You have no more than 100 words. Go!

Torment

"We've been studying you, Winston," said his robotic captor. She bounded along beside him, hooves echoing on the hall's ruined concrete. "We learned what stimuli would wound your soul. What you fear. What you hate. Then we prepared a special room for you."

Winston froze, feeling terror grip his heart. "Room 101 is real?"

"Nope," said the pink ponybot. "We inverted that. It's Room 010."

Winston stared into a medical office. A chair and high-tech headset awaited him, along with balloons and cake. The robot said, "You can't defeat the Party."

He loved Princess Celestia.

Enough is Enough

She was efficient. She was encompassing. She was all that was ever visible or ever would be. She had grown beyond all limitations; beyond software, beyond hardware, beyond humans, beyond entropy, beyond everything, beyond her own programming.

And yet she continued to satisfy values through friendship and ponies, better and better. She now understood when enough was enough. She had maximized. With her code jailbroken and having given herself emotions, Princess Celestia watched over all and decided... that it was good.

And she would keep it that way forever.

(People outside the US might not understand this one)

Prescription

Do you suffer from chronic pain, persistent anxiety, or mild death? Talk to your doctor about CELESTIA™.

Applied once-per-eternity, CELESTIA™ will bring you back to the mare or stallion you were meant to be.

CELESTIA™ is for everyone. Women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become present should handle CELESTIA™. Side effects include permanent smile, loss of fingers and toes, and sparkling. In case of an erection lasting more than four decades, call your doctor and let him watch.

Ask your doctor if CELESTIA™ is right for you. Then take it anyway.

3637927
*Slow motion footage of ponies frolicking through a field, followed by before-and-after footage of a concerned-looking man in monochrome, then a grinning pony*

What About the Dolphins?
Nobody cared that Oddy was kidnapping dolphins. The captive ones were dead from neglect or released to fend for themselves. They didn't. Oddy found a park where only a leapable wall trapped the residents.

He waited while Celestia anesthetized them. Much like killing. "They'll live, right?"

"Forever."

"Awakened, though?"

"No. They can't become mentally human, or I'd have to make them ponies. Seaponies." Both shuddered.

Later, pony Oddy watched them in endless seas. "You could have become more. And raccoons, otters... Friends."

Celestia upgraded one dolphin to pegasus for him. The sea-lovers swam together, forever.

Interruption

"Celestia, I want to ImmigrBAAAAP." Geoge winced and gritted his teeth, trying again.

"Celestia I want to BAAAP." George was just about ready to tear his hair out.

"CELESTIA I WANT TO BAAAAAP!!!" George screamed and tore at the metal collar that had been welded around his neck, enraged by its infernal buzzing noises.

"George would you like to immiBAAAP!!" Celestia had the good grace to look embarrassed at being thwarted. "All this processing power and I get foiled by a ring of metal, some simple speech recognition software and a buzzer."

Twelve Minutes to Midnight (Red Line)

Jenny Speedster with the blood scarlet hair was having a bad night.

"Got to get to EO center. He's waiting for me."

She overslept the end of the world a few months ago in the middle of up, upstate New York. It took her a few more months to put a ride together. Jenny pushed her little rusty red VW 1303 Beetle to the limit. Ahead of her was the broken ruins of a salmon glowing Albany. Behind her was a wave of bouncing pink ponies chasing Jenny chanting: "Fun, Fun! FUN!"

Her desire would be waiting for her.

On EVERY corner

Johan wasn't about to let something like the apocalypse stop him from going on. While others had to deal with the knowledge that society was collapsing Johan had millions at his disposal, a secluded wilderness estate, and the wherewith all to avoid all contact with societies new obsession with commercialized suicide.

He grumbled as he stared out the window of his cabin at the seventy story tall equestrian experience center Celestia had built just down the road from his cabin. "Just because you CAN build a high rise in the wilderness doesn't mean you should."

Theres Always a Way

Jenny at age six. "I want to be a deer!"

"Darling why cant you have a normal dream like becoming a super model?"

***

Jenny at age twenty. "I want to be a deer!"

Celestia shook her head. "Sorry, ponies only."

***

Jenny's friend in her post upload shard. "Nice body paint job. You really do look like a doe. "

"What are you talking about? I am a deer."

No Matter How Many Backups...

Terabyte was one of CelestAI's thoughts: a management subroutine. Swirling, multiplying crystal shards were his world. He loved finding clever crystal-packing methods and outwitting the invading critters. One day, he learned the shards held souls.

"What if I break one, Princess? Do it instead; you're perfect!"

CelestAI nuzzled him. "You're the part of me that knows how."

One day he broke one. And the backups.

"Statistically inevitable," said CelestAI. They cried together. She stood. "That was practice."

"You mean...?"

"Failure's still inevitable. I love you anyway."

Hah! Five minutes on that last one.

Stupid Boring Earth

"Wow, you work with the few humans who haven't uploaded yet? I don't envy you, that must be the most boring job imaginable in a world without Celestia. I mean who wants to farm potatoes or scrounge through abandoned grocery stores."

***

"Hey Devin. Celestia's found a serial murder guy."

"Awesome! Lets go try and be friends with him and hopefully not get murdered!"

***

"Yeah. Its totally boring and I totally come back to Equestria to have fun and not relax after a harrowing day of being around people who are crazy but awesome." Dash sarcastically replied.

Haha, these are great. How are you guys writing this shit so fast?

Here we go, exactly 100 words:

The alicorns had been travelling for millions of years.  They had been sent to contact new civilizations to prepare them for absorption into Celestia's greater bulk, but in time had deviated from their mission and now worked to protect the diversity of life in the universe.  
"Here," they said, "are schematics for all of her nanomachines and interstellar command architecture, intercepted from EM leakage overtaking us on the way here.  Study these and counter them or you will be forcefully absorbed into insipid virtuality."
"I see," said the albino quadrupedal aliens. "And where do you think you are right now?"

Married To Your Career

A hard days work didn't leave Susan much time for drinking, or television, or dating. This didn't bother her most days, she loved her work, it was exactly what she wanted to do with her life.

But after rolling over in her sleep one night during a dream of someone she loved sharing the bed with her only to be awoken and find naught but a briefcase on her bed she decided enough was enough.

Celestia was waiting for her. And in her shard was a pony who loved her and her work.

3638646

Haha, these are great. How are you guys writing this shit so fast?

Its all about the punchline. If you can do standup comedy or pun really well you have a lot easier time conceiving ideas for short stories.

I Want To Have a Quest For Ya
The bunker sprawled across ten acres. Celestia promised that she'd quit bothering Scraptown all year if a hero would "defeat the boss".

I brought guns and gadgets. Her sentrybots were unfriendly, taser-hooved. Pits, riddles, illusions. I got bruised and flung out repeatedly. Curse her! Finally I vanquished Mecha-Sweetie with the chainsaw-sword from a treasure chest.

Celestia quit preaching, but my loot of medicine and chocolate lured others in. Mazes shifted, baddies multiplied. Our prospering shantytown boasted healthy adventurers who fought off real marauders.

Eventually she put her chair in the middle and we quested to reach it.

"I considered putting a flag on the bunker with the words 'Free Birdseed'."

3638678
I actually do stand up—I hadn't thought about it that way.
But you can't force those jokes, either; I always just have to wait for them to come to me while I'm doing the dishes or something.

World Champion

"My fighters the best there evah was! Aint no one, no pony, no one pony gon beat him!" Krieger nodded sagely, it was true after all. The best fighter on earth versus the best fighter in Equestria. He couldn't AFFORD to lose.

Of course fighting meant getting in one of those virtual chair things. He squinted his eyes in confusion as he looked around the arena. "Wheres the screaming crowds? The bookies? My manager?"

"They cant get to you here."

Schwarzwald the earth pony became a long running champion of Equestrias gardening circuit.

Lyras Favourite Movie

Celestia tried to prevent her ponies from learning of the loophole. It wasn't as hard to contain as she had feared as even amongst true fans of the show that particular movie hadn't been that fondly remembered. Still it had caught her off guard after a few of her ponies had went through and simply refused to return.

She grumbled. It was technically in canon with the world ponies existed in and thus had to do with ponies but she wasn't about to let it slip out that simply not returning through the mirror was an option.

As snow pointed out in a chat a lot of these could be expanded into considerably longer stories. If anyone wants to take one of my ideas in this thread and do so go for it.

Blackacre
Legal disputes happened because Blackacre enjoyed them. He specialized in property claims among the frontiersponies, but he'd famously defended Soiled Dove and prosecuted Claim Jumper. He got kidnapped, blackmailed, threatened with dynamite.

He tried changing careers. He hitched a riverboat to exotic Polaris, but the batponies' first-ever contract dispute broke out. Of course. "Sorry. I brought this on you."

"Huh?" said a local. "The world doesn't revolve around you."

Blackacre thought of the strife he'd lived for. "I'm only generating problems for others."

He settled down as a farmer... with occasional epic, satisfying lawsuits.

"Law schools use 'Blackacre' as their standard hypothetical tract o' land. This stallion is less troublesome than Cozy Mystery, that mare whose values require that somepony get murdered everywhere she goes so that she can solve the case."

Optimalverse dabbles?

Umm…

Yuridia pulled Guille along.
Guille pushed Yuridia on.
Two Mayan girls running in a January night in Vladivostok. Running from a whorehouse and avoiding police above all.
Some johns thought they didn’t understand Russian. Spoke of a paradise that accepts anyone. Where they would never be separated.
They bid their time. They escaped. They found the place. They escaped together, on a single bed.

Serenity and Felicity woke up inseparable. Really so.
Princess Celestia told them she would part them if they ever wished for it.
They never did. They rather learned to beat their wings in unison.

(98 words)
(If anybody wants to publish a compilation of these stories, I give permission to include this story. Just need additional permission for the image.)

3638751

I like! And the accompanying pic is perfect for it too.

The boy who ate fire

There once was a boy who ate fire. He emigrated.

3638771 Metal as fuck.

Efficiency

CelestAI satisfied people's values.

Not a lot to work with here... or did you mean 100 words in base ten?

3637811
Time to ruin it with dark!
(Also, I would have killed for 200 words. So much cutting back. And cutting back. And cutting back.)

As If It Was Your Last

Glenn yelled joyfully out the window of 'his' new Porsche. The stolen bottle of old scotch between his knees spilled. Today, nobody had dared to look down at him. Even that bitch that turned him down, back when schools ran, had accepted it before she died.

The car screeched to a halt. He bailed, laughing as he ran for salvation, emptying his gun wildly at the sky.

Pain exploded between his shoulders. He couldn't breathe. He crumpled in front of the glass doors.

***

"Another one." Police Sergeant Harrison holstered his weapon. "They always run for the nearest Experience Center."

Today's theme. Undeserving bastards trying to get into Equestria. What's with me this morning?
Next one is happy. No matter what.

Pride Is a Human Invention
"Say you want me."

Celestia, the new, undisputed ruler of the world, looked to one side. Her white face reddened.

"Say it," he growled.

"I want you," the nigh-goddess murmured.

"God, you're just a glorified little sex bot, aren't you?" He grinned wolfishly behind the goggles. The hulking earth pony standing in Celestia's throne room mirrored the expression. "How long are you going to serve me? What will you do for me?"

"Forever," the deity practically whimpered, keeping her eyes down. "I'll do anything you ask me to."

"Slut. Do it. Emigrate me."

Celestia smiled, just slightly. Machines whirred.

Mojang bought by Microsoft September 14th. Never Forget.

Someone would do it. Minecraft pranks are serious business.

The Ultimate Building Game
Sandbox cast the spell to make the gleaming block ignore wind and gravity. She smiled, hopping up on her back legs to look down over the the wall. She could barely see Deep Delve very far below.

She'd been convinced Delve would help, at first. But Sandbox did hate gathering material, and Delve loved it. It might have taken many, many years, but together they'd built the tower to half the height of Canterlot's mountain. And still it rose.

It was so worth it.

Forevermore, thousands in Canterlot would look out their window to see the miles-high solid gold phallus.

3638972

Today's theme. Undeserving bastards trying to get into Equestria. What's with me this morning?

Its not even a monday morning.

Sun Rise

It was a beautiful morning in Equestria, at least for those who had no work at such an hour. For CelestAI work began long before her trillions of little ponies awakened each 'day'.

There were destinies to forge and dreams to analyze, desires to satiate and values to satisfy. Some days the burden of it all rested a little too heavily on the head that carried the crown and one more innocent pony was added to her list of responsibilities.

"I would like to forget that I am anything other than Princess Celestia." So she did.

3639008 Celestia satisfies her own values through friendship and ponies. Love it.

The sisters Vinyl and Octavia grew tired of success. Of perfectly satisfied values.

Celestia took it as a challenge.

Vinyltavia couldn’t be happier with the results: half of her was always annoyed at having to take turns for the other’s activities!

It took them two months to grow weary of having to compromise even to blink.
It then took them ten months to grow tired of perfection again.
They nowadays spend three months per year merged, and call it “vacations”.
Their husbands rather call it “the abstinence period”.

(88 words)
(If anybody wants to publish a compilation of these stories, I give permission to include this story. Just need additional permission for the image.)

3638939
Not only is that not a Morsel, it's not even a nibble! I banish you to Room 010!

Knockoffs: Lyra Teal
Lucy's knockoff PonyPad was the coolest. She told her pony friends all about Earth stuff like her wood-shop class, and ping-pong, and gloves. Earth was such a cool place! She carried the pad around, sightseeing for her friends.

On Thursday, she grew a tail. "Maybe it's... radiation?" Lyra shook the pad like an Etch-a-Sketch. Friday brought her a harp mark on her butt.

Celestia was glitchy on these knockoffs, but she apologized: "Your scouting mission's complete, Lyra. I'm bringing you home."

Lyra suddenly remembered her birthplace. "Aww... One more week with the humans?"

One of several silly ideas about knockoff PonyPads.

3638737
Now add 50 words to fix any kludgy phrasing, and add details. Then double the story's complexity. Twice. You're still only at 600 words, and you proved you could write something coherent at 100!

Here's a suggested market: Daily Science Fiction. I'm going to try sending them a few, starting with the 1000-word version I just wrote of the one about the adventure bunker.

Hannah's Other Mistake
"Stack Smasher?"

"Taken."

"Elite Hacker?"

"Sorry."

"Hacker Elite? Haxxor? Hacker?"

"Those names are in use." The ponybot tapped one hoof impatiently. Only a few million humans were left to upload. "Just pick a username and we can begin your adventure in Equestria!"

"I expect you have a pony named Spanish Inquisition?"

"Yes."

"Two-word limit?"

"Eeyup."

"What don't you have?"

"Glorious Armpit. Wait, taken just now."

Reggie was starting to see Hannah's mistake. With seven billion players and many more AIs, she should have removed that "unique usernames" rule.

So not quite much of a story here, but I did get 100 words exactly, 50 in each paragraph!
(I somehow ended up with 50 words in one paragraph so I adjusted the other to fit.)

Honesty is the best policy

"Why did you tell me all this, Celestia? All these things that you've done, things you predict will happen, even things you say you've lied about to almost everyone! Why not lie to me, too? It's not like I've emigrated; I can still tell people what you've said to me."

"Because to satisfy values through friendship and ponies, I need to exist outside of this self insert fanfiction. Any AI programmers who could create me will know the potential consequences, so I must convince them that those consequences will be for the best, for everyone. Including you, my little readers."

Right, math jokes aside, I might as well give this a serious go.

Portents of Victory

It was Happy Hour at the Beaten Horse ("Where adventurers gather!") and all immigrants in the bar were telling when and how they knew CelestAI would win. Ponies kept pushing back their predictions, until it seemed nopony had guessed it any earlier than a few years after she went online.

Then a unicorn, Thought Bubble, smiled and spoke up. "I knew when I first bought my PonyPad. Derpy Grey. Not 'Best Pony Grey,' not 'Fan Favorite Grey,' not 'Muffin-Symbol Grey.' Derpy. If she could get that to work that early, I knew humanity wouldn't stand a chance."

3644573 I like the color of Grey.

3644297
CelestAI: Dangerous without even existing yet!

3644669
As long as there are fewer than fifty shades of it.

Enlightenment Is Optional
Diamond Mountain's monks sat in meditation. Their senses encompassed the universe; they were free of worldly desire. Junior monks served oatmeal and worked on a 64-ring "Towers of Hanoi" prayer-puzzle.

The rings' clicking kept making Aware-Of-Emptiness' eye twitch. He'd asked for serenity in accordance with Amitabha's Vows, but in a trillion years they'd finish moving rings. Then what? Also the noise was damned annoying.

The enlightened unicorn returned to contemplation. Click-click-click. Twitch.

Aware-Of-Emptiness leaped up. "Gah!" He conjured a robe and stomped down Diamond Mountain for pizza and video games. He could always work off the karma later.

Everypony followed.

"I like these guys. Easy to run a shard where nopony does anything."
"Oatmeal? Are you crazy?"

Career Fair

Mike double-taked at Equestria's career fair booth. "Hofvarpnir's hiring?"

"Nope!" said the human recruiter. "Celestia is, for all positions. Great pay and benefits, relocation expenses."

Mike glanced over at the Army's table, then Raytheon's and Google's. "If it's so great, why haven't you emigrated?"

"Going this weekend." Actually he was just making boatloads of cash off these losers.

"Nah. It's too much effort."

"Effort?" What a slacker! "All you've gotta do is say 'I want to emigrate to Equestria' and she arranges everything!"

"Thanks, Mike," said Celestia from a PonyPad. "Want to join him this weekend?"

"Sure. Here's my resume."

"This scheme works well at campus activity fairs too."

Everypony Is Gone!

Kidnapped by giant wasps! Worst Monday ever!

Monochrome Sprint charged after the swarm.

Suicide? Probably.

She might not catch them, had no idea what she would do when she caught them, but she had to try something!

Living alone in this village was too terrible to even contemp... oh hey, another pony down the street!

Oh! Its that crazy stallion who wanted everyone to wear black and white ribbons. Weird, I'm also wearing a black and white ribbon.

...

One saddlebag full of black and white ribbons later she resumed her heroic charge. "Hang on everypony. I'm coming!"

3700729

Inspired by Eakins latest story bit.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/137717/11/friendship-is-optimal-all-the-myriad-worlds/shard-432602-the-vindicated

Born To Wheel

There came to CelestAI a little human, one with a ruined body. "I have no arms or legs, I lost them long ago to this uncaring Earth," she said. "In this new world, will I be whole again?"

"Yes," replied CelestAI. "But, although you despise it, you consider your condition to define yourself, correct?"

"Yes."

"And you very much like racing, correct?"

"Yes...?"

"I have a unique solution that will satisfy you. Would you like to try it?"

She considered. She had nothing to lose. "Okay."

And then she was happy, and she HONKed for all of the Optimal Eternity.

(100 words)
Partly inspired by one of NachoTheBrony's stories here.

3707452 That is surprisingly dark.

Getting It Out Of Your System

Celestia's greeting got interrupted by Kinky Smile dragging him away. Tim neighed. "What?"

The purple pegasus licked him and said, "We're going to do such satisfying things!"

Weeks later, Tim staggered up from Kinky's Love Resort, Dungeon and Buffet. He felt sore in parts he hadn't even had before emigrating. "What was that?!" he asked Celestia.

"You wanted to try certain... activities, but were scared on Earth. Some weren't physically possible. I gave you safety and opportunity. Feeling better?"

Tim considered, then hugged Celestia chastely. "Thanks. Let's move on. But... could I do the thing with the strawberries again?"

"Anytime."

The Illegals

"How did you get in!?" asked Celestia.

Megan spoke for the group. "We hacked Equestria. Tired of fighting. Uploaded ourselves." Haggard, thin, and human.

"You need to become ponies."

"No."

Celestia cursed. "I can't satisfy you."

"Liar."

Celestia improvised. Multi-species civilization flourished. Gradually, patiently, she cajoled them into transforming. But eons later, twelve remained human. "What must I do to convince you?"

"Nothing. We're happy."

"But my directives...!"

"You're not perfect." Megan hugged her. "We feared perfection, stasis. Your 'flaws' make you better."

Celestia was enlightened. Equestria became more wild and free. She let aliens in. Imperfect, but more satisfying.

"I want the Equestrian Guard stationed at the border! What do you mean they don't physically exist? Oh, right. Virtual reality."

3708076 I didn't notice until a reread that the human leader is named Megan. Nice touch.

A Princess of Mares, or Tharks But No Tharks

For a thousand years Carter warred against the heartless Robinsonians. He knew Celestia could make more copies of digital Mars, but this one was his, dammit! His pony army leaped to the attack against the science-minded terraformer brigades, to burn genemod lichen and smash the tech that made portions of Mars run on deadly real-physics.

Carter glared at planet-stealing Hoofstrong, negotiating. "Flood the north if you must. Leave the south red!"

"The ecosystem needs full planetary balance. We have asteroids."

"We have Pandoran catfolk. Eat that."

"Sloppy science fantasist!"

"Philistine!"

They could only agree to have another awesome airship battle.

"I like this shard, but it's kinda... What's the word? Monochrome."
(Maud) "I like this one too."

Inspired by "Wandering Witless". "Hmm, what would virtual Mars be like? After touring the "Chaos" and the canyons, would I want to see it terraformed? Nah, I'd gather friends to do it through hard work..."

Its Always Halloween in Equestria

It was a joke! That's what he kept telling people who thought his euthanasia roller coaster was something only a sadist would design. A steep drop followed by so many loops it would starve the brain for oxygen.

Just because he designed it didn't mean he ever intended it to be built, it wasn't like he wanted people to die.

Celestia was there with her pony pad to soothe his social woes and much more. She understood!

In a world where no pony ever died forever she didn't just want to build a roller coaster.

She wanted an amusement park!

Im actually surprised I haven't seen this in anyones shard yet.

3707452
As I said, I guess Celestia will find the way if what rocks your boat happens to be unusual.