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Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria...

One week ago, Twilight Sparkle was crowned the fourth Princess of Equestria.  Tonight, Ponyville hosts the 1003rd Summer Sun Celebration, and Princess Celestia and Princess Luna want a vacation.  With two fine young princesses like Cadance and Twilight to take over for them, nothing could possibly go wrong.

(Title image hacked together from vectors by sakatagintoki117 and Chrome-MMVII.)

First Published
5th May 2013
Last Modified
5th May 2013
#1 · 84w, 4d ago · 5 · 2 ·

“Postscript: Brother, blackmail is such an ugly word.”

You know you've been reading too much TV Tropes when...

Anyway, my one complaint is that it was a bit long for a single chapter. I could easily see splitting it up into three (Spoilered for those who haven't read it): Celestia and Luna announcing and planning their vacation, preparation for the duel, and then the "duel" itself

#2 · 84w, 4d ago · 4 · ·

Celestia had switched to the rare smile Number Twenty-Three: “I am desperately trying to come up with an excuse to immortalize this in stained glass.”

Cadance had abandoned the Royal Dueling Circle and joined her husband by the fence, a bucket of popcorn floating in the soft aura of her magic.  She tossed a handful into her mouth, chewing loudly.  Shining Armor shrugged apologetically, but made no move to assist his sister.  (He did help himself to some popcorn.)

Big McIntosh just looked... Big McIntoshy.

“My vengeance,” Twilight informed them all seriously, “will be slow but sure.”

This bit... :rainbowlaugh:

I quite enjoyed this and its randomnity. Upvoting. :twilightsmile:

#3 · 84w, 4d ago · 2 · ·

>>2533303

I like it. 10k words is just about perfect for a stand-alone like this.

Aslo, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

#4 · 84w, 4d ago · 6 · ·

Great stuff, especially for a first story. I hope you have more planned.

#5 · 84w, 4d ago · · ·

Heheheh... I enjoyed this. The simple solution though is for them to take turns... I would have liked for them to come to that conclusion by the end.

#6 · 84w, 4d ago · · ·

just yes.:pinkiehappy:

#7 · 84w, 4d ago · · ·

>>2533303 No. This story is perfect as it is.

#8 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Loved every word. Can't wait to see more from you.

Unfortunately, I don't think enough people will read it due to it's length and not not splitting it up.

Favorite part was definitely Rainbow's misinterpretation and Celestia's many varied smiles. Poor Luna, no one wants to raise your moon.

#9 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

This was a great read, and it feels like you had a lot of fun writing this.

You've earned an upvote and a favorite from me. Great job! :twilightsmile:

#10 · 84w, 3d ago · 5 · ·

>>2534056

Wasn't gonna read it

Reading it just to prove you wrong

#11 · 84w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Thanks to everyone for the kind words!

>>2533303

I imagine that the Daring Do series is one of those series which would be splattered all over the TvTropes wiki (not unlike, well MLP:FiM), if ponies had a TvTropes wiki.

With regards to chapter length, it's one of those things where personal taste can differ a lot.  My own personal philosophy is that a chapter should stand on its own to some extent, and have a beginning, middle, and end.  Other authors prefer chapters that might be one or two scenes, like you suggest, and there's nothing wrong with that; it just isn't the way I write.

>>2533503

I'm rather proud of "Big McIntoshy".

>>2533608

I have some plans, but nothing concrete yet.  And I owe some story updates to patient readers in other fandoms that I may try to write first.

>>2533763

That was the original ending, but I decided this was funnier.  If you like, you can imagine that's what winds up happening once they get all the tickles out of their systems.  :)

>>2533995

I don't know if I would go so far as to say the story is perfect, but thank you!

>>2534056

Enough people read it that the story at least briefly made it to the feature box, and that was pretty much the height of my ambitions for the story, so I'm happy.

#12 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

This is pretty much exactly how to adapt the show to text. A nice mixture of slice-of-life and understated comedy with the usual zany mistaken identity plot. Great.

I'd love to read more, if you ever find the time.

#13 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

God this was hilarious. I loved every minute of it.

#14 · 84w, 3d ago · · 1 ·

7 out of 10.:unsuresweetie:

#15 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

the recently renamed Ponyville Public Library And Royal Palace

Nice.

An Alcorn fight over who gets to raise the sun? There's no way this can end badly. And I'm sure the girls really just want to borrow the Elements to wear them.

Condiments are usually best straight out of the jar.

Poor Trixie, she always gets pulled in as a poor man's Element of Magic.

Celestia had switched to the rare smile Number Twenty-Three: “I am desperately trying to come up with an excuse to immortalize this in stained glass.”

Hah!

That was great! What an excellent first story, have a thumbs up and a follow.

#16 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2534581

t least briefly made it to the feature box,

We shall see how brief it is, but it definitely deserves to be up there.

#17 · 84w, 3d ago · 2 · ·

Wow... Cadence can be a bit of a brat. I feel like Celestia should have just ordered them, because this is bad. It shouldn't lead to a "reenactment" of the war between Celestia and Luna (names for that?), but maybe it could... Good thing this is being supervised. :trixieshiftleft:

#18 · 84w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Goddamit.

Now I won't be able to picture any argument between these two ever ending in a different way.

Thanks a lot.

#19 · 84w, 3d ago · 6 · 3 ·

I found the story quite fun and amusing, but it made Cadence seem like a huge bitch.  She basically helped raise Twilight and can clearly see how much Celestia means to her.  Twilight has dedicated her whole life to making Celestia proud and basically worships her, but the one chance Twilight will have to fill Celestia's shoes Cadence wants to take from her because she likes the sun too.

Cadence doesn't have nearly as much invested in the Celestia and the sun as Twilight.  She might pout and feel a little sad if she doesn't get to raise the sun, but Twilight would be devastated.  I know I would be bitter and resentful if one of my closest friends steals my dream from me and forces me to play second fiddle for 10 years.  I'd stab that bitch on the second day.

#20 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Oh, this is just fantastic. Now I have yet ANOTHER author to follow, which means even MORE awesome stories vying for my attention. Ugh. That's it, I am petitioning Celestia and Luna to increase the number of hours in a day.




:derpytongue2:

#21 · 84w, 3d ago · 2 · 1 ·

I do agree that it would have worked better split into three parts, but that is my only complaint. Good work!

#22 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

is it bad I want to see twilight rule during the vacation?

#23 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

well i find the story funny. i do think celestia would give the sun to twilight on principle. the princess of the SUN should have some honor. twilight secured shinings neutrality. cadence turned her freinds agianst her in an attempt. in the end cadence showed herself to not really deserve it.

#24 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Can we have a side story of what happened with the CMC and the fireworks?  Or maybe a side story of "what was happening during the party that the Princesses didn't see"?  THis was just too hilarious and I want more!

#25 · 84w, 3d ago · 6 · ·

I tell ya, the things that the younger halves of the Alicorn sister sets have to put up with from their older, taller, and pinker counterparts just because they helped raise them is just criminal.

In any event, this was a delightful story, fun and thoroughly silly without seeming random.  Great job!

#26 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

I don't know if anyone else has caught this but in the very first line was should be were. I think at least... or there is a very strange grammar rule for that pertains to very certain instances.

#27 · 84w, 3d ago · 2 · ·

I vote for Twilight all the way

#28 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Nightmare Twilight?

Somebody write that down. :rainbowwild:

#29 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Hehe, this was a good 'un. Well-paced, pretty funny, it made me chuckle several times, so I consider it a success :pinkiehappy:

Only thing that threw me a bit was your spelling of Big Mac's name. I'm pretty sure it's Macintosh, as in the apple, rather than McIntosh, as in the Scottish surname.

#30 · 84w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

>>2536034  The apple is McIntosh, not Macintosh, you're thinking of the computer.  The McIntosh apple was named after Scottish-Canadian farmer John McIntosh, who is credited for discovering it.

#31 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

...though she took a mental note to find the time to sit down and have a long, long discussion about the differences between an alicorn and an ordinary pony with the only other pony who'd been both in living memory.
Interesting. I'd love to read a story about Cadence's ascension.

Also, this was glorious. A truly divine comedy. I want to see the window Celestia commissions for this farce.

#32 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Welcome to FIMFiction, Anowack!:pinkiehappy: And great first story here, I was grinning like a loon the whole time. :twilightsmile:

#33 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Even if the Chrysalis sub-plot wouldn't exactly work for the main story you could always spin it off into a side story, that might also present an excellent chance to show the other characters reactions to the note/duel while Cadence and Twilight were getting ready (along with Chrysalis reaction to their reactions).

#34 · 84w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

This story is full of intriguing little details that smack of “fanon,” but, importantly, they do so in a way that adds to, rather than detracts from, the story. My favorite is probably the line that Fluttershy's mom says Rainbow Dash is a bad influence :rainbowkiss:. But another one that stuck out was the mention that the Everfree Forest was created by an out of control alicorn battle (Luna/Nightmare Moon and Celestia's, I'd imagine), because it highlighted the perceived consequences of not making an awesome dueling circle, during an important and amusing conversation.

I also love any story that features Luna and Celestia bickering and/or showing genuine affection for each other. It never fails to warm my heart to think about the bond of sisterhood that still binds those ancient ponies. And this story is a fantastic showcase of how Twilight and Cadance are developing a very similar bond, which will serve them well as the years roll by.

[One quick correction: This line by Cadance at the duel is missing the word 'is': “I think we need to have a long talk when this over, Twilight”]

You made the right call cutting the subplot with Chrysalis. It's a great idea though. Perhaps you could use a similar premise for your next story?

Finally, “using the power of friendship is not cheating” is an amusing and wonderful line. I hope we get to see many more stories from you. :pinkiehappy:

#35 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Delightful story!  You really caught everyone's personality, especially Celestia (who is the hardest main character to keep in character, IMO).

#36 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

A delightful little story. I like this one a lot.

#37 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2536316

If you accept "...Crystal Heart Spell" as canon, G.M. Berrow tells you how it all went down (although it's not actually shown on-screen, as it were).

#38 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

What? It's over?! But who won?! Who's raising the sun!?

#39 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Glad to see it up here. A lovely and very funny piece.

And I see that Skywriter recommended you on his blog! Well done!

>>2534449 Also, I wanted to say, that Daring Do already HAS a tvtropes page (and several sub-pages)

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/JustForFun/DaringDo

#40 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Loved it! Although, maybe you or someone else could do a spin off where in they did fire the elements at her. Just to see.

#41 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

>>2534449

Daring Do is already all over TVtropes. :twistnerd:

I missed this on RPG.net, but I'm happy that I did not miss it here! This was a very, very funny story, and a really impressive first foray into ponyfiction. Looking forwards to seeing more from you! :twilightsmile:

#42 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Called it right from the start. It would come down to a coin toss!:pinkiehappy:

I have to say, I'm very impressed. For your first fic this was excellent! Congrats on getting featured and I can't wait to see what you come up with in future!:twilightsmile:

#43 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

Glorious. Simply glorious.

#44 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

I finished it knowing i'd never learn who would win knowing that would drive me crazy.

Comment posted by Lars deleted at 9:08pm on the 6th of May, 2013
#46 · 84w, 3d ago · 1 · 1 ·

>>people whining about how 10k-word chapters are too long.

...this is a oneshot. If he split it into three shorter chapters, IT WOULD NO LONGER BE A ONESHOT.

((Okay, not actually Fridge since I screamed it into your faces, but still.))

#47 · 84w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Here via Skywriter.  Very rare for me to follow an author after just one story.  This bodes great things, and I want in on the ground floor.

This really is great comedy.  The various escalations throughout feel effortless.  The whole Nightmare Twilight … or should that be Nightlight? … scene was hysterical.  The story's peppered with great one-liners, but mostly lets them come from the flow of the tale.  (The CMC bit was one of the few that stood out as being gratuitous, but it was short enough not to be distracting.)

>>2533503

Celestia had switched to the rare smile Number Twenty-Three: “I am desperately trying to come up with an excuse to immortalize this in stained glass.”

Reminds me in all the best ways of Cadence In A Minor (NSFW):

(Type 1559 semi-silence, no intentional verbal communication but ambient noise; lovers lost in each other's eyes while only interrupted by the male participant dropping his butterknife on the floor and cursing)

I'm pretty sure those are both an homage to Terry Pratchett — or, if not, an outstanding illustration that great minds think alike.

>>2537767

There's no reason a one-shot can't have chapters, if it's released all at once in a completed state.  My own most recent one-shot Fugue State (which is 3,000 words shorter than this) was divided into three chapters — because it's very specifically structured that way, and each part has its own variation on the main themes on music and movement that would be diminished if they all blurred together.

Strictly from a meta-perspective, the advantage of shorter chapters is that it gives new readers a chance to evaluate (or enjoy!) a story without committing to the entire thing at once.  2,000 words is, on average, 5 minutes of reading; 10,000 is almost half an hour, and if you can only read it in short bursts, it's a lot harder to leave yourself a mental bookmark than it is to finish a chapter and pick it back up with the next one.  My opinion is that shorter chapters are a courtesy to the reader.  They're not always necessary, but I appreciate them when I see them (and I read stories with short updates a lot quicker than stories with giant ones).

Anyway, this story already has section breaks.  Choosing one or two of them as chapter demarcations would simply be a formality.

Best,

Horizon

#48 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

This is hilarious. Thumbs-up, stars and follows all around. :twilightsheepish:

#49 · 84w, 3d ago · · ·

I'm glad I took the time to read this one! I have a decent read list to go through but put this on top of the list. I was just in the mood for a ridiculous story and this cured that itch!

You know, reading this made me realize just how similar Cadance and Celestia are with their names. I often got them mixed up when they started speaking. Confusing in a story that all about misdirection!

Thanks for giving us this tale! I really enjoyed it and hope to see more from you in the not-so-distant-future.

#50 · 84w, 3d ago · · 1 ·

Not bad... but some stuff didn't sit right with me. As >>2534929 pointed out, it's really not cool of Cadance to fight over the sun-raising duty. She should know what an honor it would be for Twi. Also, the (and Trixie) got a bit repetitive after a while. Not bad, fairly good... just not 'great' IMHO.

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