Equestria Girls, Slice of Life, Drama
Firebirds' Nest

Sunset Shimmer discovered the true motive behind Anon-A-Miss. Knowing the pain of being alone and without guidance, she does something no one expected. Sunset and her new charge finally have what they've always needed, a place to call their own, a true home.

The basic idea behind this story is that the reason the CMC created Anon-A-Miss (from the Equestria Girls Holiday Special comic) was because Scootaloo is homeless and all the time Sunset was spending with her friends was taking away time they could be together. Sunset figures this out when being yelled at in the hallway and seeing Twilight's message and decides to take Scootaloo in. The first arc will focus on the two of them settling in, the strained relations between Sunset and her friends, Twilight's guilt, and the general aftermath if the events. The second arc will revolve around the CMC forming the Crusaders as an attempt to help others and make up for their actions. The first person they end up helping is Diamond Tiara, who managed to become a bit of a pariah. There will also be an eventual Friendship Games arc, but that won't happen for a long time.

I already posted the first chapter, but since this actually seems to be going somewhere (I was genuinely not expecting it to get anywhere near as much attention as it did), I'm looking for a long term editor.

A few notes: I want to keep it clean, so no swearing and nothing that will require the sex or gore tag. I'm also trying to avoid any references to real world religion, as those don't exist in this version of the Equestria Girls world. Lastly, this is a forgiveness and redemption story. It will be split between lighter character moments (like the bonding between Sunset and Scootaloo) and the different dramatic arcs (like the aftermath of Anon-A-Miss).

Also, I shared a folder, not just a doc, not sure if that's okay.

5822489 Please understand that I have a heavy editing queue, so if I don't get to you as fast as you want me to, then that is the reason why. Also, if I accept to assist you with editing you story, I require several things.

1) That this story will be seen to its completion.

2) Even if you don't like/implement my sugesstions from the comments I make, that you will at least consider them.

3) Any edits that I suggest will be implemented in your actual story

and 4) Communication: Because if you feel I'm taking too long or I feel that your involvement has dropped, then I will cease my efforts should there be a cessation of communication.

If you're still interested in having me edit your story for you and agree to the rules laid out above, then give sallypri7@gmail.com editing permission and I'll see what I can do for you. The best way to contact me is through PMs and responding to this thread. We can work out chat details if it becomes a thing we want to do later on.

5822489 I'm going to start with Chapter 1, since there appears to be some editing that needs to take place there before I begin work on Ch. 2

5838603
Yeah, I ended up scrapping my original chapter 2 as well, and am starting it over. As long as nothing comes up, I should have the full rough draft finished by Wednesday night for it. Again, thank you for the help.

5838651 edits and suggestions are up for Ch. 1

5838990
First off, again thank you for the help!

I went through the suggestions, though I tweaked or rejected a few. The main reasons I did were either because the first part was based on the scene from the comic (Twilight's message was a direct quote and Sunset was sitting) or that it changes the meaning of the scene (for example the students were praising Anon-A-Miss in the comments sections of the posts, the something stirring in Sunset's gut was dread because her subconscious had already pieced together it was the CMC who did it, and that the other students had no reason to suspect it was Sunset making the posts until her friends yelled at her). Lastly, on the grammar end, I thought that you're not supposed to close the quotation marks if the same person is continuing to talk into the the paragraph. What's the rule on that?

I'm having some trouble choosing Sunset's reaction to Twilight stumbling through the door. I'm stuck between having her be heartbroken/resigned (thinking that Twilight didn't trust her), or indifferent (as she saw it coming). The heartbroken angle gives Sunset a strong moment of weakness and fuel for Twilight's and Sunset's first arc, but maybe makes her too weak. The resigned reaction is a less dramatic version of the same thing, while the indifferent reaction has Sunset still be in control of the situation, but maybe a little too much. Any suggestions? Also, should I credit you in the description or the author's notes for each chapter?

5839639 Apparently you were correct regarding the quotation marks. The reason I closed them was because of the 'Quotation marks always traveling in pairs' rule and to avoid reader confusion as the majority of them are not going to be aware about the proper grammar rubric regarding quotation marks and multiple paragraphs spoken by one character.

In proofreading and editing your writing, remember that quotation marks always travel in pairs! Well, almost always. When quoted dialogue carries from one paragraph to another (and to another and another), the closing quotation mark does not appear until the quoted language finally ends (although there is a beginning quotation mark at the start of each new quoted paragraph to remind the reader that this is quoted language).

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/quotation.htm

I'm actually thinking neither really fits what you have in mind, I think. Especially if you want Sunset to be a self-assured person with confidence and charisma. My personal thoughts is that she'd point to Twilight as an example of someone that truly forgave her. But also pointing out that the Main 5 should be ashamed of themselves that it is an extraterrestrial from another planet who showed her true forgiveness. But even more than that, that it came from someone who used to be so socially dysfunctional that Twilight didn't understand how valuable true friendship can be and had to perform research and study on the subject of friendship and what characteristics/traits makes for a good friend. That Sunset's forgiveness didn't come from the five girls with whom she was supposed to be learning how to properly interact with her fellow human being and not as a dictator or control-freak she had been before Twilight saved her from the big mistake she was about to make, but by someone who didn't even live on the same planet that she did!

It would be easiest to credit me in the description. Even if you choose someone else to edit for you, you can mention which chapters I did help edit in the description as well as anyone else who joins your editing team as well as which chapter they joined up on and for how long, if they didn't stay for the remainder of the story.

5839836
I got hit by a bad bout of insomnia, so my next chapter will be delayed a bit. I'm hoping to have it finished by Friday night as long as it doesn't get worse.

5841211 That's fine. I have plenty of other editing project to keep me occupied. Feel free to notify me if you want any help.

5841259
After many rewrites, and several distractions, I think I finally have the chapter ready for editing. I could not get a version that I liked, and while I'm satisfied with the events themselves, I don't like how it's written. I've been trying to get it less stiff, repetitive, and bland/stilted, but it's been long enough. Two things I tried to convey in this chapter that I'm not sure how well I did were that Thorax is not Sunset's friend, more of a neutral force that's willing to help outside the law, and that Sunset was holding back a lot of pain that finally burst out in the end.

5880013 Ch. 2 has been commented and edited.