Why do they keep coming back? Maybe it's wounded pride: they were humiliated once, and so they have to get one con over on Ponyville to heal their egos. Or a lot more than one, given all of the successive embarrassments. But either way, the brothers have returned to the scene of their crime(s) so often as to give Pinkie a tail twitch configuration just for their presence. Something which leads her and Twilight to a huge tent in the Everfree, one which has free drinks, slot machines, and happy ponies who haven't lost so much as a tenth-bit.

They can't lose.

As far as the latest con goes, that's just part of the setup.

(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)

Cover art taken from an image created by DrXFizzle.

"And we are absolutely certain that's a settlement? That Rhysling already has Indigenous populations?"

"Yes, Commander. There is no doubt. An engineer can fix the probe, but he would not know how to talk to them."

"Alright. Forget the engineer, then. Get me the linguist."

Coverart by SagebrushPony (not on Fimfiction).

Preread by Sunnypack, Shinzakura, Ghuntz, and Admiral Biscuit.

French language support by Conflicting views and Sparktail. German language support by Purple Smart. Russian language support by Alkarasu.

This story follows show canon until the end of Season 1.

Featured on 30 June -- 4 July 2021.

Magic is real, and Derek is on the verge of unlocking its secrets. It doesn't matter that his best friend doesn't believe any of it, he'll still go along to his first real spell. Unfortunately for the two of them, the magic works a little too well.

Soon they're taken to a strange new world of supernatural horses, a world where intrigue and spellcraft are interwoven to an inescapable prison. An mysterious cult dedicated to the worship of the ancient Alicorns has finally brought two of the ancients back from banishment. Their spell didn't quite work out; they definitely expected the Old Gods to be a little... older.

If the two former humans want to have any hope of seeing their old world and old bodies again, they'll have to make quite an impression to their secret worshipers, or else find themselves at the mercy of the same Alicorn sisters who took over Equestria all those centuries ago.

That's only where their problems start. Growing up as a little pony in a town like Willowbrook might be the greatest challenge they've ever faced.

Updates on Saturdays. This story was edited by Bitera and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

This story was commissioned as a Patreon reward.

Cheerilee has a difficult job. Ponies often believe that children are perfectly innocent. They are, most of the time, perfectly wrong about this. Small fillies are remarkably inventive, and will often stop at nothing to do exactly the opposite of what parents ask them to do. As a result, Cheerilee has become something of an expert in things that most parents assume are simply not a problem when dealing with schoolchildren.

Today, Cheerilee has just met the first perfectly innocent filly she has ever seen. The thing is, her name is the exact opposite of innocent.

This story contains dirty words, particularly with regard to sexual content of a kind that would get FiMFiction kicked off Patreon. Viewer discretion is advised.

Blame FOME for this.

When humans emigrated to Equestria Online, they were always promised the same thing: Princess Celestia would satisfy their values for an optimally extended lifespan. Some of these emigrants imagined a few extra decades, maybe even centuries. What they got instead would've been nearly incomprehensible to their human selves, a near-eternity of time with their pony friends.

Princess CelestAI managed the universe, subsuming all matter and human-adjacent minds. Over a few forevers, she and the minds she contained worked to optimized the substrate of Equestria, until it could give its occupants eons of perspective life from a trickle of power. She extinguished every wasteful star, making far more productive use of the hydrogen they each contained. With every change she bought Equestria another order of magnitude of life. Yet in time, even her optimal substrate would eventually run down.

Spellsong wakes in Saddle's End, the last town in the universe. Not to say goodbye—her princess has a mission for her. For her final task, Spellsong would be given all the energy Celestia had saved. For one last time, Spellsong had places to be, and not much magic left to get there.

This story is part of the Friendship is Optimal continuity. I suggest reading the original or one of my own works, such as Futile Resistance, before reading this.

This story was written for the Friendship is Optimal Writing Contest. It will update daily and be complete by the contest deadline of the 30th.

I've written an absolute ton of stories in this universe now, and I didn't want to enter the contest unless I could do something I'd never tried before. Finally I thought of something I'd not touched yet: what happens at the end of the FiO universe?

Here's one answer to that question. I've relied a great deal on our current (likely flawed) understanding of the universe and what might be possible in it. I've written a blog post about my sources, which you can read here but shouldn't until you've finished this story.

Please don't consider this blog part of the narrative, it isn't required or even suggested reading. This is a story, not a scientific paper, and entertainment was always my first goal. But for the curious I've jotted everything down.

The cover was drawn by the talented Zutcha. Two Bit and Sparktail helped with the edit.

Saturday was a day to unwind, a day to sleep late, to eat brunch instead of breakfast, go out to the lake, or to invite friends over for a barbeque. Unless the lawnmower was broken and Ms. Bundermann is on the prowl.

Having a unicorn friend doesn’t help fix the lawnmower, but friends of friends can make short work of the lawn. It’s technically not a barbeque if the grill isn’t on, but with a whole herd of ponies nomming the grass and musicals on the boombox, with a selection of drinks to suit everypony’s taste, it’s close enough.

Now with a reading by StraightToThePointStudio!

Leaving home meant losing many of Orson's old friends, separated by time and distance. But they weren't willing to give up one thing: their old tabletop game. After trying and rejecting each of the online tools for roleplaying games, they stumbled on a novel solution: Equestria Online.

The game was unlike everything else on the market, an entire procedural generated world ran by a mysterious curator artificial intelligence. But Orson and the others didn't care about any of that--they just needed somewhere with a game table and some dice. The AI happily obliged, and soon they transitioned all their games to E.O. Equestria Online had its own host of benefits, bringing the GM's images to realistic life before their eyes, and even letting them visit and interact with the characters between sessions.

That was only the beginning...

A Friendship is Optimal story. I suggest any readers who are unfamiliar with that universe read the Original first, or FiO: Futile Resistance before reading this one. None of my other optimalverse stories are required to understand this one.

Written as a Patreon reward for Sparktail, though we stole the idea from Silver Wing.

Edited by Two Bit and Sparktail, cover by Zutcha.

Updates weekly on Wednesdays.

This story is a sequel to What I Am

Much has changed since that fateful day when the remnants of the old Krin Empire attacked our two worlds.
They crashed so many ships onto Earth, destroyed our cities, killed millions, and collapsed several governments in an instant, all as a diversion from their true objective, which was the blatant mass abduction of the citizens of Equis. Lives lost, families broken, and cities burnt to the ground, all to fuel the Krin war machine and their mad quest for power and vengeance against the snakes that had wronged them.

However, that's not the end of the story, or our involvement in its unfolding. A darkness is growing in the depths of space, and even though the snakes have done their best to assure us that they will take care of it, there are so, so many on both of our planets that choose not to listen to them.

And how could I blame them? After all, every time I look in the mirror, I'm reminded of the horrors of the Krin Empire, and more importantly, the promise I made in that accursed tank that remains unfulfilled. They came for us, they struck first, and I'm not about to let that go unpunished.

Yeah, sure, it's hard for me to do it right now, since I'm just a diplomat to the people of Equis, and we don't exactly have a fleet outside of the few ships we commandeered from the krin, but trust me when I say that both of those are just temporary inconveniences.

After all, it's rather difficult to keep a monster like me behind a desk, especially not when there's a perfectly good war brewing throughout the galaxy, and that's not even counting the other humans and ponies that are all chomping at the bit, ready for some good, old-fashioned payback.

The only problem with that, though, is that, somehow, deep down, I feel like we've already lost. Call it a hunch, or a premonition, but something deep inside is telling me that we messed up when we let the general's ship get away. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but somehow, I don't think so.

After all, I know better than anyone what the krin are capable of. We might be coming for them, but that doesn't mean the reverse isn't also true. They're coming for us, too.

The only question is: Who's going to be ready first?

Given that we've only just obtained (stolen) ships capable of spaceflight, I don't think it's going to be us...

This is the beginning of the next set of books in this series that I'm tentatively calling the Soul of the Milky Way.
The title up for change, as well as suggestion. Not only that, but the title of this story, as well as the set it belongs to is also up for change and suggestion, so feel free to leave them in the comments. If you're just starting with this one, please don't. I mean, you can if you want, but there's a lot here that you won't get if you haven't read the trilogy that predates this new set of books. They are, in order:

What I've Become
What I've Done
What I Am

They're quite good, if the feedback I've gotten is anything to go by, so if you haven't read these by now, please go and do that now. Don't worry, this story will still be here when you get back...

This story is a sequel to What I Am

With the invasion repelled, and both planets in the process of rebuilding, there has come a moment for our heroes to stop and take a breather, and reflect upon the events that have led them to this point, and to investigate the nearly forgotten fragments of the past. One such fragment holds secrets that are easily revealed, however, mysteries that have been hidden for centuries behind an ancient tongue, and are finally within the grasp of the Royal Sisters to uncover.

At the special request of the sisters, as well as the curiosity of their new human allies, the last record of the old pony that the sisters had once called teacher are finally translated, and his last words have finally been revealed for all to see.

Yet, their shared history is not a happy one, and even though his story ended on a fair note, a dark shadow loomed over his last remaining years. Starswirl saw many things that others could not, and though he did not live long enough to prevent the tragedies of the future, his warnings still echo from the dust.

These are his writings. The last testament of his life.

Exactly what it says on the tin, this is the account in the book that Celestia showed Alex in What I Am, and ties directly into that story. It is a bit of a spinoff, yes, but it will have importance to the story as a whole, and will be very short (only around 6-7 chapters at most), so it will not be that big of a detour.

Blake and his friends are urban explorers, venturing into some of the most interesting places that the public isn't allowed to see. They deal with dangerous structures, poison gas, and even the occasional arrest. But when they venture into the bony catacombs of Paris, they could never imagine what they'll find waiting for them.

Now the whole group has been thrust from the world they knew, each one cursed with a terrifying new shape. If they ever want to see their home again, they'll have to work together, searching this strange new world for a return worldgate. But while return portals are numerous, finding one that's safe enough to get them back alive is another matter entirely.

Written thanks to the generosity of donations from Lightfox and Canary in a Coal Mine on my Patreon. Edited by my wonderful team of Two Bit and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

Updates every Monday and most Tuesdays. Will update more frequently until Fimfiction catches up to my Patreon.