Celestial Slate 0: 2021 Jul 29 - Aug 05 · 12:48am Aug 18th, 2021
Note: This is to show off what I've been working on at Comment Club. These are the results of my first test runs with these Slates with a few friends. Feel free to check out the group and participate!
Entries
Entry 1: Running Off the Rails
Author: daOtterGuy
Entry 2: The Things In Between
Author: Gay For Gadot
Entry 3: Bad Habits; Day Zero; Hate Me, Hold Me
Author: Scampy
Comments
Entry 1: Running Off the Rails
Entry 2: The Things In Between
Entry 3: Bad Habits; Day Zero; Hate Me, Hold Me
Nominees for Celestial Slate I
Nominee 1: Limerence
Nominator: Bicyclette
Author: Bicyclette
Blurb: This is a Lunangst story over her long-dead lovers, but is also a story about alicorn secret history and an Equestria whose cultural origins are very different from our own.
Nominee 2: Obelus
Nominator: Emotion Nexus
Author: applejackofalltrades
Nominee 3: The One Thing You Can't Forget
Nominator: The Sleepless Beholder
Author: The Sleepless Beholder
Blurb: Inspired by Gadot's Chasing Someday, it's my second and best Sunflower story to date, featuring Wallflower's poor attempts at confessing to the love of her life, always ending with the erasure of memories. But some things can't be so easy forgotten.
Nominee 4: Moonbug
Nominator: Sledge115
Author: Sledge115
Blurb: My breakthrough work - a Luna and Pharynx story, where after discovering Pharynx's inexplicable dislike of flowers, Luna takes it upon herself to teach him and the Changeling Hive how to garden... and maybe find something more A whimsical romance set snugly in the background of the show. So snugly you might almost believe it was canon. Featuring: Quirky Luna, Stubborn Pharynx, and bibliographical assault
Nominee 5: Zebrabwe's Secret
Nominator: Shilic
Author: GMBlackjack
Blurb: GMBlackjack's least looked at Complete story, one I've been putting off reading. It looks interesting, and GM is a cool dude and I'd love to surprise him by sending him comments on a lesser looked at work. Also, it's like, one of the very few stories from him that's actually approachable.
Comment Rating Results
Entry 1: Running Off the Rails
Winner: Bicyclette
Link
With a flippant wave of a hoof, Point Guard turned away from him and began her trot to the back of the train.
already love this OC!
“She’s smart. The smartest in a generation. You’re dumb. Possibly the dumbest in this generation considering you thought you had even had a chance with her,” Point Guard said in a mocking voice.
ah yeah, unspooling the reveal of flash's very sorry state like this to hit the last revelation at the climax of the confrontation, very nice!
The straps tying the piled suitcases snapped and the luggage fell toward them.
Flash blacked out.
classic scene transition. great setup so far, excited to see what's next!
Link
This was the kind of oddball situation he wished his marefriend, ex marefriend, was around to help solve. She was always better at dealing with this kind of thing.
she does have canonical experience with weird time stuff!
Several years of dating a super nerd had finally rubbed off on him.
evidently! nice way to get those thoughts in that he would not have had otherwise
He didn’t even bother to try and stop himself from flying into the wall of the engine compartment.
good to see flash in the "trying other things" stage of the time loop narrative
He wasn’t sure when it had happened, but a number of cars on the train had disappeared. There was now only the engine room, the storage room, the guard’s bedroom, the lounge car, and a single passenger car.
definitely a lot more going on here than time loops! which you've already hinted at with how the resets don't seem to quite reset everything.
Flash rolled out of bed immediately upon waking up. He had to get moving if he wanted to start the loop off right with a bottle of scotch. That had been his favourite from the dozen or so bottles he’d downed.
ah, the sad acceptance phase, very nice.
No time like the everlasting present.
surprised that the premise was figured out so quickly, in the second chapter, though maybe there are twists ahead i will see later.
Link
“Well, I suppose I haven’t had a chance to ‘talk shop’ with another pony for several years now. I could do with a familiar topic even if you only have a ‘passing’ interest as you say.” She held out her right hoof. “Vibrato.”
i like this oc
“Everytime I try to think of something I like, I just remember what he likes,” Vibrato stated bitterly, “I’ve gone so long doing whatever he wanted that I’ve forgotten what I wanted.”
oof, i've seen this play out in others, it's not fun to watch or be.
“It’s what you’re supposed to do!” Flash stood up abruptly and slammed his hooves on the table as he screamed out his response.
ah, the undercurrent, the reaction to the nickname "big wig", it all comes together. very nice character study here.
“Ah, a fellow comrade of the strings.” Vibrato grinned. “Always a delight to meet another player of the best instrumental group. Played anything recently?”
hehe, i love domain-specific snobbishness like this
“Ah, then we can relate even more,” Vibrato said, “I can’t remember when I last played either.”
#relatable for my instrument as well, which is the keyboard of my laptop where i write fanfics, rip me
As his conversation with Vibrato began to wind down, he heard the shrill cry of the train whistle.
aww! such a nice, warm feeling from this development
Link
After closing and opening the door several times to confirm that yes, the lounge car had disappeared, Flash threw the door open and left it as such.
a twist!
“My name is Love Letter,” The stallion said.
your pony names have been very on-point so far, perfect extensions of the canon. but i do wonder what love letter's life was like before he had a marefriend or coltfriend, much as i do with a lot of canon ponies named after the one relevant trait to a story or scene!
The last thing he heard as the train once more derailed was Love crying out how much he hated how right he was as tears freely rolled down his face.
really getting the ghosts of christmas past/present/future vibes with this setup somehow! kind of neat. also, love letter's position is very relatable to me. i was definitely exactly like that in my first relationship.
“Yeah, breaking into the industry was difficult, but I managed to gain a close knit following of readers, which helped me get my hooves on the ground.”
meta! very nice.
Flash felt himself get worked back into a frothing rage.
come to think of it, he's done this a lot throughout the story so far! interesting
“Yes!” Love yelled, “No! I mean, ponies in a relationship together always have to make some compromises.” Love’s voice became softer. “Even if I’m the only one doing it.”
dang you don't have to do past me in like this
“I know,” Flash replied, “From your marefriend, right?”
Love Letter shook his head.
“No, they’re from me.”
ooh, nice twist. makes me think of Snowpiercer somehow, and not just because of the train thing, but because of the bright primary colors of this detail. hard to explain that feeling!
Link
“I’m upset because you call me that even after I tell you not to,” Flash replied, “For whatever reason, you seem to have this image in your head of who I am. Well, I’m sorry Point, but the kind of pony I want to be isn’t who you want me to be.”
dang, you could cut the emotional maturity with a knife and brown it in a toaster!
“I’ve been there for you since day one! When’s my chance? When do I finally get to be with you?”
she's just a nice mare! why do the stallions always have to go for the mean princesses???
“I shouldn’t have done that. Those were huge mistakes on part.” He felt tears form in the corners of his eyes. “I’m not ready to be in a relationship. Not then, not now. Maybe I can’t be happy without being with somepony, but I need to find that out on my own. Forcing myself onto somepony else while I’m like this is just self inflicted pain.”
ugh, so much emotional maturity, very nice.
Just before it fully engulfed him, Flash smiled.
and a great payoff to their interactions in the first chapter, bringing everything around full circle. very well done here.
Link
He hadn’t properly done any personal grooming like that in weeks.
physical reflection of internal growth, very nice.
“Occasionally, somepony comes along carrying a lot of baggage with them.”
it took me until now to make the connection between flash getting repeatedly hit by luggage and "emotional baggage", i am pretty dumb sometimes.
“Good,” Next Track said, “Find your happiness, Flash. Always keep moving forward.”
a good lesson for all of us.
He was ready.
and a great ending.
had no idea what to expect from this going in, which was great, because i got to enjoy this very unique exploration of recovering from unhealthy relationship dynamics, which was also one i could identify with myself. and since Flash Sentry basically does not have a canon characterization (okay, you could argue for eqg, but this is the pony version!), you've made up, introduced, and made me fall in love with four separate OCs with their own internal lives in single chapters, a great feat.
you really have a knack for writing conversations, which is a perfect match for a story that is essentially several conversations stapled together. i loved the movement of Flash's character arc, and the way you both began and ended the journey with his pre-existing relationship with Point Guard, which meant the final conversation where he showed the most growth and change also felt the most backed-up and earned. would be interesting to map this onto that whole "hero's journey" structure that everyone keeps yammering about, since it really gives off that sort of feel to me.
excellent work, thanks for writing it.
Entry 2: The Things In Between
Winner: Emotion Nexus
Link
I read this a while ago and absolutely loved it, but never commented so I can't look back on how it felt to read. Even so, this still feels like it hits harder than the first time.
Your interactions between Wallflower and Sunset are just so cute. The little things like Sunset wordlessly pulling up Wally's sleeves and how shell-shocked they both are after the kiss just speaks of how much they love each other. Both of them have these moments where they're close to the other and just listening to them talk about their passions and the different ways both of them view not only themselves but the other is a wonderful thing.
The two separate points of view is the smartest decision this story could have made, the order especially. Starting with Wally is perfect because it sets the tone and shows how she barely says anything, yet has so much rushing through her head at literally every interaction. It's a really relatable process that's right on the mark. Sunset comparitively talks more, but she still thinks quite a bit. While Wallflower focuses on everything, mostly things outside of her and Sunset and comparing herself to them, Sunset thinks harder about the two of them, and it lines up so well with Sunset's personality.
This story, beyond the cute interactions and the depressingly real depreciation on display from Wally, is about trust. Sunset gives trust to Wallflower so readily, even when she knows it's probably not right, because she knows how far honesty can go. Wallflower on the other hand doesn't trust herself, not giving herself the satisfaction of Sunset's compliments or personal pride. The first half of the story is great, but the second half is what really completes it.
Lastly, just wanna quickly praise your descriptions, both environmentally, and also how the characters move and interact. It's just so lively and full of charm! Really great story, glad I got to read it again.
Entry 3: Bad Habits; Day Zero; Hate Me, Hold Me
Winner: Emotion Nexus
Link
This was incredibly uncomfortable to read which I gather was the entire point. The descriptions and the way Wallflower goes about everything is so unsettling, and it completely succeeds in that department. I've had thoughts, but this really feels like reading what it would be if I actually followed up on them.
The final line has so much packed up in it. Traces of fear, but also determination. A form of anger Wallflower has at herself that's closer to annoyance than rage. It's like she's scratching herself with nails, but more dangerous. After a while, she stops being able to feel the damage, but it's still there.
The small portion where Wallflower talks about Sunset also makes you wonder what's she thinking about. Does she expect Sunset to expose her? Maybe she knows Sunset wants to help her or maybe not, but it's a visible cry for help that Wallflower silences before it can reach anyone.
Really visceral story, great descriptions of what happens, and Wally's thoughts are really layered.
Link
Yikes, this one is a lot more toned down compared to the last one, but even then, it still hits just as hard. Wallflower remarks that although refraining is making Sunset happy, it isn't making her happy. I'm sure she knows that nothing will change even if she follows through, but she's just so done with living day by day with nothing happening that she's willing to do it.
The progress though, is notable. It takes her so much effort just to make on quick cut, whereas previously she was making plenty at a much slower pace. She has to physically force herself to use that tiny bit of will remaining.
Great continuation, and I really want to see Wallflower heal.
Link
I just... Wow. I don't know what to say. This story is so packed with emotion it's beautiful. I struggle to really collect my thoughts it affected me that much. Wallflower is healing, but a wound has to really hurt before you can desire to bandage it. Wish I could make a longer comment, but I think I've said everything previously. Wonderful story.
Taking over Comment Club, one Lyra at a time.
Ooooo!
Running off the Rails was exquisite.