• Published 24th Nov 2013
  • 1,080 Views, 26 Comments

Rebuild of Magic: The Other Side/Story - Smiles



On the night of Twilight's disappearance, the world was shaken when a brief display of ancient magical energies rippled throughout the sky. Can Trixie Lulamoon, a mare forsaken by the world, save the world itself in Twilight's absence?

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The Prologue... A Dream of an Ending.

Proofreader/Editor Ver.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before."— Edgar Allan Poe



~A Dream? Or A Possibility? What Separates A Reality From The Self?~

A blue mare galloped down a twisted corridor of macabre shades and hues, like a child escaping from the darkest horrors of her dreams. Her blueish-silver mane flowed against a pink miasma that filled the air. Her ears tuned to the distant sounds of battle beyond a seeming glowing blood red door at the end of the surreal but nightmarish hallway.

Left, right, left, then up, and up again. Her life’s road defied the natural laws set down in stone, taking the mare in impossible and abstract directions that would have driven anypony mad. One moment she would be running down the hall with vicious clawed monstrosities attempting to grab at her through the walls of darkness; in another, she would be in the same hall, galloping on the ceiling away from the elements of her fears.

Once upon a time, the impossible yet infinite tessellations of architecture would have sent the mare screaming in both terror and fear. However, she neither panicked nor cried throughout the whole way; she’d done enough of that in the beginning of her journey. Her goal, the ever-glowing light of the door at the end of her road, kept on shining throughout her blackest abyss, no matter how far the distance nor how difficult the obstacle. Beyond, something called out to her, something that she held dear to her heart.

The mare’s pathway continued to shift and turn as she moved down her hall of attainment. Armies of soldiers would come and confront her with swords and shields; the winds of the sky would push and pull at her virtues; oceans would flood and drown her will; canyons would rise and destroy her progress, and even the depths of infernos would open and swallow her whole; all in an attempt to impede her journey.

And yet she pushed through it all, continuing to strive towards the realm’s exit, one step at a time. Each second was a progress, a victory against the howling winds that begged her not to open the door to the unknown and stay within her own comfortable but hated sadness. But her stubborn and iron will pushed on, just as unbreakable as the beckoning light ahead of her.

An ungraspable time later -as time in itself is an illusion of the soul and ego- the blue mare arrived at a final and endless chamber. Scenes, moments, and memories hung in levitating defying windows as far as the eye could see, images of the most tragic moments of her life vividly replaying themselves over and over and over. Beyond the hovering gates to her despair and shame was a cosmic ether filled with dark and bloody nebulas.

She reached the entrance to the exit of her loneliness and watched the door, its surface flowing like water. What lay beyond this lone door, the goal of her final destination? Would she find happiness or be cast down into sorrow yet again? Was the comfort of her own reality worth living in, in her own blissful ignorance? Or should she bask herself in the realities of others, the illusions of truths and lies that defined the barriers of a harmony and a cacophony?

Her answer was final. With a heavy push, the door slowly opened outwards onto the unknown, eyes shut as the heavenly lights blinded her.

What met her dim violet eyes was harmonic chaos; the end yet the beginning of a world.


The limitless sky, once a beautiful harmony in the earliest of mornings and a peaceful serenity in the darkest of nights, lay shattered and bleeding.

Across the lands, both the light of the radiant Sun and the tranquil Moon had become unseen to those bound to their natural home, blocked by a firmament of crimson red. The once clear atmosphere was littered and congested. Rocks, boulders, even mountains floated above the Earth, denied of their connection to their mother and ripped away. Monuments, forests, and cities lay in battle-torn ruins, their debris adding even more filth to the formerly open skies.

And the blood.

Ponies. Zebras. Griffons. Changelings. Diamond Dogs. Draconequus. Even the evils of Tartarus. All hung silently in the fragmented heavens, death begat through battle with each other. The greed of power, the illusion of justice, or even the lust for survival, all were perfect candidates for the glory the battle was fought, just like it had always been since life began.

A lone dragon sped through the corpse-filled airways, its eyes burning with rage and vengeance against its target.

Unlike most of its kind --beautiful yet terrifying reptiles with large bodies, long necks and tails, scales, and bat-like wings-- this one was serpentine. As its wingless body snaked through the air above the carnage, its ruby-like scales glittered and glistened before glowing a burning hot yellow.

With the power of both knowledge and life, the dragon drew from within itself age-old magic, ancient arcane arts known only to a few. And with it, shaped it, crafted it, into a sphere of destruction. The heat of the magical flames was hot enough to vaporize even the hardest of stones, yet cool enough to be contained within its whiskered maw.

It released the ball from the confines of its jaws and struck its mark dead-on, creating a large swath of smoke that filled the air with the smell of burning flesh. The dragon narrowed its eyes as it circled around the dark cloud cautiously, looking for any signs of life. It gasped in surprise and raised a five-clawed hand in objection a wyrm, flew towards the smoke with an arrogant grin, surprising the former

A large, pale white hand emerged from the dust cloud, instantaneously crushing the wyrm with bone shattering strength, sending it flying towards the wide-eyed serpent. With a smack, the two beasts landed in the burning Everfree Forest, their tumbling but large bodies sending more dirt, trees, and bodies into the gravityless sky.

Struggling against its aching body, the serpentine dragon slowly rose up from the ground and flew eastward in shameless retreat. He glanced back at the owner of the hand and gasped at what he saw.

A giant walked out of the smoke of the dragon’s creation, unscathed and unharmed by the blistering heat of several millennia of fire magic mastery. Seven etched and painted eyes gazed into a torn world, its smooth triangular mask reflecting the images of destruction across its yellow surface into all that viewed its horrific strength.

Unlike dragons, the Giant looked to be gentle and unassuming, with an appearance that could never invoke terror into the hearts of others. Its entire humanoid body was pale, hairless and scaleless, while revealing a very lean and frail structure that would never allow it to thrive in Equestria's weather extremities.

An Ursa Major laid against one of the many mountains that separated the Crystal Empire from Canterlot, its baby Ursa Minor pitifully mewing in despair. It pulled and tugged at her leg, scared and worried for the safety of its mother as the Giant ever loomed closer. It was a fruitless effort unfortunately, but what could the cub do? It was only an infant, too young and too innocent to comprehend and understand the true horrors of what lay before it. In its full glory was its mother, the entire right side of the Major blown off by an unseen force, aethers seeping through starlit wounds and returning to the world.

The Giant paid it no heed as it casually walked from the north past the cosmic creature of Luna’s night sky, its mountainous figure grasping an equally large ornate red javelin in its right hand. Its footsteps trembled the earth, startling the despairing Minor as it cowered behind its dead mother.

Past the valleys and ranges of the Crystal Mountains, hundreds of airships soared across the broken sky towards its position, each bearing a flag of their proud nation. Equestria, Zebrica, even the Griffon Kingdoms, all had ships of unique and varying designs. Accompanying them were hundreds upon thousands of winged dragons, changelings, and other air-faring creatures of the world.

The Giant raised its head and gazed towards a gathering of birds.

A long range country-to-country mega-spell originating from across the sea impacted its side, enveloping it in a large mushroom cloud that bloomed like a spring flower. Trees, rivers, and mountains were transformed into hot gas by the high concentrated energies of the necromancy-enhanced dragon fire.

A thousand birds and insects then chirped together in song, like a choir of children singing to the heavens, as the artillery cannons of every airship lit up the sky like a parade of fireworks. Projectiles of every kind entered the cloud, from pure iron balls to high-energy lasers fired from the horns of battle mages. Arrows and spears were continuously ejected from the Earth and into the unknown, like an immune system trying to fight off a foreign invader. The sheer amount of energy managed to even change the cloud’s form and makeup, as a swirling twister of chaos ordered by the world encased the humanoid.

A burnt hand reached out from inside the disorder and brought harmony to the air, dispelling the tornado. A charred body revealed itself from the destruction. Its left side was obliterated as its skin sizzled and melted from the high heats that bombarded it. Liquid flesh flowed down its legs and onto the barren grasslands. But the beast still hadn’t made a sound. Not a scream of pain nor a roar of anger could be found in the air, its seven-eyed faceplate undamaged as it mocked civilizations.

It responded with an unnatural and impossible wink, one out of seven painted eyes flashing a bright light of salvation.

And then a holy cross for every eye exploded from the ground. Bright yellow energies encompassed their tall and majestic forms as the world burned. Battalions were vaporized by the high energies as an army was scattered, reduced to a mere seventh fraction of what it originally was, like a work of perfection from a creator.

The dead body of a baby Draconequus hung against the ground, a collection of spiral lances pinning it to the earth. Its remains were crushed as the Giant created a large footprint the size of a house around it, continuing its stroll towards the capital of the world’s most envied nation of peace and harmony.

Canterlot.

A wall of Magic formed from the affection between a lovely princess and her knight in shining armor, the sisterly bond between a sun and moon, and the hope and determination of all life left in the world was all that stood in its way.

As it slowly walked up to the unbreakable barrier of love, the burn wounds on its body began to disappear, its missing arm slowly materializing from nothing. With its newly formed arm, it grabbed its javelin with both arms and held it high above its head.

And plunged it into the heart of a world.


What is it that you wish for?

From the burning and devastated Everfree Forest, the mare watched with wide eyes as the Giant slowly broke through the barrier with its mysterious tool, tears streaking down her face as she slowly shook her head in denial. “This can’t be happening... Why is this happening?”

What is it that you wish for?

The pink barrier finally broke down, shattering like glass before dissipating into the nothingness that magic originates from. A halo formed above the head of its master as the screams and terror of millions were drowned out by air’s heavenly chorus. “This isn’t what I wanted...This isn’t what I asked for...”

What is it that you wish for?

The Giant’s feet left the ground, beginning its flight towards the sky. The mare trembled at the scene before she collapsed to the ground. “I just didn’t want to be alone anymore... I’m afraid of being hated...”

What is it that you wish for?

With a gentle tap, it stood atop the mountain that Canterlot clung to so dearly. Then the Giant spread its arms to its side like a cross, leaving the javelin floating silently between its arms for a moment before it shot up and pierced a blackened hole into the sky. The mare gripped her broken heart like if a hole was torn in her chest. “Somepony, please... Understand me...”

What is it that you wish for?

Ten spheres, five elements for both gold and silver, spiraled upward out of the Royal Castle and into the sky before forming a sephirot formation around the Giant, magical and ancient glyphs shimmering into existence. Two flat vertical horns jutted out of its forehead as four wings of light grew from its back and extended into the dark hole. “Anypony, please... Love me...”

What is it that you wish for?

“Somepony... Anypony... Please...” The Giant roared a mouthless scream, its mask tumbling down the steep mountain before crushing the Canterlot library. Two shining crimson eyes gazed into the soul as the forbidden face of God burned the land into a hellish wastes. The mare screamed towards the heavens, “HELP ME!!!”

What is it that you wish for?

And then the world was bathed in red as the everlasting soul returned to bliss.

And then a magical dream of a forgotten beginning came to an end.

And then Trixie, the Great and Powerful, returned to her own world of sorrow.

~Now, The Journey Of Those Shackled By Fate May Finally Begin~



O Freunde, nicht diese Töne!

Sondern laßt uns angenehmere anstimmen,

und freudenvollere.

Freude!

Freude!

Author's Note:

My first attempt at a story focused in Equestria, I hope you guys enjoy the ride. :twilightsmile:

P.S. This is the first and only chapter that will be presented in third-person. Future chapters will be shown in first-person.

Leave a comment down below if you really liked something or found something troubling. I read all my comments, and usually respond to all questions. Feel free to ask anything you like!:pinkiehappy:

Comments ( 26 )

... Wow. :rainbowderp: That was something.

You have published this at last, Smile Person. I want more, please. Thank you.

OKAY
WHAT

I RIKED IT

Trixie.... I love that mare. :trixieshiftright:

Ok, it's official.
That was amazing.
Quite a show of despair and madness,:pinkiecrazy:

Don't mind me. I was approached to edit this story a while back. I agreed based on the crossover alone.

IT BEGINS!!!

Also. Lilith, why do you always bring despair and mindf*ckery?

Holy shit an Eva crossover with MLP...I swear, this madness will be glorious, well done and I look forward to where you take this.

3534600

Inspiration for this chapter came from this song in fact, but I think you know what this is. :pinkiecrazy:

Argh... Argh!! I just don't know what to think... well actually I do, but I don't like it.

So here's the thing: beautifully written story. The prose and dictation of language presented is truly something to be admired. If this came later in a story with, say, a hay of alot more build up, I could have seen myself loving this. But... it's not later on. It's right at the beginning. And it's confusing.

Now I expected you to drop the whole trippy cosmicy thing much closer to the begining so I could get a sense of what was going on... you didn't though. It kept getting larger in scale, literally and figuratively, and only built on my confusion until it became frustrating. It's like I was watching a camera slowly zoom out of a huge picture, all the while I have no idea what the hay I'm looking at. It's... disorienting. I just don't know what to think of it. I found myself yearning for something more normal, something I could understand, but you just kept rambling on. Let me give you an analogy; your writing is like a really big television. You're the creator and so you can sit back and see the whole thing, but us as viewers have to sit alot closer to the TV. As a result, all we can see is a confusing jumble of pixels that occasionally almost make sense, but don't. So rather Than making the picture bigger, try making the pixels smaller... does that make any sense? I feel like that only makes sense to me.

Now, like I said, the writing was beautiful. It dragged on a bit too much (the part near the end with the "what is it that you wish for" question got repetitive after the 3rd or 4th time, the part leading up to the door dragged on a little, etc.), but that doesn't change the quality (line-to-line). It's a very intense story you've made, but it had no real build up, and hence little impact. It felt like the scale got way too big before it ended, and I just don't think you can ever pull that off effectively... Your writing is grand and so are your concepts, but focus that writing on the little things. paint a delicate picture in our minds instead of smearing it across them. I understand the rest of your story will likely be different, but this chapter is offputting, and it would have been much more effective were it much shorter.

Rating: :twilightsmile: (I want to give you a :pinkiesmile:, I really do... but beautiful writing can't cut it alone. You need focus!)

3542531

derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/1/168606__safe_trixie_text_artist-colon-theparagon_thank+you.jpg
Thought the Trixie picture would fit. :rainbowkiss:

Anyway, thanks! I'm known to be very pretentious in writing (my editors tell me anyway), I'll try my best to keep to the small stuff. :pinkiesmile:

You're welcome. Oh, and I almost forgot!

This comment was brought to you by my Weekly Watch. The feature is now in its fourth week, and any support--even just joining my group--would be appreciated! Hope you enjoyed my feedback. :twilightsmile:

Oh my Celestia! How is it that this feels this much Evangelion-y! :pinkiegasp: Knowing that show, I bet 3542531 's commentary was a great compliment. This shows an understanding of Neon Genesis Evangelion beyond anyone's I know and deserves all my praise.

Great job, hope you keep up with both stories till the end. :twilightsmile:

3549444...
Obiously I'm missing something here. :rainbowderp:

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

3551044 Well, basically what this story did mimics the same feeling the show it is crossovered with and give it his own touch. It is a show that is basically like that, suddenly giant monster, chaos, militars shooting at stuff, a character with personal issues shouting and no idea what is going on. There are even parts like the "What is it that you wish for?" repetition part, where the text actually appears on screen. So yeah, if what he was doing is making this feel like Evangelion, your comment is prove he is doing it right.

Not to say that your advise is wrong, imagine if he loses focus because of all the flashy stuff, wouldn't work. Even the anime had it's simpler, smaller stuff.

3551998 Oh... I couldn't find anything that said this was a crossover or what the crossover was, so now I feel like I'm in the wrong place to judge this. :twilightsheepish:

3555997 You see, I came to this story from another story this is side story to. The first "Rebuild of Magic" does have the crossover tag and it is obvious it is a crossover with Evangelion. I really didn't even check the tags before reading this, but you are right, at first glance, this doesn't look like a crossover. Still, I think your review is very insightful, and It looks like the author liked it, so, no worries. :raritywink:

3556132 Alright, so long as it was helpful in some way or another. :twilightsmile:

I'm here to inform you that this story has been featured on this week's weekly watch results! congratulations! :pinkiehappy:

Trixie and Shinji should meet up one time.

Hmm...Is this crossover fanfic still alive? I mean it's been over a year now, since the last time it was updated. Well, it's too bad if that's the case, this story showed some potential.

5257991
Technically it's still alive, just been kinda busy with irl things at the moment.

...And video games.

5258924
Oh, Is that right, eh? Well...I guess that's understandable. But usual it takes at least four or five chapter before it goes without updating for like a year or so. And the chapter was interesting, so really want to know what happens next. :twilightsheepish:

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