I'm not dead. · 8:54pm Jul 3rd, 2021
And I haven't given up on ponies.
I've been laid low by this kidney stone.
At the moment, I am trying to seek out help from free clinics, with mixed results. A lot of clinics have been devastated by Covid and are out of funds. Some have stopped seeing men and are only seeing women and children.
I suppose I've been putting this off because I hate sounding like I'm whining. I guess. I don't know. I'd sort of convinced myself that I'd make a blog post once I had an actual doctor's appointment and some clear course of action, but that's dragged on much longer than I thought it would. Just getting help is a trying experience. Between the pain and everything that goes along with it, and the despair of being unable to get help, I've been in a bad place lately. Suicidal thoughts have been my constant daily companion. Like, I don't want to talk about this, because it is complicated, and I don't want people to get the wrong idea. I have no plans to off myself and the thoughts are mostly just involuntary. They're there. Unbidden. I already live in an unbelievable amount of pain in normal circumstances. I manage, somehow. Dunno how. Just do. But this has pushed me beyond my limits. There are days when I know for certain that I am in a measurable state of shock. I'm pretty sure my blood pressure is well over 200 over whatever. Pain causes my blood pressure to skyrocket, even with meds, and I currently have no meds.
And it's not just the kidney stone. It seems everything is worse. Or maybe it is normal and I've been tormented so much by this damnable stone that everything else just feels worse. My burn scars have been extra itchy and irritating. To the point of distraction. My sleep is all kinds of fucked. I can't tell if my back is hurting more or if it is just the damnable stone. I can't concentrate much on anything.
I went through a really, really bad flare-up during the spring, where my rheumatoid just kicked my ass on top of everything else that is going on. I did manage a bit of study, and found out that during flare-ups, the kidneys swell considerably, and if you have kidney stones, this swelling of the soft tissues causes excruciating pain as it applies pressure to the stone. And yes. Yes, it did.
I've been hurt in my life. Bad things have happened. Too many things to list here. The list would be too damn long. I've endured a lot of things. Awful things. I know that I've experienced worse pain, but I can't remember when, or how. Maybe the tarantula hawk sting when I was a boy. Dunno. But nothing, and I do mean nothing has ever lasted as long as this has. I don't actually know how I do it. Don't know how I get through the day. This has been torture. Not much I can do about it. I just try to sit very still, not move, and wait it out. But there's no end in sight.
I just want to write again. I miss it. It was my escape. My primary means of pain management. My happy place. This is intolerable.
Goddamn, I hope you get better soon
Wish there was something I could say or do to help, Kudz. My son has suffered from kidney stones since he was a child, so I well understand your pain and frustration. I hope you can get into a doctor soon. And remember, we're all thinking of you and here for you.
shit this must be a new one ?? or is it the one for months back still being a huge pain.
get well soon friend.
Stay hydrated. I cannot stress this enough when it comes to kidney stones. I’ve had that experience 5 times now.
If you can handle the taste, have some apple cider vinegar. About two tablespoons in a glass of water, one of these daily. This weakens the stones, eroding them and can also sometimes break them up. Either way, it makes passing them easier.
You should still seek treatment, but every bit helps.
Was beginning to worry even though your still active in discord glad to get a update and hope things improve!
Oh dear god.
That must suck.
If i absolutely cry at a stuck toenail, i can not begin to imagine how bad a kidney stone is.
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It's the same one. Kudzu's area doesn't have a lot of good medical solutions. Or any medical solutions.
Yeah, I've had 2 kidney stone in the past. Best advice I can offer is to stay hydrated and if the pain gets too much to go to the hospital. Trust me, the relief I felt when the pain medication hit was amazing.
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well crap .
I am so very sorry to hear what you are going through, KudzuHaiku! I can't even imagine the pain. I know someone who went through kidney stones it was horrible and yours is compounded by rheumatoid arthritis. Chronic pain is horrible it saps your strength and resolve. Maybe you can check out Hospitals, not free clinics. I know that they will work with you, most take the Hippocratic Oath seriously. I will send positive thoughts and prayers your way. Please, if you are up to it, keep us updated on how you are doing. We care about you and want you to be well.
Oh gosh! I hope you're able to get something to help soon. We're thinking of you and if we can help in any way, let us know! sending you good vibes in the meantime
I’m a male and have had a kidney stone. That description you copied is pretty apt.
For me it felt more like a white hot needle focusing on a single point and they gave me two different pain killers to dull the pain (first one had no effect, second made it where I can barely remember the rest of the night.
Because of the location I was feeling the pain they did an ultrasound to make sure I wasn’t suffering testicular torsion.
Thankfully the only time I felt pain was when the stone was moving from my kidney to my bladder and what ever they did while I was out of it from the 2nd pain killers must have broken it down enough where I never felt it passing with the urin and haven’t had any pain there since then (over 15 years ago).
I hope you get seen soon and that you pass the stone(s) without any trouble.
Wishing you the fastest recovery possible.
If you happen to live near where these clinical trials are taking place, that may be an avenue to relief.
I honestly do not understand how this is not considered a medical emergency, what with it’s effects.
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It baffles the mind.
Honestly.
When I went to the ER, they told me to find a free clinic and seek treatment. Then they sent me home. All the free clinics I've contacted so far tell me to go to the ER. But since I have no insurance, I already know what will happen: I'll be seen, given the bare minimum of care, if any at all, and then sent home. They'll tell me to take tylenol for pain (which I can't take) and for follow-up, find a free clinic.
It's a 5mm stone (well, was, months ago, it is probably so much larger now) with high density. There's no chance at all of it passing on its own. I need surgery. It's agonising, but not specifically life-threatening, so I can be turned away from the ER. It sucks.
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I've had kidney stones before (in fact, some earlier this year too..). The previous one was more mobile and would sometime flow to the... tube? The exit tube from the kidney, essentially, so it would pop in and out of that and the pain when it blocked it was excruciating.
Would something like a gofundme or similar be worth considering at all? Rather than desperately try to seek a free clinic, getting some sort of help like that might get some progress made towards getting seen and treated?
I knew you were still kicking. I don't know how you do it. At the very least I hope you are staying cool and hydrated with this horrid summer heat (it's averaged high 90s here in the North West, but worse in other places like British Columbia).
I'm bad at get well messages, but I do wish you well.
Your words and world building are a haven for the mind. I might need to go back to where this all started for me and reread The Weed (damn fine work that one, Tarnish is a good egg).
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How do I do it? The answer is quite simple.
jitseasy.com/wp-content/uploads/35256858_1572734102836428_6527834850894807040_n.jpg
Kidneys can die and uou ca too if they are sufficiently blocked. I hope you can get help. Good luck.
Just a few weeks ago I watched a fairly in depth video on kidney stones, I'll share it here: https://youtu.be/dVWngXTb0LI
From the video and some of the comments on it, bad cases have been described as incomparably worse than childbirth.
I am glad to hear you're still holding on, I won't lie and say I haven't felt worry when I checked your page and saw the last blog or chapter update further and further in the past over the last months. Wish I could help in a meaningful way, but best I can do is the advice you've no doubt already gotten, drink water until you piss clear, see if you can change your diet to remove beans and other high phosphate foods, trying to prevent it from getting bigger.
The advice of another commenter to have some vinegar might be worthwhile. Maybe play loud music in hopes the vibrations might weaken the crystal matrix? I don't know. Thank you for updating us, good luck.
Hope you can get the help you need soon Kudzu. Take care of yourself and hope you get better soon.
Ooooft feel better soon Marra
How goes the kidney stone? We’re you able to find a clinic that could help?
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No. Covid has decimated what little help there is to be had.
Damn. You have my sincerest sympathies. You paint a very vivid and excruciating picture that hurts to even imagine. Even so, it almost seems like not being able to write would be worse. I doubt my problems are as bad as yours, but I can't imagine remaining sane while going without vomiting thousands of words onto a screen on those special, quiet days. I think we all use writing as our happy place, and I wish you the speediest return to yours. Best of wishes.
You are stronger than most. Life might be shit, but one never knows what is behind the curve. Your stories has made me laugh, snicker and dream. You have given so, so, so many days of fun reading.
Thank you, and I hope you get better soon.
Sup, Kudz. Sorry to hear about all of this pain, it sucks. I wish there was something i could tell you, something we could bundle up and do to help, but as you put it yourself, covid has hurt our healthcare facilities, worldwide. Here in Quebec, situation's pretty much the same, people like us who manage their pain daily and arent in an obviously dire situation are just left to themselves. If there is anything we can do, if there is any drugs or meds that could help you, just holler and give me a safe postal box to send 'em. If you wanna hear about other gut wrenching stories of people suffering like us, i got quite a few friends dealing with pain on the daily. I was thinking of starting a therapy group for people dealing with pain or diseases, and left without treatment for some reason or another.
Anyways, take good care of yourself. Dont rush yourself to produce any content for us, just take it easy and get better. Its a daily fight, doesnt mean you have to win everyday. It means getting back up after a bad day and smiling through it, even if Its easier said than done. Even when your body becomes a prison. Even when there is no escape from the boredom, theres always another good day around the bend. Just need to live through that bad one to see the sun rising again. Sorry if it all sounds so cheesy, ive been having a rough morning myself. Take care, im sending you all the support i can through whatever screen you're reading this from. Remember how many you've helped, guiding them through their dark times with your writing. I know its not physical relief to read this, but i hope it helps you to cope a bit.
Cheers, however forced they might seem, though i assure you of their sincerity. Isnt it you who thought us to keep a stiff upper lip? Thanks for that, by the way. Just take care, and get in better health.
I hope you're ok