Sweetie's issues · 7:19pm Oct 10th, 2021
I rarely post unfinished WIP's but how do you all find this, still working the kinks out but will be in the latest chapter once re-written.
As soon as Sweetie Belle saw who was waiting for them in Dumbledore’s office, she knew she was in trouble and that was before she even saw the look of condemnation spread across Professor McGonagall’s face.
“Professor,” she forced herself to say politely.
Professor McGonagall ignored Sweetie Belle and instead turned her attention to Dumbledore who had followed behind Sweetie into the office. “Where did you find the troublemaker and her band of renegades?”
“Can’t even be bothered to address me,” Sweetie retorted in reply. “Well, that’s a good start,” the girl added with a roll of her eyes.
“Well, that’s another month of detention you’ve just earned on top of the one you’ve already got for playing truant,” Professor McGonagall retorted with a scowl.
“Ooh, I’m so scared,” Sweetie replied cheekily. “If this is how you help students suffering from emotional trauma, I’d hate to see what you would do to one who’s just a lost a close friend or family member. Probably class it as character building and tell them to man up.”
“Three months, along with the letter I was just writing to your sister and any further talking when you are not spoken to will see me revoke your quidditch privileges for the year, understood?” Professor McGonagall growled furiously.
Sweetie froze where she was standing, eyes going wide. “M-my sister?” she gulped remembering not only the letter she had received at the start of the previous year after her Potions mishap but the particular punishment her sister liked to deal to her when she was especially unruly.
“Oh, so that’s who can keep you in line is it? Maybe I’ll ask Professor Discord to bring her in then so that we can have a little chat about your behaviour,” Professor McGonagall stated coldly.
Sweetie’s head dropped knowing she was beaten on this occasion. “Please don’t. I’m already going to be suffering a large dose of UST for this, I just know it,” she stated glumly whilst reluctantly walking over to sit herself down in the seat next to Professor McGonagall.
“UST?” Professor McGonagall replied with clear intrigue.
“Please don’t act like you care when you don’t. You made it clear today that you treat your students as numbers rather than actual people. I can’t work like that, especially when it brings back so many bad memories of my sister.” Sweetie paused as a cold chilled wrapped its way around her body and made her shudder uncontrollably. And then it slowly dawned on her what she had just said. “Oh shit, she’s going to fry my brain so, so bad for letting that slip,” she groaned slamming her head against Dumbledore’s desk.
“Fry your brain? Bad memories?” Professor McGonagall sought to clarify. “Just what are you going on about dear? Has your sister hurt you in some way in the past? If you don’t tell us we can’t help you.”
“I want my lawyer,” Sweetie said in a muffled tone not lifting her head from the desk.
“Let me put it another way. You start talking or it’s a whole year of detention with me, including Saturday mornings, and you can forget about playing quidditch as well,” Professor McGonagall stated sternly.
“I hate you so much,” Sweetie grumbled lifting her head of the table.
“The feelings mutual my dear,” Professor McGonagall retorted picking up a cup of tea from the desk and taking a sip. “Now, start talking,” she added as Dumbledore made his way around the desk and sat down on the other side.
Sweetie actually managed a smile and a chuckle at that blasé response. “Touché. How about I start at the beginning? My dad won a huge amount of money when I was five and my sister was fifteen. Rarity had just left school and was trying desperately, with no success, to get an internship at a dress maker in Canterlot. Thus, our father made her a deal. He helped start up her boutique in Ponyville in return for her looking after me when they were out of town. I don’t think either of us expected what was going to happen next. They sold their house in Canterlot and practically ditched us overnight aside from the odd letter from wherever they were now visiting and the money they placed in the shared bank account for my upbringing. As you can imagine, trying to set up a business whilst also looking after a five-year-old filly who’s wondering what she’s done wrong for her parents to abandon her is no easy task. I was a terror, a loose cannon, getting into fights at school, talking back to the teacher, refusing to do work, and so on and so forth. Yet through it all Rarity never once sat me down and actually talked to me about how I was feeling, she was always to busy with work to care and instead just sent me to my room to think about what I’d done. At a time when I most needed a shoulder to cry on and a sister to comfort me, she abandoned me. And then, after discussing me with one of her Canterlot clients, she learned about unicorn shock therapy or UST for short, an ancient and truly barbaric way Canterlot unicorn nobles ensure their foals behave in the proper manner befitting of somepony of their social standing. Simply put, you don’t behave the way the system demands you do and you get 10,000 volts of magic sent through your horn and into your brain. I’d class it as my worlds equivalent of the Cruciatus curse. It causes excruciating pain but there are never any physical scars or proof of what the caster has done. The long-lasting mental scars though are obvious to see to anyone even remotely looking. You basically become a shell of the pony you once were and little more than a puppet, fearful of doing practically anything that you are not told to do in case it results in the negative consequence. I practically shut down for an entire year and barely talked to anyone, my only solace the few times a week Rarity took me into Canterlot for wrestling practice and tournaments while she was visiting clients. This was something her client had also suggested as a way to release my excessive anger and aggression in a controlled environment. It helped, mostly because I viewed every single one of my opponents as a member of my family, and over time I not only won countless trophies but the acting out and use of UST slowly decreased. Rarity never meant to hurt me nor did she want to, she was just young, naïve and completely out of her depth, thus why she only ever used such methods when she felt she desperately had to. A great example is when I met Bloom and Scoots and got into countless sticky situations that I tried desperately not to get involved in for feared I’d be in for a painful punishment as a result. She refused to use UST except on the worst occasions, seemingly happy that I had finally made friends with foals my own age rather than sending them to the hospital, even if they were constantly getting me into trouble! But…” Sweetie abruptly stopped and her eyes dropped staring into her lap.
“Yes,” Dumbledore gently nudged. “Please go on.”
“I-I-is it wrong that I don’t want to go back home? That I still cower and shrink in fear every time I see my sister. That, despite everything she’s done to try and be a better pony, I-I-I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive her for the permanent damage she has done to my psyche. That, no matter how much I’d love it to, I don’t think the bond between us can ever be… I’m sorry, you don’t need to hear my troubles. A good pony locks their troubles away and doesn’t expect… SHUT IT, GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD,” Sweetie screamed before bringing her knees up to her chest and rocking back and forth as tears streamed down her face. “Oh no, please don’t, please don’t, please don’t, I can’t take anymore. You should have thought about that before…” she never finished what she was about to say as Dumbledore hit her with the sleeping charm.
“What the?” Professor McGonagall queried taken aback by the sudden turn of events.
“I was afraid of this,” Dumbledore sighed rubbing his forehead. “The use of such magic has caused her mind to fragment. It’s a miracle she’s managed to hold herself together this long, no doubt because of her friendship with Miss Apple and Prewett.”
“Fragment?” Professor McGonagall queried with clear concern.
“Imagine that her brain is a wall and that the magic is a hammer. Even from a single hit, cracks will begin to appear and spread over time until the wall eventually collapses. The more times you hit it the more cracks appear and the sooner the wall collapses. By the sounds of it her mind has been on the brink for quite some time and today’s events were the final straw. Also explains why she was so distant and frightened after the Potions incident at the start of last year. Poor girl. No matter the situation, how anyone can justify torturing a child is beyond me,” Dumbledore explained solemnly as he rose from his seat and walked around his desk.
“Is it treatable?”
Poor Sweetie!
One idea I am toying with is multiple Sweeties, where she transfigures multiple copies of herself with different personalities at some point in the far future.
5594092
Its still a WIP, could change why I'm looking for feedback but overall I'm reasonably happy with how it is coming together.
5594112
I think it's good
Only suggestion is to turn the big chunks of text into separate paragraphs. You are allowed to do that with dialogue, you just do this:
5594114
Good point. I will look into that at a later point.
5594115
Alright
I defenatly agree whit 5594114. Both in that this is a good Idé and the need to segment the text to make it easyer to read.
I will emiet to waiting for the full rewright and do one big re read before I make final cretick, bit if this is a sample of how the majorety of the rewright is it will be a good read.
5594157
I'm with you on the reread but have been paying attention for what some of the changes are and honestly I'm looking forward to it.
5594321
5594157
Thanks for the input and that's totally fine and understandable. I'm re-releasing the chapters as I go for those who don't want to wait months for the whole thing. I'm glad both of you seem to like it. This one is still WIP, so will have some more work before it'll be out. I will say the whole thing might be totally edited by Christmas but not pushing myself.
5594157
Yep I’m going to offer my full opinion when It is fully written by I do agree that where is not handle stress And I will be very high trying to start up a business and Raising your little sister unexpectedly. But whythe shock therapy idea?
5594448
I don't know really. I wanted to still keep the whole trauma idea for Sweetie but tone it down a lot and not make Rarity seem like the villain. The idea just came to me and I liked. It also seems like a totally plausible thing for unicorn nobles to do to their foals. That and unicorn fight club.
5594515
First rule of fight club, you don't talk about fight club!
5594692
Yep and you'll see the punishment for doing so in the next chapter.
5594515
Well There is a large amount of trauma t be mined from Abandonment issues alone as well. After all she may be trying to many things It’s only a five-year-old Philly after all she’s trying to grapple at thing like why her sister is now a mother figure and If she going to be abandoned by her as well. So I’m not sure if both sisters are victims Of there selfish parents.
Rarity Grasping at straws looking for anything in my help with things right then? Because if she fails it’s now just it her but sweetie future is effected as well
5594964
My editor has really, really helped flesh it all out more. I'll see if I can get the whole chapter up tonight but I'm exhausted. To much overworking late nights and little sleep. Might be a much needed rest night.