EA Moment of Truth

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Sad
• Slice of Life

At the end of "Daring Doubt", Ahuizotl revealed after touching the Truth Talisman that he was a Jungle Guardian who was tasked with protecting the artifacts of the River Basin. However, was that really the truth he was spilling? Or somehow...a lie?

• OC
• Ahuizotl

A Man Undercover · 5.4k words  ·  82  36 · 2k views

Moment of truth is a five thousands story written by “A man undercover” Let’s now focus on what this story is about. As we know during the episode “Daring doubt” we learnt of Ahuizotl's true motive and that is to be a guardian of artifacts, this story uses this premise to make a spin, instead of having him telling the truth he instead used an artifact to counter the truth binding talisman. 

With that he managed to lie his way through to finally have the ponies away from his thoughts and work. Ahuizotl in the story will write a book that will talk about a possible true story, although knowing that he can lie to the face of the amulet I’m inclined to say that it is a bit dubious that he wrote anything with truth in it.

But enough of the premise, we are thrust in the story by having him reading a book in a library of some kind, when the time for closure arrives he uses a magical artifact to finally teleport back home, there he starts monologuing about how his plan succeeded and how gullible the ponies are, that done he starts to thank his associated and later make a speech on how the other races brought a lot of pain and suffering to the races he has under his dominion.

So, my thoughts about all of this, the premise is something that I can get behind it holds without too much problem, what I can’t get behind is how he starts telling his minions things that they already know, everyone there knows that he tricked the ponies, maybe not how exactly but it still doesn’t need a full blown explanation, second the retelling of past atrocities. There is really no need for him to tell them that, there is no need to convince anyone nor to score any pity points, they already know the stories so I really think the Author could have created another method to make him tell said stories without using the crowd.

Now let’s talk about dear Ahuizotl plan, from a detached point of view I can’t imagine his plan working at all without killing a million lives just for his deranged justice. He wants to purge the world from wrongness by eliminating the leading factor of it which is sentient life, only the worthy may yet live. I won’t go into details about how this plan is absolutely mad and only a psycho would even come up with it, instead I’m going to say that while I’m not a huge fan of it I understand why he wanted to do so. He faced hardship and unfortunately for the world he has a psychotic mind that has also access to magical artifacts and a crowd of almost brainwashed creatures to carry out his orders.

Not gonna lie this really strikes me as a Nazi regime, the domino tiles are all there ready to fall and cause something the wrold has never seen before. How can such a thing be in an E rated book is beyond me, maybe not many arrive to that conclusion? I can only wonder. 

I won’t go into too many details on how the plan was hatched in the first place, you may read the story to do that, be warned that the means are a bit odd for lack of a better term and may make you raise an eyebrow.

Scores!

Core idea: 7/10 Decent but there isn’t a big originality in doing the opposite of an aired episode, I’ll concede that the addition of a more fleshed out albeit in the evil side Ahuizotl helps with the score.

Grammar: 8/10 It needs some little tweaking here and there to make the phrases stick more together in a flawless manner.

Pacing: 5/10 more than pacing the problem here is the monologuing for no real reason that bothers me, the Author should work on it and create a new unique way to give the reader an exposition.

Final score: 6.6/10 needs some work on the Author part but it is not a bad fic per se, just something that shows a bit of inexperience that’s all. Maybe in the future I will review it again and change my mind.

For the Author, don’t be saddened by the low score, use this to motivate yourself into becoming better and achieve greatness!

7327700
Thank you for your analysis.

The last time I got one of the reviewers here to analyze my story, I didn’t quite understand what he was getting at or see what problems the story had outside of grammatical-related issues. Your review, though, was an absolute treat. I understood everything perfectly.

I’m currently working on sequels to the story, as it’s all part of one big saga that will give Daring Do and company the satisfying conclusion they never got in the show. I’m particularly hoping that they’ll prove to be even better than this one.

Once again, thank you for your analysis.

7327700
I know it’s been a while, but I figured this would be of interest to you:

Official Status on the Sequels to “A Moment of Truth”, and the Story Itself