«Feeding the Machine»
by Nugget

Summary:
Within his final moments, an inmate of the Rainbow Factory struggles with the reality of his situation. Every single second that ticks before his certain death, the pegasis questions the truth to what is really going on in the facility. Ultimately writing them down in a discovered journal, he talks about those frequent questions and the role he plays in this twisted place.

Grammar:
Is wonky at times, in more subtle aspects. Sometimes a question would be constructed as a statement, tenses are slightly out of place, the word usage is not perfect and articles not always used right. If I were to guess, this is written by a non-native speaker, albeit one with rather good relative proficiency in the language. Editorial TLC by a native speaker would be very helpful to the fic.
12/20

Style:
Simplistic and laconic, but this works within the chosen format - more of a rough sketch than a full story. Nothing to brag about, but no significant bad sides to it either, it does what it's supposed to do, and no more. Despite the "Gore" tag, there is no actual gore, which I took as a small blessing, but is technically still wrong.
23/30

Plot and characters:
Aptly summarized within a single paragraph of the long description quoted above, but this one actually has some ideas author wanted to put into it. Not exactly the most original thoughts, and probably something that would not be new to anyone who read any distopic fiction, but at least they are put forward with a commendably low number of words.
The protagonist, is, of course, mostly a blank slate, but again, given the idea of the fic, it is not necessarily a flaw, and I won't count it as one.
30/40.

Personal preference:
To my great surprise (since neither the original Rainbow Factory, nor "Gore" or "Dark" tags are not amongs my favorites), I liked this story. There is nothing new here, but it's decently written, does not have anything disgusting or offensive and actually causes me to sympathize with the protagonist.
If you actually squint at it juuust right, you can even read it as a deconstruction of the original Rainbow Factory fic.
7\10

Total Tally:
Color me surprised, but 74/100. Unexpected, but it is a good fic, all in all.

Thank you very much for the review, however I do want to take the moment to explain the grammar errors. For the most part, they were intentional due to the fact that this story was written in journal format. This was strictly just the character talking about his experiences within the factory, to which I wanted not so much focus on keeping the proper tense, but the flow of his words and the style of which he speaks. You must also remember his doesn't really have that time to check over his work since he lives in captivity for the most part. All he wants to do is really just get his message out. That is it.

Other than that, I completely agree with what said and once again I thank you for the kind review.

P.S: Ok, I will admit this as well, I kinda did create a situation were I could slack off on proper grammar.

5814488
Well, than it's not done correctly. Either go into the full-on ramble mode, with crossed-out words, and run-on sentences and etc, or don't do it at all