Chapter One: The End and the Beginning
Three Balloons and a Pinch of Laughter
By Maera Fey
Chapter One: The End and the Beginning
“Surprise!” Pinkamena Diane Pie shouts. “ You like it? It's called... A PARTY!”
“Ahh!”
Her family members stare in amazement with their eyes and mouths wide open. Even her father drops his favourite sprig of wheat.
Pinkamena’s face splits into a wide smile. She did it! She made them happy! But wait… She takes one more glance. Well, her family certainly looks shocked but happy?
“You like it, right?” the pink filly asks again.
Of course, they like it. They have to! She worked so hard for this! She spent the whole night on the preparations. Not only did she bake a cake (it actually didn’t come out so well but after covering in cream it looks much better, almost edible), Pinkamena also decorated the whole place with confetti, ribbons and balloons. The result is gorgeous, so colorful and beautiful. How could anypony possibly not like it?!
Pinkamena smiles again, even wider. She look at her family with anticipation. Not just looks. Stares.
Mr. Pie closes his eyes, opens them, then closes and opens again. Finally, he takes deep breath and begins:
“Pinkamena Diane Pie–”
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?!” Writing “Mrs. Pie shouts” would be not quite adequate, so let me put it this way: Mrs. Pie’s voice must have caused an earthquake in the area of 200 square miles.
“What?” Pinkamena is puzzled. What has hair to do with the party?
Not only she seems to be confused.
“Hair? Hair?!” Mr. Pie turns to his wife. “She had wasted all of our supplies and all you are concern about is her HAIR?!”
“Clyde, please, calm do–”
“Calm down? Calm down! How possibly can I calm down?! See this?” He points ribbons. “And this?” Brown hoof moves towards balloons. “See how much of this stuff is here? Do you have a slightest idea how many bits it must have cost?!”
“Ow, ow! I know!” Pink filly danced with her tiny hoof high up. “It means, I don't know exactly but nice Mr. Salespony said it's much more than I can count so I showed him this huge gemstone you found last week – the one you said was worth a fortune and I should never ever tell about it to anypony. So I showed it to Mr. Salespony. Did I already mention he was really nice? So I showed it to him and asked if that would do. He said that hardly, and asked if I had something more. So I dug out this bits which you hid for a rainy day. Funny, why would anypony need bits on a rainy day? Umbrella I would understand, but bits? So I gave those bits to Mr. Salespony but he still wasn't satisfied so I sneaked to your bedroom and took this secret treasure box in which mother was keeping her family jewels. Finally, Mr. Salespony did agree, but he said that it was special price, only for me. And then he left. He must've been in quite a hurry, because he nearly galloped. And he was really, really, really nice.” Pinkamena looks at her parents’ faces and all the emotions they are expressing. “Umm... Does it mean you don't like my party?”
***
Pinkamena Diane Pie lies on their bed, crying into her pillow. Her flank – still blank, without any cutie mark – hurts so bad she's pretty sure she'll never be able to sit again. But there is something far more worse than that – loud, angry voices behind the wall. She puts her hooves over her ears but she still can hear Mr. and Mrs. Pie arguing. They are blaming each other for not rising Pinkamena properly.
Little filly sobs. She doesn't even know what she did wrong. She only understands that her parents are extremely upset and this is all her fault. The terrible feeling of guilt grab us her by the throat, nearly strangling to death. Just to think all she wanted was to make them smile.
Suddenly, a part of the argument grabs her attention.
“She's just like your mother!” Mrs. Pie snarls.
“Grandma?” Pinkamena is stunned. On the rock farm old Mrs. Pie is extremely rarely spoken of. Curiosity immediately takes place of sorrow. Filly puts her ear to the wall. It isn't really necessary, though. Mr. and Mrs. Pie were fighting so loudly that they can be heard even in Cloudsdale.
That's how our young heroine learns that – unlike she was told – one of her grandparents is still alive and living not very far away, in Ponyville. What's more, from the description given Granny Pie is, no doubt, a real fun-loving pony.
Excited Pinkamena starts to bounce around the room.
“Oh, I just need to pay her a visit! She's sure to know how to make mother, father, and sisters smile!”
And so, do not even thinking about such trivial matters as fresh water, lunch, and a map, Pinkamena Diane Pie, using open window, escapes from her home. Cheerfully singing under his breath (the song about hard work and rockfarming, the only one she knows), she trots toward Ponyville.
On her way she has a brilliant idea of taking a shortcut through Everfree Forest.
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... Everyone?
Thats not how most of Pinkie's backstories go.
434766
Umm, is this a good or bad thing?
434789
Most have her been raped or abused.
This is a nice change.
434793
Thanks, that flatters me a lot.
Good story so far, I'd like to see more!
Keep going!
434916
I'll try to do my best.
Thanks!
WAIT!
Before you proceed any further: Go back and revise the prologue and this chapter!
You gave us a very nice change from the usual "Pinkie was fucked-up" stories. It would be a shame if that were to be ruined!
Go back and revise grammar, Showing Vs. Telling (try to describe the scenery and their physical reactions a bit on the text) and try to make the scenes and chapters longer.
Don't let this go to waste.
PS: Pinkie isn't dumb, on the contrary; I think she would know how to deal with valuable items... if you want to make it so that she learns from these mistakes you wrote about, you must explain it on further chapters.
[Edit]: I'll keep this tracked to see where it goes.
435014
Thank you! All of your comments got the point. Still, I prefer to work hard in order to provide better chapters in the future than revising the old ones. Don't be angry, but I know myself pretty well and I am sure that if I started revising, soon I would be stuck doing that and the story would never go any further. But fear not, I'll revise everything after the story will be completed.
Huzzah, critique!
435244 Well... I'd suggest doing it now before the story gets too big. Your call nevertheless.
435930
Hmm, you may be right. I'll think about that. Thank you for everything.
A few grammar errors (eatable=edible), and a bit rushed, however, I see that this is your first fanfiction. Overall, I like it, and tracking.
P.S, something with flat hair would be nice.
Nice, like lucefudo said. DONT OVERDO IT! Pinkie is an amazing character to write about, don't ruin it. Please'
Heh, right when I was thinking about doing one of these myself.
Looking good so far...
cant wait for the next chapter.
This is going good, instead of being... stuffed, she just got her flank wooped.
... I feel sorry for her, but I'm liking this.
-Richard