TSpikenautica

• MLP: FiM
• Adventure
• Sad
• Sci-Fi

Spike's adventure on Planet 4546-B

• Suicide / Self Harm
• Violence
• Death
• Crossover
• Alt. Universe
• Fluttershy
• Spike
• OC

PhysicistBrony · 40k words  ·  60  1 · 2k views

Spikenautica follows Spike the dragon in his adventure on planet 4546B beloved oceanic planet full of deadly monsters and completely sealed off from normal space. Now the story mostly goes following the game, alone in the life pod with only the PDA to guide you. Things take a turn for the better though because our favourite stick of butter, Fluttershy, is still alive and relatively well. Other than this we have the ponies taking the role of other characters that would usually give us information about the planet and the likes.

For the reader, beware for the fic in order to actually progress will have spoilers for the entirety of the game, so if you don’t want to have any I suggest you to change waters. 

Now let’s go over the good things, the fic portray Spike in a much more adult character having him have patience and brain, this makes him at least competent enough to survive on the surface of the planet, we will see what will happen going past the 1Km mark. Other than that though there isn’t much else.

The story is in its infancy and can hardly be described as overly enticing, the problem lays in its creation coming from a game and following its narrative one does lose some appeal over it, I mean the game itself is pretty famous and even if you are a hardcore no spoiler person you have seen some. It’s just how the internet goes. 

Now let’s start with the bad things, Spike is more or less a bit out of character. In any given survival game you don’t have any real fear, I mean there isn’t a true danger. You lose and you start again, no big deal. In that case the characters are usually unstoppable bulldozers capable of destroying nations bare handedly. This should not be the case in a story, we are here to see a realistic tale of a character we like, yes he is sad for about one minute after finding out someone died but he never really breaks down or actually starts believing he’s gonna die. All of these things should have at least happened for a bit before finding a survivor. 

Yes isolation is not a big deal for the first week or so but still, everyone you know is most likely dead, that’s gonna kill your mental strength. Other than that there is too much telling rather than showing, we don’t have a real description of the environment or the creatures that inhabit it, all we have is their names and the PDA description.

As I said though the story is juvenile at best and so it can vastly improve. For the reader I don’t exactly recommend it, I would say that you could go there and look for yourself, then you may even help with some comments. A fresh story really needs some love to actually start up or it will be seen as a failure.

Scores.

Core idea: 4/10 character X into game Y seen over and over, unfortunately not original at all.

Pacing: 6/10 needs work, chapters are incredibly short and that makes them shallow of details and meat you could put over the narrative.

Grammar: 7/10 still needs some work, phrasings and descriptions need to be revised to be better but from an error point there isn’t much, only thing that needs desperately is a wider vernacular.

Final score: 5,6/10 not great, needs work but could become good enough. Unfortunately it sorely lacks the possibility to be a real gem due to it being tied to a video game, other than that it could truly be a good read. 

For the Author, don’t let this drag you down, you need experience and some criticism to actually soar, so take this with a fresh mind and ready to be better. As always I could be wrong, so if you have any problem with this you can contact me whenever you want, have a nice day :D

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Thank you for reviewing this for me so fast. This is the kind of constructive criticism I needed to help me with writing this better. I will try my hardest to make this better.