Dash visits Twilight to get another set of Daring Do books.
This was a short exercise in descriptive writing that isn't meant to amount to anything serious.
Image credit goes to colinmlp.
Chapters (1)
wackyteen
Joined 7th Nov, 2011 ·
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I don't... get it?
What is this story's point? What dose it try to convey to the reader?
And... do i detect and undertone of Twidash?
I guess this is alright. 4 stars
Cheers
~iraqlobstah
It says complete but there is so many plot elements that could come off of this story.
But nonetheless it was an alright read, and your spelling and grammar are great as well, don't think I caught any mistakes.
I really liked this, the writing was solid, and interesting, even if it was basically just a conversation.
205704 I agree, this story can become much longer if you so choose
205626 Actually, that's the point of the Slice of Life genre. It doesn't necessarily go anywhere. To quote a cliché, it's all about the journey.
205626
it wasn't really meant to go anywhere.
It's just an idea I had posed to someone i talk to online, but he chickened out, so i rolled with what i could get.
Not bad for a writing exercise. As others have said, this could be worked into the start of a TwiDash if you wanted.
One minor thing:
"Nor do I slave over every last word to draw the most detail out of it"
That phrasing just doesn't sound very, well, Dash-like.
All in all, pretty good. 4/5.
I did find this story to be enjoyable, but I thought that your depiction of Rainbow Dash was a little inaccurate. She used too many words and expressions that would normally be replaced with slang. But as a casual story, it was nice.
205893
205913
I sorta felt I got a little wordy with Dash, which is something I'll work on with any future stories I write.
Interesting. I'm sort of wanting to say yes and no to respond to it.
Firstly, total respect for the genre. There's nothing wrong with a story where not much happens. But, I think, if you go for that style then you need to compensate to make it worthwhile.
You could do it either by making the description really rich, about something that the ponies are doing, or the place they are, or how they're feeling. The other way is to do it through really rich dialogue, like a long conversation between two friends, or an argument, or a discussion, or something else.
This fic isn't bad, but it seems to lack anything to justify its existence. If it were part of a longer story I'm sure it would work. Perhaps it would benefit from a little work in trying to expand the dialogue between Twilight and Rainbow (where Rainbow was a little bit too unfriendly for my liking ... she is supposed to be one of Twilight's best friends, even if she's athletic and "cool").
But as you say, as an exercise it's a good thing to do, and it was an interesting read.
206000
i might take the idea and expand it into some friendshipping, or if I'm feeling up to it, shipping.
if Dash came across as a little cold, that was sorta unintended.
This is quite well written. Good job, man. :O
Just a thought, I'd love to see you write a mini-series of short stories like this. This didn't really go anywhere, but maybe you were aiming for that. Anyhoo, I like it, make mawr please :P
Oh wow...Twilight's personality is sooooo close to my sisters if not exact. And i'm basically RainbowDash. "Reading is for eggheads"
Even though I have read some good books I normally don't try to find more. Instead I come here to FimFiction to read. LOTS of good stories here.
And when I say that Twilight Sparkle is close to my sister in the reading aspect...I mean it. She read Brisngr (or something) in about 3 hours. And how many THOUSAND pages are there in that book?