Cakebomb
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I'm writing a Fallen Earth crossover myself, so I found myself surprised to see another FE fic. One thing I must say though is that some of your lore is wrong concerning the apocalypse in Fallen Earth: It wasn't a World War (that isn't to say that fighting wasn't going on everywhere, but the fact of the matter was that people were simply too busy to fight an intercontinental war, what with the Shiva Virus going on), and there were too few nukes being tossed around for it to be counted as a "nuclear" war.
That said, I'm interested in seeing where this goes. I take it that it doesn't take place in the Grand Canyon?
2699746 Sorry, I barely played FE that much :P. And no, the research facility is near LV. Gambling for the gambling Gods!
2699872 Well, Las Vegas was once looted of its gambling chips (probably not all of them) by a group of people during the Shiva Plague, and eventually those people would go on to found the Bankers faction within the Grand Canyon. Those chips would become the main (if only) currency.
2699940 Can you please give me your opinion on the idea i put in the new Author's note chapter?
Normal Equestria
2847793 K
HMM.... SHIT JUST GO REAL!
2881298 PRETTY MUCH. PREPARE FOR THE RIB CAGE SLAUGHTER. AND PLEASE GIVE ME A HONEST REVIEW.
I am intrigued. Continue.
2916439 Thanks
Why are these chapters so short?
Please write more and more!
2958436 Someone that likes my writing? (Sappy music) NO, BUGGER OFF MUSIC I HAVE TO WRITE MORE KILLING FOR MY NEW FAN.
Tracking.
I would like to say a few things though.
While this story is interesting and has caught my attention and I am greatly entertained by the idea I feel like it hasn't reached it potential yet. There are several reasons for this; most of which are somewhat minor. Grammars fine (haven't noticed any errors, however I don't TRY to look for grammar errors on first reads because my brain has an auto correct function so be cautious), characters are fine, story idea is fine. Its all... fine... its interesting like I said, and it has my attention, but I have feeling if it was complete then I would finish it and forget it for its average-ness (no offense meant, I know whats its like to have my stuff called average and have used that knowledge to better my writing, as you should), but its not complete, so you have my interest peaked... for now. Continue writing but please try to dedicate more time, more elegant writing, and better describers of the events unfolding (Good for two things, adding extra detail and making the word count longer so its not super short).
Personal stuff:
Your have the ponies allow slavery... of beings intelligent like them... does this mean buffalo, deer, dragons, sea serpents, and several other various species are slaves as well? I also must say that Celestia would have crossed every line I can think of if its been going on for 10,000 some-odd years... seriously I realize slavery is a thing, and that it may not seem bad because the slaves are different (thank god I haven't seen any ponies using ponies as slaves of labour) than them, kind of like how white people used black people as slaves (by the way, I don't condone slavery... its just fucking wrong... *shivers* its almost as wrong as forced mind-reading/mindfucking), but its still wrong (also thank god Apple Jack -My favorite mane 6 member- and her family don't condone slavery. At least, not field work slavery, I would be upset if they have slaves for other various things, but from what I little I have read on her thoughts on the matter, I think she would be one of the people supporting freeing of human slaves, mayhaps even being part of an underground railroad sort of thing, or at the very least neutral on the matter, as in not condoning it, but not fighting against others allowing it.).
I really hope that its within your full intentions to make the New Humans find a way to point out Celestia (and perhaps Luna? If she exists in this universe) wrongdoings against humanity and that the rest of ponies start to understand and support the humans in their cause to free the slaves.
3102548 thanks for your constructive criticism.
Hey, I've been watching this story for a while, thought it was dead honestly. You asked for some feedback so I will try based of this, the chap before this and what I remember.
It needs longer chapters, a proof reader, and an editor.
Don't get me wrong, this story is intriguing, but it still has a lot of flaws that need to be worked out.
My suggestion is that you go back over what you have, send it to some friends for proof reading, then send it to someone who you trust to be fair, and have them go over it as an editor.
Another suggestion is that instead of waiting for a chap than explains all the reasons that Celestia is like this, why the ponies are not educating themselves further than the princess does, and why its been that way for some ten thousand year, you add at the end or beginning a little flashback segment that sort of hints at the reasons. Or if your going for OOC Celestia, and just saying that you can, that you come up with a reason for the tyrancy that shes showing.
I hope this helps, cause I would enjoy seeing this finished.
~AnimatedGamer
3904070 Thanks man. I'm kind of losing the will to continue writing though....
4452494 I can understand, writing is harder than it appears, I know from experience.
But in my long -still in the works- experience I have come to the realization that if you drop one thing, it can, key word being can, affect you. Even if you don't realize it.
Its like dominoes.
Still, I can't force you to write, and I refuse to push you any further without consent.
So, all in all, its your decision, and good luck with whichever way you go!
~AnimatedGamer
4453444 Thanks mate.
4457230 You're welcome.
~AnimatedGamer
4461636 That fucking profile pic man, that profile pic...
4462816 Haha, second time today someones brought up my profile picture!
As a once famous horse said; "I LOVE IT!"
~AnimatedGamer
4463488 Yeah. Pony.mov....
4463550 Lol, not a fan I take it?
4463673 No i love it.
4463710 HAHA! A fellow fan! Good to hear it. Not many people I meet know, care, or like Pony.Mov.
4463742 "My daddy made me stick glass up my vagina."
"Good luck with that."
4466962 Haha, one of my favorite lines from that episode!
4477638 I know. Random question: what's your opinion on overpowered ponies?
4477877 Hmmm. depends on the context. Sometimes its okay, other times it doesn't work. For this story, I'm not sure it works.
4477946 Ok.
4478026 are you going to use the air guns that the game use for noobies like this thing we start off with
blogcdn.com/www.massively.com/media/2010/02/324t3qgq435234.jpg
becasue if so that would be cool to see the once slave get something of a weapon
5657392 I kinda cancelled this.