I awoke with a start. Twilight was getting up, and the chariot had stopped. Surrounding us were clouds and cloud made structures. It didn't take me long to figure out where we were.
Cloudsdale sillies! Without saying anything, Twilight's horn began to glow. I felt tingly all over, and then nothing. Twilight's body glowed magenta too, and then her horn went out.
"There we go Scribble, off the chariot now." Twilight informed and then ordered me. Ordered in the sense that she had no reason to be ignored, not that she was bossy or mean. Kind of like ordering someone to be awesome or pass the cheese.
That isn't to say that I did what she asked. There was no way I was getting off that chariot! Falling from Cloudsdale to my near death once was enough, thank you very much. You don't almost die once and then do it again. That would be crazy. I'm not crazy!
"C'mon scribble, we're going to be late!" Twilight insisted with a nudge that stopped my heart. I shook my head no emphatically, and she frowned. "Scribble, you do realize that I can just levitate you out of that cart?" I did, but I wanted my death to be done by any hoof but my own. So no I shook I again. "You asked for it!"
Then she levitated me out. I flailed a little in her grasp, but I was too busy praying to Fantasi to give the futile struggle her actions deserved. Then she set me on a cloud.
I opened my mouth took a deep breath, and then I tried to scream… at least, I think I tried to scream. It was an involuntary reaction, and I had never screamed before.
But the scream wasn't important. The important part was the cloud I was sitting on. I... I was sitting on a cloud! It was fluffy. Like, crazy fluffy. It was... cold. Not an ouch cold, but a nice cold. Like fresh snow on Hearthswarming cold. I'd have rolled around in it if I wasn't feeling mortal terror.
I didn't notice Twilight's approach till it was too late. By the time I realized she was getting closer she already had me in a hug.
It was a nice hug.
"Is that better?" Twilight asks gently. I nod, because I am. I'm not as scared now. "Then let's go meet the doctor. He said to not let you eat before you attend the appointment." So that's why mom lied about breakfast! I knew that a dog didn't eat it.
Twilight nudges me with a hoof and I follow her. To be honest I wasn't used to trusting other ponies aside from my mom. I mean, she could have led me to a cliff and shoved me off, or she could have removed the spell once we were far from anything solid. She didn't do either of those things, but she could have. This all occurred to me once we had traveled quite a distance. Naturally it frightened me, but Twilight's hug came back with a vengeance. It was just as nice then if not nicer.
That's how my day on Cloudsdale started. Yes I said "on." That's how everypony says it. You could be "in" a land city, but cloud city's were stood on.
-=+=-
We reached the hospital shortly, but almost longly. In front there was a big sign stating the place's name in front of a wing. I couldn't read it because Twilight's mane was in my way. It was too warm to move.
We step inside and it immediately stops being warm. It's like cloud cold but for more than my hooves. I don't mind actually, Epona was far more frigid than this, but it isn't as pleasant as just standing on a cloud. We are greeted by an aging stallion nurse. His name tag reads "Medicinal Alchohol." I feel sorry for him, but just briefly.
Twilight and him step to the side to talk. Everything seems normal at first, but then the nurse glances back at me with an odd look. I knew immediately that I didn't like that look. They keep talking, and then Twilight glances back at me! What the frack is going on?!
I get angry when I'm scared. It's not like aggressive anger, but past a certain pony I can't really conceive of retreating. It got me beat up more than once back in Manehatten, and it was the only thing that kept me from bolting out the door when another nurse was summoned with a tray of needles. Even more awkward when she walked on by.
So it was a strange situation when I was led into a forebodingly clean room. There was a oddly shaped cloud in the middle that probably held a unusual contraption. This wasn't my first time in a specialized hospital. They liked keeping their more serious machines well hidden.
They loved showing the cool mechanisms of all of their less worrying machines. It was a carrot and stick set up, but for people's attention. They'd be distracted by the less important things while the more dangerous or expensive looked boring.
Knowing this, I just about wet myself when I entered the room. Me being me, I got angry. I was lucky that it wasn't a direct ratio or I'd have knocked some poor nurse onto their flank. It was a useful anger instead, distracting me from dark, ominous thoughts.
Both anger and fear quickly dissipated when a familiar friendly voice called out from the doorway. "Miss Scribble! It's good to see you again." I turned around and watched in awe as the pretty nurse entered the room. Not a pretty nurse, the pretty nurse! Immediately I felt my wings twitch. To my horror she noticed. "Ah, I had heard that you were having some developmental oddities, but... I guess I should just take that as a compliment.
If blushing harder was possible at that point then I did so.
The nurse blushed as she trotted across the room to the cloud-covered machine. I couldn't see where, but she tapped the machine twice and it opened up to reveal a table... with mechanical appendages. On the end were odd instruments and crystals. I recognized a few of them from an earlier trip to an Earthpony hospital. They were high-resolution magic and radiation scanners. They were designed for spells too complicated and powerful for a single unicorn. Apparently it was cost effective compared to a platoon of unicorns. How on Equiss could my mom afford this?! I'd heard that even the Wonderbolts could only use it after extreme injuries, otherwise their insurance would dump them. This had to be out of saddlebag expenses.
Twilight was my first guess. It was possible she got a rich stipend, but I'd heard she'd turned it down when she moved out. It really split her fan club for a while. The group that worshiped her as an adopted Princess was upset that she wouldn't be going to balls anymore, while the geeks and nerds loved her new independence from her adoptive mother. Both sides were rectified when one filly struck upon how romantic it would be for a princess to live among her subjects.
So it couldn't be Twilight herself, but she could have asked Celestia to pay for it under the guise of a research into pegasi anatomy. That made total sense! Celestia loved seeing her daughter explore new magic, helping the less advantaged, and just in general... That is, according to what the fan club magazines said.
I was pondering all of this as I was helped into the machine. Nurse Redheart seemed surprised at my willingness, but dropped the unspoken question when I put on an innocent smile. In a moment or two my last limb was strapped in and I was secure.
"Now Scribble, I need you to remain like this for about ten minutes, if you can Do that, look at the ceiling. If you can't then look down.” I looked up, ten minutes were nothing!
Nurse Redheart stepped out, and then a soft whirring sound echoed across the room. It started low, and then got louder, and then louder. Soon the arms started moving about, and I had to shut my eyes to the flashes of light as spell's capacitors were charged and discharged. My whole body tingled from my hooves to my ears, but then the noises plateaued. The lights became rhythmic, and the tingling began to throb rather than increase. The cacophony of light sensation and sound became bearable, and then almost normal. Then it was over, and the appendages ceased moving.
Next the lights came back on. I hadn't even noticed when they'd shut off. The clamps came undone without any prompting, probably set to a timer. I was untied, and all that was left was to wait.
What I think were minutes passed by one after another. About four in total before the door was opened. I had expected Nurse Redheart. What I got was Twilight. She looked... surprised, confused, anxious, and somewhat nervous. She was telegraphing her feelings like a smoking volcano.
She didn't say anything. She didn't cast any spells. All she did was hug me. To be honest it both scared and comforted me. The uncertainty and bad omens just kept piling up, but Twilight was like an anchor. I had never had any real pony. Ravenhoof and Crisploven were physical and real, but at the end of the day they probably were made from my imagination. They were just imaginary friends given bodies. Even if they weren't there was always doubt, and it affected their relationships with me.
Twilight was real. That was beyond a doubt. She was here comforting me. This went beyond using me to get closer to my mother. She really cared.
"Scribble," she spoke after a time had past, "you are a very special filly, but there is a discussion we need to have." This... huh? Just Twilight? Not her, mom and me? "Scribble, I assume you've learned or read about growth hormones?" I knew that growth and development hormones were often made in the brain, so I nodded. "Well, you have a very special brain that learns faster, but other parts of it are going faster, and they affect your body differently. Adversely, some of your brain is going slower or not at all." Twilight wasn't crying, so I couldn't be dying, right? "Now, normal ponies hit puberty on their thirteenth birthday, but your brain decided to release a chemical called adrenarche a little bit early."
I nodded in understanding. "Now this is okay for some ponies, but as you might know, your brain hasn't been producing the right growth hormones for other parts of your body." I nodded again as some understanding formed. Biology was my least favorite study, but I could put together evidence. "Parts of your body are going slow, and other parts are going fast. These could have been side effects of serious problems, but that's what we were here to find out today." That... didn't sound good, but Twilight was smiling. "I can say with great certainty you aren't suffering from a tumor or malignant infection. We still aren't sure why this is happening, but now we only have to worry about symptoms, and keeping an eye out for any other oddities."
I let out, in the sense that I stopped trying to hold in, my breath and gave Twilight a thankful smile, but she raised a hoof and started smiling widely. "I have some very special news as well." I wasn't sure what it could be, but it had to be good news. "The doctors think your wings and magic might finally be coming in!"
What? What?! I gave Twilight my most incredulous look, half expecting to wake up or for this to be revealed as a elaborate cruel trick. "The doctors aren't certain, but they said that, and I quote, they would put money on it happening." My cheeks were wet now. Twilight was smiling so brightly.
"I called your mom and gave her the good news already! They found that out before the testing was done."
Sweet, you actually took my advice. That makea me feel special. I hope my complaints an help make your syory better! The only other thing that I can think of is that I am currently unsure of Scribble's age. other then that I am highly enjoying this ball of fluff.
4003647
1) did you actually read my last blog?
4003812
Yes. Also, in response to the question of which pronoun to use, I am fairly certain it should be he. Maybe I should check.
.
..
...
Yep, definitely a he.
....
.....
4004486 if you'd mail me a pm detailing yourself as an OC I'd be glad, and I do mean YOU. The OC should be like you in some ways.
4004486 hey, are you still on?
4004747
Define on?
4006900 eeee! *tackle hug* I was kind of lonely.
4006954
I hope you are able to make use of the descriptions I sent you.
4007143 if you win!
4007261
Then to further add to my chance of victory, what was Scribble's school life / friends like before Ponyville? Outside of my one main problem (of which you already fixed) is that we don't really know anything about the characters other then that Scribble is
Cutesmart, mute, and can't fly yet. While Scribble's Mom is a journalist that has previously dated celebrities. I'm not sure if her name has even been said. though I may have just missed it.4007284 Twilight say Cute's mom's repeatedly. It's Winter Radience, cuz not all ponies fit their marks name wise.
Scribble has mentioned two previous places she's lived, Epona, and Manehatten. She has professed being lonely in the first, and utterly miserable in the later. Epona was picked as a very discreet reference to another MLP fanfic I loved.
She hasn't mentioned friends aside from drawn ones. There hasn't been any.
4007386
Then I missed those. I do have a tendency to skip over some details. I'll probably go through again later to see if there is anything else I can give ya.
I really only have two complaints about the story, one of which Squee-chi addressed. The other one though, would be the editing. The spelling and grammar could do with the heavy hand of an editor or at least a proofreader. I can tell you have some talent at writing, but all the corrections I do in my head when I read it is distracting, especially the tense changes. I think we discussed this before, but have you tried asking for help from one of the editing groups on FiMFiction?
Epona is actually a goddess.
4007598 yes, but it's also the name a human gave to dinky hooves in a fanfic I loved.
4007598 ?
4008709 this chapter is with my editors right now. We are going back over the story.
4008721
Okay. Then I don't have any more real things to comment on for this story. Maybe do as Wrabbit suggested and either have yourself or someone else go through this story with a fine comb. Just don't allow Winter to hold the comb.
4007858
Just making sure you're aware of the true origins of the name.
4009648
4009184 in the old version Twilight is revealed to have super mane bursting powers earlier.
4009836
As I do not remember that version, it does not exist. My logic is sound.
4011933 that doesn't seem to make that much sense even so.
4011943
Sorry, all I meant was that I just want to go on reading the next chapter so much that I almost skip leving a comment, if that make more sense to you...
4011955 ohh... oh... THANK YOU SO MUCH! *hug of awesome*
4011975
Yay! *hugs back*
This is the second story I ever read that change my view on a hole category of fanfics, in this case OC back stories!
Heard you had ADHD, me too!
4012000 what do you mean by back stories?
4012021
Oh sorry, wasn't clear enough, and probably choose wrong words too, sorry for that! what I mean is stories about OCs and there life's, kind of like this one... Before I read this one, I was kind of negative to that kind of stories, but after reading this one, I look at them from a more positive point of view!
Happy feelings!
This story is overall just making me smile wider and wider with each chapter.
Wait.... Magic? I thought she was a pegasus...... Or is it pegasus magic?
6126058 that's why she needed the cloudwalking spell, i guess