Story: Magic Can't Make Foals

Written by: Pump It Up

Hello everyone, I’m LoneUnicornWriter, but you could call me Lone. I have had my sure a reviewing before coming to this group. Due to unfortunate timing I had to hold off on the reviews I was doing and since my time has cleared up a little I thought why not give it another go and here I am. Now onto the story.

Alright, so this story was about Rainbow and Applejack, being a couple, asking Twilight is she could use magic to make foals, but Twilight says no starts explaining why she can’t make a foal for them out of magic.

I already read the story once, but reading through it again was still as enjoyable as small read. The title was interesting to the think about as in it made me think why and any title that could make me think is interesting enough for me.

The flow was quick and detailed but at the right points in the story. The grammar was used great. In fact, I didn’t see where it was used wrong. The author’s focus in this story was second person throughout the whole story.

The ending felt sudden for me, I think the transition into it was just too quick. It also took me some time to get that it was a reporter speaking. I feel there should be a random tag for the story because of the ending specifically, but then again it was a short story and for the end the story was going for was alright. Still feel there should be a random tag.

From reading you would see the story had some ways it could’ve gone from where why Twilight couldn’t use magic to make the foal to basically the very end. But I guess this was how the author wanted to go about the story.

There isn’t much to say on this story. No pointers I could make on the story, and there wasn’t anything wrong at any point in the story despite the visible number of dislikes (in the sense that there are quite a few downvotes.) I personally think the downvotes were for the reasons of anti- F/F shipping and that two other popular shippings happened to be unfortunate situations. Other than that, it was all in all a nice short story. I wouldn’t mind link someone else to read or drop in their read later list.

Rating: I would recommend this story.

Froggie already got this one.

You might want to PM him or Flare for a link to the working list. I'd post it myself, but I'm on my phone.

3699234 Yeah, I realized. I looked at the working list, but didn't see anything say "complete" next to the story title which is why I was a bit confused of the whole thing.

3699234
Also my fault, should of noticed sooner.