"You're dismissed."

The two guards exited the room. A new person entered.

Dan recognized the voice. Unmistakably smooth and level, naturally tempered. Not the kind of voice that evoked hatred, yet Dan couldn't imagine hating anyone more at that moment. Even with the chemicals and energy seething through and around him at the time, he still recognized the voice. And then, he walked in, and Dan focused his eyes on him.

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Ho.

Ly.

Shit.

I am...absolutely, completely in awe.

Let's get the big stuff out of the way:

Star's wand was destroyed. Then restored. But it's incomplete. There's a piece missing. This will be important in season two.

We now know more about Toffee's plans. We don't know his endgame. He's still inscrutable. But he's shown us how truly dangerous and ruthless he is.

Star is incredibly dangerous when she's pissed.

Ludo's gone. Possibly forever.

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Star Vs. the Forces of Evil is back!

And it's even weirder and wilder than ever.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Theresa whined to Parliament for half an hour.

And now:

This chapter begins with a question: what happened to President Martin?

The answer is given in the paragraph after the paragraph after the question is asked: not a lot. He's doing okay. That's the entirety of that line of thought.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Sim Country.

And now:

We begin the nineteenth chapter with a televised announcement from Prime Minister Scherzer. It includes telling the world not to challenge Theresa's power, and that she deserves the title of Empress. He doesn't tell the world of their plan, as per said plan, but does say they came to an agreement.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:
No one did anything, but they did nothing aggressively.
And now:

We open the chapter with a short description of Boston College, which, as Theresa says, is not actually located in Boston.

BC has nine thousand undergraduates and a nationally known football team, but that’s not why I went there.  I got a full scholarship plus room and board.  It had to be the work of Father Donoughty and the Cardinal.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:
Explanations for impossible things don't work if they're impossible.
And now:

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Vehicular vengeance.

And now:

Did I know what I was doing?  Heck no!

Well, at least she admits it.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Xenon: warrior gas.

And now:

Hey.

Hey.

You know how Theresa keeps making new problems for herself with every problem she 'solves'?

Yeah, so now she's getting sued.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Airplane.

And now:

Welcome back. Did you miss me? I missed you.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

The end!

And now:

Welcome to the educational part of the series. If you're just joining us, I recommend going back and reading the rest of these blogs first, starting from the first chapter. Otherwise, you might not get what's going on.

Or, y'know, don't. Either works for me.

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Next time we go to war with rich religious chickenshits over state's rights, don't stop torching their shit just because they surrender.

Finish the job next time.

Edit: Alright, seven followers down! I invite any other worthless Jesus Freaks to no longer receive updates on something as important as my MLP fanfiction.

Previously, on The Shadow God:

Ugh.

And now:

Quick summary of the previous chapter for anyone who skipped: Craig and Todd got away from Detective Underwood. Mark crossed the moral event horizon. Mark and Kristy were killed by Ridley.

Let us speak of it no more.

This chapter is called "A History Lesson", and begins with Craig once again dreaming of the same place he always seems to dream of:

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Previously, on The Shadow God:

Spelunking!

And now:

The chapter begins where we left off: Craig and Todd have just discovered that the cave they were exploring leads to Father Spiers' church.

Craig opens the door a little and peeks inside. He sees that almost the entire town is there, sitting in the pews, facing Father Spiers and a man Craig doesn't recognize but who is surely Ridley.

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Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Deserts are hard.

And now:

So the people who blew up that oil tanker were terrorists, as you might have guessed. Old associates of Al-Qaeda, as it turns out. Also, the boat they used was called the 'Deep C Guy'. Just want to put that out there.

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If I put the two against one another what should the context and event be? I have a couple of ideas but wanna hear what you guys think

1.) Dodgeball Battle

2.) Rap Battle

3.) Video Game rivalry

4.) Water Fight(water guns and balloons)

5.) Laser Tag

6.) Robot battle (Remember that one episode of Phineas and Ferb with the treehouses?)

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

How can I best explain how little happened in so many, many words?

And now:

Before we begin, I have some news.

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LADIEES AND GENTLEMEN!! PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE GREATEST MATCHUP IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!

Previously, on The Shadow God:

Werewolves!

And now:

Health update: surgery's on Friday. I'm getting a plate put in my hand, fulfilling at last my childhood dream of becoming a bionic man.

In other news...

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