Today's story is "Of Griffons, Ponies, and Taboo Subjects" by The Bricklayer https://www.fimfiction.net/story/357468/of-griffins-ponies-and-taboo-subjects

This story does have some positives. When Gilda and Grape Vine meet, we are treated to some pretty good dialogue that really does sound like two knowing each other, but just now meeting for the first time. Unfortunately, this doesn't last long. It'd be nice if we saw more genuine interactions like these because it helps the story feel real.

Now, moving on to the aspects that could use work

I feel the narration is rather weird, it's the omniscient kind of narration, but at the same time has it's own opinion. This is almost enough to make one think the narration comes from the main character, but there are events mentioned that he doesn't know about so this isn't the case. The narration also makes mention of things and opinions that remind the reader this is a story and breaks them out of the experience.

No, the main reason he was here in this little known town on the very edges of Equestria, and crossing over into the Griffin Kingdom's borders, was for one particular pony. Okay, when I say pony I should actually be saying a Griffin. A Griffin named Gilda. The one who made Fluttershy cry and the one who almost grabbed the lost idol of King Boreas? Yep, that is the exact one.

And as for Grape, he was neurotic, a bit shy around meeting new ponies and a pony, whom Griffins still had a distinct dislike (Read: Hatred) for after losing the civil war quite badly.

Grape muttered as he pulled his wagon over the crest of the hill, which was as purple as his fur and covered in grape vines and had his Cutie Mark, a grape vine covered musical note (Yeah, Grape had a bit of a ego, so what?)

Mind you, this did attract some unwanted attention, most of all from that annoying reporter Eff Stop who always seemed to be stalking him wherever he went for an interview, but we'll get to him later. Right now, we have another character in our tale to focus our attentions to...

You get the idea. A good story makes the reader forget they're reading a story.

Some of the events that happen seem a bit iffy and forced as well. Right after Gilda says she'll show Grape Vine around, it immediately skips all of that and jumps to a scene where he decides to visit her at night. This would've been a good time to show the two of them interacting and chatting more as she led him around town and introduced stuff, but this is missed. This is also a bit odd because the story is suggesting she showed him around, didn't mention her home despite a pen pal visiting her and taking the time to put away her embarrassing secret. Then they parted ways, and THEN Grape Vine became interested in seeing her home. Hours later at night when it would have been inconvenient for her. I also find it rather forced that when he knocks on her door at night and receives no answer (Something that's pretty common as the owner might be sleeping) he decides to kick open the door and walk in anyway. I think you should have found a better way for him to find out her embarrassing secret.

This story makes Gilda's embarrassing secret out to be a big deal, both in the introduction and thoughts from Gilda herself. Yet the issue is kind of put on the back burner for a while, and when it does show up, it's solved pretty quickly. This kind of makes it feel like it wasn't very important or well developed. Like the writer wanted a specific idea done, and wrote this entirely around the ending of the story.

While this story does have some good points, they can be pretty hard to see or enjoy with some of the negative aspects in the way. I would suggest looking over the details mentioned in the review and then doing what you can to lengthen the story. Entend the problem, don't be in such a rush to finish the story.

Of Griffons, Ponies, and Taboo Subjects: 50/100
You have an idea for something good, you just need to fine-tune it.