Hello! I’m Froggie, and I’m here reviewing ”Magic Can’t Make Foals” by Pump It Up.

This story is about Applejack and Rainbow Dash going to Twilight to ask her a very important question. This question is if she can turn one of them into a male so they can impregnate the other, therefore resulting in a child for them (if you haven’t figured it out by now, AppleDash is a thing in this story). Twilight responds by giving them two points that say ‘no’: a) even though their physical appearance is changed to that of a male, they are still genetically their same gender (a point that I’ll touch on later) and b) nature has a built-in killswitch for any people who try to switch their gender to make a child (which I will also touch on later). Applejack and Rainbow then give up trying to make their own child and decide to adopt, while a few unfortunate mares get struck by freak lightning accidents and dying.

Before we get into that, though, let’s talk about this story’s mechanics. Stylistically and grammatically, everything was mostly sound. The story read quite nicely overall, although I do have one concern: Applejack.

See, most writers today agree that Applejack’s accent shouldn’t be written apart from any dialect. For example, if Applejack said “I ain’t budging,” you would only phoneticize her dialect (the words that she says because of her background), and would use the normal spelling of non-dialect words. The rule of thumb: spell dialect, not pronunciation.

Also, and this is mostly me nitpicking here, most people agree that both double-spacing between paragraphs and indenting leaves too much white space for the eyes; computer screens are designed to work best with unindented double-spaced paragraphs (that’s why it’s the format you usually see when reading articles online). However, there’s no set-in-stone rule about that, however, so feel free to do how you see fit.

Now, let’s move onto what I think is the most interesting part of the story: the reasons behind why Applejack and Rainbow can’t genderbend themselves a child. The explanation the story offers is mostly correct:

..."Just because your physical gender is changed doesn't mean the DNA in the gametes will change. … "Males have XY sex chromosomes, and females have XX, and they have, respectively, X and Y gametes and X and X gametes. Therefore, when the gender is swapped, even though they look like the opposite gender, they are still genetically their real gender, down to their gametes."

This is mostly true. Now, I’m about to go into a science rant thing here, so skip the next two paragraphs until you see a new, bolded sentence.

To paraphrase heavily, DNA is the code for life. When gametes (the sperm and egg, cells responsible for making a child) are made, the DNA that is inside of them coils up into these things called chromosomes. Every human child has 46 chromosomes, or 23 pairs. In a pair, one comes from the mother and one comes from the father. The 23rd pair of chromosomes, known as the sex chromosomes, determine the baby’s sex. If the baby has two X chromosomes, the baby will be a female at birth. If it has one X and one Y chromosome, it will be a boy.

The story says that the genderbent mare would become a physical male. I’m assuming that this means that she would have the internal systems of a male, then. By that logic, the genderbent mare would be able to produce sperm like a male, and then would be able to ejaculate said sperm during intercourse. If this is the case, then the genderbent mare would be able to ejaculate sperm and thus be able to impregnate the non-genderbent mare. Now, the genderbent sperm would contain only X chromosomes, and a simple Punnett square can show you that the child will have a 100% probability of being female. I hope Applejack and Rainbow Dash weren’t hoping for a boy, in that case, because that’s impossible with what we know.

TL;DR: If the genderbent mare was able to produce sperm, she could theoretically impregnate her partner and they would have a female child.

However, this seems like a moot point considering Twilight’s second stipulation: nature will kill Applejack and Rainbow Dash if they try and make a child. At first, this seems like it’s played for a certain comedic angle, considering the conclusion where they say ‘screw it’ and try to adopt. It’s also worth noting that some unlucky mares by the names of Lyra, Bon Bon, Vinyl Scratch, and Octavia all died in freak lightning accidents that occurred at the exact same time. The Princesses were also struck, but they didn’t die.

First of all, implied Princest gets you Internet points. Second of all, this serves as a great example of fridge horror (something that doesn't seem scary at all, but gets scarier the more you think about it). At first, it plays like a bit of black comedy: a few mares tried using magic to have a natural child, and all died because Mother Nature doesn’t like that. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized the implications of Nature being an intelligent force capable of weeding out those it doesn’t like. What does that mean for natural disaster? Are other natural accidents really accidents at all, or is nature trying to kill those it doesn’t like intentionally? Is nature capable of evil?

That’s actually what I liked most about this story: for a Slice of Life story, it can get pretty dark. I’ve always enjoyed thought-provoking reads, and this one certainly delivered. I’m not sure if it was intentional or not, but either way, it certainly made me stop to think about the implications of a sentient nature and theoretical genetics.

My advice to you, Pump It Up, is to focus on the words you use when writing characters speaking. Phoneticization of everything a character says impedes understanding, so keep in mind that it’s generally accepted to only phoneticize non-formal words and spell formal words like you would see them in a dictionary.

Final Thoughts: A nice Slice of Life story that, when looked at in the right way, raises some poignant thought. Recommended for those looking for a light, quick read with a touch of dark humor or some pondering material.

I was on board with this story up until that "nature kills you for it" part.

Really, explaining that you would retain your gametes would do enough to shut down anypony's plans for Magical Lesbian Spawn. Hell, even if they did change, you could still justify the spell being ineffective. It takes roughly three days for sperm cells to develop, and eggs are a more or less permanent thing. That means a M-to-F genderbend will be sterile regardless, while a F-to-M genderbend would be infertile for three days after the transformation. All you have to do then is explain that nopony, not even Twilight, Celestia, or Luna, could maintain the spell that long, and bam, Magical Lesbian Spawn are null and void.

Having them be an abomination against nature and just killing them outright for trying just seems forced and out-of-nowhere. Namedropping popular fanon ships doesn't make up for it.

3431174

TL;DR: If the genderbent mare was able to produce sperm, she could theoretically impregnate her partner and they would have a female child.

Yeaaaah…I need to fix that. I had meant to say that the gametes don't change, and they stay how they were originally formed; in this case, they would still be eggs and not be turned into sperm.

3432352
Pump it Up! Long time no see, hows it going?

3432541
Good. Ish. Struggling.

You?

3432732
Doing great! Like a frog on a lily-pad.