Welcome once again to Flashfic 150. Minor rules update this month! I've clarified the exceptions to Rule 7 ("No crossovers") to explicitly confirm that content inspired by Rainbow Roadtrip will be eligible. I've always considered it so, but it struck me that by mentioning Equestria Girls and the 2017 movie but not that, it might not have looked that way. No other changes have been made, but here's where to find the relevant info if you want to read everything:

Here are the full rules.

Remember, there is no prize, as such, for this contest -- but if you win, you will be able to choose the prompt for the next contest. You'll also get a mention on the group's front page. At this point I should say something amusing or clever or even just vaguely interesting, but "should" and "will" are two very different things. That being so, I'm going to head straight on to the summary of this month's challenge:

Prompt: "Early bird" (selected by last month's winner, DawnOfsnow)
Rating: E or T
Word limit: 150
Closing date: Friday 21st August 2020, 11:59 pm UK time (world clock)

Please reply to this post with your entry. This makes it easier for me to keep track. Please do not leave feedback until after the closing date.

Entries are now open! Have fun!

I've clarified the exceptions to Rule 7 ("No crossovers") to explicitly confirm that content inspired by Rainbow Roadtrip will be eligible.

Good sir, you have doomed yourself to a gazillion Kerfuffle flashfics.

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Hope everyone enjoys. 150 words exact, second try. In response to comments about giving Ponyville Stallion a name in my previous two entries, part of the meta lore is that Canterlot Weekly is allowed to publish arrest records, but not the actual names of each poor soul who finds himself in their column. That said, I've been looking forward to the premise of this short for a few months.

Ponyville Stallion Plays Chicken, Cracks Three Ribs

Ponyville residents were awakened by croing in the streets Tuesday morning. Ponyville Stallion was allegedly seen tarring and feathering himself before breaking noise curfew five minutes before dawn.

Several citizens attempted to restrain Ponyville stallion, but were unsuccessful due to his natural strength. He climbed one of the town’s many slanted, thatch roofs dodging many pegasi before falling into a stack of wooden crates, smashing them.

Ponyville stallion was arrested on charges of criminal mischief and admitted to a hospital, where nurses spent three hours gently washing his coat with dish soap. “Chemically speaking, tar isn’t all that different from the greece you’re cleaning off plates in the kitchen.”

Thankfully no other ponies were harmed in the incident. All charges against Ponyville stallion were dropped after a court psychologist found evidence of temporary insanity.

Canterlot Weekly reached out to Ponyville stallion for an interview, but his only reply was, “Nope!”

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Just to be extra super-duper ultra clear on Rule 7: is anything ever released under the MLP branding fair game, or just everything tied somehow to the MLP:FIM crew? Pony Life Not that I'm looking to go there.

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How would you write a Pony Life story? Nothing but emojis?

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Er, the same way you write non-Pony Life stories, just with things typically seen in Pony Life?

Everyone drinks potions randomly distributed by Pinkie with weird effects, Applejack breaks the fourth wall, you could include specific characters like the goth ponies, "Dishwater Slog", or "Bubbles Cherub McSquee", Pinkie may be participating in the "Royal Jelly Juggernaut", the Trail Trotters may be a thing, etc...

Honestly, at 5 minutes long, Pony Life episodes already are kinda the show equivalent of flash fics.

--Sweetie Belle

7289186
(It was just a joke.)

PL!Dash doesn't get it either.

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After my embarrassing defeat last time, here is.... Whirly-Bird

Twilight looked down at the grading sheet then back up to Pinkie Pie.

“Alright, can you just tell me what you’re Invention is, again?”

Pinkie sucked in a big breath, before letting out a waterfall of words. “So, you see, I was on the morning shift at Sugarcube Corner, and then some other Ponies doing the Science Fair said stuff about Whirly-Birds getting the best scores and gummy worms, so I decided to take one of those time distortion bubbles Discord left laying around last time he ordered a cake, studied up on aerodynamics for five yea- No, minutes, then put together sheets of metal attached to a motor at an angle in order to create lift when the motor was running.”

Twilight stared at her for a few moments before looking behind her at the replica of a helicopter from the other Twilight’s world.

“...Yeah, you win.”

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Whelp, here's another throwaway flashfic.

As the sun rises, the young colt finishes his sharp appearance for the day ahead. Fur cleaned, mane styled, he radiates confidence as he reviews himself in the mirror. "You failed yesterday," he coaches his reflection, "but today, you'll finally get them." his lips curl below his honed eyes, "I'm positive."

---

As the sun falls, the young colt watches as another foal leaves with their parents. Gleeful interest, expressive endearment, they resonate affection as he watches from the windowsill.

Foals behind him play about until a pony wearing black clothing appears at the door. "Time to wash up for dinner, everypony," she issues. The foals obey her, but she notices the distracted colt, "You too, Flash Sentry."

"Yes, Sister Marey."

She leaves, but Flash keeps watching the new family.

"You failed today," Flash reminds himself, "but tomorrow, you'll finally get them." his lips quiver below his misty eyes, "I'm positive."

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Probably best to stick to FiM, EqG, the movie and RR. I haven't seen enough of Pony Life to be able to judge those properly, and pre-G4 is a whole other kettle of fish.

Happy to hear people's views on this for future months, though the rules, Q&A and suggestions thread is probably the best place for that.

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Only a minor note for this one: Starry Eyes is not an OC. He's one of the lesser-known background pegasus stallions in the show. I always take an interest in esoterica like him, and background characters in general. It's a good creative challenge.

His most prominent appearance to my knowledge was as one of the cadets during "Wonderbolt Academy": he's paired up with Meadow Flower as her wingpony, so given her performance on the Dizzitron, that suggests something about his flying skills.

More interestingly, his cutie mark is a telescope. Given my own approach to characterizing the other pony presented here (guess who, by the way), I saw an opportunity for an interesting relationship as detailed here. So, prospective reader: peer through the telescope, and tell me what you see.

Early bird: gets the worm. Second mouse: gets the cheese. Which should he be? Bird? Mouse?

Starry Eyes flew among birds. His heart flew higher. To the night, the twinkle, the shine.

So did hers.

Ah, but she was a Canterlot girl. White as class, meek as a secret donation, in love with the telescope and beauties beyond any bird.

Once, he’d joined the traditionally pegasine Wonderbolt Academy, solely to impress her. She’d congratulated her “sweet friend”. Later, he’d quit. Training was lousy: he’d crashed a lot.

Then he’d thought like her.

To his delight, she thought like him. One lunchtime, he’d suggested it. She’d sparkled like a supernova: “YES!” They founded Ponyville's Astronomer's League! Attracted star-lovers! Success!

…ultimately, he stayed her “sweet friend”.

Through the telescope, he reached the stars. Behind the telescope, he failed. Never dared reach the star right beside him.

Too much mouse. Never enough bird.

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I had always wondered what finally pushed Luna in the beginning to take the mantle of Nightmare Moon. I kind of always thought it would be something banal Celestia might not of thought anything of it at all.

The Evening Bird Catches Naught

“Awake early, oh sister of mine,"

Luna calmly stated to her perky sibling.

Celestia in return gave a warm smile as she ate her breakfast,

"One has much to do today. In addition to the usual duties my subjects wish me to attend a harvest celebration, apparently a substantial cider crop has been achieved,"

the solar princess daintily sipped her tea, lost in musing.

"One could join thy harvest festivities, quite some time has passed since we shared in merriment,"

Luna took her place opposite, wearily looking to Celestia as she offered one last olive branch.

Celestia snapped from her reverie,

"Join me? Oh, no need, it is a day celebration after all. I know of thy fatigue, dear sister. My busy schedule would not agree, an early bird as myself takes it in one's stride."

"Of course, mine apologies, sister,"

her polite reporation belied the ache of hope finally blinking out within Luna, leaving now a howling void.

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Rise and Shine

“Spike. Good morning.”

Twilight. Singsong voice. Entirely unwelcome.

“Uhhnngh? What? Morning?”

The tiniest squint revealed the sun wasn’t awake either.

“I thought we could watch the sunrise together,” said Twilight. “I need to observe normal practice for raising the sun.”

Spike burrowed away though the adrenaline rush of being woken flooded his body. “Do it without me.”

“I know it’s early, but there’s no need to be rude.”

Rude. Him? Now? Hardly! He wouldn’t stand for it…

“Spike,” Twilight insisted.

“You can’t be serious,” he pleaded. “This is completely unreasonable! You didn’t put this in the schedule!”

He heard Twilight gasp, because he was correct. But the damage had already been done. Dreams, dashed. Sleep, ruined. Chance of returning to sleep, zero.

Spike whined and threw back the covers. “You owe me!”

“Pancakes?”

“Pancakes all week,” he demanded. “With sprinkles and gems.”

“Whatever you want.”

Not exactly!

“Huh!” he huffed.

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"It was certainly unexpected." Fluttershy hadn't seen Rainbow's choice of pet coming, that was for sure. "I'm sorry that it didn't work out."

The falcon shrugged helplessly - it was a competition fairly lost, after all.

Nodding, Fluttershy understood. "You did your best. Oh, don't worry though! I'm sure we'll find somepony who will adopt you!"

For a moment, the falcon hesitated. Then it reluctantly nodded, letting out a quiet chrup.

"It's discouraging, I know. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?"

Again, there was a pause. The falcon's reply was both hesitant and hopeful.

Fluttershy giggled. "Why, whatever would make you think I brought you something to cheer you up?" She still pulled the package out from behind her back. "This was going to be a celebratory meal for you, but I guess it works just as well as a pick-me-up too."

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From just outside the den, Harmonia and her husband monitored their three foster children carefully.

"– was thinking…" Sonata inhaled shakily, fingertips weaving anxiously, "we could get singing lessons together?"

"We what?" Aria was instantly incandescent, leaning forward with fists balled. Just months ago she would have erupted out of the chair. Progress.

Sonata flinched everywhere. "After that movie… Her singing was so pretty, and… I know it's not the same–"

"Skip to the point, Sonata."

"We – we still sing together… kind of. Can't we try to sound good, too?"

"So you want to be better than us, is that it?"

"No! I want…" She cast a pleading glance toward Adagio, who sat sunk with folded arms, expression distant and sullen. "…all of us."

Aria turned on Adagio, challenging.

After several heavy seconds, never meeting their gazes, Adagio shrugged disinterestedly. "Sure. What could it hurt."

Here I am definitely playing in someone else's sandbox, but I think I've made this scene stand on its own. For those curious, this would be a direct sequel/midquel to Amphorae.

If anyone else would like to enter, there are just under two days remaining!

Twelve hours to go!

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Here is my entry, just one hour before the deadline again. There is still much room to fill here.....
I will be the early bird tomorrow, when I go on a Cutie Mark Crusaders-related trip and will get up extra early in the morning to make the most of the day, so take three guesses who I'll be writing for:
.

Wrapped in green magic, cardboard birds aimed for a gummy worm that rested unsuspectingly on wooden planks. They couldn't reach it, though, an orange and red blur zipping in front of them. Scootaloo flew onto the stage, her real wings tucked into the wings of the red bird costume Rarity had made. Pecking, she snatched the worm and it disappeared inside the costume's beak, gobbled up by the pegasus like a true bird would.
Scootaloo looked into the audience, awesomeness shining from her eyes. She grinned and stroke a pose. "The early bird catches the worm!"
Quiet, mildly impressed clapping occurred.
Behind the curtain, Apple Bloom looked at the scene with doubt. "Was it a good idea that Scootaloo got herself a flight potion?"
"I'm not worried," Sweetie Belle replied, calm-faced and smiling. "Zecora said it will only turn her into a real bird if she drinks it non-stop."

.
Also, wordcounter.net says that the reading level of this flashfic is "College Student". I'm not sure about the suggestion that only a college student would properly understand this flashfic, but maybe wordcounter.net has just noticed that it's about the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

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Time's up everyone! Another solid month in terms of entry numbers, with 11 of you taking the plunge this time. Many thanks to everyone who entered -- you're all great!

The same procedure as every month now. I take a few days to mull over the entries and choose my winner. Probably one honourable mention this month to go with the victor.

Feedback is open!

KwirkyJ Supposes!

Whoever down-voted any story, please leave a comment explaining your reason for doing so.

"Ponyville Stallion Plays Chicken, Cracks Three Ribs", by 7289040

Big Mac goes a little loco in the coco. On the surface, this is just a silly little story told in the form of a newspage brief, and in that regard it works.
The story isn't meant to be taken seriously, but unfortunately this lack of authenticity contaminates the style as well.

You meant to say "grease", not "greece". A quick search about the accuracy the statement it's in yields nothing conclusive, but it doesn't match my expectation of reality... moreover, "grease" generally would imply animal fat (opposed to more general 'cooking oil' which is more plant-derived) which raises a lot of interesting questions about the world you're painting. Another hiccup is most journal styles would note 'Ponyville stallion denied to comment," but we understand what you were going for.

"Whirly-Bird", by 7289227

I... what.

The writing: 'what your invention' (note also the lower-case I). I'm not sold on the exposition prefacing Pinkie's monologue, but 'waterfall of words' does give an evocative mental image. It's not clear who is conceding the win, with that last line.

The story: So Discord did a time thing before, Pinkie (on a whim) used one to take a few minutes years to develop a helicopter-like contraption, while Twilight made a 'replica' of a human-world helicopter... for awards and gummy worms?
Does Pinkie's contraption have some means of generating counter-rotation? Does Twilight's entry work, or is it just for show? Who is letting who win? Why is Twilight, who is apparently the judge, allowed to enter at all? Would Pinkie devote so much time into something so trivial? I take issue with this story, I take them strong.

"Crumbs", by 7289237

Here's a crack fic done well. Dirt and worm pancakes, indeed!

Just a few technical quibbles: 'unfortunately' is a subordinate clause, so either properly isolate it or leave it; ramping it up: "had overslept, and (alas!) that meant…"
Looks like a space before 'Luna' starting the second paragraph.
'evil grin' may be insufficiently colorful. Conniving. Smug. Conspiratorial. Machiavellian.
Consider moving 'Celestia laughed' to the start of the next paragraph, to put each character's words and actions strongly separated; you could then delete 'Celestia said smugly.'
Good use of semicolon, but I would have used an en- or em-dash instead for a softer break.

"Insanity", by 7289292

Title playing off of the epigram, "insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome" (which, oddly, has nothing to say about individuals who profess themselves to be lemons, but that is neither here nor there), and it fits. Effective, if sad, story.

Capitalize '(H)is lips curl below…'

"Faster Than The Speed Of Love"(sic), by 7289694

So, this is a story about unrequited love... I think, but doesn't really hold up to what it's trying to say. It isn't even hinted that the love interest finds somepony other than him first (making him the mouse), but rather shows him as not taking much initiative aside from starting the Astronomer's League. It's possible that she just wasn't interested, but that isn't raised either.

I think this is really trying to condense material from a much more expansive idea than 150 words can express. Pick one idea and nail it.

"The Evening Bird Catches Naught", by 7290432

The formatting of this one is hobbling. It is trebly difficult to be sure who is speaking when, which is unkind to your readers. You're trying to put lines of dialogue in their own paragraph, but it does not work.

The subtext of this one is a bit muddled – it would've been easy to not understand what was so important, were it not for the author's note – but is unarguably present. With some polishing, this would really shine.

"BEEP BEEP BEEP", by 7295040

Another well-crafted crack fic, again featuring a Philomena. I'm not one for feghoots, but okay.

The one main concern about this one is 'the mare' who 'patted Rarity's back' is ambiguous. Presumably, the pony 'sweeping the salon's entrance', but that doesn't seem right.

(Because the title shares the association, Beep Beep! on Youtube by Snapai.)

"Rise and Shine", by 7300623

The actions and motivations here make no sense. Twilight goes from waking Spike in order to watch the sunrise together 'to observe normal practice for raising the sun', then when he gripes she backpedals and concedes to make him special pancakes for a week. Twilight is a doormat, Spike is a jerk. Morning crankiness I concede, but this is just weird. Maybe this is Twilight offering too much of an apology for his inconvenience?

"Fairly Lost", by 7301681

Cute pone is cute. Tapping into the idealism of the show's best, the falcon gets a consolation prize. I berate you for use of hyphen instead of a dash (when I can't enter one properly, I use double-hyphen -- like this), but if I were to point out a story that was effective, this would be one worth pointing to.

"Trio", by 7302966

"So, where do you want this in media res?"

"Pow! Right in the kisser!"

"Right in the…"

"The kisser! Pow! Right in there!"

This one asks the reader to infer a lot, but the clues at least are there. The characterization is stretched significantly from their two appearances, perhaps excusable by their losing their magic (and, by extension, pretty much their entire identity and means of supporting themselves). This is reading on hard mode?

untitled, by 7306817

Too many ideas not blending well, I think. First it's about a skit, then it's about a flight potion that turns pegasi into birds. I thought 'flew onto the stage' was either fully in earnest, assisted by the costume, or just a powered glide as is her wont, but apparently not? Also, if Scootaloo is acting like a bird as part of the skit, which presumably was planned before this potion-taking, it's expected that she'd perform birdlike actions, so the discussion of them as being caused by magic potion feels off.

I would encourage putting extra lines between paragraphs, as it makes it easier to distinguish and read on electric media such as this. The exposition of the skit's actions works, but strikes me as a bit clunky. In general, it is a good idea to give a title to your pieces, even if you can't think of one you like – speaking from experience.

7295040

I don't really have anything constructive to critique with, other than to express my appreciation for an excellent feghoot.

7307013
Were we workshopping this more seriously, there are some points about it that I would want discuss for improved polish, but as it stands it owns and commits to its premise as a zany comedy, and hits every beat. As as story, it's very effective. There was nothing significant for me to rip apart that wouldn't have been hunting for cause to do so – it earns its happy ending, as far as my brief critique is concerned. (And, yes, author's discretion is why I worded my note on the semicolon as 'I would have'!)

I spent a few weeks mulling it over, and for the life of me, I just could not come up with a response to the prompt that I liked.

Naturally, of course, I proceed to get an idea I really like the moment the deadline passes.

Oh well; there's always next time.
:)

7306946
She was looking behind Pinkie, not herself. Twilight wasn’t looking at her own work, she was looking at Pinkie’s.

7307158
Ah, ok. 'past' intsead of 'behind' would probably suffice to clear up that ambiguity.

Similarly, the use of 'replica' comes with all the associated connotations... Did Pinkie ever go to the EQG world, or are we to accept this as convergent design, then? (memory happens) Didn't Pinkie already have an autogyro-like contraption in Griffon the Brush-Off?

7307059
Just write it anyway! Others have done that here in the past!

7306946
Thank you for the critique I understand your point. Rereading it I can see how if not to failure with both characters it's harder to define the speaker. The one thing I try to avoid which I personally dislike is having to use "she/he said" or (insert name here) said. I find you lose words to such things and on a word restricted story its wording that could be better used elsewhere. I need to work on that aspect of nuance to indicate speaker or better formatting.

7307243
You have managed to write it in a way that very nearly does what you wanted -- it's the misuse of linebreaks that is the issue.

Below I have rearranged and made the necessary auxiliary corrections to your entry, for comparison. (note that, for wanting to avoid any said-isms, you open with one: 'Luna ... stated' ... The way I've used a comma after 'olive branch' might also qualify 'offered...' as a said-ism as well, but doing so suggests to me as a reader -- through typographic convention alone -- that the words are the olive branch, not a literal twig, which was your intent.)

"Awake early, oh sister of mine," Luna calmly stated to her perky sibling.

Celestia in return gave a warm smile as she ate her breakfast. "One has much to do today. In addition to the usual duties my subjects wish me to attend a harvest celebration, apparently a substantial cider crop has been achieved." The solar princess daintily sipped her tea, lost in musing.

Luna took her place opposite, wearily looking to Celestia as she offered one last olive branch, "One could join thy harvest festivities, quite some time has passed since we shared in merriment,"

Celestia snapped from her reverie. "Join me? Oh, no need, it is a day celebration after all. I know of thy fatigue, dear sister. My busy schedule would not agree, an early bird as myself takes it in one's stride."

"Of course, mine apologies, sister." Her polite reporation belied the ache of hope finally blinking out within Luna, leaving now a howling void.

Please note that 7302966 and 7301681 succeed with no said-isms in their construction. Disclosure: it was not my aim, but it happened anyway because of the razors on the word ceiling, as you observed. However, there are situations where 'Blank <said>' is the most efficient and effective option.

7307351
Thank you I shall try and incorporate what you've shown in to future works. Like any skill I really do need to exercise my writing more.

7307167
Of all the questions are answered, wouldn’t that ruin the mystery of it? But, suffice to say, that this a separate, more advanced project Pinkie is working on.

7307760
I cannot tell if you are being defensive, dense, or disinterested. If it's the latter, then I am doubly disappointed for everything below isn't going to do you a lick of good.

There are mysteries, and there are mysteries. This is the former. Just elsewhere in this round we have mysteries of why ponies are cooking with animal fat (grease), how Princess Luna can stomach – indeed, favor! – dirt-and-worm pancakes, and why a bird would want a perm in a town a hour or few out of its way. Yet these 'mysteries' are internally consistent with the story, and their not being answered (or multiple conflicting answers hinted) does not impede the understanding of the story; indeed, they can be argued to add to the experience for differing reasons.

In your case, I am trying to indicate that these 'mysteries' impair the ability to approach the story you are trying to tell. Let's start with the time-distortion bubbles. The reader is asked to accept that Discord did a thing leaving time distortion bubbles floating around for any hapless pony to stumble into and have horrible consequences – this aside the direct consequences of whatever caused the bubbles in the first place. (Ordering cake? Okay, that's a mystery that could fall into the latter camp, if handled correctly.) Why didn't Pinkie bring it to Twilight's attention to clean up something so potentially dangerous (or, how does Pinkie know that it isn't?).

Then we are to accept that Pinkie uses or enters the time bubble and experiences five years of elapsed time. Did she do this intentionally? Did she know enough about the bubble to know how much time would pass, and/or did she manipulate it prior to using it? Related, she tells us herself that her using this bubble was the direct result of hearing 'Whirly-Birds get[ting] the best scores and gummy worms' from the science fair... directly implying that she, deliberately or otherwise, spent five years of her life in a pocket-dimension working on a helicopter for a high score and gummy worms. If this was deliberate, you are no longer writing Pinkie Pie – she does odd things on a lark, but the only time she seriously invests time and effort into such things is for her friends, not herself; if this was accidental, it is almost impossible to believe that she would not re-engage with her (real?) friends the moment she returned from wherever/whenever she went, making this part of the dialogue-cum-exposition redundant to Twilight because she would have heard (and had a headache over) it already.

For the helicopter itself, if we remember Season 1, she already had the principles of rotor-wing flight in pedal power form; the R&D would then make more sense to be in powerplant design (that's engines). Even that aside, the story tells us that this is a replica. Not something vaguely resembling, a replica. This word suggests a highly accurate recreation of a specific instance. Of the available designs aren't military there's just one that I can name off-hand so I'll say, for the sake of argument, she made a replica of the Sikorsky Skycrane. (Because I was obsessed with it when I was like eight, you see). Thus, either Pinkie Pie went to the EQG universe, saw one, and recreated it from memory; or she, completely by accident, duplicated the design near-precisely from first principles, á la Da Vinci. Both are a huge stretch, even for 'Pinkie being Pinkie'.

The point being: the story asks too much for the user to accept. It doesn't work as a story because it collapses under its own weight.

Almost any idea or two in it can be pulled out and made into something: The cake-order that made time itself throw up; Pinkie thinking inside the chimney for a science fair; adventures with Pinkie and Mister Timble, portmanteau of Time and Bubble; a helicopter from another universe somehow. But throwing them all together in the way currently written finds each cutting into the others, and waving this away as "don't think about it" is insulting to the readers who will, let alone serving nothing for one's development as a writer.

Just a quick update: my decision will be announced on Tuesday 25/8 this time. Carry on!

7308357
But we don’t usually get any of the answers, do we? Most of the things you see on the internet or the news, it’s just the result, but you don’t see the process.

People ask questions, but they don’t always get them answered, sometimes because they don’t really care and other times because there aren’t any.

All I’m asking is to just accept something for what it is, take it at face value. If you dig to deep, the whole house of cards falls, and you’re just left with disappointment.

It’s like Rick and Morty’s Talking Cat. The purpose isn’t to ask questions, it’s to have fun.

What’s stopping you from having fun enjoying the story?

7309382

What’s stopping you from having fun enjoying the story?

Has anything I've said indicated necessarily whether I enjoyed your story or not? You seem to be reading my critique, detailing why I think you story is or is not effective, as 'I hated it'. This mentality is counterproductive if your aim is to improve as a writer; you are welcome to defend your work or to ignore critical feedback, but you must learn to separate mechanical discussion from emotional.

7309394
Thing is, I’m always in emotional discussion with myself over the things I create. The only logical thing my brain comes up with is that everyone else will hate it due to flaws I see and things that aren’t as great as I want them to be. I’m always short of my own expectations.

7306946
Thanks for pointing my typos out. I'll fix them in the published version, or now if 7309182 will condone it.

Edit: The final version has had grease corrected, but I like the extra hint at his identity at the end, unless it's obvious enough without it. I'd like to build up a meta story around these random events. Perhaps the journalist writing these columns is still in his first year on the job?

7309467
I'd prefer if people don't edit the version here after the closing date, since I read them on this thread and tend to have at least a second (and sometimes third!) read just before making my announcement. Of course, the story belongs to you, so this is only advice. But the rules here belong to me.

7309707
Fair enough. I will leave my submission as-is.

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All right, it's results time! As always, thank you very much to everyone who had a go. You're all great.

Hon mensh: cucharrador -- Someone has noticed Logan's weakness for feghoots! I laughed, and what better can you say of a story like this? The story could maybe do with a little technical smoothing -- for example, "Rarity groaned in surprised frustration when she saw a large bird sitting in the salon chair." is a bit clunky -- but the punchline hit the spot.

Winner: Amereep -- This one really hit me in the feels, as they say. You do have to read between the lines just slightly, but I thought the amount was reasonable for that fic. Gives a character I can generally take or leave (Flash) a backstory I'd be interested in reading more about, as well as doing some interesting world-building. Always intriguing when a little is scratched away from the bright, happy surface Equestria generally likes to present to the world.

Congratulations, Amereep! Please let me know here of your choice for next month's prompt when you've decided. Any time in the next day or two will be fine.

7289292

Congratulations, my worthy opponent. I bow to your impressive efforts and hard work, and graciously accept defeat at the hands of my sworn flashfiction archnemesis, on the grounds that you can't compete next week so I'm gonna wiiiiiiin thaaaaaat ooooooooone! Nyer nyer-nyer nyer nyer! Ha ha ha ha ha ha HAAAAAA!

With you. I'm, I'm laughing with you.

7310258

Gives a character I can generally take or leave (Flash) a backstory I'd be interested in reading more about

.......have I mentioned the Final Fantasy crossover I've been working on has Flash in it? Because to be truthful... this flashfic contains secret information that will be disclosed in chapter 12. I'm not sure if this breaks rule 8 since I haven't established this info, but if declaring that last's month's entry was a prequel resulted with no shunning from the judge, I considered making another prequel wouldn't hurt.

I find it ironic though that the comment about hiding the finer details was just proven true.

Speaking of rule 8, I've been wanting to attempt something for 2 years now, but couldn't because that would actually be breaking the rule. It's an animation I made that I want to transfer to a text media for my own intentional reasons I'll get into on a later date, and the prompt that could best capture it and give everyone room to be expressive would have to be... "Atmosphere".

Location, feelings, surroundings, a test to see who can set the mood with 150 words; if that's alright.

7295040
Expanding my critique a little, Logan made an observation that I swept aside before: the second paragraph in general is clunky, and, indeed, perhaps mostly redundant/unnecessary. The first paragraph does a pretty good job of explaining what's up and what's at stake; then the second then drags the reader through the motions before hitting the punchline. On one hand, this builds anticipation; on the other, it's somewhat boring and inelegant. I can think of several revisions to try.

ETA: I seem to have mistook the onamotapoeia of the alarm's beeps for the title (both made sense to me, as presented). As I noted for another, it is almost always worth giving your work a title, even if you aren't feeling it.

7310327

First up, "Atmosphere" is a perfectly acceptable prompt for September, so if that's your choice then that's fine.

I'm not sure if this breaks rule 8 since I haven't established this info

As a rule of thumb, if a story stands on its own then it's okay here. If you need to know the crossover property, it's not. As an example, the Severus Snape expy in "A Hearth's Warming Tail" would be fine as it's an Easter Egg. You don't need to know the Harry Potter world to enjoy the episode. However, a scene which required specific knowledge of what a Sorting Hat does would not be fine.

Since your fic made sense to me on its own merits, that's not a problem and I consider it Rule 8-compliant. Similarly 7302966's entry was written as a sequel/midquel to a fic I know nothing about, but was fine as an entry here since I didn't need to know anything about the earlier story.

7310327
Congrats, Amereep!! I really enjoyed your fic, and, like Loganberry already said, thought the backstory was done wonderfully.

7301681
Oh, you’ve done it again! I very much adored your entry - as per usual - and, I gotta say, I’ve never even given Rainbow’s potential - pet - falcon a second thought, but I love how you used him with the prompt. It’s like you’ve given him a whole personality in just a few words, and you did it very well! Fluttershy is completely in - character too, and all around it was just a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing!

7310825
I think you got the wrong mention / reply-to.

Ursa wrote the original; I just reformatted it.

7310856
whoops. My bad thanks for the heads up!

7290432
(Accidentally replied to the wrong person the 1st time anyway)
So good. I really liked how you wrote this - you did a fantastic job. Like how Luna is so full of hope when it starts, and then it just comes crashing in one fell swoop with only a few words from her sister? I thought you did that quite well!

7310869
Thank you very nice of you to say so. I admit still got a long way to go but getting there slowly. I have to improve too with all this good competition here