• Member Since 17th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen January 28th

CoffeeMinion


"Burninating the countryside... burninating the peasants... burninating all the peoples... and their thatched-roof COTTAGES! THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!! And the Trogdor comes in the NIIIIGHT!!!"

T
Source

Welcome back for the final shorts that complete this collection!


Sometimes a shortfic stands on its own, a longfic ends sooner than I expected, or I have something to showcase from a group collab. This anthology covers such things from my “early years” of 2015-2020. While a couple of these are unfinished, they've all received some level of feedback or polish. Quick descriptions, most recent first:

Cover art of my OC, Nutmeg, by Bluegrass Brooke! Featured on FimFiction 19Dec.2020! :heart:

Chapters (22)
Comments ( 30 )

Well... if it had been on a zeppelin, she could have used the "No Ticket" line, too...

7596267
7595903

"Tickets please."
"Vas?" O_O hoof to face, then over the side he goes.
"No ticket."

After this, all I can imagine is a string of Daring-Do stories that all have this disclaimer at the front: "For the purposes of this story, replace Daring-Do's regular voice with that of Samuel Jackson."

"What ain't no Equestrian country I ever heard of! Do they serve hayfries in What?"

"Equestrian, motherbucker! Do you speak it?"

... And thus a monster was born. :trollestia::facehoof:

This feels like The Sting. At least for the effective time period and execution. But it'd probably go all Fargo on them, or Snatch, or Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels on them. This could be worth a revisit, you just need the long term plot outline.

Well, as for the title I'd have just called it something like Takers or The Score. While not overly original it sets the appropriate crime noir expectation. The Seduction of ... works better for something with Shannon Tweed and Andrew Stevens or is something like Dangerous Liaisons.

What this story needed was, Sapphire Shine needed to be mobbed up. In fact they needed to go to the fence and find out that "OH DANG She's a lieutenant in Mother Mulberry's Mob and those earrings are her favorite!" They try to flee and then at the train station they get directed to take a walk with some rough looking folks. What they've done requires more than just getting the items back. Hence the impossible job getting the most important treasure in the Crystal Empire.

Gig plots it out checks the security stuff and all. Calls in some friends (one of whom is revealed late in the story) and share some info that include the fact that Mafia mom wants to expand her criminal empire and is moving a large amount of cash up to the C.E. around the same time and is going to use the Break in as cover.

Gig finds out about this through his friends and makes some hinted at adjustments to his plans. The day of the heist Gig has a meeting with Cadence and gives her a private show. She swoons.

That night at a banquet a frustrated and worried Cadence is watching Gig do his number and then the alarm for the heart gets "tripped." In the confusion Gig winds up with the heart and ends up getting arrested and it becomes clear Teardrop set him up because Teardrop was promised control of the mafia in the CE.

The mafia folks head off but are arrested by a detachment of Shining Armor's guards. They are of course shocked but it turns out that the mafia folk have the most cherished treasure in the Crystal empire of all with them... Princess Cadence's smarty pants doll that Gig had stolen at the private show.

Meanwhile Gig and company make off with the mafia funds.


There are finer details that would need ironing out but... if you kind of work it that way you could still pull off the story in a longer form.

I still say this concept would work well as a novel in which you play up the symbolism of the characters and situation and what not and could be something that you could make money off of. It's a really solid concept that could go a lot of interesting places and should be saved and worked on as such.

Redo this as a sillier version of Godzilla or Reptilicus or something like that. Marshy Mallows is angry. He's angry because a group of show ponies went to the Confectionary Isles and stole his Peeps to show ponies what "living sugar" looked like. They try everything in their power to stop him until finally they resolve to get Equestrias best bakers and chocolate makers together to make a giant smore out of Marshy. The sugar rush lasted for weeks in Manehattan.

Honestly you could get away with a lot of silly stuff here and never get explicit about the content of the story because it doesn't matter. What matters is how everyone else reacts to said content including himself. He could be really embarrassed that he's even attempting to write such a story and so it becomes a whole to do to hide it from say the kids and all. He could be really bad at writing such stories. Not in the bad harlequin romance way where it's unrealistic stuff. Bad in the way that it's just bad. Something his wife discovers and hilarity ensues. Stuff like that.

The point being you never ACTUALLY have to say what exactly he's writing or really go into the details though the occasional comment could let you know all you need to know.

Well... I mean ... you could watch this

Then add in some other plot points from B-movie action/sci-fi movies.

God damn it. Hate it when links in comments send me to random chapters in another story. Have a god damn upvote.

(I blame Posh.)

i also thank Posh for linking me to this chapter.

Coffeeminion, your style seems familiar, are you a contributor to the Oversaturated universe?

8191518 Thanks for checking this out! :twilightsmile: Sadly no, I've heard of the Oversaturated world and I know it's a thing FOME oversees but I've neither delved into it much nor contributed. :fluttershysad:

But I've been around for a couple years now and I try to release new stories about once per month, so it's possible you might've come across something of mine before. Here's a handy guide to my stuff if you want to check anything out!

8196953 Thank you kindly! :pinkiehappy: It helped that I had the idea rattling around my head for months with no good place to put it prior to the Flashfic group being born. :heart:

So, are you hinting that this is where Celestia was as Twilight and Starlight were bouncing around in time and relative dimensions in space??? And will you develop this in "To Serve in Hell?"

8203323 This is definitely "canon" from the perspective of To Serve In Hell and its nightmare takeover AU. It doesn't show exactly what happened to Celestia, but it does get a little into her headspace on the night before Nightmare Moon returns. And of course things aren't good in there; she feels alone, and she has serious doubts about whether she can win. And as we know from the story, she doesn't win.

Of course then there's also a fundamental question of whether the AU even existed before and after Twilight and Spike dropped in. Because it wasn't technically an AU in the show; it was an alternate timeline created by Starlight's meddling. So you could argue that it should cease to exist as soon as Twi&Spike left.

And I'm all like, that makes sense but I'mma go tell my story there anyway. :derpytongue2:

7610636
Oh, for the love of...Teardrop's mother is Chrysalis! Plain as day.

8397328
Spoilers!!! :derpytongue2:

Nah, it's meant to be obvious. I had a couple of stories I was working on in 2015 with Chrysalis as the hidden but obvious puppet master. Maybe one of these days I'll find a way to do the concept justice!

8727872
Someday I will finish this. It might not even use this scene, but it will happen! :rainbowdetermined2:

Ha, ha, missed this earlier, at last a "clop" fic I can actually enjoy. Thumbs up 👍 :rainbowlaugh:

I've always found part of the charm with MLP is the fact that, because it's aimed towards younger children, it avoids more "adult" topics (clop), and also has to develop it's themes without getting too "adult level" about them, ie: dark, but not "grimdark" (Tanks for the Memories), a hint of passion (special someponies) without "in your face" shenanigans, and anything hinting at that ends up being more background to support another story (ie: in "Hearts and Hooves Day" the main story, while not denying romance is a thing, is mostly about the CMC meddling in both magic, and the affairs of adults, things that should be better left alone by little fillies). Not sure what to make of Sugar-Mac, it's skirting with taking the series up to a more teen level, not bad, but it's not G4, will be interesting to see what level they actually reboot the series to when G5 makes an appearance.

Nice Chrysalis seeks revenge story, and you ended it at the right place, I think. To try to do a full on story properly would take a long book, if you want to do it right, and some of the charm of this intro would be lost, if only by the length of the story. And so many unintended parallels with Queen Chrysalis trying to steal the Elements of Harmony in season 8 (The Mean 6). Ever toyed with the idea of a story dealing with Chryssi trying to get her revenge on Starlight? Seduction optional... :rainbowlaugh:

Let me guess, your inspiration was the "Stay Puffed" marshmallow man from Ghost Busters, right?

When you used this line, my mind immediately went to the logical conclusion from my own experiences: “Come on. I mean, you’re married, right? Just start with some of what you’re up to with the missus!”

"Are you done yet?"

"Not quite," called out Green Grass. "Almost."

Twilight Sparkle gave out a frustrated huff of exasperation and pawed the ground. "It's unfair! I haven't even had a chance to get started yet!"

"Tough."

"Errraaaahh!!!" Twilight hopped up and down while flapping her wings. "I'm a librarian! I'm supposed to go first!" She hammered on the bathroom door with one hoof, making the entire castle shake. "Come out here right this minute or I'll... I won't let you sleep in the bed tonight."

"You're going to be reading the book anyway," said Green Grass. "Look, if I tore our copy of Hairy Trotter in half and let you have the front--"

"No! Don'tyoudare!" Twilight gave another stern stomp to the bedroom floor, adding to the depth of the pothole she had started several hours earlier. "I don't understand! I promised to give Derpy a blueberry muffin when the new Hairy Trotter book came in if she gave it to me first."

"I gave her two," said Green Grass. "And a head start."

9438509
This is absolutely delightful! :rainbowlaugh:

...what are you doing reading my old unfinished shorts?! :pinkiegasp:

9438611 Because I had not gotten done reading them yet. Only 24 hours in a day and all that. It's a good distraction when I need a couple of minutes away from Farmer Bruener Has Some Ponies.

9438768
Well then, I have a few more that I shall relocate here from the dark depths of my Google Drive—including one of my (IMO) better “Starlight Glimmer Fixes” entries. :moustache:

9438768
BTW good sir, I am at last hoisting the rest of my shorts up the flagpole. Only took me a year and a half, give or take!

Login or register to comment