.
Mana batteries are basically what it says on the tin. These are mostly useful for keeping a spell matrix running independent of a user, though with the right setup can be used to empower spell matrices or lenses.
Okay, onto the weapons bit. I explained all that because it ties directly to how the Arcanum's weapons work.
The ship doesn't actually have any dedicated weapons- what it has is a fairly elaborate setup on the bridge of very high-powered mana batteries and large, potent spell lenses. The end effect is that any spell cast through them has its range massively increased and its power ratcheted up by a couple of orders of magnitude. This allows the system to perform many tasks, from acting as a tractor beam via telekinesis, a transporter with a teleportation spell, or several types of weapon using various attack spells. A spell that would normally make a 30-foot gout of fire would cause the ship to project a searing blast of flame that would be effective at space-encounter ranges. Of course, against heat-shielded hulls it wouldn't be very useful, but that's hardly the ship's problem.
For ship tactics, I suppose I'm not 100% clear on what you mean. Did you mean how the ship itself would deal with a fight, the boarding protocols, or what? I'm happy to answer, unless it would contain spoilers :P
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Yes, exactly, how would the ship fight?
So, basically any attack spell can be turned into an anti ship spell. Probably up to and including Celestia's "Solar Flare" spell.
Wouldn't that be a sight to see.
You like Chatoyance? To each their own; I'll not bring her up again.
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I've only read caelum est conterrens or however it's spelt and I quite liked that. Haven't read anything else by them though so that might have been an isolated case.
Anyway, Celestia really doesn't need the lenses at all. You'll see down the road, I have some plans...
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Excellent! Can't wait!
Oooh, I shall keep reading this! I am enjoying it! And I love reasons to get into "how Equestria tech would work" with stories like these!
Woah, woah, woah, this is a wooden space ship? The thought boggles the mind, though I guess it would be explained by magic, seeing they have a solar powered jet-pack and mana powered everything.
Technobabble aside, how do you figure the ship turns? It seems like there's only one "thruster," and that, combined with the ability to move sideways or something, makes me confused. Did I misread something?
Ooo. Okay. I think I sorta get how the ship works now. Still don't get how the ship turns, though.
So for combat, pretty much it supercharges a spell. Cool, actually the first time I've seen this. Most have missiles or some sort of energy beam. This one, however, is powered by food.
Any robots or AI yet?
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Actually, in one of the earlier outlines I included a kind of sentient spell-matrix that could take on a semi-physical form, kind of like the Doctor from Voyager. Wound up ditching that idea in the long run, it didn't fit too well.
As for Robots? Well, the universe is a big place...
As for how the ship turns, what you have to remember is that while they only have one thruster, they can fire it at multiple directions at the same time, and move where the thrust is going to different parts of the ship. Turning would just be pushing in both directions, and applying one of those directions to the aft and another to the fore.
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Riiighht. Got to stop thinking with Normal physics. This is a magic jetpack. The thing could be sitting in the trunk and still divert the force to wiggle the aft and the bow.
This actually seems interesting! I'd love to read more, you're building an interesting world with the humans and the aliens they encountered.
SOmehow, the Machinist doesn't seem like a good scientist... true science is exploring the unknown, and always being aware of the fact that at any time the universe might just say EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WROOOOOONG.
That's the point of science. ah well. I hope you pick this up again someday.
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Without question I'll be picking it up, I have pages of notes for what I want to do with this!
And yeah, the Machinist in question is clearly NOT a good scientist.
Part of me feels the need to point out that photons are massless, since that's the only way for anything to reach lightspeed without relativity increasing its mass to infinity. Thus, all the engine does is stick zeroes to the right of another zero.
The rest reminds that part that this is magic, and, as such, can do whatever it wants.
Also, that a quote from a Team Fortress 2 promo became a proverb and a reflection on human nature is both hilarious and rather depressing. (At least, I recognize it from Meet the Sniper. I suppose it could originally come from something else...)
The diplomatic concerns here are dire indeed. Hieronymous could easily spin a tale of hostile forces of hostile horses, and the ponies might return to find a fatally flubbed first contact.
Well, that's the future Arcanum's problem. For now, I eagerly look forward to more of this story whenever it comes.
You are faved.
I'm surprised by how much I like the idea of a wooden spaceship that uses steam power as a significant part of the design. Interested in seeing where this goes.
I just got around to checking this out after stumbling upon it via another one of your stories. I am loving the world building you have done thus far. If this ever picks up again, I'll be here.
hello?
Please?
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I DO intend to come back to this when I can. Don't worry, it hasn't been forgotten, real life is just a punk that gets in the way too much.
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Ok.
I actually prefer grey, even though I'm American. If I could speak like a brit, I would never stop talking.
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Man, this is amazing.
I do feel like I should know which pony they're referencing though