[x] WTF Fetish

Just getting that one out of the way.

All right, now, let's see...

We're doin' this.

Surprisingly, this is rated mature, so can't link. The name, as you can see from the title, is "The Human Dazzle-pede" and written by Aurelius.

Sweet Celestia I love that profile picture.

Sunset Shimmer kidnaps the Dazzlings and turns them into a Human Centipede.

Well, based on the cover picture, I don't think the word "human" applies here. These are Equestria Girls, which have oddly colored skin and magic and junk.

All right... how about... the long description!

The cover art was made by myself. 1000 hours of effort in Corel Paintshop Pro X5

Ah, an exaggeration. Nothing explicitly wrong here, just an exaggeration.

Oh, some... pre-reader reactions? All right, then. I know these are pre-readers because I already read the entire comments section, and none of these were in there.

The Dazzlings have been defeated, and CHS has been liberated from the music-seducing skanks.

Skanks seems a bit harsh, now, doesn't it?

However Sunset Shimmer thinks that having their pendants destroyed and humiliation from the crowds isn't enough for punishment.

Oh, jeez, you're probably one of those "Starlight Glimmer deserves to be hung by her entrails and rape-tortured to death" people, aren't you?

So she decides to kidnap Adagio Dazzle, Aria Blaze and Sonata Dusk and connect the three hos together to create the most terrifying monstrosity that even science can't properly explain in words!

But you can, hence the story. That means you're above science.

... Apparently, Aurelius is God. I guess I should have figured.

Contains torture porn,

Shit, already marked that one.

bitches,

[x] Out of Character

mad doctors,

Ugh, I hope better than that fuckin' doctor from Hostel. "They took away my license because I enjoy cutting people up, so now I kidnap random drunk people and torture them to death!" 10/10 best motivation.

news papers,

I haven't seen the movie, so I figure I don't get the reference.

ass-to-skull ramming/tea-bagging,

I guess you could say I saw that one... coming.

tacos, taco bell, taco john's, burritos,

Considering the content so far, I can't say I'm surprised.

front centipede trolling,

What the hell does this even mean?

shit eating, laxative injections,

You know, when I was about 15 years old, a friend and I were both incredibly bored and decided we would look up weird fringe porn.

Now, we did not find people eating poop, but we did find some chick farting in a dude's face. Her exact question was, "Are you gonna sniff my juicy fart?" and the guy's response was, "Yeth, Counteth." Then she ripped ass in his face. He had his nose, like, in her butt, so he would have gotten the full force of it. I just remember seeing his face screwed up in this "what did I do to deserve this this is not worth the money" look as he turned away a couple times to catch his breath.

Wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I bet this story is what it eats.

bitch-slapping,

Not sure why this needs a trigger warning.

"TIME TO FEED MY HUMAN CENTIPEDE!,

I'm sure this is some hilariously funny reference to the movie that I'm not privy to.

*sigh* I know what I'm doing this weekend.

spanking,

I'd think that would be difficult to do when someone's face is rammed into it, but whatever.

defecation,

Seeing as this has shit eating, I hope so.

projectile defecation,

You know, this for whatever reason reminded me of the first scene of a beloved flash video I watched as a young Scootareader.

heartwarming moments,

I'm on the edge of my seat. I can only imagine the kind of... em... bonding the Dazzlings are going to have in this story.

Angry Germans,

The movie is German, right? Were there angry Germans in the movie, then?

non-related cameo,

Seems odd that you would pick that out.

AND MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE FOR YOU SICK FUCKS!

On a semi-related note, I should mention that the number of tags on a story is often proportional to that story's quality. The more tags, the less seriously a story should be taken.

Also, you can't put Comedy and Dark on the same story, Fallen Prime. Author had to make a choice here.

A heart warming story of a woman and her centipede!

I just feel all warm inside.

Down in the basement of the house, were three girls tied up with their mouths gaged.

I'm not familiar with the word "gage," so I googled it and found out that it has an archaic definition as an item offered in good faith, and also counts as a variant spelling of gauge. So, either the Dazzlings' mouths are their gift to their captor, or their mouths are being widened.

[x] Detrimental English

The one on the left was a minion cute adorable

Minion?

and worn spiked

Okay, yeah, detrimental English is definitely justified. I'll stop picking out every error now.

a tough so-badass-looking woman

This isn't a very good description.

Sonata just silently sat there nervously shaking and sweating.

That's bizarre. She seemed fine when she was gagged a few moments ago.

[x] Lack of Emotion

Aria looked at Adagio in confusion. "What is this? Why is there is line going through their bodies out of their mouths and asses?"

If there's actually a scene like this in the real movie, I'll, uh... well, I guess it's not surprising. I guess I'll just shrug and get on with my life.

I know what this is! It's from my favorite movie!

[x] Forced Comedy
[x] Story Immersion Breaking

I came up with the idea punishing those who would attempt to take my place at CHS in future situations, although that never happened until now.

Considering the subject content, I can't say I expected the crazy doctor to have a very good motivation.

Ingestion by A, passing out of the anus into the mouth of B, and finally the excretion of C.

I... think I've figured out why I've never watched this movie before.

after eight hours of grueling work,

Yeah, skin grafting would take quite a lot longer than that.

[x] Flawed Fact-Finding

how terrible Kim Kardashian was

Including pop culture n shit in your story.

Sunset was crying tears of joy, almost like watching a baby take it's first breaths outside the womb.

Great, um.. analogy. I guess.

"You're, welcome?" Replied a confused Sunset Shimmer.

Adagio and Aria in the back gave her the stink eye.

Considering where their mouths are now glued to, I don't think that phrase holds the same meaning anymore.

(no really, pony-theme iPhone)

I'm talking about the front you know.

Audience shout-outs are seriously detrimental to the story. They break story immersion incredibly hard. Don't ever put them in a story, even a trollfic.

Sunset took this offensively and sat her ass on top of Adagio's head, causing the middle and back segment to collapse. She repeatedly rammed her ass into the middle segment's head into the ground, at the same time causing the surgical graft between Adagio's and Sonata's to stretch painfully.

[x] Unsexy Sex

"Doc, where are you going?" Concerningly (that's not even a fucking word) asked Sonata.

"Doc, where are you going?" Sonata called after her in concern.

"It is time to feed my Human Centipede. WITH TACO JOHN'S!"

"EEEEEEE! I LOVE TACO JOHNS! I COULD EAT SO MUCH OF THEIR MENU OF TACOS! GIMEE GIMEE GIMEE GIMEE!!!"

Eugh. Fan pandering.

... Wait a friggin' minute.

That's a good category.

[x] Fan Pandering

Sunset could barely handle the cuteness, it was almost giving her diabetes.

Seriously, stop that crap, man. It's all detrimental.

But, Sonata stop chewing and her face went blank.

"Why did you stop chewing? Do you not like Taco Bell?" Worriedly asked Sunset.

Sonata's legs were wobbling and she looked at her Master blushing. "I have to go poop!" She said with a mouth full of Tacos.

"Go right ahead!" Said Sunset as she gave Sonata the green light.

soon, she began to get aroused by the feeding.

"Doctor Sunset, I can't shit! Adagio's breathing is making my poo go back inside me!"

"Force it into her mouth!", commanded Sunset.

With the subject content, I feel like his face here is apt. This is the first PewDiePie video I've ever seen.

the enjoyable "Shit versus Breath" contest

That's... certainly debatable.

corned-filled stool

Well, I mean, there's no rules saying that you can't have corn in tacos/burritos, and plenty gourmet Mexican tacos and burritos contain corn, but I don't think any--

You know what, I bet Taco John's actually exists.

*googles Taco John's*

Yeah, that's what I thought.

she puked into Adagio's butthole and some even came out of her nose.

Sunset finished masturbating

I can't even fathom how fucked up this all feels.

"Thah fuarh thahng weh neeh tah doh ehz fihn ah wahy tuh datayh orsehvs."

I get trying to stay true to the experience, but this is just detrimental. I have to spend time deciphering the text when you could just say, "Their words were muffled, but they could eventually decipher what each other was saying."

was punching Adagio's butt with her fists.

This scene in general is actually quite comical. I'm just imagining them getting into a cripple fight.

I skipped most of the screaming scene because the majority of it was difficult to read, but I saw this:

"ZHREK IZ LOV ZHREK IZ LIFV!"

She grabbed the Durritos bag and shoved it down Sonata's mouth, followed by shoving her entire arm up Aria's ass and pulling the bag through all three of their digestive tracks where it came bloody and poopy. She ate it.

Okay, I think our author has officially lost their fucking mind right about now.

Sunset was t-bagging Adagio.

I thought you said earlier that she hadn't teabagged Adagio. Hell, teabagging requires testicles, so I don't see how Shimmer can do that.

Sunset was ass-ramming Adagio's skull

Yeah, as I thought.

"Please chill out please! You're acting like the Angry German Kid!"

There's been so many cringy things in this, and this one was so cringy it was funny. I don't get it. Why is this line funny and none of the others.

I just do not understand why the author of this story would make me look so bad.

This is referred to as "meta" content, and is actually subjectively banned in stories. It's moderator discretion, so some stories may get a pass, but overall, you're supposed to leave out anything referential to the fact that you exist unless it's part of the entire gimmick.

Example 1
Example 2. The entire series banks on various forms of meta humor, including self-inserts and directly addressing myself mid-story, but is done I feel more tactfully. Learn from Flint Sparks and me.

[x] Bad Crossover

~Fin~

Thank Celestia. It's over.

So, let me be straight here: The middle was actually some modicum of enjoyable. It was disgusting as fuck, but it wasn't bad, speaking from a literary standpoint. It was the content that the story was intended to tell.

As we got near the end, the story just went to off-the-rails mouth-drooling shite. It was worthless and contributed nothing to the story, our experience, or anything other than the author at getting their innermost retarded thoughts onto electronic paper. I can see why this story failed submission many, many times. It's too meta and too unrelated to the subject content.

Had the entire story been coherent and stuck to the subject content, I would actually say it wasn't a complete waste of time. I can easily say that the word count should be cut down to half for a story that's worth looking into. The author typing stupid random things for us to read isn't fun.

As far as it being about the Dazzle-pede, it was funny, quirky, fuckin' weird, and morbidly fascinating. It's also inspired me to watch the source content this weekend. Wish me luck, fellas.

Final disgusting tally:

[ ] Alicorn/Fringe Species
[ ] Background/Side Pony Shipping
[ ] Bad Action
[x] Bad Crossover
[ ] Bad Pacing
[ ] Bandwagon
[x] Detrimental English
[x] Fan Pandering
[ ] Fantasy Creatures
[x] Flawed Fact-Finding
[ ] Foal Feels
[x] Forced Comedy
[ ] Human in Equestria/Pony on Earth
[ ] Includes Anonymous
[ ] Lack of Emotion
[ ] Mane 6/7 Shipping
[ ] Mary Sue/Gary Stu
[ ] Military
[ ] New Element(s) of Harmony
[ ] New Mane 6
[x] Out of Character
[ ] Overly Edgy
[ ] Pony Subculture Spinoff
[x] Poor/Missing Cover Art (added by group member, I don't see it as detrimental to the story)
[ ] Religion
[ ] Retold Episode
[ ] Rule 63/Gender Blending
[ ] Self-Insert
[x] Story Immersion Breaking
[x] Unsexy Sex
[x] WTF Fetish

Disgusting Score:
10/31

You could have easily done better, but... not bad, Aurelius. This was everything you'd hyped it up to be.

Also, I'm upvoting this story because screw expectations.

The cover art was made by myself. 1000 hours of effort in Corel Paintshop Pro X5

Ah, an exaggeration. Nothing explicitly wrong here, just an exaggeration.

'Tis one of the more common dank maymays. Usually "1000 hours in MS paint."

4970714 How I feel about you grading my story.

Oh, jeez, you're probably one of those "Starlight Glimmer deserves to be hung by her entrails and rape-tortured to death" people, aren't you?

I don't 100% hate Starlight, but I heavily dislike her character design and developement, like I mean her last name Glimmer sounds too close that of Sunset Shimmer and she looks like a ripoff design version of Aria Blaze because of the exact same coloring, and her face looks fatter than Mrs. Cupcake.

I... think I've figured out why I've never watched this movie before

Well at least I'm not as obsessed as that midget from the second film.

Okay, I think our author has officially lost their fucking mind right about now.

If the feeding part is not the worst part of the story then this section probably is.

I get trying to stay true to the experience, but this is just detrimental. I have to spend time deciphering the text when you could just say, "Their words were muffled, but they could eventually decipher what each other was saying."

"The first thing we need to do is find way to detatch ourselves." If you're too lazy to translate muffled speech then just ask me and I'll give you and all the others the answers in the comment section.

I can see why this story failed submission many, many times. It's too meta and too unrelated to the subject content.

Actually I only submitted this once and it got approved thanks to the tips gaven out by pre-readers. The ones that failed moderation were my OTHER stories, long before this one was published, though they weren't really as bad as this one.

Yeah of course I do feel guilty about terriying some weak hearted people and I think it's a little too late for redemption because even if I deleted the story alot of people will still remember it through legend. "Even though w'ere glad that story is long gone and nuked into orbit, it still leaves a grim reminder on readers, authors, and moderators to this day. Next time we will be prepared."

Those two story examples? I'm reading the first one later about Maud Pie who's just as depressing as Eor.

Oh and I'm making a bonus chapter for achieving 100 downvotes in just 5 days after being published. Possible sequel TBA, so, prepare your anus for that. The whole site better too.

Thanks for grading my story.