So this is my very first ever fanfic, I hope ya'll like it, oh and please comment, I'm very new at this
My names Jacob and I don't know how or why I got here, all I know is that some certain equine creatures need our help and I intend to give it. This is a story of the time my squad and I were suddenly transported to a land called Equestria by a near death situation, and what we did to help the certain equine creatures that lived there.
Inspired by: Sandstorm Inkwell's- Salvation
Cover art: I really don't know, I would like some help if anypony can lend it
P.S.- oh and this story is mostly unlike his story only the idea goes to him for credit.
all other characters are to my little pony: friendship is magic for credit
Chapters (4)
Ok fine, I'm in the process of getting it down ok?
There done, the second chapter finished
I don't like HIE stories so im not gonna read it... just want u to know u got the uniform wrong on the cover photo... that's an army ACU not a marine MCU
Guys, if you keep making the same story about a group of quirky marines who explode and pop into Ponyville, my nickel jar is going to overflow.
TOO. MANY. MARINES. IN. EQUESTRIA.
A flag cutiemark...
2649324 How did I know you were going to be here?
Wooooh boy. First off, that is not Marine camo. The variations of MARPAT are either "really green" or "really tan".
I can tell you know about as much of the military as a CoD or B3 player. Many, many, many, many little nuances that make me cringe when I see. They don't use Civilian time (Or at least not that casually like a Grade School student late for the bus.) . This is the biggest cringe.
I could rant for hours seeing as I am a fanboy for anything military, but I am just going to leave quietly and go back to writing my own silly fiction.
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As old Russian saying goes:
Oh good God. You have the "Mysterious Intelligence Agent". And you describe armaments like loadouts.
oh celestia help me, thankyouthankyouthankyou (oh and sorry about the ACUs, i really didnt have a reference, my family is mostly army
oh and im only 15
Cursing does not make the story more interesting, it just makes it look more immature.
I'm sowwy
Word of advice:
CAPITALIZE YOUR "I"s.
Again sowwy, where is the mistakes I'm having troubles so I could use some help
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psst
use this to reply to comments:
i.imgur.com/Ir5ITdS.png
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... i knew that... not... thanks
Sorry, didn't quite catch that last comment. Come again?
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But I only do that in the comments...
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Awesome...
This will require a lot of work. Firstly, you don't put author notes inside the story (or author comments as the point may be). Whenever you describe a voice or a weapon, you need to do so inside the story not in (between these things) as it kind of (disrupts the) story. Capitalization needs work I've noticed, as does punctuation at points.
Umm... besides the things others have said (MARPAT instead of ACU and so on), just work on it, okay? You have the energy but you just need to refine your skill.
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Well, the description seems to have a few stray "i"s. Considering that that's the first thing that people see, you should try to fix it.
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Okie dokie lokey Mr. Sandstorm I'll get on that when my internet kicks back up, right now I'm using my mom's tablet
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Will do, thanks, I didn't see that will work on that pronto
to put this simply and nicely this story needs work a lot of work you should refine your writing skills as such its not that hard to do I actually like this story but it needs work I give this story 7.8 out of 10 I will follow this story I wish you best of luck
Sincerely TheSniper56655
2653775 will do, once my internet starts working ill fix the story and put another chapter in
There, it's fixed, now on to the third chapter
Sooo tired, I'm probably gonna put the third chapter up tomorrow because my internets back in working order. So I hope to hear everypony's thoughts on what I put up later in he evening (I'm probably not gonna get much sleep tonight)
Definatly a good start man keep it up.
Sorry guys got real busy yesterday, so maybe later today? you know, just hope it comes during this week
I like the concept
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Well, actually it DOES make the story more interesting to curse for SOME people. Just because YOU don't like it or don't believe it makes it interesting doesn't mean it doesn't.
YES! finally someone who understands, It makes it more realistic if the coarse language is in there (nods politely to the princess cat) thanks
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anyway thanks princess
whoops forgot about that button
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welcome! I know personally that Marines and army men DO NOT hold back on the curses. ESPECIALLY on the battle field! Some people just don't understand that no matter how dis tasteful it is, it actually happens, thus making the story realistic and interesting!
Sorry, i have a lot to do now, so i wont be doing real much for a while
This story seems very interesting! I can't wait to continue reading it!
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but sorry to say, i won't be doing much until i get back in school,since my editor is one of my friends there, but i promise, a lot more chapters are going to come 
Well thanks
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Great! I look forward to it!!
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But i mean if i can get a new editor, i could get more chapters in
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I might be able to edit for you if you like. I'm new, but I can check it out
Give me a day's time, and i'll send you a copy of the third chapter
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It won't be the finished copy tho
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I don't mind. I could still do it for you
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Okay! I'll be ready whenever!
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It ain't the best in the world tho
Okay I'm almost done
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There are just stories that need a little work. I'm ready whenever
hey, don't worry about it. There is no such thing as a bad story.
pinkie is one of my favorite ponies to
Nice job on the edit!