Story Overview:

This Review may contain some spoilers. As always, I’d recommend reading the story first, then coming back to read this. You’ve been warned.

 Tales of the Desert Rat is a story that had an uphill battle for this review. I’m not the biggest fan of westerns, you see. But, I’m happy to report that the author does a decent job of creating a grim, gritty world that I actually found myself invested in. It is by no means perfect, but it is definitely a good start for a first-time writer. And of course, the story isn’t finished yet, so this review will do it’s best to take that into account. Now, let’s get started. 

Grammar/Spelling (6/10):

 As always, this review will begin by taking a look at the more technical side of writing.

There are more than a few issues in this category. Sometimes, when dealing with misspellings and grammatically incorrect sentences, the issue is that they can break the flow of the story. Most of the time, their impact is minimal. As the reader moves through the story, there can be typos that the reader will simply skim over, replacing it with the correct work automatically, like some sort of human autocorrect. Unfortunately, many of the errors in this piece belong to the second category. Let me explain. 

Several times throughout the first few chapters, there was a section where a word was misspelled. Pretty normal for any writer. The problem is, though, that some of these were strange enough that I wasn’t even sure what the line was supposed to say. The example of this that sticks out most in my mind is in the second chapter. The line begins in the middle of a sentence, “box beneath his hat.” Given the context of the next line, I can only assume he removed a pack of smokes of some sort from beneath his hat.

While it might seem petty to point out flaws like this, they really do change the way a reader can enjoy the story. I was drawn into this scene, sitting alongside the characters as they chatted. I could see the room around them. I was completely into it. And then that line appeared, and it just shattered the illusion. It breaks the momentum that was set up so well and takes the reader out of the story. That reason is why I even include this category in my reviews, despite the fact that I’m not the biggest fan of nitpicking spelling and grammar. 

Alongside errors like that, the writing has one other major issue: Passivity. 

This issue mostly comes up during the fight scenes. The author switches back and forth between characters during them, commentating the fight blow-for-blow. That’s fine. The problem arises in the way some of these commentaries are phrased. When writing a fight, the sentences need to be clean and concise. There’s no room for long explanations or complex actions. In a fight, the action needs to be rapid. The reader should feel like they aren’t able to catch their breath between each attack. Combat is generally considered one of the more difficult aspects to get right in writing. And as much as I hate to admit it, the combat was my least favorite part of this story, but there will be more on that later. 

Finally, there are a few issues with tense switching. Again, this is mostly in fights, but I only noticed it once. 

Overall, the story could use another round with the editor. But even with all of that said, I still found myself really enjoying the story and its characters. So let’s talk about that, instead. 

Plot (9/10):

 Okay, so this story is a bit confusing with the way the plot works. Despite not being marketed as such, it plays out a bit like a Slice-of-life story. The chapters have almost nothing to do with one another, and seem to have large gaps of space between them. Which causes a few problems for me. 

Firstly, each chapter is so short that you don’t really have time to get into the story. Take the first chapter for example. It involves the main character, Desert Rat, going into a saloon and killing a criminal to claim the bounty. He uses the bounty to pay a dragon gunsmith for a new weapon (which was an awesome scene, honestly). But then the chapter ends. The next one starts with him walking into a town with Meadowbrook. Meadowbrook’s chapter ends with him discovering this evil organization called the Order of Death. Then the next chapter has absolutely nothing to do with them. 

Now, perhaps these loose ends come back into play later in the story, but given what we have for now, it feels like wasted potential. Each chapter could be expanded into its own complete story. I’m sort of impressed at the author’s ability to create these interesting scenarios, but nothing is really done with them. I would love to see these ideas expanded upon. 

But as I said, these scenes are fantastic. 

The first chapter involves the main character shooting another pony dead. A pretty common trope for a western. Then the writer explains that Desert Rat draws his knife. As the reader, a cold sense of dread sets in as you realize what’s about to happen. Then the author details him beheading the corpse, taking his head as proof of a job done. 

Just that introduction was enough to get me excited for the rest of the story. Call me what you will, but I’m a sucker for the way this author uses violence. It’s not gratuitous, but instead teaches you something new about the character. Each violent act, while gruesome, has a purpose, and sets the tone for the story excellently. 

Characterization (10/10):

For this section, we’ll look at Desert Rat. While Gunsmoke and One Ear are fun and interesting characters in their own right, Desert Rat is the only real character that persists between the chapters.

And as a protagonist, Desert Rat is actually pretty interesting. He’s a half-breed. Half pony, half buffalo. Because of this, he is generally despised by those around him. Even the origin of his name, Desert Rat, was originally intended as a bit of an insult. Because of this, he’s grown up tough and more than a little cold. 

While it might be cliche, it’s done exceptionally well, here. Desert Rat is shown to care about his friends and the more innocent ponies around him, he also doesn’t shy away from being brutal to his enemies. All in all, it makes for a compelling protagonist. 

Total Score:

Grammar/Spelling: 6 / 10

Plot: 9 / 10

Characterization: 10 / 10

Final Score: 25 / 30 (8.3 /10)

<For archive purposes: 8.3/10>

Final Notes:

For a first time writer, this story honestly surprised me. While the actual editing could use some work, the actual scenarios and stories blew me away. The only issue is that they feel a bit like a tease. I would love to see you expand these bits of story, maybe through an anthology work or something along those lines. Either way, keep up the good work!