So . . . it's been a while since I reviewed anything. I honestly debated ever reviewing again after what happened last time with the comments. But, I'm back to review at least this time around.

To Drown a Butterfly by Matthew DePointe

I saw this story in the inbox and remembered a time many moons ago when the author asked me to look over a portion of it for him. I realized then that I hadn't actually read the whole story. So I set out to remedy that. And boy howdy am I glad I did! The characterization of this story was just wonderful. For a character-center author like myself, it's an absolute treat to read through.

What's this story all about? Well, it's a Noire tale following the anti-hero Mr. Ponetti and a few of his dealings. It's short—around 5k words—but manages to pack in a lot of characterization and world building into it. I was genuinely impressed, as it's not an easy feat to accomplish. Of course, there were areas to improve on, but overall a wonderful short story.

I'll start out with some of what makes this story stand out to me. Well, for one it's first person. That's a bit unusual on the site for good reason as first person is incredibly difficult to pull off. When I started reading this, I was pleased to note that DePointe has really taken this perspective and embraced it. So often when I read first person works, it just feels stiff and forced; as if the author himself doesn't know how best to utilize it. That's not the case here. The author obviously understands how to use first person to make a story stronger and enhance characterization. This is one story that simply would not have the same impact in third person.

Characterization of Mr. Ponetti was simply fascinating. DePointe writes this guy just like I want to see a Noire hero written. Throughout this story, he's not portrayed as "good" or "bad," but genuinely human (or pony if you want to get technical). He's got obvious flaws, but he also has this redeemable quality that draws you in. Like, you can see there's a potential to save him and bring him back if only he'd take you up on it. The entire story is one giant character piece, and I really enjoyed how the author took advantage of it.

That being said, there were places I thought the characterization could have been stronger. Like, when Mr. Ponetti speaks to the mare in the first chapter. There were narrations that I thought would have been much stronger from a characterization point of view if they were made into thoughts. Some of the narrations felt telly rather than showy which could have been fixed fairly easily. As I go by feel, I'm having trouble pinpointing an exact area, but it felt off several places.

I really enjoy how the scenes are being described from Mr. Ponetti's viewpoint. Of course it's expected in first person, but it's really hard to find an author who actually does this. So thank you, DePointe for giving it all you've got. The narration from his perspective enriched the entire story and helped to connect me with the main character and his predicament. I simply adored that.

One note though. There are scenes where Mr. Ponetti is supposed to be drunk. But, the scene's not described from a drunk man's perspective. It would be so much stronger if you warped the narration in a way that conveyed drunkenness apart from the basic stating that he's drunk. I think doing that would really immerse the readers in the situation.

There were a few grammar errors in the story that I noticed.

“I don’t know very much about you.” She said.

should be

“I don’t know very much about you,” she said.

She was around 35 years old

should be

She was around thirty-five years old

Mostly little stuff like that. Nothing major and nothing large enough to detract from the story as a whole.

As for the story as a whole, it really is fascinating. It was like I was thrown directly into Las Pegasus. The descriptions the author uses are top notch and paint an incredibly vivid picture for the reader. It's not just a place where the plot takes place. It's a place that influences every aspect of the story and makes the entire experience worthwhile. Absolutely wonderful! I can't praise the setting enough.

The character's dilemma draws you in. You start to wonder if he's going to come around or succumb to the hell-hole he finds himself in. I was so into the scene at the end that I did a mini-freak out upon discovering it was over. Well, okay, it was more like this . . .

I was really, really invested in the character and that shines positively on the author. It's hard to find a story where you can be just lose yourself in the character and the situation. And this is one of those. Of course there are areas for improvement, but it's well worth a read. I consider this a must-read if only for the characterization.

Official rating: Must Read

4725518
Most people defended you, so... yeah. Not much hate there.

But in any case, nice review. I'll probably manage some time to check out the story.

4725518

I saw this story in the inbox and remembered a time many moons ago when the author asked me to look over a portion of it for him.

I didn't check this story on the basis that when the author first started this story, he decided to inbox everyone that existed on Fimfiction. I just counted it as spam and moved on.

I might give it a read though. We'll see. ^_^