TSpreading Kindness

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Drama
• Horror

A young hippogriff student begins attending the School of Friendship. Her roommate is annoying, she can't stop thinking of home, and horrors hidden in the dark are beginning to reveal themselves.

• Fluttershy
• OC
• Silverstream

SwordTune · 7.7k words  ·  33  4 · 778 views

Mistwake, a young hippogriff student, begins attending the School of Friendship. Her roommate is annoying, she can't stop thinking of home, and there's something off about her pink-haired professor. Horrors hidden in the dark are beginning to reveal themselves.

When her roommate starts coming back to their dorm in the middle of the night, she knows something is definitely wrong. Or is it? Students overworking isn't exactly breaking news. Then again, what exactly could she be working on in the middle of the night?

Opening remarks

Spreading Kindness by Swordtune is a dramatic horror about hippogriff Mistwake during her opening days at the school of friendship. The premise has a solid hook and I look forward to reading and seeing what unfolds.  

Technical

Some minor spelling errors found. Overall, solid technical work. 

9.5/10

Character

SwordTune has done one of the riskiest moves a fanfiction writer can do and created an OC character as the main protagonist. Not only that, they have created a supporting main character that is also an OC. 

Mistwake, a hippogryph and our first protagonist, is a very compelling character. They have an inner conflict between how they were raised against how they want to live. The story is very good at establishing her awkwardness around her peers due to her background and is a strong, likeable character from start to finish.

Autumn Brook (Brook), our second protagonist, unfortunately does not match Mistwake’s significantly stronger characterization. The main issue with Brook is that she feels more like a plot device. She has distinctive personality traits, but they are sidelined in favour of Brook fulfilling a necessary role for the plot to develop and carry on the story. Brook in the first third and last third of the story feel like wholly different characters, and it makes her actions seem to only be in service to the plot rather than a fully developed character. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, but it's unfortunate with how great Mistwake is. 

Canon entrants that are present, specifically Gallus, Silverstream, and Fluttershy, serve their purpose well and do not feel far off from how their show counterparts. Gallus in particular is very well done in this story and I enjoy the more empathetic take on his personality.

Overall, despite one character being more of a plot contrivance, the main protagonist is compelling and well worth reading about.

8/10

Concept

The hook is decent, and the opening is compelling enough to draw the reader in and follow along with Mistwake as she becomes pulled into dark secrets within the school of friendship. 

That being said, without spoiling what the story is about, the actual secret is fairly mundane. The twist is well done, hints are sprinkled throughout and one particular scene with a deer is spectacular, but it’s rather unoriginal in reveal and use.

The execution of Mistwake as a character is definitely the best part of this story. She is exceptional in characterization and a strong protagonist, an amazing feat for an Original Character. 

Overall, decent execution, but this plot has definitely been done before. 

7/10

Vibe

The strongest component of this story are the internal monologues of Mistwake. The revealing of her backstory, motivations, and facets of her personality is a treat and well worth the read. Now, sometimes the monologues can drag on a bit longer than they should, however, most hit more than they miss. Surprisingly, despite their length, they never interrupt the flow of the story and feel like a natural extension of the action taking place on the page. 

Prose is decent, though some dialogue feels stilted in that it ends abruptly or the back and forth feels unnatural. Flow between scenes is also good. I never once felt lost or confused while reading.

Now, a major issue with this fic is pacing. It is all over the place. The opening overall is great. It has the slow build up necessary for a horror piece and some truly excellent scenes that really set the mood of the story (I once more defer to the deer scene, which is one of my favourite setups in a horror story on this site). 

During the first third to halfway point of the story there are only a few parts that feel rushed. Those scenes just felt like more time should have been spent establishing the characters and really building up their interactions. The scenes in question are mainly the description blocks that denote small time skips during Mistwake’s schooling that make it feel like significantly more time has passed then what actually does.

By the back half of the fic, after the reveal of the dark secret, that is where the quick pace turns from minor gripe to problem. Everything feels very rushed. The time between the monster reveal and ending feels far too short and resolved too quickly. The excellent build up from the first third is almost wasted as it races to the finish, breezing past potential moments that could have really cemented the horror of the story. 

The pacing had actually become so fast by that point that the story began to feel almost comedic in tone. Something not helped by the change in personality of Brook who feels more like a comic relief character. It turns this slow creeping horror into what feels like a scooby doo mystery.

This disruption of tone and pacing causes a lot of the revelations, actions and developments of the main character to feel forced and unearned. That Mistwake’s growth felt artificial in a way, which is really unfortunate, because Mistwake is a genuinely amazingly developed character and the tone was executed fairly well at the start.   

Despite the pacing, however, the story is still a very enjoyable read and worth the price of admission. 

6.5/10

Closing Thoughts

Spreading Kindness by SwordTune is a horror story carried by its excellent protagonist. Though somewhat predictable and suffering from some major pacing issues, I still recommend everyone to give it a read as I think anyone would be pulled in by the tale of Mistwake.  

7.75/10

<For archive purposes: 7.75/10>

Personal Score

It's a fun read. Despite the breakneck pace, it was enjoyable and had plenty of twists and turns. Mistwake is a fun protagonist that I highly enjoyed and would recommend giving this story a read. 

7/10