Review: A Dragons Path

Okay, so, I log back on from my ice-fishing weekend (no internet access) and find that more stories have been submitted by new members. I think “great, we are expanding!” and other such positive thoughts.

Then I browse some of the new members, and see one of their stories has been submitted.

A Dragons Path.

First things first, let me say that it was placed in the wrong folder, which I fixed almost immediately and without trouble. Secondly, I previously tried to proofread/edit this story for the author, but all of my literal hours upon hours of work were lost due to someone logging on and messing with my laptop. Thirdly, I have read this several times, thoroughly and in an unhurried manner. So, all in all, I do have some previous experience with this story.

Which is why I get to say this: keep in mind what I say is not an attack on the author, but the story, if you can call it that (a story, not an attack).

This story is a tragedy of writing. It is an affront to me as a fellow writer and a fan of this show. Here, we see the true nature of egocentric, OP OCs truly unleashed upon a fandom in such a manner that while beta-ing this I almost lost my will to write. I will not focus on the plot, as nonsensical as it is, simply for sake of time, and because I believe I can get my point across in the following essay.

First, let me explain something: OCs need to carefully handcrafted, so that they are unique and different to a story. A story with an OC as a main character will likely do poorly unless, and I stress unless, the author has had previous experience creating and crafting such an OC for a story, and has experience with writing one in a believable and connectable manner. A truly “good” OC must be believable, written right and has the fandom not foaming at the mouth in rage when they read about it.

This story has none of that. This... OPOC (over-powered original character) is a blatant copy-paste from a flowchart used for any and all RPs that this writer (and I use that term tentatively) participates in. The only shred of evidence that this character is even in the MLP universe is that he is claimed to be Spike’s brother or something. I don’t know: I can’t even bring myself to read it again for extra clarification.

Okay, so, with that OC rant out of the way, let’s get to the story. The first thing fellow writers and plenty of readers notice is spelling. Strange how spelling is never commented on when it’s used properly, but is just lambasted when it’s used incorrectly. No professor of mine has ever taken one of my essays to a meeting and said “guys, I gotta tell you, this student’s spelling is phenomenal” and stuff like that. Now, this story is not just spelled wrong, it’s spelled phonetically wrong. It’s written in such a way that the words are spelled the way the author hears them, something that is the bane of many a writer when it comes to tough, often foreign-originating words. Only, many of these words are simple, like “they’re”, “would”, “maybe” and others. I myself suffer a minor aneurism every single time I see “yore/your/you’re” mixed up in any story, and a major one whenever “their/they’re/there” also mixed. This fic... it is indescribable how I felt. It was as though my Rage was brutally murdered by a tag-team of Disbelief and Sadness, and then dragged off to a tub filled with lye soap by Resignation. I just... I just cannot fathom how fast this story was written, and with so much apparent love for the story itself, and yet... without any apparent regard for its quality. It’s as though the writer did not want to or even bother trying to come back to this story and, from what I have heard around the grapevine, has continuously submitted this to group after group, including Twilight’s Library, a group that none of my stories can get into (can’t blame them, most of mine aren’t really the best to be honest), and was rejected on the spot. I can see why there’s even a Rage Review about this story in our sibling group.

Okay, so, spelling and grammar aside, what do we have? An “edgy” (dressed like what a twelve-year old might think of edgy, as a fellow critic pointed out) God-like OP OC with barely a shred of connectivity to the story, a story itself that I could not help but laugh at (since I usually laugh when I want to cry), and a writer who has no apparent access to any sort of spell-check or even someone wanting to proofread their material.

My suggestion?

Abandon this story, writer; leave it behind and replace the time you may or may not spend on it with something else, but leave it up on the site as a warning to others. Hell, even label it as an example of how not to write an OC, just for future reference. You can always come back to it and polish it up, but please, when people tell you what's wrong, make an effort to actually correct what they point out, not just submit to group after group and not change a damn thing.

You are a writer, and deadlines are only set by you: there is no rush to publish something unfinished, just as there should be no rush to eat a pizza that has not been properly baked. I know how it feels to blaze through a chapter and have the feeling that you need to publish it now, to show everyone your glory and might.

Take a step back: look it over, wait a few days, and read through it yourself again and again. Is there something spelled wrong in some place? Is there an utterly massive amount of madness within the plot that makes no sense and destroys any sort of connectivity the story may have with a reader? Is it a story that cannot, should not be published until it is truly ready?

Sadly, only the author can know when a story is ready, and truth be told, this story... it was not ready for this fandom. I know I may sound harsh, but it is the truth: this story, though likely a first, is terrible. Could it be repaired and made to actually be a good read?

Maybe; it would need 200 cc’s of adrenaline in any writer to blaze through this and make it a work of art.

(Points to those who got that reference.)

Is the author a bad person or fan for making this? By all means, no! A writer’s ability does not reflect on who they are: it simply shows that, perhaps, they were not ready to write something like this. Take some time off from writing: read some books (especially the dictionary), read other people’s stories, listen to some music, grow up a little, and please, just please....

Try harder next time. I know you can do it.

2757847 well thank you for the eye opener man with out being a simon cowel and i will get back to you on this

2757847
Your review inspired me to join the group so that I could post this reply: