• Published 26th Sep 2016
  • 885 Views, 30 Comments

Stuck In The Middle With You - CoffeeMinion



Ask your doctor if CoffeeMinion's shorts anthology is right for you! Side-effects may include monster attacks, crises of conscience, and alien abduction. Seek immediate help if you experience temporal displacement, or feels lasting more than 4 hours.

  • ...
3
 30
 885

PreviousChapters Next
Starlight fixes “The Gift of the Maud Pie” with... Attention to Detail! (Shakespearicles' Starlight Fixes Everything project)

Author's Note:

Starlight Fixes Everything is a group collab project led by Shakespearicles, and its tagline says it all:

Starlight Glimmer has gotten her hooves on Twilight Sparkle's Friendship Journal and she realizes that she could fix everything with time travel...

... So she does.

Starlight Fixes Everything

In Thirty Seconds or Less

( Or the pizza is free! )

Additional ground rules for the collab are that Starlight only has thirty seconds to "fix" the episode, and pizza should somehow be involved.

“The Gift of the Maud Pie” is, of course, MLP:FiM Episode #120 (S6 E3).

Starlight popped into reality on the sidewalk just outside a pool of yellow light cast by an overhead streetlamp. She glanced around fruitlessly before giving her eyes a few moments to adjust to the ambient darkness. Soon enough, the unassuming brown-and-grey storefront she was looking for became clear. But as she waited, she listened to the heady sounds of Manehattan by night, absorbing the steady clip-clop-ing of hooves on endless lengths of sidewalk, and the muffled cursing of taxi-drivers voicing their displeasure with themselves, each other, and the world at large.

Within moments, the light in the shop window flicked off. Starlight grinned and moved closer to the door, continuing to wait. She heard the sound of hooves approaching, followed by a jingling of a bell above the door as a grizzled-looking grey-maned stallion pushed through to the sidewalk. He didn’t make it very far, though, because Starlight lit her horn and shoved him back into the shop with her magic, clamping tight bands of force around his legs and muzzle alike. She stalked after him quickly, and pulled the door closed behind them.

All was silence in the dark shop, save for the old stallion’s ragged, panicked breathing. The only light came from Starlight’s horn, and the bands keeping the stallion immobile and quiet.

“I couldn’t help but notice something in your advertisements,” Starlight said eventually, her voice slicing the silence to ribbons. She held a glowing leaflet up in her magic, and pointed at one particular blue pouch depicted on it. Though she still couldn’t see many of the stallion’s details in the relative darkness, she could feel it in her horn as he tensed against his magical bonds. “Oh yes. You wondered if somepony would notice it, or if they’d just think it was a typo?”

Again, she felt it in her magic as he strained his jaw in an attempt to speak. But she responded by clamping her band of force tighter around it.

Hand-stitched,” Starlight said, letting the words hang in the air after uttering them. The old pony continued to mumble, but Starlight merely shushed him. “There there, it’s not such a big mistake. Ponies at all levels who watch for this sort of thing missed it. I even missed it when I was getting ready for this mission. It was actually my friend Maud who pointed it out to me, and even then it was just as the one word, on the one document, that she didn’t know the meaning of. But you and I do, don’t we? And I’ll wager this was the day that you yourself finally noticed that you’d slipped-up and wrote “hand” instead of “hoof” in your ad. Which brings us to the little trip you’re planning…”

As the stallion began to writhe against the bands, Starlight used her magic to fish a pair of tickets out from his coat pocket. “You know, the midnight train is awfully late for a filly of your grand-niece’s age. But then, you both already know how important it is to get out of town until the heat dies down, don’t you… Garish Glow!

Starlight flared her horn, and cast a beam of aqua light on the old stallion’s grey coat and red-chess-pawn cutie mark.

“I checked,” Starlight continued. “You’re both wanted criminals on the other side of the mirror. That’s right; your own grand-niece… not even age ten, and already wanted for racketeering, conspiracy, and blackmail. You’re raising a fine young filly, if you don’t mind my saying.”

Garish Glow’s shoulders began to shake with muffled laughter. “Well go on, then,” Starlight said, giving him a toothy sneer as she loosened the band around his muzzle. “Got something to say for yourself?”

He barked a wizened old laugh as he was finally able to get his muzzle open wide. “Cozy Glow’s a survivor, just like me… only younger. Sharper. You think bagging me’ll lead you to her? Stupid mare… you’ve already thrown our timetable off enough tonight to tell her I’ve been compromised. Between that and us finding the typo, she’ll hide herself so deep that you’ll never find her!

Starlight grinned before wrapping Garish’s mouth shut again with her magic. “You think this is just about her? It isn’t, smart guy. It’s not even about seeing you pay for what you did back on the other side of the mirror, though I’m cool with that, if I can get it. It’s about you… being here... running this stupid little shop. You’re not taking a vacation; you’re not even taking a long lunch. You get your butt back here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next one, until I tell you otherwise. Unless, of course, you’d rather I just knock your pawn-butt off the board now and hire a temp to run it for a while? I mean, I’m sure Princess Celestia would love to build ties with law enforcement on the side of the mirror that you came from.”

A tension at the corners of Garish’ eyes betrayed hints of fear. Starlight gave a cold grin of satisfaction as she watched that fear spread across his whole face.

“Didn’t think so,” she said smugly. Then she headed for the door. She cut out all her magic in an instant as she pushed through it, letting him fall in a tangle of limbs on the floor. “Have fun running your little sack shop,” she called back over her shoulder. “Oh, and stick around; you’ve got a pizza coming in about ten minutes.”

PreviousChapters Next