personally i would prefer story then just cutting to the chase even though that is her goal i mean it is 1.another species. 2.she is just asking you outright. and 3.well F IT IM DOING IT ANYWAY!!! (thoughts that were going through their head on 1. 2. and 3.)
Just to those that are curious: =) Robin Wayne Zander (born January 23, 1953) is the lead singer and rhythm guitarist for the powerpop band Cheap Trick. =) Todd Harry Rundgren (born June 22, 1948) is a powerpop multi-instrumentalist, singer-songwriter, and record producer who has been in the groups Utopia and Nazz. =) Chris Henry Difford (born November 4, 1954) is a singer-songwriter and record producer for the powerpop band Squeeze. So that's where the names come from. I throw musical references into everything I do. If you're not a fan of all three musicians, then check them out right now! They rule!
Thanks to all of you readers out there! Love you all!
You don't use the word "as" a lot in your writing, nor the "-ing prefix after comma" trick. I mean, Maybe it's just me, but it would sound better if there were sentnces like this
"The unicorn called out. Celestia held up a hoof. She leaned back, and then she magically lifted up a washcloth. Her horn glowed brightly.
Being like this
"The unicorn called out as Celestia held up her hoor. She leaned back while she magically lifted up a washcloth, her horn glowing brightly."
You could replace those dots with tricks just demonstrated.
I REALLY am not into metaphors /fic/ uses, but I have an ample one.
That excerpt from your fic there looks like 4 pieces of metal welded together roughly without any post welding handling. Try processing those weld spots with other tools, as in, be more generous with "as" and "-ing" after a comma instad of dotting everything, makes things more interesting.
212053 I think that I use both of those things a lot in my normal writing, but when I did this I tried to have more of a direct and conversational sort of tone to this story.
And a lot of the time it's a matter of how events go down. So "The unicorn called out as Celestia held up her hoof" doesn't mean the same thing as "The unicorn called out. Celestia held up a hoof." The point is that Celestia let him scream for a bit before she then intervened. Although more transitional language might be better like: "The unicorn called out. Celestia held up a hoof in response, and then she ..."
OK, I'm gonna be honest here, I am not reading this story, NO WAY! However. the synopsis had me in tears laughing. As far as out lines of clopflics are concerned,YOU WIN MY GOOD SIR!
I'm giving this 5 stars. Thank you for the laugh.
"You should know what you're getting into. *Smiles* "
I did a bit of a double-take at the title; I don't normaly read clopfics, but I thought this could be funny at the very least, and it was. -Mortem aut gloria. Eligere sapienter.
Not bad, just read ch 1 and probably will read the next chapter tomorrow. I would write more, but I need my sleep ( time is midnight as of right now) if I want to wake up to catch the new episode tomorrow.
689287 I was in total agreement with Henry until the last two paragraphs. Can there be one character that turns down sex when it is offered to them? Oh, right. Rules #34 of the Internet and #1 of fanfiction.
950856 Come on now... would you go to a story about Pinkie Pie baking cupcakes and say that "Can there be one character that turns down sugary treats when it is offered to them?" The story was designed for fun.
I like the picture
yes...
WHY BONER..WHY!!!!
LOL
personally i would prefer story then just cutting to the chase even though that is her goal i mean it is 1.another species. 2.she is just asking you outright. and 3.well F IT IM DOING IT ANYWAY!!! (thoughts that were going through their head on 1. 2. and 3.)
What the fuck is going on lol
The picture gives me a boner so.... Why boner why?
211735 excatly what i was going to say
oh you swiped you son of genius bitch
WHY BONER WHY?!
fucking pietersite
Looks like I'm getting a lot of one star bombers... ugh
Thanks to those that actually read the story and liked it. They'll be more very soon.
What the BUCK did i just read?
Why boner why? Really? I mean just come on are you serious
Just to those that are curious:
=) Robin Wayne Zander (born January 23, 1953) is the lead singer and rhythm guitarist for the powerpop band Cheap Trick.
=) Todd Harry Rundgren (born June 22, 1948) is a powerpop multi-instrumentalist, singer-songwriter, and record producer who has been in the groups Utopia and Nazz.
=) Chris Henry Difford (born November 4, 1954) is a singer-songwriter and record producer for the powerpop band Squeeze.
So that's where the names come from. I throw musical references into everything I do. If you're not a fan of all three musicians, then check them out right now! They rule!
Thanks to all of you readers out there! Love you all!
I noted something.
You don't use the word "as" a lot in your writing, nor the "-ing prefix after comma" trick.
I mean, Maybe it's just me, but it would sound better if there were sentnces like this
"The unicorn called out. Celestia held up a hoof. She leaned back, and then she magically lifted up a washcloth. Her horn glowed brightly.
Being like this
"The unicorn called out as Celestia held up her hoor. She leaned back while she magically lifted up a washcloth, her horn glowing brightly."
You could replace those dots with tricks just demonstrated.
I REALLY am not into metaphors /fic/ uses, but I have an ample one.
That excerpt from your fic there looks like 4 pieces of metal welded together roughly without any post welding handling. Try processing those weld spots with other tools, as in, be more generous with "as" and "-ing" after a comma instad of dotting everything, makes things more interesting.
Just saying, it's something I noticed.
212053
I think that I use both of those things a lot in my normal writing, but when I did this I tried to have more of a direct and conversational sort of tone to this story.
And a lot of the time it's a matter of how events go down. So "The unicorn called out as Celestia held up her hoof" doesn't mean the same thing as "The unicorn called out. Celestia held up a hoof." The point is that Celestia let him scream for a bit before she then intervened. Although more transitional language might be better like: "The unicorn called out. Celestia held up a hoof in response, and then she ..."
212082
I tend to avoid "then" when I can, I hear it's a word that may be hazardous to story if used overly.
212090
Just curious, but did you get any of the three musician references at first?
And now that I've made it explicit, do you know any of those guys?
"Princess Celestia's search for an heir..."
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop right there! Isn't Celestia like an immortal goddess or something?
As in, doesn't need an heir?
212095
I don't listen to a lot of unknown artists, so no.
OK, I'm gonna be honest here, I am not reading this story, NO WAY! However. the synopsis had me in tears laughing. As far as out lines of clopflics are concerned,YOU WIN MY GOOD SIR!
I'm giving this 5 stars. Thank you for the laugh.
"You should know what you're getting into. *Smiles* "
That made my day! Thank you, and keep writing
212130
She might not need one, but she wants one. Or at least that's what I'm thinking.
I did a bit of a double-take at the title; I don't normaly read clopfics, but I thought this could be funny at the very least, and it was.
-Mortem aut gloria. Eligere sapienter.
Since you actually sent me this story right when I was beginning a clop-session of my own... you get an automatic 3 stars for clairvoyance.
Only read the first chapter and it's way too late to give it a proper review. I'll finish the 2nd chapter tomorrow and tell you what I think.
Not bad, just read ch 1 and probably will read the next chapter tomorrow. I would write more, but I need my sleep ( time is midnight as of right now) if I want to wake up to catch the new episode tomorrow.
Your sperm, We must have it.
PFFTTTBWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzzcppMDDB1r5nr9zo1_500.gif
I love crotchboobs and that's all I'm going to say about that. Except, perhaps, that Celestia is my waifu.
....... SwiperTheFox DID YOU PUT ACID IN MY COKE?!?!?!
And from that day forwards, these men came to be known as Horse Fuckers.
Not reading any further; not that it's bad, it just ain't my thing.
Writing's good, pacings good, I see nothing worng with it... except... Horse Fucking. Horse. Fucking.
...
Why?
This beautiful, magical, smart, talking horse that smells like fucking sunshine..." Oh god why did this make me laugh so much?
689287 I was in total agreement with Henry until the last two paragraphs. Can there be one character that turns down sex when it is offered to them? Oh, right. Rules #34 of the Internet and #1 of fanfiction.
950856
Come on now... would you go to a story about Pinkie Pie baking cupcakes and say that "Can there be one character that turns down sugary treats when it is offered to them?" The story was designed for fun.
holy fuck man.....
953602 Do not speak of cupcakes!!!
One, two, three, four, five," she whispered, "But that one is smaller." They look like tendrils.
funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/3343425/Extreme+Facepalm/373#373
Celestia = backup waifu # 2