Story summary: This story is a sequel to Day-to-Day Shopping

After one of Sid's "contraptions" sends both him and Twilight off to the middle of nowhere, they both embark on a long, exhausting, tension-filled, and humorous journey filled with twists and turns to return back to Ponyville without magic or technology.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Mane Six and Sid's minions have to work together to reverse-engineer the contraption in order to bring the two back.

My analysis: Happy Nightmare Night! I decided to give you the scariest thing I could think of.

My opinion!

Buahahaha!

Okay, done with the jokes. Let's get to the review.

I feel a little confused by the story, but I guess it's due to this being a sequel. I also am not sure which Sid this story refers to. I don't know if it's Skylanders, some other series, or just an OC. It add some confusion of what I'm supposed to be reading or what evil things this character did. However, I can give the benefit of the doubt due to there being a long series of these stories.

However, I do feel like this is a little lacking in material. The pacing is fast, missing the opportunity to make some more complex jokes or describe the setting and physical state of the wandering travelers. I'm not saying that this is a bad story by any means, but I feel like it could have been more.

Spelling: 8/10

Okay, nothing is misspelled, but I feel like the word said is overused to describe their reactions. Admittedly, I have been guilty of that. With the scenes with multiple people, you want to use different adjectives, or have them interact with the environment. I feel like interactivity or movement description can add a lot more to the story as a whole.

Story plot: 6/10

There is a good baseline on the concept of a hero and villian being teleported somewhere, but it fails to capitalize on it. There was plenty of room for antics, but it is very straightforward, with a good scene or two where it lives up to the comedy tag.

Story flow: 5/10

I feel like it's very fast paced, going through scenes too quickly and not utilizing the full setting and roster they had. They could have had arguments with the minions and mane six, them messing up or pulling atics, or maybe add more antics between Twilight, Sid, and the environment. There was a lot more that this story could have done, but it breezed through instead of building the connection with the characters over time.

Final score: 19/30 6.3/10

How to improve:

Making a short story is hard, because sometimes it leaves you lacking and wanting more. I am impressed when a story can pull it off, but sometimes you need to take your time, add details, have environmental interaction, character actions, and work with the roster you have.

I'd add a few more scenes, have each of the mane six have significant interaction so they aren't just on the sidelines, and add more antics, maybe messing up on the machine or two two wanderers getting into a few more antics like walking in circles (good for a fun argument) or the mirage gag.

This is a decent story, but can be made into something more with some work. I hope the author learns from this criticism and improves. I'm looking forward to seeing what they have next for me to read, and what unique ideas they come up with next.

7594398
Thank you for the review. What do you think of the characterization and tone in the story?

Not bad, but could be built upon more. I'm positive there is more context to this. Also, I forgot to say this, but where does Sid come from? OC or a show or something. If the latter, please add that into the summary.

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He's an OC.