The Nine Trials

by InspectorSharpWit

Chapter the Seventh

Chapter the Seventh, or “In Which Sword-Play is Used”

As I make my way through the halls of the inn, I find myself getting closer and closer to a magnificent smell. God, I can smell chicken, turkey, ham, beef, and just about anything I can imagine! Too bad Rainbow can’t stomach any! I think wistfully. However, my sympathy for Rainbow Dash abruptly ends upon seeing the mountains upon mountains of food. All the smells I had sensed were suddenly made reality, driving only one thought into my skull: FOOOOOOOD!

I practically leap onto the table, grabbing any food within arm’s reach. I barely acknowledge the other guests joining me in the savage hunt for anything edible. I practically snarl at this one guy who was getting a little too close to the smoked salmon for my liking. He responded with a meek squeak and went off to eat the scraps off of another table.

After demolishing a few plates, I sit down into a seat, my stomach aching with satisfaction. I let out a small belch of appreciation and smile contentedly.

“Well, that was… Interesting,” Rarity smiles nervously as she approaches me.

I look at her, only half-interested. “How long were you watching?” I ask casually.

“Ten minutes, at least,” she admits, looking at me with a grotesque fascination. “I never would have thought that someone as civilized as you could turn into such an animal!”

“What, so you DIDN’T leap at the food?” I ask incredulously.

She turns a light pink, but maintains an air of dignity. “A lady does not shove food in her mouth like a savage animal,” she says primly, straightening out her robes. “She eats it in a careful and deliberate manner, no matter the situation.”

I roll my eyes and get up. “Well, in any case, this shouldn’t be a surprise to you,” I smirk. “After all, you’ve seen me in bed.”

This time, she turns a much deeper shade of red. “Well, I suppose so,” she giggles, brushing her hair back ever so slightly. “Of course, my room just happens to be free right now… Perhaps we can see if we can put that animal energy into good use?”

Before I can reply with a smooth, James Bond-esque reply, a little pink blur zooms past me and lands on my leg. “Oh my gosh, guys!” Pinkie gasps, jumping up and down excitedly. “Do you see what I see?”

“A pesky little dwarf jumping on my knee?” I ask sardonically.

“No, even better!” she giggles, leaping onto the table. “I found AJ!”

Hearing this, I quickly get up. “Where is she?!” I ask, alarmed.

Pinkie lets out a little laugh of enjoyment. “You’ll never guess where! C’mon, I’ll show you!” and with that, she zooms out in front of us.

Rarity and I look at each other before following the pink blur of energy. After nearly knocking over many servers and inn guests, we finally reach Pinkie, only to find that she had led us to a table full of filthy bearded men. “Pinkie, darling, are you SURE this is where Applejack is?” Rarity asks the little pink imp.

She looks around frantically for the cowgirl. “I swear, she was just here!” she whined childishly. “Where’d she go?”

I roll my eyes, but before I can go back to my table, I hear a familiar chant being issued by the patrons of the table: “Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!”

I smile and push my way through the fat, smelly men. This is gonna be goooood, I think to myself as I see the competitor. He’s a giant man with a flaming red beard and a squished face, as if it had been deformed by one too many fights. He was chugging the largest flagon (I think that’s what they’re called) of amber liquid I had ever seen, swallowing the stuff as if it was his life blood. His competitor, on the other hand, was completely obscured by the legions of other fat men, who were each chanting that same word over and over at a steady pace.

Rarity stands beside me, observing the men with the same look of grotesque fascination she had given me. “Honestly, you men are such pigs!” she says in awe as she watched the liquid drip from the challenger’s face.

I grin sheepishly. “Yeah, we DO tend to get a little… Gross.”

Suddenly, the chant picks up speed, and the other men begin to stomp to the increasing rhythm. Our challenger seemed to be getting overwhelmed, spilling more and more alcohol down his front. Finally, he gasps for air, smashing his fist down in defeat. The crowd erupts in cheers, lifting up the winner, who was surprisingly a freckle-faced girl with blonde hair. She was wearing an orange suit of armor, and on her chest plate was the crest of three apples. In fact, it looked an awful lot like-

“APPLEJACK?!” Rarity says incredulously. “I can’t believe it!”

“Ha! I TOLD you that I saw Applejack here!” Pinkie gloated triumphantly. “But you called me crazy! Well, WHO’S CRAZY NOW, HUH?!”

I smile sheepishly. “Alright, I’m sorry, Pinks,” I admit, holding my hands up in surrender. “You were right and we were wrong.”

“Well, in any case, we should probably get to her before she ends up doing something she’ll regret,” Rarity observes as she sees Applejack sway drunkenly on top of the crowd.

I chuckle to myself before waving my arms to get AJ’s attention. “Hey, Applejack!” I yell loudly. “It’s me, Sebastian!”

Hearing my name, the blonde grins ear to ear and tumbles gracefully to the ground. “Where were you guysh?” she slurred cheerfully. “We were looking all over for yaa!”

“Is Fluttershy with you?” Pinkie asks.

Applejack nods. “Eeeeyup, Ah’ve been riding her all day! Ha!” she snorts in laughter. “Ah sound juuuusht like Big Mac!”

Rarity raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean ‘riding her’?”

AJ points to the door. “C’mon, Ah’ll shows ya!” she promises, and she begins to stagger off to the exit.

Rarity turns to Pinkie Pie urgently. “Go get Twilight and tell her that we found the other two. I’ve got a feeling that we’re going to need her help.”

Pinkie gives her a quick salute before zipping off to get Twilight. Good call Rarity, I think to myself. We’ll need all the help we can get…

A Few Minutes Later…

“I still can’t believe that she put a DRINKING CONTEST over finding us!” Twilight fumed as we followed the tipsy cowgirl.

“To be fair, I’m pretty sure you’d dive into a library if you had the chance.” I point out.

“Hey… Shut up!” Twilight said irritably.

After walking for a little bit, we come to a small stable behind the inn. ”Oh Fluttershhyyyyy!” Applejack calls jovially. “I found the otherrrrs!”

“Oh dear… Tell them to come in!” Fluttershy’s voice replies, somewhat worried.

The cowgirl opens the door with a flourish. “Alright! Ya gotta be veeery careful ‘bout what you say, though,” she warns us. “Fluttershy’s feelin’ a little hoarse!” She snickers at this comment for some weird reason. “Heheh… Hoarse…”

We stare at the blonde before entering the shed cautiously. “Fluttershy?” Rarity calls. “Are you alright, darling?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” she says meekly from the shadows.

“Well come out and see us then, darling!” the violet-haired seamstress says reprovingly.

There’s a little sigh, and a strange horse steps out reluctantly. It’s rather familiar, as it has a light pink mane, cream yellow fur, and large blue eyes.

“Fluttershy?!” Pinkie gasps. “You’re a horse!”

The little horse sighs again. “Yes, I know Pinkie…”

Pinkie gasps again, this time even louder. “Oh my gosh! You’re a TALKING HORSE!!!!”

She gives the little imp a weak smile. “I suppose it’s not too bad,” she said modestly, pawing the ground. “After all, this isn’t too different from what I’m used to…”

Rarity smiled and patted Fluttershy on the head. “Don’t worry, darling,” she said comfortingly. “We’ll be able to get out of here as soon as… Actually, how do we get out?” she asks, turning to me.

I take pause for a moment before realizing that Rarity was talking to me. “Hmm? Oh yeah, hold on… If I remember correctly, we’ve got to slay some beast tonight.”

“What?! Why would we have to do that?!” Fluttershy says in horror.

I shrug. “I dunno. Discord said it was the only way out of here, so why not?”

Twilight raises an eyebrow. “And you’ve decided to start trusting Discord?”

I pause for a moment, realizing my mistake. “Ok, MAYBE it’s not the best idea, but what other choice do we have?!” I ask impatiently. “Besides, you didn’t have any qualms about killing that giant toad earlier!”

Twilight sighs. “I suppose you’re right… Still, we have no idea what we’re hunting for here! It’s a complete wild goose chase!”

“Not entirely,” I say thoughtfully. “Discord DID say something about ‘the scent of lust’… Maybe the beast has something to do with desire?”

“I think I can help ya there, sonny,” an unfamiliar voice said quietly. We all turn to find an old man in plain brown clothes standing at the door. “Couldn’t help but hear ya. I think I know what beast you’re talking about, though…”

I quickly pull out my sword and point it towards him. “And what would your name be?”

The old man lifted up his hands in surrender. “The name’s Artemis. Me and me brothers Apollo and Zebedee are traveling merchants around these parts.”

Realizing that I was probably being paranoid, I sigh and re-sheath my sword. “Sorry about that. Guess I’m a little high strung…”

“Not a problem,” he says amiably. “Anyways, I think what you might be looking for is the Beast of Miseria. He tends to lurk around these parts this time of night.”

“Wait, wasn’t that the thing that the loud guy was yelling about earlier?” asks Pinkie.

“It wouldn’t surprise me; this village is that thing’s favorite hunting grounds,” Artemis said gravely. “Every full moon, that wretched wolf comes and lures its prey to the woods, only to have ‘em meet their deaths by his teeth.”

“But what does that have to do with lust?” inquires Rarity.

The old merchant chuckled. “See, that’s where it gets interesting. The way I figure it, the hound rolls in some sort of plant that attracts people to him. Makes them ‘em think they’ve fallen in love with the wolf. I think this is why no one’s ever tried to kill it before.”

“Well, that’ll make it simple then!” I say in relief. “All we have to do is make sure that we don’t smell the wolf and we’ll be home free!”

“Not so fast, sonny,” the merchant chuckled. “You’ve got to remember, this is still a wolf. It’s big, it’s bad, and it can probably knock you over with one breath if you aren’t careful!”

I smirk. “Trust me, we can handle ourselves.”

The old man shrugged. “Suit yourselves, I tried to warn ya. Still, if yer gonna slay the beast, you’ll need some equipment...” He pulls out a satchel from behind him and lays it on the ground. “Lucky for you, I sell pretty much everything. I’ve got some rope, some silver knives, and some wolf traps. That could help ya on yer quest.”

Twilight covered the items with her aura and smiled gratefully at Artemis. “How much do we owe you?”

He gives us a small smile. “Eh, I’ll give it to ya for free. Apollo and Zebedee’ll kill me, but I’ve got a feeling that you lot can put it to good use. Oh and one more thing,” he remembers, pulling a little crystal from his pocket. “Slip this into that sword of yours,” he says to me as he puts it into my hand. “It’ll do ya good, I swear.”

I grin. “Hey, thanks man! You’re alright, you know that?”

He chuckles. “Glad to hear it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go. Good luck, you lot. You’re going to need it.” And with that, he walked out of the stable and to the road up ahead.

“Well, he was a nice fellow,” Rarity said unsurely. “A little TOO nice, if you ask me…”

I look up from examining the crystal the merchant had given me. “What do you mean?”

“Isn’t it an odd coincidence that we meet up with a merchant who just HAPPENS to be listening in on us and just HAPPENS to have the things we need and just HAPPENS to be willing to give it to us for free?” she asks.

After thinking about it for a little while, I shake my head. “Nah, tons of these sorts of coincidences happen to the heroes of these types of things. It’s like a rule of the story.”

“So by that logic, that means that it’s a rule that we beat the beast, right?” Pinkie says hopefully.

I pause before smiling sheepishly. “Not necessarily… There ARE stories of knights who get eaten, so…”

“Hey guysh?” a weak voice comes from behind us. We all turn to see that Applejack had apparently passed out since the merchant came. “Ah’m feelin’ might shick…”

“How are we supposed to deal with Applejack being drunk AND fighting this wolf?” Twilight grumbles.

Suddenly, and idea pops into my head. “Why don’t you just use that detox spell on her?” I ask.

An evil smile grows on Twilight’s face. “Yeah, I suppose that could work,” she grinned, her words dripping with evil kindness.

“Uh, Twilight?” Fluttershy asks, unnerved. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she said with a poisonous sweetness. “I’m always happy to help a FRIEND…”

Sensing her impending doom, Applejack looks to me in fear. “Don’t let her kill me, sugar cube,” she pleads softly before passing out.

I give Twilight a stern look. “Twilight, whatever you’re planning, you probably shouldn’t do it.”

She gives me an eerie smile. “Why do you says that?” She asks in that same scarily sweet voice. “I just want to help!”

“Twilight, so help me, I will tell the princesses if you do anything bad!” I say threateningly.

This apparently snaps her out of her homicidal mood. “Oh, alright,” she whines, getting her aura ready. “But I won’t like it!” Focusing a little, she shoots out her purple aura straight at Applejack’s head.

This is apparently an unpleasant experience, because the blonde wakes up with a start. “What the hell was that for?!” she asks indignantly.

“Congrats, you’re sober,” Twilight says sarcastically. “Now let’s go kill this damn dog and get it over with.”

One Lazily Executed Transition Later…

“G-g-guys?” Fluttershy says nervously as she trots beside us. “Are y-y-you SURE this is where the monster is?”

I looked around at our surroundings. “Hmm… Scary woods? Check. Full moon? Check. Scary wolf howl?” A low howl goes through the night air, almost as if on cue. “Check. Yup, we’re in the right place!”

Fluttershy sighs. “I was afraid of that…”

“You know, this reminds me of a song my Granny Pie taught me!” Pinkie chirped cheerfully from Fluttershy’s back. “You guys wanna hear it?”

“Uh… Ya’ll DO realize that we’re gonna be fightin’ a dangerous beastie here, don’t ya, Pinkie?” Applejack asks, obviously miffed.

Pinkie blinks owlishly at the cowgirl. “So?”

Applejack groans and pinches the bridge of her nose. “Never mind…”

“Uh, guys?” Twilight interrupts. “Do you smell that?”

I look around curiously, trying to find said smell. “I don’t smell anything…”

“I think I might be smelling it too,” Rarity says unsurely. “Is it a very musky smell?”

Twilight nods slowly. “Yeah… Very musky and sweet and… dreamy…” She giggles, almost as if she were drunk. “Haa… So good…”

One by one, Applejack, Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all start falling under the power of the smell. “So good,” they all moan in creepy unison, and they start walking towards the source of this smell.

Even I catch the aroma, but it wasn’t at all like they had described it. Instead, it was an intoxicating mixture of lavender and cinnamon apple, somehow mixing together perfectly to make an irresistible combination. I laugh drunkenly and begin to shuffle towards the smell, but trip myself on a root and fall face first into a puddle of mud.

Rainbow Dash’s hologram pops out of the sword. “ARE YOU MENTAL?!” she says incredulously as I struggle to get back up. “You can’t just give up and start following random smells! We’re on a mission here!”

I wipe the mud off my face and scowl. “Alright, I’m sorry!” I grumble. “If it makes you feel any better, I have mud up my nose right now!”

“Well, at least you aren’t like those idiots!” she snorts in derision. “I mean, honestly! They just might walk into the beast- Hey wait a minute…”

I suddenly put two and two together. “You don’t think that could be the wolf, do you?!” I ask, alarmed.

“No fucking shit, Sherlock!” Rainbow Dash says, obviously panicking. “You’ve gotta stop them before he eats them or something!”

“But how am I supposed to do that?! Just shove mud up their noses?!”

“How about tying them up until you’ve killed the beast, shithead?!” she groans.

I pause before putting my hands to my face. “God, I’m such an idiot...” Pulling out the rope from the bag, I run up to the girls and tie them to the nearest tree. “Sorry guys, this is for your own good!” I say apologetically as I run towards Fluttershy.

Tying up the small horse was an infinitely more difficult challenge, as she keeps on bucking and whinnying as I try to tether her to a tree. “Noooo!” she cries, trying to break the rope. “Let me go!”

“C’mon Shy, work with me!” I grunt as I firmly not the rope. “Alright, all done!”

The yellow pony lets out a heartbreaking whinny before looking down sadly at the ground. “Damn, how strong is this stuff?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Pretty damn strong,” I admit, trying hard not to snort any of the mud out of my nose. “How come you can’t smell it?”

She sighs and waves her arm through her head. “Hologram. Duh.”

“… Shut up and help me find this wolf,” I grumble, drawing my sword. “Now he can’t be too far away, considering that the girls were going so crazy… He could be right on top of us, for all we know!”

“Very poor choice of words,” an unfamiliar voice croons.

Rainbow and I turn around to find a lone figure on top of a tree. He was slim and dark, illuminated by the full moon behind him. “Looking for me?” he grinned, showing two razor sharp canines.

I balk as his sudden appearance. “Y-you’re supposed to be a wolf,” I stutter.

He chuckles and leaps down to us, giving me a closer look. He was wearing blood red robes, leaving his muscular chest bare. “I can be whatever I want to be,” he smirks, getting uncomfortably close to me. “I just like wolf because it’s a little more… savage, if you catch my drift.”

I wince a little as he breathes his hot breaths on me. “Dude, you’re violating my personal space here-“

“I’ll violate whatever I want,” he grins. “Trust me, you won’t mind.”

“I don’t exactly swing that way, man,” I chuckle nervously. “I mean, I’m sure you’re a great guy and all, but-“

“Oh, shut up,” he snarls, and kisses me full on the mouth.

I quickly push him away. “Ok, THAT was uncalled for!” I say angrily. “You can’t just come up to a guy and- What the hell…”

Right before my eyes, the slender young man begins morphing and changing as if he were made of clay. “What’s a matter?” he croons, his voice warping along with him. “Are you getting confused? A little disoriented?” He gradually turns into a blonde, freckled girl wearing a Stetson. “Maybe I can help, sugar cube,” he says, perfectly mimicking Applejack’s voice.

I stare at the incredibly hot farm girl. “No, this isn’t real… This can’t be real!” I mumble quietly to myself.

“'Course it’s real, sugar cube!” Applejack croons, walking slowly towards me. “Yer just a bit stressed out by all that’s been happenin’…” she runs her hands through my hair and looks deep into my eyes. “Maybe Ah can help you relax…”

“Don’t fall for it, Sebastian!” Rainbow Dash’s hologram yells. “He’s trying to confuse you! Just stab the bastard already!”

My mind becomes fogged up by a wave of desire. “I… I can’t think right now,” I say, looking away and trying to shake off my intoxication. “It’s too much…”

“Aw, poor baby,” Twilight’s voice coos. I look up to see that Applejack’s image had been replaced with the violet-haired librarian, clad in a sinfully sexy secretary outfit. “It’s always too much for you, always too hard for you to decide.” She gives me a lecherous grin. “Maybe you won’t have to…”

This somehow snaps me out of my senses, causing me to push “Twilight” down to the ground. “Now I KNOW what’s going on!” I say triumphantly. “Twilight would NEVER say that!”

The false Twilight looks up at me and snarls. “You’ll pay for that,” she says grimly in the young man’s voice. She begins to shudder and grow, her hands becoming gigantic paws, and blood red fur covering her entire body. By the time she’s finished, she has become a massive red wolf. “Time to die,” it growls before pouncing.

I was quick enough to dodge the beast and jump up into a tree. “Oh God, we’re so boned,” I groan, looking around frantically for the monster.

“Wait, what happened to that crystal the old guy gave us?” Rainbow asked. “Try slipping that on!”

I fumble around a little before pulling out the crystal and jamming it into my sword. The sword glows a deep blue before transforming into a large crossbow. “Great, now what am I supposed to shoot?!” I groan.

“Try shooting it!” Rainbow Dash commands.

“Why?! There’s no ammo!”

“Just try it, ok?!”

I roll my eyes and pull the trigger. A bright orange arrow suddenly materializes and shoots forward, hitting a tree with deadly accuracy. “Light arrows… Ok, that’s pretty fucking cool,” I admit.

“YOU’RE MINE, HUMAN!!” the wolf roars below us. He quickly runs up the tree in a gravity defying feat and snaps at us with his jaws. Taking the opportunity for a clear shot, I aim the crossbow and let a red light arrow fly through his gut.

Surprisingly, all this does is piss him off. “YOU’LL PAY FOR THAT!” he bellowed, landing right on the branch we were on.

I frantically shoot him over and over, but the rainbow arrows only manage to push him off of the branch. C’mon, c’mon, why isn’t this working?!

A sudden memory runs through my head: To find your compatriots, just stick around for the feast; but to leave this little world of yours, you must first face the beast. Slip the noose around his neck, shove a blade into his heart; but beware, for this monster has a trick or two in his cart! Since there’s no alternative, and slay the beast you must; take heed of my warning, friend, and beware the aroma of lust!

Thank you, Discord, I grin. Pulling out my bag, I grab another thick rope and begin tie it to make a classic hangman’s noose. And thank you, Boyscout Manual!

“What the hell are you doing?!” Rainbow Dash asks incredulously.

“You know, you’ve been saying that A LOT, and it’s starting to piss me off,” I grunt as I focus on the noose.

“PLEASE don’t tell me that you’re going to try to hang the wolf!” she moans.

“Fine, I won’t tell you,” I smirk, finishing up on the noose and leaping down the tree. “YIPPIE-KI-YAY, MOTHERFUCKER!”

I manage to land on the wolf’s back, causing him to writhe and buck in order to get me off. “HOW DARE YOU?!” it snarls, trying its hardest to bite me with his fangs. “I’LL KILL YOU, YOU FILTHY HUMAN!”

“God, you sound like my mother!” I laugh as I wrap the noose around his neck. I pull harder and harder, trying to choke the beast.

Gradually, he begins to lose power, growing more and more tired. Finally, his eyes roll backwards in his head, and he collapses onto the forest floor.

I get off of him and take out the crystal from the crossbow, converting it back into a sword. “From hell’s heart, I stab at thee!” I say dramatically before thrusting the sword deep into the wolf’s chest.

There’s a flash of white and suddenly everything disappears. I look around to see that the world had been erased, only to be completely replaced by walls and floors of pure white. “Discord?” I call out in the blank-ness. “Are you here?”

“Define ‘here’,” a smug voice answers. Discord materializes in front of me, sitting in a comfortable looking couch decorated with green polka-dots. “I see you handled the wolf well.”

“I guess… It was a little weird though, I’ll tell you that,” I admit.

He smirks. “Well, you’re a little weird, so it fits.”

Something about that sentence made a little too much sense to me. “What did you mean by that?” I ask cautiously.

The chaos god cackles long and hard. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise for you.” He chortles. “Now, off you go!”

He snaps his fingers, causing a giant boot to materialize next to me. The boot rises up a few feet before going full force at me and kicking me out of the white room. “DIIIISSCOOOORD!” I bellow in pain as I am sent hurtling away…

Author's Note:

Hello there, dear readers! I realize that I sort of went half-assed in this chapter, but no need to fret! THe next one is sure to entertain!

Comments

[CometandAqua]

Dat ending!!!

[Happy_McDull]

Fluttershy is Epona!