Hey! From what I've seen, you have a pleasant writing style, though it probably wouldn't hurt to proof-read things once more. There were a few points where words weren't capitalized and such, but nothing major. Here are two: “what the what.. what.. WHAT?” and "You.. you did SOMETHING! this is a prank or something because of my birthday!" I'm a bit concerned that you may be moving a bit fast with the discovery of the transformations, but I liked pretty much everything else! Keep it up! Oh, and here is a link to the Deviant Art page for your picture: http://yikomega. deviantart.com/art/ Music-Pony-Wallpaper-254231080
2570085 Yeeeah now that I think about it it is a tad fast... However it is still early game for Olivia and is still possible to draw it out... I just have to be careful! (Or rewrite the entire chapter;).
Thanks for the critique, I was actually curious about that myself! So I'll be sure to correct and observe.
Hey! From what I've seen, you have a pleasant writing style, though it probably wouldn't hurt to proof-read things once more. There were a few points where words weren't capitalized and such, but nothing major. Here are two: “what the what.. what.. WHAT?” and "You.. you did SOMETHING! this is a prank or something because of my birthday!"
I'm a bit concerned that you may be moving a bit fast with the discovery of the transformations, but I liked pretty much everything else! Keep it up!
Oh, and here is a link to the Deviant Art page for your picture: http://yikomega. deviantart.com/art/ Music-Pony-Wallpaper-254231080
Loving it so far
2570085
Yeeeah now that I think about it it is a tad fast... However it is still early game for Olivia and is still possible to draw it out... I just have to be careful! (Or rewrite the entire chapter;).
Thanks for the critique, I was actually curious about that myself! So I'll be sure to correct and observe.
I'm waiting for the moment when Vin tells Olivia that he's unemployed now.
2576094
I cant look at your picture and not laugh, the words in it are ridiculous.
:D
I relax my pse and proceed to get
pse->pose
I like the story, but it seems a tad bit rushed, maybe expand on thoughts a little. I don't know.