When Kyle and Gold are sitting at their house, they get a knock on their door. They went to go answer it, and they found a tall mare wearing a suit with a little colt standing next to her. "Sorry to bother you gentlemen, but I am from Child Services. I have here with me a young colt and a note from his parents. They were deemed unfit to take care of him and they gave me this address telling me that you two are his brothers? Is that correct?" The tall mare asked. "Uh...excuse us one moment." Gold said as he closed the door for a second. "OH CRAP!"
Tragedy and comedy are conflicting tags, broski.
i know exactly how this is gonna go down. ladies and gentlecolts grab your umbrellas, there's a shit storm on its way.
Yay! You wrote another story.
Okay, let's see.
Ha, I knew he was a mistake.
Your fuck-ed, kids. Mares in black are coming to town.
Bitch please. The mother of the little colt is already standing beside him.
It's just a prank made by a whore, so that she wouldn't have to take care of her own mistake.
Kind of sad, isn't it? I bet that was a better plot than this one.
Oh shit, indeed. Gold just remembered the whore he had fucked, and raped.
And the story took place, where, Equestria has a television.
I reckon seeing the mane six, drinking ciders. Which had a few alcohols in it, if I may add.
And that means, if we were to think that the mane six were at the age of 18, then the drinking policy enables your shitty OC to drink beers.
Ha! Math, bitch!
And yet, you didn't get reported for fucking, and raping a whore. Justice this days.
She was a whore anyways.
Who's Christ?
Slendermare!!! I've missed you!
I'm sure Child Service doesn't work like that, if the parents gave their child away, directly.
If a parent was in no condition to take care of their child, they will receive help from the government.
But, since there are no government in Equestria. Fuck them in the ass with a pogo stick.
"Awesome...!" I commented with an exclamation point, asking what the fuck did I just read.
What...? You're more derped than our favorite delivery mare.
Why would a mother tell their children that she just fucked a colt. And also, you're making parents look bad in this poor excuse for a story.
We don't even know a single thing about their mother!
Oh God. We went through this like three fictions already.
I remember that Kyle was a zebra-pegasus. And also Gold. Are you fucking kidding me?
I may have used my OC for like, all of my stories. But I gave him only one race.
Yes. Ask a colt if he knows who you two are, and see if the colt has a higher IQ than you two coltcuddlers.
Gold said with his rape face on. His shaft, twitching in anticipation.
Lol, back to gay sex.
Just like old time. How I deflowered my little brother, Kyle, Gold thought as he gave the mare a sincere smile.
Wait 'till you see how dirty he could be with the two coltcuddlers.
The fuck. A minute ago, the colt was a pegasus, alone. And now, an alicorn.
Now, in this case, I'm sure the colt would be sent to the princesses, instead in the house of a two lone, sober coltcuddlers.
Oh God. You're making me sorry for all the mothers around the world.
You're making them sound like a total bitch. I know that there are mothers who are a bitch, but not like that.
I hate you .-.
Bad decision. Now there are three coltcuddlers.
Suddenly, Rainbow Dash.
Who crushed into a fucking mountain without braking her neck.
The pegasus who crushed on the tree is a fucking wuss.
Mmmkay .-.
Remember that, Gold. Two months for you to turn the poor alicorn, into a world-class coltcuddling Alicorn!!!
Oh wait, since when did Gold knew the colt's name?
So, Applebloom's popular? Or were you just stalking her, behind the a bush near the school building?
...
...
...
...
That was the quickest deflowering I have ever witnessed in literature, and thus, I'm gonna savor it.
What!? Since when did you guys knew where he lived?
Ugh... generation this days. Such a disappointment that I came out at the same day as this.
Also, I came buckets from earlier.
The fuck with psychic ponies this days?
Oh no you didn't. I'm gonna kill you in your sleep, regardless if you're an alicorn and a colt.
You're making our generation look bad.
Not, funneh ,-,
That escalated quickly. One minute ago, he agreed to be deflowered by Gold, now he is disappointed because his brother's cock was so small to be considered as a stallion's.
Nice going, mom.
Now c'mon, Tommy. Spread your little pucker for me.
You really are destroying the brains of your readers, aren't ya?
I have never seen such a romantic incest story in my entire life.
Okay, I'm just gonna copy this whole review, so that, if you delete it, I still have it.
2575287 Okay.
Now you're just begging for an anal pounding.
2575249
Then why did it let me select them? "Broski?"
2575463 Actually, I made a mistake. Carry on with your shitty, shitty existence.
Also: I came.
Ohhhh, ohhhh
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
Slow down!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Sorry your story raped my mind.
Please stop writting, you're just not cut to write stories.
Waiting for more shitstorm comments...
The giant head on that foal. His expression just cries out "Kill me! Kill me!"
Someone call Rammstein! They need to kill this story with fire!
lanoticia.cat/wp-content/woo_custom/575-Feuer_Frei.jpg
That was heinous.
I think you really need to locate an editor for this. But honestly, I think that even with a skilled editor at your disposal, this story would still tank. And that is my honest opinion.
Guys, guys. We all know why were really here. At this point these stories are more like a meet up point than anything else. So instead of bashing it why not just ignore the story entirely and have a nice conversation. Let me start with a Ice breaker.
Wow you're all a bunch of assholes. "frist time on fim fiction and I'm not impressed by you guys"
2579537 Oh, you should have seen the comment section of 'Rainbow Dash's Arch Enemy', and you'll know why we're like this towards him.
I'll admit, I click on these stories just to read the comments section.
2575333 Just died with laughter after reading that.
Okay, I can obviously tell this'll be bad story after reading a few comments. So... make way for my review!
Ooh, how exciting.
Also, it should be:
When Kyle and Gold are sitting in their house,
"At their house" sounds completely stupid.
Ha, they're screwed.
...
...
...
That was kinda fast, in my opinion.
A mare shows up and just tells them they have a brother.
Okay.... wow...
I think it should be:
Or:
Because "Um... excuse us one moment." gave me a poker face.
Oh, look at that. An alicorn OC.
...
...
...
... Are you freaking kidding me.
When will people learn alicorn OCs are MAJOR turn offs?
Good grief. I didn't even bother reading the story after just viewing the description.
Just turn your alicorn OC into a pegasus or something... and don't rush things
Then, you might have a chance.
All I get out of the description is:
2581134 I try my best to please. -insert happy Twilight emoticon here, because I couldn't find the box that holds the emoticons-
My screen is too small .-.
2581195 Well, it certainly got me laughing.
2575463
He's not saying the system won't let you select both. He's saying they are two completely different types of stories. Comedies center completely around giving the audience laughs and good vibes, and in the classical sense, give happy endings, unless it is a black comedy. Tragedy on the other hand seeks to twist up the darker feelings of the audience, like rage, greed, and despair, and usually has a sad ending where things are more messed up than when the story started.
Swear words aren't allowed in the description of teen rated stories.
Wtf did I read?! I lost my ability to even!
5488150
Guilty as well.
2575333
That was simply outstanding.
2575333 Best review ever
5488150 Guilty fourth
Why.
2575249
tragic comedy?