Musical Elegy loves to make music for others. In the sunset of his long life, he never asks for much in return, only a friendly pair of ears to listen to his songs. But when a star falls into the Everfree Forest, his life of routine will be blessed with a new tune to play.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Wonderful short story. I love the fable-like tone of the whole thing. I'm greatly looking forward to the next story by this author.
2644100
).
Well, I'll post a blog or something when I have an idea. The way I write sometimes is I'll get an idea, flesh it out, then it'll be anywhere from minutes to months before I get another idea, so while it's feasible to say "Don't expect too many from me," it would be unfair of me to say, "Don't expect any at all from me". In the meantime, however, I'll be offering my services as pre-reader, editor, spell-checker, friendly suggester, and even co-writer to whoever should ask me for assistance (hint hint
Well.
I know you as one of my own readers, and I noticed you had finally posted something. I've had this recent phobia of other people's writing while I'm still on my own that I've been trying to overcome, and I thought I'd give this one a shot.
For someone who's only submitted one story and waves a flag labeled "Don't expect
anythingmuch from me," despite the ambitious-seeming username, I can't say I expected much.I was then almost immediately hit with this:
Dat characterization... Dat imagery... Seriously. That's hot.
I stand impressed. That's one "like" in the first two paragraphs for clear control and understanding of the language.
(Adding more as I go.)
Well... I've heard more elegant ways of foreshadowing, but it doesn't hurt it if you were going for the direct approach.
Wait, of the sun's and moon's own accord? That would imply that they were moving themselves, not that the songs were moving them. I suppose it could be taken to mean the songs' own accord, but that's not how it struck me.
I think you could get away with a horizontal bar instead of the "one year later," which is rather unprofessional.
(^see wut i did thur?)
So, here at the end. I personally prefer a story with a strong allegory; if there is one here, I'm afraid I failed to see it, but I still liked the cute resolution.
If there's more behind this story than I'm seeing, please, tell me more!
2645310
I would say you hit the nail on the head, pointing out the mistakes I made, but that doesn't sound very accurate... More like you left a dent in the wood when you drove the nail home.
Well, thank you for the compliment, my good sir!
As for the mistakes you pointed out, you'll be pleased to note they have been fixed. The "one year later" is gone, replaced with a bunch of ~ (even more unprofessional, but I've yet to discover the means of making the solid horizontal bar. Once I find out how, I'll go back and fix it), I made the "songs moving the sun and moon part" singular and modified the text accordingly, and yes, I was going for a rather direct approach when introducing Silent Dusk's illness (I wanted to leave the reader going, "Wait, what?". Probably didn't get the effect I wanted, but there it is).
As for the resolution, I realize the story was wrapped up rather haphazardly. This is due solely to the fact that the idea for the story itself wasn't finished, so I decided to wrap it up on my own.
Here's the thing:
I was making this story up with my aunt (who doesn't know I'm a brony, so they started out human), but we ran out of time to finish the material for the end of the story. It actually started out as a game (I'd say a couple of things, she'd continue from there, and so on), one that I might try again in the future, see what I get.
If I come up with another idea for a fic, I'll be sure to let everyone know via blog post or a banner or something (fireworks....?), but it will probably be quite a while. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read it, and thanks again for pointing out the flaws.
P.S. My username is TheAspiringWriter93 because I love writing, but I come up with a lot of ideas, attempt to put them to paper, and end up not going anywhere with them because I either lose interest in the idea or come to the realization that the idea was crap to begin with and therefore not pursuing, which is why I said "Don't expect much". Sorry if I sent mixed messages, but that's the way the page burns, as it were.
2646115
Well, a divider of tildes (~) is permissible if you center-align it. As for the horizontal bar, you just put "hr" between brackets, like this: [ hr ], except without the spaces.
That's a cute little story behind the fiction, by the way.
The fiction itself reminded me of a movie I saw in my childhood, Escape to Witch Mountain (to which I've seen the occasional reference, which tells me it's not as obscure as I once thought), mixed with Spielberg's E.T., what with the odd bio-rhythmic link between the two (seemingly-supernatural, hence With Mountain) children.
[EDIT]: Ah! The 502 ate my "like," I see! Just have to fix that...
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"hr" between brackets. Thanks for that, otherwise I would have been bumbling around with ~ for the rest of my time on here.
I must find out how to do the acceptance thing properly, but for now, I'll just add.
Your story is magic. Thank you.
-The Dreamers.
2966635
"Magic", huh?
Well... Can't say I'm not flattered.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
That was a nice little read indeed.
Well done dude.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2987005
Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Sorry for waiting so long since we talked about this. I kinda didn't feel any urge to spend 20 minutes for this fic.
One mistake I'd like to share is that you should advise your reader not to listen to brutal death metal while reading this. Kinda destroys the mood.
Either way, I enjoyed it. A little rough around the corners and a few typos and incorrect punctuation here and there, but nothing serious.
What I don't quite understand is what's up with the two foals. You know, like, why they are there and stuff.
But whatever, it was fine.
3013541
The story behind the foals is supposed to be a mystery, left to the imagination of the reader. Such is the way of folk-tales. The only details are the ones happening in the now, rather than the past. I'm glad you liked it.