Equestria and Zebrica were burned a century ago. But on the continent of Sall'han, ponies survived and thrived. Those fledging societies are isolated, and dissimilar. With the arrival of the Transient, powers old and new will make their move.
Page generated in 0.033 seconds
Total duration
1,058 users online
1,526,177 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
So i'm guessing every few chapters you'll switch POW between your characters?
Ohhh multiple POW story! Me likey! Its always nice seeing the world from multiple sides, especially since you already have hinted that a lot of stuff isn't as simple as they seem in the first chapter alone!
If this isn't a bit of foreshadowing for him getting in a relationship with another race will I be surely disapointed! My bet would be a miniotaur lady!
Fun fact, horses acutually need their appendixes for something, its only us silly humans that have it laying around doing nothing beside exploding for no reason what so ever... And no I did not at all google if a horse needs their appendix or not, not at all
So since you ask for feedback will I say this, even if I know that it annoying, you are spot on, and I can't really think of anyway else that you could improve on this. Your descriptions of the characters hit on the right spots, you are showing instead of telling, with your two different POW have you actually written the story a bit differently between chapters, so kudos to you. The humor is there, not too much, but still there to make my lips peek up in smirks, and the way that you write makes me want to hit the next chapter as soon as possiple, instead of letting me take the one day breaks that I normally take between chapters so i don't grow tired of a story, but I can't see myself grow tired of this.
Also really good way of showing personality with the once over in the mirror at the end, told us a lot about Rosetta now that we could get him in private company.
Nitpicks:
"Rosetta was going to be taught medicine." Don't know if you meant to go 3rd person here
"I ambled in like I had for the last month" Feels like someone stole a word here
",well" need the space on the other side of the comma
"They had moments where they forgot that they were alone," wasn't